- Chapter Twenty eight - "The start of their trip."

"Where are we?" Yunho asked as he looked around the area where Jaejoong and him with baby Cap were now since they left Seoul to the countryside at the dawn of the morning.

The man had promised a road trip to his ex-lover and the latter didn't say no when Yunho had decided to go away from Seoul overnight. Jaejoong just followed him with a few luggage and baby Cap propped in front of him, leaving behind the stress and pressure from SM Entertainment, fans and everyone. And being away from the big city was good enough not only for them but also for Capucine as the baby girl could also feel their anxiety by being around them.

Right now, Yunho was enjoying the silence ride with the baby-talk coming from the backseat as Capucine was also enjoying the drive, dozing here and there as sleep or fatigue caught her. If the baby girl didn't sleep, she was squealing and buzzing with her little finger in every time she was happy. Only Jaejoong seemed a bit tense as he was looking at the map in his hands and their surroundings as best he could, hoping that they weren't lost in their own homeland.

It would be laughable for Koreans to lose themselves in their own country.

"You seem enjoying our situation." Jaejoong said quietly as he gave up on looking at the map. "Why did you not use the GPS? Things would be better. And we would never be lost. Well, if we're lost." He added as he took on his surroundings.

"You never changed. You still nag a lot." Yunho chuckled softly as he just parked his dark grey Mercedes Benz G-class in a spacious area near what seemed to be a small village near Chuncheon in the Gangwon province. It was what he read on the different panels in the highway. "Should we continue or rest for a while?" He asked, turning to look at Jaejoong with a smile painting on his lips. Yunho really enjoyed his time with the father and baby girl. And it was a good idea to get away from Seoul for a while after all the pressure and work they got during the last past months.

"Capucine needs to be changed. And...," the older man narrowed his eyes as he glanced at the dashboard, "...it's time for her to have her lunch. Not only her but us too." He added quietly.

"Okay!" The younger man nodded as he opened the door from his side. Yunho slid out from the driver seat and went to the trunk quietly, preparing the car rear cubicle for the baby girl. He made some place and put the small baby matt on the trunk floor. He was enjoying this peaceful pace of his life. Only Jaejoong, baby Cap and him. And of course all the beautiful scenery of their country parading in front of their eyes.

Meanwhile Jaejoong climbed out from the passenger seat and went to open the back door as he was baby-talking to his baby daughter who was happy to see the man.

"...bapa..." The baby girl squealed as she let go of her favorite toy Sophie la Girafe. And she seemed a bit exited, wanting her father to take her away from her baby seat.

"You want to have some fresh air, right?" Jaejoong said with a smile as he was trying to unlock the belt of the baby car seat around his baby girl. And he earned another happy buzzing from her. "Right. Sitting for a long time isn't good for you or for us. There, we go!" He got her away from her seat and tightened his hold around her small body.

Capucine scrunched up her nose as she huffed adorable at the soft breeze blowing her bowl hair cut around her face, making her father and his friend laugh softly at her demeanor. Then, the baby girl tilted up her head and rose her tiny hand toward the sky above them as she was pointing at what could be a group of birds flying not far from them.

"Yes! We're not in the big city anymore. You can see the blue sky clearly and little birds flying above our heads." The young father said while fondling her little bottoms. Her diaper seemed heavy and wet. His baby girl really needed to be changed.

"You can change her now." Yunho said as he stepped on his right, rummaging onto the baby bag for a new diaper and baby wipes.

"Alright." Jaejoong said as he laid his baby girl on the thin baby matt. "Let's get you neat and clean." He added as he pulled out her small sneakers.

Baby Cap was happy to be rid of her wet diaper as she was buzzing and laughing at the fresh and cool sensation on her bottom made by the wipes. She even kicked and grabbed whatever she could hold at her arms and legs' reach.

"She seems to be really happy." Yunho remarked as he was preparing her milk bottle.

"Of course." Jaejoong chuckled. "After releasing herself and having to wait hours to be clean, she can be only happy to get rid of the warm and wet diaper."

"Miyanhae baby-ah." Yunho said with a sad expression as he looked down at the baby girl. "I should stop earlier."

"...gah!" She said back as she reached out her small hand towards the man.

"I won't do the same mistake. I promise." The man added with a smile painting on his lips this time. And Capucine hummed, agreeing with Yunho. "Let's eat Princess!" He added as he took the baby girl in his arms.

Jaejoong could only smile at those two being mushy together. He laughed softly when he saw Capucine smashing her small palm onto Yunho's cheek while onto her baby bottle. Really, his baby girl seemed to accept the man into her life easily as if the latter was family to her.

"I wonder... if in the near future... she's going to look at you as her father's figure..." The older man breathed out with a small smile on his lips as he ran his fingers through his baby girl's soft hair.

