- Chapter Fourteen - "A day with him."

Sitting on the bench in the hospital garden, swaddling in his warm reefer coat, Jaejoong was looking at the cell phone Yunho gave him. He didn't know if he should call the man or not. The latter could still be with the new CEO of SM Entertainment, Kim Young Min. Will Yunho be in trouble because of him?

The man sighed and looked at his daughter who was sleeping peacefully against his front wrapping up in his coat and a large wool scarf to keep her from the cold.

Her rendezvous with her new pediatrician, the Dr. Min went well. After her examination, the doctor didn't find anything bad. Her physical motors skills was really good for a premature baby. She acted like a baby of 10 months old more than a baby of 13 months old. As for her locution, they shouldn't worry about her lack of words. Because she baby-talked according to her corrected age. It was understandable for her condition. In the eyes of others, she seemed to be underdeveloped. But medically, she was doing fine, excepted for her stomach which seemed to be upsetting her a bit. Baby Cap didn't like being touch in this part of her small body.

And her blood test which was done a week before their departure for South Korea showed that she was a healthy baby. However, being a premature baby and born from a sick mother, she needed to be under their observation more than a full-term infant. Something Jaejoong knew very well.

According to her previous tests sent by her French doctor to her new pediatrician, her brain was never lacked of oxygen during her breeding period, meaning that nothing had damaged her brain during that time. So with time, Capucine will be able to meddle with children who were born in the same year as her. She could also be smarter than them.

So, nothing alarming for now.

"Are you cold?" He asked softly with a sweet smile on his face.

Jaejoong shouldn't be there in this cold weather. But he couldn't bear the eyes of the people on him. He wasn't used to be the center of interest like before. Strolling in the streets in Paris was something he did a lot and people never looked at him as the Korean idol Kim Jaejoong but as a man like any other.

"You love to sleep a lot." He pressed his lips on the wool cap of his daughter. "Soon we will go inside. Should I call Yunho?" The man laughed softly at the name of his friend, his ex-lover.

He didn't know what kind of relationship they had. Yunho was so kind with him, making him his priority. Something Jaejoong always wanted before. Alas, nothing will be the same. He could still love the other man with all his heart, but now he wasn't the owner of his life. Every action from his part will affect his daughter's life. And he only wanted the best for her. So if later Capucine wants a mother, Jaejoong will have to give her a mother.

"How will you see him later?" He whispered his question to his sleeping daughter with a small smile on his lips.

"You shouldn't stay in this cold."

Jaejoong looked up at the man who was telling him to go inside. He gasped seeing the older man who was smiling at him with so much kindness and sadness at the same time.

"I was right... It's you. Jaejoong-ah." The older man laughed softly at the young man's silence. "Call me with the name you used to call me." He added, taking place next to the ex-idol.

"Seonsaengnim..." Jaejoong murmured under his breath.

"You look tired." Lee Soo Man said quietly, looking straight in front of him, sadness reflecting in his winkled eyes. "You're back..."

The younger man could only nod at the older man's words even if the latter couldn't see him while having his eyes locked on a point in front of them.

"Your child?" Lee Soo Man asked, turning his eyes towards the bundle wrapping warmly in front of his ex-artist.

"Yes."

"Where's your wife?"

"She... she's not here anymore... She died last year after giving birth to our daughter..." Jaejoong said in a low voice.

"I'm sorry..."

A silence took over between the two men. No one knew what to say to the other as their encounter wasn't expected.

"My wife... she has cancer... brain cancer..." The older man said slowly and suddenly.

Jaejoong remained silent not knowing what to say to the older man. Sorry would be appropriated in this situation. However, he didn't know how to express his feelings in the man's presence. He didn't hate Lee Soo Man. And he didn't like the man either. He just had those mixed feelings towards the old man.

Grateful for allowing him to make his dream come true with the other four. Unthankful for being the spectator of their misery.

"She began to have headache. Everyone have headache from time to time." He added and chuckled softly. "So she shrugged it away, taking some aspirins thinking that it would go away. But, a few weeks later, she still didn't feel well and began to get dizzy. Tired... it was the only answer she gave me when I asked her what happened to her. She thought that with a good rest she would be better. She wasn't wrong. Because she did feel better. Nothing happened to her after that. However... a month later... she started to have vision problems. From time to time she saw double... And this time she just took more time to focus on where she set her eyes on..." Lee Soo Man breathed quietly. He paused and continued, "...worry I was... so I took her to our family doctor and he just led us to a neurologist. After a complete physical checkup... they found out that she could have brain cancer... They just said to us to go see this oncologist... in this hospital... He is the best in his line of work... that was what they said..." The older man said in a low voice.

