- Chapter Twenty one - "He's still the one to blame."

Christmas dinner.

Yunho didn't expect that Jaejoong's and Capucine's first Christmas dinner after the man's return in South Korea would be so awkward. Mostly with his father behaving coldly towards the latter and scrutinizing Jaejoong's every move and word in order to find something against the man since the older man had stepped in their house.

As for Jaejoong, the latter had isolated himself in the kitchen, putting the final touch of every dish and dessert they were going to have for this family dinner letting his baby girl in Yunho's care as well as in the care of his parents. And seeing the love of his life struggled among their families, the man thought of canceling this damned dinner for the sanity of the other man at the last minute.

However, Mrs. Kim and his mother had convinced him to stay put and let everything happen now. Because it was better than trying to avoid any kind of discomfort in order to protect Jaejoong from being hurt more than he was already.

"Yunho-yah... Jaejoongie isn't a child anymore. And I know my son better than anyone. He has suffered a lot since his birth. And I am sure and certain that he will suffer again in the near future. With or without your protection, he has to stand in front of everyone for being who he is. He doesn't need to explain everything to everyone. But, as a human being he has the right to walk in this world among those people who don't think great of him."

It was what Mrs. Kim said to him when he was ready to get rid of everyone once he saw how uncomfortable Jaejoong was.

And his mother wasn't in rest, trying to play on the good side of every human being in this world. Yes, he would never deny it. His father wasn't a bad man in his memory. He was a good father for the little Yunho he was long ago. It was when he had become obsessed with dancing and having dreams which never were in sync with his father's own expectations for him that the older man had changed and become so strict and cold, until he had decided to turn his back on him. His own son.

"I know your father is going to say things that will not only hurt him but you too. And I know that you don't want Jaejoongie to suffer more than he is already. But, he managed to get through all of his pain with a big success. So, do not belittle his guts and courage. He isn't a weak man. He is stronger than what you see in him. I know what I am going to say is a bit cruel. But, your father needs to face Jaejoong's wounds to know how much he was wrong. Have faith in life. Have faith in the good father he was before."

As they were sitting around the dining table and waiting for Jaejoong who was tucking a sleeping Capucine in her bed after spending the beginning of the evening bonding with her grandparents and aunts, including Yunho's parents and younger sister, Yunho could not help but think that he should just follow his guts and get his Jaejoong away from this awful evening.

"Is she going to be okay?" The idol-turned-actor asked when he saw Jaejoong returning to the living room.

"I put her in her bed." The older man said quietly as he put the baby monitor device on the coffee table before joining them at the dining table.

Yunho nodded as he knew it was better to let the baby girl sleep in her bed than theirs. Because they could put back the railing for her safety while in their bed, they must put pillows around her, hoping that she wouldn't move during her sleep.

"She looks like you." Mrs. Jung said quietly with a smile painting on her lips. "Adorable. I can say that she will grow up into a beautiful woman."

"Thank you." Jaejoong replied with a nod shyly.

"She's too tiny." Mr. Jung said suddenly, cutting the young father. "You should make sure that she isn't lacking in any domain."

"Appa." Yunho chided, not liking a bit the way the older man was saying things. His father was implying that baby Cap would be not a normal child as she was going to grow up.

"She's fine." Jaejoong stated in a low voice, clenching his fingers onto the slack of his jeans.

"Are you sure?" The older man asked with a frown. "From my observation, she doesn't even crawl or talk much for her age. As we know, her mother was sick when she was expecting her. So you should make sure that she isn't going to be a retarded child later."

"Capucine was born prematurely." Jaejoong replied quietly, looking at the older man. "She wasn't born as a full term-baby. So, you have to take account of that fact and count her age by removing a few months. That's why she is not a fourteen months old baby but only a nearly eleven months old baby. And it means that my baby girl is growing up normally. She is not a retarded child like people would think by looking at her." He shook his head. "My daughter is growing normally." He insisted, looking at the older man as he was holding the latter's gaze. "And soon, she's going to crawl, to walk and to talk like all the children born the same year as her."

"Oh... we must see her as a baby of eleven months not a baby of fourteen months." Mrs. Jung nodded, understanding the situation. "However, eleven months or fourteen months, we can't see any difference. At this age, all babies do the same things. Sleep, cry and eat. And us parents, we have to guess everything by watching them carefully." The older woman tried to lessen the awkward atmosphere causing by her husband. "Yunho wasn't an early bloomer. He knew how to crawl when he was twelve months while Jihye began to crawl when she was only nine-ten months."

"Loser!" Jihye beamed as she mocked her older brother.