"Who knows!" Yunho said quietly with a smile painting on his lips. "If I am her father's figure, what could you be?!"

"Don't say what you are thinking right now." Jaejoong growled as he was glaring at his friend and ex-lover, hoping that the man wasn't going to say it out loud.

"Her mother's figure?!" The younger man inquired with a grin.

"I knew it!" The young father rolled up his eyes annoyingly. Then, he sat on the edge of the floor of the car trunk next to Yunho who was laughing and still feeding baby Cap with the little girl sitting on his laps, her back propped against Yunho's stomach. "Changmin is bad influence."

"On the contrary, that boy was harsh on me." Yunho corrected as he looked at the scenery in front of them. It was quiet. Not so much cars driving around. They were in the countryside with all those fields spreading in front of their eyes. "He never forgave me for letting you go. For someone who hates so much to be called Yunjae's baby boy, he was like a child throwing tantrum here and there because of his parents' divorce." The man smiled as he recalled the past after the departure of the three other members.

Changmin wasn't a sinecure after they found themselves confined in the four walls of their apartment without the other three. For the first few months after the split, Changmin had locked himself in his room refusing to look and talk to him while Yunho was comforting himself with liquors. But one day, the young man had made the decision to play along with this perfect picture of this hyung-dongsaeng image they had for the sake of Dong Bang Shin Ki, smiling and giving the best image of an idol could give to those who worshiped them when SM Entertainment had decided that it was enough for them to stay put without doing nothing.

But at Jaejoong's disappearance, the young man never restrained himself as Changmin was being mean with him, telling him a few home truths without mincing his words. It was painful at first. However, Yunho needed to be aware of his wrongdoings to be a better man.

"He is a sensitive boy." Jaejoong added quietly with a smile.

"More like a pain in the ." Yunho snorted. "Did you know when we got our own apartments that ingrate child never visited me if not with the two others because Junsu said that it was good for the four of us to see each other more than once in a week until your return? And when you came back, I see him every day sitting in our living room feasting on your cooking and emptying my fridge."

"Ingrate child?" The older man quoted amusedly as he looked at Yunho.

"Yes! Ingrate child!" The other man said as he rubbed his palm softly on Capucine's back after she finished her milk bottle. "He did grow up badly. Really badly." Yunho chuckled. "You! Please! Don't take after that boy." He lifted baby Cap by her armpits and pressed a soft kiss on the tip of her nose. "Never play truant when you are in age to be aware of your surroundings. Your papa and I, we would love to have you this small forever. Right?"

And for his response, Yunho was entitled by a gurgling and a laugh from the baby girl. Meanwhile Jaejoong watched his daughter and Yunho with a smile painting on his lips. It was as if he was looking at a father having his best time with his baby daughter.

This perfect picture of them made him feel guilty to cross the path of the younger man, as Jaejoong could picture Yunho living a good life with his beloved wife and numerous children running after him with a lovely smile painting on their faces, showing to the whole world how much this man was worth to be a husband and a father.

"Hey?"

Jaejoong flinched at the soft touch of Yunho's fingers on his cheek.

"Are you alright?" Yunho asked with a frown.

The older man nodded with a small smile, then asked, "Why?"

"I don't know. You fall into silence suddenly. And you didn't response to my call." Yunho said quietly as he was looking at Jaejoong closely. He knew very well what that look on Jaejoong could put the man into. Thinking too much about something he should not think about. "What was in your mind?"

"Nothing." Jaejoong shook his head lightly and gathered his legs into the car trunk, leaning his back on the car wall behind him. "Really nothing." He added softly as he put his palms on his bended knees.

"Baby! I know what kind of man you are." The younger man shook his head. "How many time do I have to tell you that you don't have to keep things to yourself. I am your best friend. I am your brother. As your ex-lover, I can tell that I know you very well. And I am here to listen to you. Say whatever is in your mind. Don't shut me out. I did once... And you know what it did to us."

"It's really nothing." The older man replied with a smile, finding this worried face of Yunho adorable. Well, the man could be a whiny spoiled brat despite his old age. "I was only thinking that..." Jaejoong paused and nodded before adding, "...with the way you look after Capucine, you're going to be a good father in the near future."

"I don't mind to be her father." Yunho said without hesitation.

Jaejoong let out a sigh at his ex-lover's declaration. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes." The other man nodded.

"Do you not want a child of your own?"

"Baby..." Yunho let out quietly, knowing that they could not avoid this discussion for eternally. "When I chose to be with you I was aware of the fact that I will never have a child of my own. I always thought of adopting a child if not two after a long and satisfied career with Dong Bang Shin Ki. Raising them with you as family. But things happened and here we are." Yunho said with an understanding smile. "You got married and now you are a widower with a baby girl."

