- Chapter Thirty Four - The first healing.

Rain had welcomed them at their return from Gwangju. And the soft sun shining above them at this moment did not make the mood better.

Yunho did not understand the reason of them being there among those people who were for the majority of them shareholders of SM Entertainment. Those people were business men who had asked for penalty from Jaejoong during his absence but also at his comeback within Dong Bang Shin Ki. The man had fought against them more than once and despised standing in the same room as those people in suit who only looked at them as money maker.

However, despite his disdain towards those men, Yunho wasn't going to let Jaejoong alone without protection standing among those people. And their donsaengs neither. At the news of Jaejoong going to the memorial of Lee Soo Man's wife, the three of them had made their mind to stand still next to the two oldest of their friends.

"Tell me why are we here again?" Changmin, clad in a black well made suit, asked quietly as he was holding a black umbrella above his head, protecting him from the soft raindrops as he was walking to the hospital where the memorial of the late wife of Lee Soo Man was being held, following his two hyungs and baby Cap who were a few steps ahead of him.

"You know why." Junsu said in the same tone, walking next to the maknae as he was holding his own umbrella. He was looking at the two men and baby girl walking in front of them with Yunho holding an umbrella, a bright one protecting their figures from the soft rain in this kind of shining day.

"We're out of place." Yoochun let out in a low voice as the man was looking around them, following the two others in tow. The trio felt like they were not very welcoming, mostly Kim Junsu and Park Yoochun as they did a great damage on their former music label's image by pressing charge against the company years ago, so against those shareholders who seemed more gloomy than they should be with their presence .

But, what could they do?

They did not want to let the two oldest of their friends standing among those people without their supports. They promised to themselves that they were not going to do things individually.

"Don't be like that. We're here for Yunho hyung and Jaejoong hyung." Junsu added in a low voice.

"Jae hyung is too kind." The maknae tsked as he was watching the man walking next to Yunho with the latter having his left hand pressed against the small back of the beautiful man while holding a folded umbrella on his other hand as they were walking into the hospital hall. For him and his other hyungs it was the usual to see them this close. But the people present here could be surprised at how those two were so clinging to each other. "If it was me, I would chuck it in when Lee Soo Man has invited him to this memorial." He added as he folded his umbrella before entering the hall with his other hyungs as they walked straight to the elevators. "I hate this kind of atmosphere."

"Me too." Yoochun let out as the memory of his late father came in mind. The man was not there when his father had let out his last breath. And it was his most regret in his entire life. "At least, the few media present here will make a fuss about our presence among those people. We're the only artists presents among family and business partners and SM's employees. Well, Junsu and I are former artists of SM."

"One point for us then." Changmin nodded with a smirk painting on his lips, feeling very good at the perspective to be seen as someone important for Lee Soo Man in the eyes of others. Well, his four members and him had made the man gain more than anyone in this music industry since their debut. There was nothing more than a return of service.

"It's private after all." Junsu said. "There is nothing to be said and done. She was neither a public image nor an important person for our country. Just his wife."

"Don't be a spoilsport." Yoochun snorted at Junsu who was trying to rationalize everything since this morning. "But I know you think like us too."

"I do. But let show them how humble we can be. Changmin. Don't smile like that. It's supposed to be a sad day. And you too." The man turned to look at his other friend.

Changmin and Yoochun nodded as they entered the first lift that opened its doors, following their hyungs and baby Cap. Fortunately, no one had dared to enter the elevator with them, making Yoochun smirk at how awkward those business men were in their presence.

Then, soon, the five men and the baby girl propped in her father's arms walked away from the cubicle as they entered the floor where the memorial was being held.

"Let's bow our head to all those people politely." Yunho said quietly as he looked around them, then gave his umbrella to his manager who was waiting for them at the entrance of the memorial room.

"I don't want to do that." Changmin let out in a low voice as the young man was standing at the man's left side, then he just threw his umbrella to his own manager while Jaejoong's manager took care of the belongings of the other men accompanying the three members of Dong Bang Shin Ki.

