- Chapter Three - "Give him back."

Yunho was sitting on his bed, the distant eyes, leaning his elbows on his knees with his fingers interlaced under his chin, his eyes on the screen of his laptop that kept playing JYJ's press conference over and over again. He saw nothing, only hear what he wanted to hear.

His Jaejoong was home now. Jaejoong came back to him. But where was he?

Jaejoong wasn't the one Yunho saw when he opened his eyes four days ago at the hospital after his collapse, his hair lovingly, or soothing his pain and anxiety with his sweet nothing like always when the man felt down. He didn't see Jaejoong sitting next to him at this moment, rubbing soft small circles on his back or looking at him adorably with the most beautiful smile on his pouty lips to ease his worry for their near future.

But those words...

"He returns home now so take care of him for us... who couldn't look after him since we left home... Yunho hyung... please don't let him down... Make sure that things won't be worse for him when he will return to us... when he will return in our arms again... He will need us the most... He will need his other half..."

They were his sole solace for now. Junsu's words were his sole hope. Even if Jaejoong wasn't physically there with him, Yunho knew that his Jaejoong had a home to return when he decided to come back to them.

Suddenly, the young man held his breathing when he heard the creaking of the door of his room. He closed his eyes, hoping to see the man he loved so much standing in front of him when he would open them seconds later. But, it wasn't his Jaejoong he saw. Only Changmin walking to him with a serving tray in his hands.

"Hyung..."

"You quit calling me Jung Yunho..." He said with a tired voice.

"Don't be like this."

"Like what?" Yunho replied without looking at his maknae and replayed Junsu's part once again.

Changmin sighed and put the tray with a bowl of rice porridge on the bed next to the laptop. He couldn't be angry with the man in front of him. Not seeing him so lifeless since that fateful day.

"You must eat."

"I'm not hungry." Yunho said quietly, never unlocked his eyes from the laptop's screen.

"He won't like to see you in this state."

Yunho was hospitalized for two days after his collapse that day. Doctors had said there was nothing wrong with the man, a bit stressed nothing much. But he seemed to have the same symptoms which were similar to those persons who let themselves die bit by bit in their lifetime partner's absence. They called it the death of sadness.

For the time being, they must look after him carefully. Never leaving the man alone in his thoughts or else, he would let himself drown into his own sorrow. And they could lose him for good.

Changmin had informed his two other hyungs about Yunho's condition. Junsu had proposed to look after the sick man, providing him not the same care that their Jaejoong hyung would give to the other man if he was still there, but it would be something than nothing. As for Yoochun, it was another story. The man was still angry towards Yunho to be able to look beyond their disagreement to establish a common ground for the sake of their friendship of former days, or for the sake of their common friend, Kim Jaejoong.

"Hyung..." Changmin breathed slowly, looking at the sick man who seemed to have aged a few years since the announcement of Jaejoong's disappearance. "You have to eat... Jaejoong hyung won't be happy seeing you all skin and bones like this."

"Jaejoong..." Yunho murmured his loved one's name with his fingers clenched on his chest. "Will he come back to me?" The older man asked, closing his eyes and letting himself fall down on the soft mattress. Yunho felt tired. Really tired. He only wanted to see his Jaejoong. But no one knew where he was. As if Kim Jaejoong only existed in their dreams. In his dreams.

"He will..." Changmin said, looking at his hyung who was trying to rest. He didn't know if his Jaejoong hyung would return to them. But, he could only hope to see the man one day.

"Tell me... I was really bad as a lover...?" Yunho asked slowly.

"No..." Changmin said quietly.

"Don't lie..."

Changmin sighed. "You're not really bad..."

"Not really bad..." Yunho repeated slowly.

"Yeah."

"So why did he tie his life with her and not with me?" Yunho demanded with tremolo in his voice. It pained him to know that his baby belonged to someone else now.

"Life is a ." The young singer looked pitifully at his partner.

"Saying that will never solve anything in this world." Yunho sighed forlornly.

"You become smarter now..." Changmin said, smiling weakly.

"It's not funny."

"Sorry."

Changmin took place at the edge of the bed and sighed. How could he answer Yunho's question without hurting the other man's ego?

Jung Yunho wasn't a bad lover. Recalling how Kim Jaejoong was always smiling like a teenage girl in love in the presence of the other man, Changmin could say that the man lying on the bed behind him was really the best lover for his Jaejoong hyung. Remembering those moments between them made him smile.

His Jaejoong hyung was really happy standing next to his lover, no next to his ex-lover.

"He was always happy to have you in the same room as him. Every time he talk about you, he always had this shy aura around him and that beautiful smile playing on his face." Changmin said quietly, a smile plastered on his lips. "I never saw him look like that with someone else... Jae hyung knew how to draw a limit between friendship and love."

"But I failed him..."

"Yes. You failed him." Changmin replied. "And to tell you the truth... I don't know if you deserved his love."