"And you're still alone." Jaejoong replied.

"You know very well that our world is cruel. The day I'm with someone, my career is over. Fans nowadays think we, idols, are their property. So, the day they see me with a woman who can be a potential lover or even a potential wife, I can say goodbye to being Yunho U-Know, leader of Dong Bang shin Ki. My career is over." He chuckled at the irony of his job. He had to devote himself to his fans and never think of having a life. "So, why not being together and get everything done? I won't lose nothing, right? At least I am with someone I love. I won't regret anything." Yunho said with a smile.

The two men looked at each other for a while in silence. Yunho didn't want any answer from Jaejoong. And the latter didn't know what to say or do after this kind of proposal. He wasn't surprised. On the contrary, he felt content than annoyed. Happy than sad. And guilty for letting someone else entering his life while Yunho was still faithful towards him.

Yunho did distance himself from him. The man did everything to push him away from his life. It was cruel. It was painful. But he did all that in order to protect what was important for them, Dong Bang Shin Ki and what was important for the other man, him. And in this turmoil, Yunho was all alone while he had Hana.

As for Hana, she gave him so much. She was not only his wife and the mother of his daughter, but also his best friend and someone to whom he could talk about everything. She was the best thing life could give him. And Jaejoong wanted to cherish her. He wanted to love her unconditionally. But, there was this man.

Jung Yunho.

And instead of hating the latter, his beautiful Ha-chan was understanding. She never was angry with him for keeping Yunho in a corner of his heart. On the contrary, she was always talking about the other proudly. She never wanted him to forget what Yunho and him had back then.

For others the love they shared was a sin. But in his Ha-chan's eyes, love was love. A feeling that no one could go against without burning themselves.

"Oppa? When time comes, and life gives you another chance to get back what you lost years ago, make sure not to mess up. You will not have another chance in life. Don't regret for the rest of your life."

It was what his Ha-chan always said to him. She always referred to Yunho in her speech about life and fate when she felt like it.

Should he take her advice?

He didn't know. He really didn't know.

Jaejoong let out a small smile and asked suddenly, "Do you think I am being selfish?"

"Selfish?"

"Hmm... You and I..." The young father said quietly with a nod. "The way we're together right now... It's unclear... Are we just good friends or lovers? There's no line between those feelings... I let you call me baby... I let you take care of my daughter and me... I... I even let you kiss me if it's not me who kiss you." He chuckled softly.

Yunho nodded with a smile painting on his bow shaped lips as the man was loving this kind of discussion Jaejoong and him were having. Because it was the only way for him to hear Jaejoong's love confession. The young father never hid those feelings towards him. But at the same time, there was that barrier between them calling Hana. And Yunho understood his friend's attachment towards his late wife. She was there for Jaejoong when everything seemed so wrong in his life. She had put him on his feet and protected him from any harms, while he was the cause of the man suffering.

It was already enough that Jaejoong still kept his love for him in his heart. It was already enough that Jaejoong let him walk into his life again. And he was content enough that the other man let him show his affection towards the latter without rejection.

"Sometimes I think it would be better to let you go... to let you be with someone that our society would approve off..." Jaejoong added. "But, I find myself being depressed. I find myself thinking too much... Imagining you with someone else than me... I... I don't like it. I really don't like it."

Yunho chuckled softly and nodded as he knew why Jaejoong called himself selfish. Then, he leaned to press a soft kiss on Jaejoong's plush lips, happy that the other man still let him had his way towards the latter. "You don't have to be depressed about that." Yunho said softly. "You think like walking towards me with a step but then you take two steps back a few minutes later. Some people would hate that. But, to me, it means a lot. And I don't want more than that for now. I won't pressure you either." He cupped Jaejoong's cheek softly with a smile. "Knowing that I still have a place in your heart is a lot for me."

"Why don't you ask more?"

Yunho let out a laugh and pressed their foreheads together. "Can I ask for more?" Jaejoong said nothing only biting onto his lower lip. "See! You are not ready yet to start over with me." The younger man said quietly as he put his palm above Jaejoong's hand. "You can accept me calling you baby. You can accept my care. You can accept my kisses. But the thought of us being more intimate, you can't accept it yet. Because you still feel that being with me is like betraying Hana's devotion and love for you before she died."

"How long are you willing to wait?"

"Probably forever." Yunho grinned.

"Idiot!" Jaejoong smiled softly but he could not help feeling happy by this idiot's answer. Then he looked at Yunho in silence, his mind drifting in the past as he could see himself sitting next to his Ha-chan, trying to enjoy their short time together.

"Oppa? What do you really want from life itself? Recognition or happiness?"

His Ha-chan was bored on a rainy day, and she had asked him that ki