Jaejoong just let the older man pour out all his worry about his wife's physical condition. He knew how that man was feeling at this moment. He had experienced the same thing years ago. And Lee Soo Man needed to confide in someone who knew what he was experiencing. While him, he just kept everything for himself.

Yoochun was... Yoochun and him were the soul mates couple. That was everyone called them. But, Jaejoong never confided in him. Junsu was... only a friend. Nothing in particular. They didn't have a particular name to define what their fans saw in them. Just good friends. However, he never said anything to the man either.

"Gliomas... the old doctor said... and something like glial cells I think... I couldn't take anymore his medical explanation so I left... I left her alone with him..." The older man added with a shaky voice. "She always stood next to me in all our marital life... and I... I can't even be her strength today..." Lee Soo Man chuckled at his own weakness, wiping the tears that began to stream down on his cheeks. "I was... I'm so weak compared to her..."

And another silent fell between them again.

"I... I don't know to whom I have to go..." The older man breathed out. "Sorry to disturb your time... I know... I'm not really a good man in your heart..."

"You don't know anything..." Jaejoong said in a low voice. "Everyone always said that they know what is in my mind. But the truth... is none of you know what is in my mind... What I want, you will never give it to me..." He paused and took a deep breath. "No one has the power to turn back time and do-over what was to redo..."

Lee Soo Man felt sorry for this young man. He was a part of his suffering. All the decisions Kim Jaejoong had made in the past had taken him in a suffering path.

"How... how was your life with her?"

"Beautiful." The young man answered quietly with a smile. "It was as if she didn't have leukemia. She smiled a lot. She laughed a lot. She lived fully her life until her last breath." Jaejoong chuckled at the thought of his Ha-chan. "She was so mean with me. She loved to tease me a lot."

"This is only the good side of your life, isn't it?"

"The bad side..." Jaejoong paused and tried to find the right words to define his life with his Ha-chan. "People are happy to lay down on a bed with the one they call their other half... They always say that it makes them happy... that the last face they see before drifting off into sleep is the face of their loved one... and they are happy to see the same face again when they open their eyes at the early hour of the coming day..." The young man bit his lower lip for awhile before continuing, "...however it's only for those whose life is clement with them... Not for me..." He shut his eyes for a moment and said in a low voice, "...It's right that before I close my eyes at night... I see her lying next to me sleeping peacefully... as if nothing happened in our lives. But... the fear to lose her at any time wakes me up every night. And there, I spend every second counting the movements of her chest... It was the only way for me to be sure that she was still breathing..." He had with a small smile, tears welled up in his eyes, menacing to flow down on his cheeks. "And when I'm too exhausted and slept all the night... the first thing I did when I wake up... was to turn my eyes towards her and check that she's still breathing, that her body was still warm..."

They stayed in silence for a while not knowing what to say more. Lee Soo Man could always say sorry for all the suffering this man had experienced. But it will never be enough to ease the man's bruised heart.

Suddenly, the phone in Jaejoong's hand rang. The latter knew there was only one person to call him.

"Yunho?" The older man asked quietly.

Jaejoong nodded quietly. Then, he put the call on and brought the phone to his ear. "Yes..."

"Where are you? I'm at the pediatrics ward right now."

"I... I'm at the hospital's garden."

"What are you doing there? It's cold outside. What about baby Cap?" Yunho sounded like a possessive husband who wasn't pleased to know his wife and child outside with this cold weather.

"I know... She's okay."

"Wait there. I won't be long."

"Okay..." Jaejoong said before hanging up the call.

"He's going to be there soon." Lee Soo Man said with a nod, understanding that he will see the other young man soon.

Nothing will change. Those two were always inseparable at that time, in their time as trainees and in their debut days until their separate way. And now, he shouldn't be surprised to see them together after all the troubles people around them had given themselves to separate the them. The older man didn't know how to describe the feels he felt toward this kind of love. God had created men and women to pair them up. However he did feel sorry for the two young men when everyone was against them.

And now, he felt that it was time to redo what others had done to them. "Jaejoong-ah... I... what can I do for you?"

"Nothing... just don't look at me with pitiful eyes... I'm not someone weak... I'm a strong man now. Everything will be okay for me..." Jaejoong said quietly. "I know what I have to do."

"If you need help..."

"I will take your offer..." The young man nodded quietly while looking at the other older man.