"Don't make a fuss. We're not here to bend to them by submission but by affection for the man who has discovered us." The leader of their group said back.

"You aren't sincere at all." Yoochun snorted softly as the man was standing behind Yunho and Jaejoong, putting his hands in the pocket of his black trousers.

"I'm not at all. But what can I do if Jaejoong wants to give his respect to Lee Soo Man's late wife?!"

"You're whipped!" Junsu muttered with a small smile, trying to be solemn but failed as he liked Jung Yunho being this whipped around Kim Jaejoong's little finger.

"Stop that." Jaejoong said quietly, rearranging his daughter in his arms as the baby girl had fallen asleep. "If you don't want to be here, you should wait for me in the car."

"Hell no!" The four of them said in unison, making the young father laugh softly.

"We're not going to let you step in this lion's den without us." Changmin let out.

"No way we're going to stay still knowing you're here with those people." Yoochun added.

"Yeah! We're not going to let you face those people alone." Junsu replied.

"As for me you know you go nowhere without me." Yunho sniffed as he took Capucine carefully in his arms, not wanting to wake her up. He just wanted to make things easy for Jaejoong. And now, he rubbed the baby girl's back softly as he lulled her into sleep for waking her a bit. "Let's go." He looked at his front and put his palm over the small back of his companion.

The two older men walked quietly into the room, following by their three dongsaengs. And at their presence, the people already in that memorial room remained silent as they were watching carefully the group's every move while making way for them.

The five of them with a baby girl in Yunho's arms stopped in sync in front of the coffin of the small and skinny figure of Lee Soo Man's wife, clad in a soft black dress. She seemed quiet and sleeping. However, no breathes came from her frail body.

And Jaejoong could relate this moment to his own, when he had stood up next to his Ha-chan's lifeless body. Her silence had tore his heart into pieces, making his breathing hard while her last words were echoing in his mind asking him to let her rest for the rest of her life, to let her go for the better of them all.

Forever... Not in the good way...

It was torture at first. And the year to come after letting her go of his life, everything was a nightmare. But, finally, he had come to term with the fact that he was never going to hear or see her anymore. He had come to term with a life without her for the rest of his life.

It was difficult at first. But, if he was a good husband, he would hold onto his last promises.

Ha-chan only wanted him to be happy. And he was going to live the remnant of his life happily with the people who were worthy to his affections.

Falling in love again was not a crime. It was a part of the deal he had made with her before she had let out her last breath. Being this close with Yunho was not a mistake. She had taken her time to rid him off of his inhibitions and fears for having feeling for another man. She had made him understand that the love he had for Jung Yunho was not a sin but a beautiful feeling that not anyone could experience in their life time.

She knew that making him take this same path again was not easy. But she was only hoping that one day, he would stand still on his ground and be selfish for once.

His mother had asked him to be selfish. Yunho's father had told him the same.

What was he going to lose now?

Nothing.

He was going to think of him more. And he was hoping that by his decisions from now on, he was going to hurt less the only person who never ceased of loving him.

Jaejoong took a deep breath and turned to look at his ex-lover who was standing at his right. Yunho looked at him with a small but warm smile.

He returned Yunho's smile with a nod. Then, he took a few steps closer to the coffin and bowed deeply to the lifeless old woman who had shared so much in the life of the man who had taken part of his suffering years ago. Jaejoong wasn't going to hold a grudge towards Lee Soo Man. He wasn't going to live angrily for the rest of his life. He was done with that hurting feelings lingering in his already tired heart. He was just going to move on for the better of him and for the better of his daughter and for the better of Yunho, as well as for the better of his three dongsaengs.

Those people only wanted him to be happy. And he was going to be happy from now on.