"But I knew how to walk before you." Yunho said back with a grin.

"Really you two!" Mrs. Jung shook her head lightly with an amused smile as she knew what these two siblings were trying to do. "It doesn't seem that you are two mature adults."

"Umma!" The brother and sister whined in unison.

And everyone, excepted Mr. Jung and Jaejoong, laughed at their childish behavior.

"You're right." Mrs. Kim added, hoping that this heavy atmosphere was going to disappear soon. "They have their own language. And we, adults, we must follow their lead. I don't know how many time I was running like a fool because of Jaejoong's sisters." She laughed softly. "One was running, other was walking and another was crawling. And when all of them talked in their own languages… Yes, they don't have one baby language but a few. God! I was like nodding and saying yes to everything even if I didn't know what they were trying to tell me."

"Jaejoongie wasn't better." Mr. Kim replied with a smile. "Even if we have him a bit late, he was still a baby boy of two-three years. And at this age, he still learned how to talk and repeated all the words he heard from us."

"He had his own language too." His wife followed with an amused smile as she turned to look at her son. "You only understood the third of his sentence. Meaning two or three words."

"And all those pouts... It was insane." Jaejoong's father shook his head and heaved a sigh as if being the father of Jaejoong was wearing him off of all his strength. "Every time he couldn't pronounce a word correctly, he pouted. When he ran and fell, scratching his knees and palms, he pouted. When he cried, he pouted. When he was angry, he pouted. When he was happy, he pouted. Like this!" And Mr. Kim jutted his lips like the way the child Jaejoong always did, making everyone excepted Yunho's father laugh and the said child who was now an adult pouted for being mocked by his father.

"Oh! God! Don't pout!" Sooyoung threw her napkin towards her younger brother. "Aish! No wonder everyone finds you adorable."

"I remembered the day Jaejoongie went to ask me why our neighbors always pinched his cheeks every time they saw him." Mrs. Kim added. "He was also pouting as if he was annoyed by all the attention he gained from a lot of people." She laughed softly. "Umma! It's painful when Mr. Kang pinches my cheeks." She said as she pressed her palms against her cheeks mimicking her son of five years.

"Don't worry! Your granddaughter is in her way to be another Jaejoongie. She whines and pouts when she can't have whatever she wants." Yunho said with a smile as he poked the other man's cheek, then he burst into laughter when he saw the love of his life pouting annoyingly. "Really! Stop pouting. I won't resist you." He added, pushing a strand of Jaejoong's hair behind his ear, earning another pout from Jaejoong.

"See! Like this!" Mr. Kim pointed his forefinger at his son.

"Appa!" Jaejoong whined.

"Even if you are an adult, you're still the child we always knew." His mother ruffled his hair softly.

"I just hope to be treated like the adult I am."

"Don't worry. We do this because we love you."

"Your mother's right." Yunho said. "You're too adorable for your own good."

"I'm a man and not adorable." Jaejoong pushed Yunho away from him with an annoying pout, earning a laugh from the other man.

"And he pouts again." His sister said with a soft laugh as she was cutting the morsel of meat on her plate. "The king of the pouty face. Or should we call you the queen of the pouty face?"

"Noona. Stop that!"

"Poor you Yunho-yah." Sooyoung added, shaking her head. "You're going to have a hard time with my younger brother."

"I ask for it." Yunho laughed softly.

"You're going to lose a lot." Jihye stated smiling at her older brother, knowing that the man was going to give up every time those two will be in an argument. "Oh god! The roast beef is so delicious." She added as she pointed out her fork toward the plate of meat. "Yunho oppa wasn't kidding when he said that you are a cook now." She nodded as she was munching onto the small morsel of roasted meat with delight. "The best meat I ever eat."

"So I was not good before." Jaejoong nodded as he huffed.

"No!" Yunho's sister exclaimed with full of the delicious meat. "I... didn't mean... anything like that." Jihye replied quickly as she waved her right hand frenetically and swallowed what she had in . "You... were... great but..." The young woman coughed and grabbed her glass of water, drinking the cold water as soon as possible with the hope to get the meat slide into her digestive system and to breath normally. "...well... you are better than before." She added scratching her head, hoping that the other man understood what she was trying to say.

"Really! Jihye-ah!" Her mother chided as the older woman was rubbing her back. "Be more lady-like. You're not a child anymore." Mrs. Jung added as she tended a napkin to her daughter.