Lee Soo Man wasn't wrong when he saw Yunho jogging to them in this hospital garden alley. And the young man wasn't too please to see his friend having his person as company. The frown on Yunho's forehead made it so obvious.

"Lee Seonsaengnim." The newcomer said, tilting his head a bit as a form of greeting.

"Yunho... It's nice to meet you again. It's been so long."

Yunho just nodded to the older man, and then he turned to look at Jaejoong. "We should go. You shouldn't be in this cold. Mostly with your daughter." He said kindly to his friend. "Let's go." The young man reached out his hand to Jaejoong and the later just slid his hand in his.

"Lee Seonsaengnim..." Jaejoong bowed to the older man by respect and let himself drag away from the latter by Yunho who seemed to be reluctant to stay in the presence of the older man any longer.

Lee Soo Man just smile sadly at those two men who still held their hands. They looked like a real couple. Yunho was like a possessive husband with his wife and daughter. The older man chuckled softly at the thought of them together. People were right. They were good standing together. If one of them was a woman, none of them would have to suffer like this.

And when the older man heard Jaejoong said to his friend that he wanted to eat some oksusu-ppang a sort of Korean cornbread to shut his companion's mouth to cuss in the presence of his daughter, Lee Soo Man couldn't help but laugh softly at the two friend. Jaejoong with his daughter wrapped in his coat could be passed for a pregnant woman who was fussing to Yunho, the husband for one of his craving.

The scene was so heartfelt and warm. It reminded him of time ago when he was a young man who was trying to attend all his young wife's needs.

Life was so cruel. Was it his retribution?

Meanwhile Yunho just rolled up his eyes at Jaejoong's tentative to change their topic by having some craving like a pregnant woman.

"Oksusu-ppang?" The young man asked, cocking a brow with a smile on his bow shaped lips. He was loving this cute sight of his Jaejoong, asking him shyly with an adorable pout on his lips.

"Yes. And goma dango (Japanese red bean paste sesame ball)."

"What are you hiding to me?"

"Nothing."

"Jaejoongie?"

"It's something personal. I don't think I'm the proper person to say it." Jaejoong said quietly, knowing well that Yunho was talking about his conversation with Lee Soo Man.

"Okay..." Yunho sighed. "We're going to eat something before going to buy the stroller." He added with a nod.

And Jaejoong thanked him not to be persistent, while following Yunho into the hospital's parking lot. Yunho helped Jaejoong to settle Capucine in her baby car seat. Minutes later, he drove them away from the hospital and got into the traffic.

Now, where to go to have an oksusu-ppang? And goma dango? Yunho took his phone and called the one who knew every food shops in this country, while Jaejoong was frowning at him.

"Hey, hyung? What do you want?" Changmin said at the first ringtone.

"Where can I buy some oksusu-ppang?"

"What for? As I know you don't really like cornbread."

"Jaejoong wants to eat it."

"Hyung! You're fast! You make him pregnant already!" Chirped a laughing Changmin on the other line. "Congrats!"

"I would be the happiest man in this world. Alas, Jaejoong's a man. He can't be pregnant like his character in those Yunjae's fan-fictions." Yunho grinned, while Jaejoong just rolled his eyes at those two stupid men and snatched the phone from Yunho's hand. It was dangerous to let the other man communicating with his phone in his hand while he was driving. And he put the call on the speaker for Yunho to continue his conversation. "So? Where can I buy some oksusu-ppang? And goma dango?"

"Hyung? Are your stupid? Goma dango will be find in a Japanese bakery." Changmin said deadpanned.

"Don't show off. So for some oksusu-ppang?"

"Of course at Myeondong with all the street food shops! There should be a stall for cornbread. No! Better go to the Paris Baguette, the shop which you can find anything that has something in common with bread. Oh! If you go there can you buy me some apple turnovers. I like it so much."

"Go buy it yourself." Yunho said in a tone that no one could argue back with him.

"Hyung!" Changmin whined.

"If you want some chaussons aux pommes I can bake it for you." Jaejoong said suddenly.

"I forget it! You can do anything when it comes to cooking and baking. Good! Bake it for me. I want to try everything from you." An excited Changmin said.

"Changmin! Jaejoong isn't your personal chief."

"Yeah! But he is your baby! I'm right?" Changmin teased Yunho. "Don't be so possessive. He is my hyung too. So, don't ever think that you can monopolize him. You're lucky to have him stay with you. I would like to have him to. But-"

Yunho cut the call suddenly not wanting to hear Changmin's jabber. He even earned a soft laugh