"You did well..." Jaejoong said softly. "...there is nothing for you to be worried from now on..." He let out with his most beautiful smile as he pressed his pale hand against the older woman's frail hands. "...Can I ask you something? ...If you meet my Ha-chan..." He paused as he his dry lips while tears were streaming down on his cheeks. "Please... please... can you tell her that I am fine? Everything will be alright... I will be fine... She doesn't have to look after me now... She can rest and wait for her reincarnation..." He laughed softly, then pressed his lips before sniffing. He nodded for a while and wiped away his tears. He finally turned his attention to the man who was not far from them.

Lee Soo Man sketched a small and soft smile before bowing to the young man who had putting so much faith on his late wife to send a lovely but surely his last message to his late wife to where she was.

There was nothing he could do at this moment than to feel ashamed of what he had done to the man in the past. He was supposed to be the mature and wise man between them. He was supposed to be a father's figure to this young man. And at the end, he did so much wrongs, making things so difficult for this kind man. He always felt useless and out of place every time he was standing next to Kim Jaejoong.

The man was what he should be with those years of experiences at his old age. Quiet and filled with wisdom. But his pride had made him the kind of man he was, ignorant and heartless to someone who did not ask for much, only being loved for who he was by the one he had chosen to be committed for the rest of his life. And even that, he did deny him the only thing he needed the most in his already pitiful life.

Love. Jung Yunho's love.

Lee Soo Man had encouraged people to discarded them. To shame them. Threats and blackmails. For what? For making a fool of himself and now, he was the one who needed so much support. A support from a man he had played an important role in the latter's suffering.

However, things were going to change from now on. The promise he had given to his wife before she let out her last breath and her absence will be the best reminder for the older man to do well in the near future. To do well for this man who never asked for much from others. From him, only to protect the only family he had found in each member of dong Bang Shin Ki.

And asking Kim Jaejoong to be here, at his wife's funerary memorial, was the first step Lee Soo Man could do to redeem his faults, making all those people know that this man was an important part of his life, the founder of SM Entertainment.

"Thank you... for being here." Lee Soo Man said quietly as he looked at the young father bowing in turn to him. "She... she would like it..." He added as he was looking now at his lifeless wife with a small and sad smile, tears pooling in his eyes. He wasn't going to cry in front of all those people who only wanted to witness his weakness. He was going to stand still like a rock. And that rock will be the solace of those five men in the near future. "...she... she wanted so much to see you before... but she knew you need your own time... never she thought of... leaving this world before... seeing you... It's life... I know..." The man had as he squeezed Jaejoong's arm affectionately. "...we can't redo the past... but we still do things better for our future..."

Jaejoong nodded quietly as he remained silent. He knew that words could do nothing at this moment. Consolation from others never helped because they really did not know in what state the one left behind was.

Time healed they said. But never quickly putting them into despair as the pain was still there, gripping onto that already bruised heart that seemed never stop bleeding and crying for the return of their loved ones.

Agony...

Yes, Jaejoong felt like agonizing every day without her besides him. The man had more than once thought of letting go of this unfair world if it wasn't for his daughter who needed him more than anyone in this world. He was still here because he had someone who needed him as she was a promise he had to fulfill by pouring onto her his love and affection.

But this man seemed to be alone. His children had now their own family to look after. And if he was lucky, some of them would remained at his side.

"I know... it is a lot demanding from you... but can you see her off with me... with my family?" The man asked quietly as he bowed to Jaejoong.

Yunho grunted lowly at this impromptu invitation, while Changmin, Junsu and Yoochun looked at each other not understanding this man's logic. The four of them did not like this situation. Coming here was already a bad idea as it could be a trigger for bad and sad memories to surface from Jaejoong's past. And they would want to avoid seeing the man being coped into this painful memory as much as they could.

But they were here to say goodbye to a woman they never were close to begin with.

"...I can..." Jaejoong said quietly with a nod.

"Jaejoongie..." Yunho called him out softly, disapproving his decision as he walked to stand next to his friend and ex-lover.