"I know I'm a failure. But you don't have to throw it at my face without finesse." Yunho breathed out forlornly.

"Sorry... But, you were really an ." Changmin said, not mincing his words.

It was about time that Jung Yunho must know how he was as a lover. Changmin who was always standing between those two men had witnessed many love moments between them. Their stealing glances. Their sweets smiles to one another. A hand putting on the other's knee or thigh. Sometimes they declared their love for each other by a song. Saying I love you to their other half through a camera while joking with the other three members. And when they couldn't resist their desire to touch each other, they did it even in front of everyone putting their act on the behalf of their long friendship with innocent smile ghosting on their faces.

But Changmin had also witnessed the long agony of his Jaejoong hyung standing next to a loyal, hard working and perfectionist Jung Yunho. He was a man of his word. But he was also a man who wasn't ready to be committed to Jaejoong, not with the disagreement of his father. A father who had hurt him badly when the teenage boy Yunho decided to make his dream come true. A father who had only approved not long ago his dream to be an entertainer in the music industry.

"You are a kind man. Really kind. No one could deny that." He thought for a while, trying to find the right words to describe the man who was his leader and more like an older brother than a friend for him. "Remember what Jaejoong hyung had said in the last couples talks we had as a group of five members. You treat your friends better than you treat him. And he wasn't wrong."

"I know them since I was a child. I can't deny them when they call me."

"Your childhood friends... but what about those friends you know recently?"

"It will be impolite to always say no to them when they want to have some drinks with me."

"You're wrong hyung." Changmin replied, shaking his head slightly. "Friendship and love are two different feelings. Best friends or mere friends don't have an importance facing the one who you decide to love for the rest of your life... the one who you decide to be committed to until the day you die..." The young man thinned his lips, hoping that he wasn't wrong. Changmin took a deep breath. "One day in a variety show... I said that Jaejoong hyung was a seeker of fame. But hyung... you are a seeker of affection. Jae hyung's affection wasn't enough for you. You wanted acknowledge from everyone. That's what makes you different from him. That's what makes you worst than him."

"Worst..."

"Yeah... You unconsciously tie everyone to your father's image... He hurt you badly long ago and you don't want to feel that pain again. That's why you won't ignore those who come to you, with a good or a bad intention, scared to see them going away from you like your father did. And all of that at the expense of Jaejoong hyung. You took him for granted. No matter what you decide or think, Jaejoong hyung will always be by your side. It's what you always thought. But, now... your world has no more reason to exist, right? Because he has decided to let you go like you demanded him... two years ago..."

Yunho closed his eyes again and tried not to recall that horrible time.

Changmin sighed. "Was it worth to push him away from your life because you want to protect him from your father? from SM's threats?"

"No..."

"It's a good lesson for you... But also for me... For Junsu hyung and Yoochun hyung..." He added.

Yunho remained silent. How could the younger one between the two of them be this mature? He was supposed to be the oldest of them two. But right now, he was feeling like a kid being lectured by his father.

"Why are you laughing?" Changmin asked when he heard Yunho laugh softly.

"Because I'm pathetic..."

"You're not. Everyone can make mistakes."

"See... You are lecturing me, someone who is supposed to be the older one between the two of us..."

"Because you need it right now."

"I need it..." Yunho sighed. "What I need the most is my Jaejoongie... But he isn't here anymore..."

"One day..."

"What if he won't come back? I will lose him forever... even as a friend..." Yunho heaved a sigh.

Changmin smiled weakly looking at his hyung who lifted up from his lying position abruptly. Yunho climbed out of his bed. After taking a hoodie from his closet and his phone that was on the nightstand, he walked away from his room making Changmin frown.

"Where are you going?" The young man asked, following his hyung.

"I need to see them."

"Them... You mean Junsu hyung and Yoochun hyung?"

"Yes." Yunho grabbed his key ring when he passed by the small commode next to the foyer.

"Hyung..."

"They must know where Jaejoongie is." Yunho put on his sneakers.

"They don't."

"And you believe them?!" Yunho said, turning to face his maknae.

"Yes! I believe them."

"Not me." Yunho replied. "I want him back. I want them to give him back like Junsu had said. My Jaejoongie must be here with us not anywhere else."

"Hyung..."

"I can't... I can't sit down and wait like you." The man said with a tired voice. "Before... even if we couldn't see each other... I could go on in my life because I know he was within my arms reach. He walked in the same ground as me... Even if I didn't call him, I got news of him from you who was always in touch with them..." Yunho sighed. "Now... he is nowhere Changmin... My Jaejoongie is missing..."

"Hyung..."

"I want to know where he is... I want to know that my Jaejoongie is fine." He said sadly, looking straight into the eyes of his maknae.