"Sorry umma..." She said with a small smile accepting the paper towel, then she turned to look at Jaejoong. "Aish! You know... you were really good before. Better than me who doesn't even know how to cook an egg." Jihye sighed, knowing that she couldn't explain anything. But anyway, she was trying her best to be understood by the older man. "You are better... yes... way better than what you cook for me before."

"Yeah! Paddle and keep paddling until you find a shore." Yunho said amusedly as he put some meat onto Jaejoong's plate.

"Oppa! Stop being mean." Yunho's sister pouted then turned to Jaejoong. "Oppa? Are you sure you want to have this man in your life?" She pointed her finger towards her brother with a fierce stare.

"Jihye!" Mr. Jung called her out. All of them behaving friendly and accepting these two men as if they were a couple made him a bit uneasy. He wasn't ready to see them like that. This kind of love was not normal.

The young woman retreated her hand and just apologized for saying things that angered her father. Then, she returned to have her meal in silence.

"So, you became a cook now." Mr. Jung said quietly with a nod, trying to be kind.

"I'm graduated from a culinary school. But, I am not really a chef yet." Jaejoong nodded slowly, trying to have a conversation with Yunho's father despite the awkwardness he was feeling at this moment.

"Why aren't you a cook?" The man asked, knitting his brows. "You did return to school and passed your exam to be a cook. And you said, you aren't one. So what you did there was more useless than helping you to get a new life." The man said with a hint of pity in his voice.

"Appa!" Yunho said sternly, his stare on his father as he was warning the older man not to belittle Jaejoong in front of the other man's parents.

Mr. Kim wasn't really happy to see the other older man denigrate his son's efforts. He was ready to say his thoughts to the latter but the hand of his wife on his had convinced him to let Jaejoong stand up for himself. His son was no longer a child who needed their help every time he was bullying by the other children his age for being more pretty than good looking for a boy. But now, the frail boy was an adult who knew more what life was than anyone in this world.

Jaejoong looked at his parents then at Yunho for awhile. He was being considerate enough not to get into a verbal fight with the other man for his friend's sake, knowing very well that Mr. Jung was trying to provoke him. He just pressed his lips into a thin line before explaining his situation.

"Even if I am graduated from a culinary school, I'm still an apprentice. They call us commis de cuisine or commis cuisiner." He replied quietly as he dropped his cutlery at the both sides of his plate, making everyone looking at him in silence. The young man took a breath and nodded before continuing, "...To be a chef, you have to show your skills in a good restaurant. And it takes time to be a chef with a good reputation." The older young man his lower lip, then added, "...You start at the bottom and for years you climb the echelons. First you are commis cuisinier. You do nothing than cutting vegetables and meats. Then you become cuisinier. And you start cooking the vegetables and meats the commis cuisiner cut for you. After that, you are chef de partie. It means that you are in charge of a team in the kitchen. There's a team for meats, another one for the sauce, one for the stew, another for fishes, for cakes, for everything that can exist in cuisine. After a few years, you can become second, the right hand of the chef de cuisine which is the last title you can get. And it means so much for many people." He ended quietly his explanation, hoping that with this Yunho's father would not belittle his efforts to move on in his life at that time.

Jaejoong never thought of being the greatest cook in this world. The man just wanted something concrete in his life. Something that could give him a decent earning to support Ha-chan. Something that would pay her treatment against her illness as well as their daily life. And cooking was what he did best after singing. With a diploma, he could have a good earning. He wasn't going to be rich but he was able to cover more than the half of their expenses for her treatment. And with his savings from all the selling of his belongings before leaving South Korea, Ha-chan and him were able to make ends meet every month with no difficulty.

"So why did you not get a job in a good restaurant and polish your skills there? It would be better for you to stay there than to come back in South Korea where you don't have the certitude of everything." Mr. Jung nodded. However, the older man wasn't ready to give credits to the other young man. Kim Jaejoong wasn't a bad boy. On the contrary he was a boy that he could love as if he was his own son. But, he couldn't accept this insane affection between the man and his son. It was beyond his own acknowledge and faith.

"Appa." Yunho said quietly. Reprimanding the older man for the second time with the hope that they would end this conversation which was going into an impasse. And once they got there, the man knew that his father was going to find fault in everything concerning Jaejoong.

"But you're here, living with my son and trying to be a member of the group that you easily quitted for what? More fame? No for more money! I am not wrong?" The older man didn't stop and said what were his thoughts, wanting to hurt the young man as he was hurt seeing his oldest child, a young man with a great future, falling in love with another man.