Jaejoong turned to face Yunho and nodded with a small and soft smile. "...it will be alright..."

"Are you sure?" He asked, fearing of seeing the man he loved so much to step back from all the efforts he had done until now to move on from the death of his wife.

"I have you with me, right?" Jaejoong said softly, looking up at the other man.

"Right... You have me." Yunho nodded with a small smile as he brushed away a few strands of Jaejoong's soft lock from his eyes. "Let's go." He added as he took Jaejoong's hand in his. Then they walked away from the memorial room with their dongsaengs following them in tow.

They did not leave the hospital as they had to be in the familial funerary cortege at the end of this morning. The five men and the baby girl were waiting for all those people to say their goodbye to Lee Soo Man's late wife, more trying to console the poor man in this sad day because of a sincere friendship or only because of business. They didn't care of the meaning behind this display of affections as it was not their concern.

However, the waiting seemed to be very long as if those business partners wanted to step on their patience.

Yunho tried to bear with this long wait having his eyes on his ex-lover and the latter's daughter, smiling at them lovingly, while Jaejoong remained silent not even showing any kind of annoyance. The man was focusing his attention towards his daughter who just started to walk not long ago not without the help of her father or any of the four other members of Dong Bang Shin Ki.

Yoochun, Changmin and Junsu smiled softly at the sight of the baby having her own moment of play. But, exhaustion was wearing their patience at this same moment. Letting out a long sigh, Changmin crouched down on the floor as he was reaching his hand to the baby girl who was trying to grab his hand and dragging her small steps towards him. As for Junsu, the man leaned his backs on the wall of the hall while trying to lessen his fatigue the best he could. Meanwhile Yoochun walked round in round in front of them with his hands linked against his back, trying to kill the time until the end of this memorial.

"You're a lucky one." Yoochun let out as he ran his fingers through her soft hair. "You don't know the reason of our presence here. And you can smile and laugh at your heart's content."

"It's good to be a child." Junsu added with a nod, crossing his arms over his chest while watching the baby girl who was trying to walk with the help of Changmin, a smile painting on his lips. Baby Cap made him proud of her day by day. And witnessing her improvement was a gift Jaejoong's late wife had given to all of them.

"I say it once again." Changmin said as he stood up from the floor with a smiling baby Capucine in his arms. "We don't owe anything to that man. We should go."

"Even if we don't owe Lee Seonsaengnim anything, we are better than what they think of us." Jaejoong said quietly as he was smiling at his baby girl who was twisting her nose and wiggled in Changmin 's arms because of her uncle Yoochun. The latter was tickling her baby tummy. "And we need that much if we want to win against them." The man added with a nod, making the four other men to look at him with curiosity. "If we want to be independent one day, we need those SM's shareholders to see how much we are more important than them in Lee Seonsaengnim 's eyes. Family... even friends... I don't care. This is going to serve us later."

"I hate that when you still call him Seongsaengnim." Yunho let out as he loomed his arm over Jaejoong's shoulders. "But you're right. We need to be more important than those shareholders. Being in the familial funerary cortege say it all." He added with a smile.

"And here, I thought you would be sad in this day remembering the death of your wife." Changmin snorted but sketched a smile as he never thought of the meaning behind their presence in this funerary memorial. "I didn't know you are this kind of man. Cunning and sly. But you are not wrong. This can serve us for the near future."

Yoochun and Junsu nodded with a smile painting on their lips.

"I won't lie..." Jaejoong his lips before heaving a sigh as he continued to talk in a soft and low voice. "Standing here makes me remember of Ha-chan's death. Of all the pain I felt the day I have to say her goodbye... People expected me to cry... I didn't cry... I didn't have tears left as I already cried them out for the past years I spent with her... But the pain was there... that pain was still there..." The man added with a sad smile as he clenched his fingers onto his chest, the side where his poor heart was located. "I felt like drowning... I felt like suffocating... but I have to move on... I have to continue to walk further and further... because I have my bab