Changmin ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "Okay... I call Junsu hyung. But you must eat something. You won't have enough strength to confront them right now. Eat something, okay?" Yunho nodded. "You eat and sleep a bit, okay?" The young man continued, trying to make sure that his leader will have enough rest for a while. Yunho look so pale.

"No... I want to talk with them right now..."

"Hyung, please! Sleep a bit. I don't want to anger Jae hyung. What am I going to tell him if something bad happened to you?" Changmin tried to coo Yunho. "Hyung? Eat and sleep... After that we're going to see Junsu hyung and Yoochun hyung... okay? Do it for Jaejoong hyung..."

"Okay..." Yunho breathed, running his trembling hand on his hair. "... for Jaejoongie..."

"Good! I think SM will not appreciate our meeting with them." He added with a smile.

"I ing don't care about their opinion anymore." Yunho leaned his back against the door of their apartment, tired from his effort. Because of them, he lost the only one person who loved him with all his heart.

Changmin took out his phone and called Junsu for a meeting between the four of them in front of his leader, making the man relieved at his action. He knew that it wasn't a good thing to have Yunho and Yoochun in the same room for now. But, they must start from something to settle everything between them for the sake of Jaejoong. Their friendship must remain strong or else they will lose everything.

~~~~~

"Why I have to accompany you?" Yoochun complained, following his friend in the stairs of the same restaurant they ate often with Changmin when the latter wanted to see them. The man was tired from all of this mess caused by Jaejoong. He wanted to slide under his comforter and sleep 24 hours nonstop.

"It's much better than to lock yourself in your apartment while mourning hyung's disappearance alone." Junsu said with a fainted smile.

He wasn't better than Yoochun. The young man didn't have the heart to go out for a simple walk around his neighborhood to clear his mind since all the country knew about Jaejoong's retirement from the music industry. All he could see was reporters on the lookout for his actions, trying to find out where Kim Jaejoong was.

It became a hide and seek game between them and him. As between them and Yoochun. As for Changmin and Yunho, their situation wasn't different from them.

Right now, it was a bit dangerous to be seen with the two other men. But Junsu didn't care anymore. Those stupid reporters could write whatever they wanted from now on. No more secrets meetings between them. They must do it in front of everyone. He was tired of all of this. He wanted everyone to know that they were still friends.

"Yeah... But I'm not like you. I'm not crying every day until I have no more tears in my body."

"Said the crybaby of our group." Junsu laughed slowly.

"Don't start with that." Yoochun grunted.

"It's the truth though."

Yoochun sighed and shook his head slightly knowing that he would never win again Junsu about him being the crybaby among the five of them. Yes, he was a crybaby when they were still a member of Dong Bang Shin Ki, also called TVXQ or Tohoshinki with the two other men staying with their former label. And it was the best years of his life being with them. He won't deny it. But, now their fate took another path.

The man entered the private room first and stopped at the sight of the other man sitting next to Changmin. He wanted to stepped back but Junsu was blocking the door behind him. The latter looked at him with pleading stare.

"You owe me for this." Yoochun mumbled under his breath, loud enough for Junsu to hear him.

"Thanks!" Junsu mouthed back and turned his gaze to the other two men with a smile on his face. "Changmin-ah! Yunho hyung! How are you?" He asked, walking toward the dining table.

"Fine." Yunho said slowly, while Changmin nodded.

"It's good to see you hyung." Junsu added, sitting on the chair next to the man who looked so pale. "Really good." He put his hand on his hyung's shoulder, squeezing it a bit.

"He looks sick like a goat." Yoochun said, noting the paler of the man who will be always his leader. "What do you want?" Yoochun demanded, taking place on the table in front of Yunho and between Junsu and Changmin.

"Yoochun." Junsu warned his friend.

"Hyung." Changmin called him out.

"What?" Yoochun raised his eyebrows. "We all know that we aren't here for the sake of our longtime friendship. So? What do you want?"

Yunho sighed. Yoochun wasn't stupid. And the young man was right. He wanted something from them. "Where is Jaejoong?"

Yoochun smirked. "You think we will tell you where he is right now?"

"Yoochun..." Junsu breathed.

"Tell me. Where is my Jaejoongie?" Yunho insisted.

"Your Jaejoongie?" Yoochun said with a mocking laughter. "He isn't yours anymore. He is a married man now. And he is better with Ha-chan than being with you."

"Hyung. Stop that!" Changmin rose his voice a bit.

"What? I'm not wrong." Yoochun said, turning his eyes to the youngest of the four men in the room. "He's happy now. So let him alone. And as I recalled it, it was what you wanted, no?" He added, looking at the oldest man in front of him coldly.

"I know he is married. But he will always be my Jaejoongie. Old habit dies hard." Yunho replied firmly.

"Let him go Yunho." Yoochun didn't call the man in front of him with the honorary hyung. It showed how much the young idol was angry towards the latter.

"I can't. I'm not like you all. You are ready to wait for him. But I can't." Y