"This is unfair." Jihye whispered as she looked at her father with anger. "You don't have to twist the story in your liking. You... we all know what's going on at that time. Appa-"

"Jihye!" Yunho cut his younger sister off. This wasn't her fight but his. "I agree with you when you said that we all know what was going on at that time. But, I am the one to have the right to say anything as I was one of the protagonists years ago. You, you're not related to any kind of this." The man said, smiling at his sister as he was trying to calm her down. Then he turned his eyes towards his father, his expression becoming cold. "Appa. Do not belittle Jaejoong and turn him into someone so low compared to other men in this world. The one who has to learn a lesson or two from him is you."

"And you don't fall for his act." Mr. Jung said back.

"What act?" Yunho asked angrily.

"Can't you see it?" Mr. Jung asked, looking at his son. "That man, he could stay with one of his sisters but no he chose to stay with you. So, tell me? What was all of this great story of him marrying that poor sick woman? Just an act for people to see him as a good man. As the greatest man in this world. But we know what kind of man he is in reality. He is a sinner. He took you away from the life you should have, luring you with false promises and a disgusting love. And I feel sorry for her being fooled by this kind of man. I feel sorry that she has given her life for this kind of man. What he wants since the start is to mess up with your life."

"Jaejoong isn't like that." Yunho said back quietly. "It was me who forced him to stay with me. He never wanted to see me because of a lot of things happened between us." The man ran his fingers through his hair. "I should know better... You're not going to change. You don't want to get to know him better than the poor opinion you have of him." He added angrily. "How dare you say something like that? What is Jaejoong to you? A cunning man who wants to destroy my life? For what purpose?" He scoffed. "What would he gain by playing with my feelings? Revenge? And for what?" Yunho asked as he lifted a brow. "My Jaejoong isn't that kind of man. The only thing you want to believe is that he does all of this for hurting you." He laughed with sarcasm. "Mr. Jung, the world doesn't revolve around your own person. It shows us how narcissistic and selfish you are." He shook his head lightly. "Tell me! Yes! Tell me what makes you think so great of yourself while you are the kind of man capable of turning his back on his flesh and blood?!"

"Don't you dare talking back. I am your father and you need to show me some respect!" The older man shouted back as he stood up from his seat. "It's him! It's because of him that you are so ill-mannered." Mr. Jung pointed his finger towards Jaejoong.

"Jaejoongie is not at fault. I changed because of you. And Jaejoong has more manners and respects towards others than you." Yunho grunted. "And don't you know already that the one who has messed up my life is you? We were good together. We were happy together. But you-"

"Yunho! Don't go there." Mr. Jung cut his son off sternly. "I have tolerated so much from you. But you have to know this kind of love between him and you is a sin. A man should only love a woman. You're going to lose everything by being stubborn. What I want is your happiness. And that happiness comes by living your life like everyone. Falling in love with a woman. Marrying her and having children with her. This is being a man. Not a fagot!"

"I don't need to take advices from a man like you." The young man said sternly. "And please! If you're here to say nonsense or insulting Jaejoong, I would like you to leave my house."

"You're going to regret this."

"I won't."

"I don't know what you did to my son. But, I will make sure that-"

"Jaejoong did nothing wrong!" Yunho shouted back, cutting off his father. "Would you stop blaming him? How many time I have to say to you that I love him not because he is a man but he is who he is. Kim Jaejoong! No one can do if it's not him." He breathed out forlornly. "I am not a man who will fall in love so easily... not with another man... It just happens that I am attracted to Jaejoong. Only him! God! I just want your approval. Is it too much to ask from you?"

"My approval..." Mr. Jung shook his head lightly. "I would give you my consent if Jaejoong was a woman. I swear... if he was a woman, I would bless you two. But he is a man. And what others will think about this? You want to shame your family for-"

"Please... we aren't talking about others. I really don't care about what they think of me and of my love for Jaejoong. I just want you to understand that loving Jaejoong isn't a crime. It's more than that. It makes me feel complete. Like you when you are with umma."

"Don't compare you sick infatuation with my relationship with your mother."

"...sick infatuation..." Yunho shook his head as he chuckled, repeating the words his father had described his love for Jaejoong.

"Yes! That love is not normal."

"Stop... Stop please!" Jaejoong murmured, making everyone look at him. "Mr. Jung... I know that you don't like me... No, you hate me for what I did in the past. And I am sorry for turning your son into someone you never wanted him to be." He bowed his head, asking for forgiveness from the older man. "But, please... I beg you... Never say a word about my Ha-chan. You can step on me... You can degrade my person as you want if it makes you feel better. But, don't... please don't say anything about her. My Ha-chan isn't someone you have to pity because of me. My Ha-chan..." He smiled sadly and continued, "...She was the best thing life has giv