- Chapter Twelve - "His pain."

He took a deep breath and turned his eyes at the tall man standing at the threshold of his childhood room.

"Yunho..."

"Hey..." The man said softly with a smile painting on his bow shaped lips.

In the corridor, three men were looking at each other with despair in their eyes. They felt sorry for this hyung of theirs not having much to say to the man he loved. Changmin rolled up his eyes while Yoochun was mouthing the hey like he was going to puke all his gall. Junsu just slapped his face with his palm as he did not know what do to with the older man.

They were asking too much from that man.

Changmin couldn't resist to push Yunho's back with the sole of his sneaker. Yoochun didn't resist to give the older man a tap on the back of his head. And Junsu just peeked from the doorframe and waved to Jaejoong with a smile. The latter just waved him back.

"Do something smart for once." Changmin scolded, pointing his forefinger at Yunho who was glaring at the three of them, more at the two men who had chastised him physically. "Not just a hey."

"Yeah do something really smart. A smart one this time." Yoochun added, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Don't make us regret to see you as our older brother. And please! Please make him come back to us. I'm fed up with that duck butt's cooking. I want my Jaejoong hyung's cooking back. God! He is a cook now. With diplomas and all. So give me back my heaven."

Junsu just rolled up his eyes at Changmin's disdain for his cooking style.

"Don't either leave this room without a good news." Yoochun replied.

As for Junsu, he entered the room and walked to Jaejoong. "Can I?" He asked, reaching out his hands to the little baby girl in his hyung's arms. "I will be careful with her."

Jaejoong couldn't say no to Junsu. He nodded and the young man took his daughter carefully in his arms, cooing her a bit when she wasn't pleased to be apart from her father.

"Okay! Hyungdeul, don't shout. Don't throw anything to each other. And Jae hyung... if you want your daughter back behave. We want this man Jung Yunho safe." Junsu added while he ran away from the room with Capucine enfolded in his arms.

And Changmin closed the door behind Junsu. On the other side of the bedroom door, the two older men could hear their three dongsaengs being enraptured to the little baby girl, as they heard their muffled voices through the door exclaiming their adoration to the little one.

"God! Look at her eyes! There're some spots of green in her eyes... no blue... oh whatever she's too pretty like this!" A certain Park Yoochun squealed.

"She's so small. Look at her small hands. Small feet. Small nose. Like a doll. My baby doll!" A certain Shim Changmin explained.

"I want to eat her up!" A certain Kim Junsu added with his famous laugh.

"Give her to me! You're scaring her with your stupid laugh." A firm Shim Changmin howled.

"No!" A squeaking Kim Junsu replied.

"Give her to me. I'm good with children." A doting Park Yoochun said.

Their odd behavior made Jaejoong laugh at them with his right hand in front of his mouth. It seemed that their intervention had lessened a bit the tense tension between the two older men.

"They're not kind with me since you left." Yunho said quietly, massaging the back of his neck.

Jaejoong stopped laughing and nodded at Yunho's words.

"Are you okay?" Yunho asked, looking at the man standing in front of his eyes. Jaejoong was still the same. His old habits seemed to remain but the man gave off something more. As if he had matured enough to be a man better than the one he was before.

"I'm fine..." He answered quietly, taking place on the bed.

"You should tell me that you were coming back." Yunho added, not knowing what to say to the man he loved. "I would like to pick you up last night... Jaejoongie?" The man called out the other man when he saw the latter narrowing his eyebrows as if something wasn't right.

"Did Junsu say your daughter?" Jaejoong asked, looking up at Yunho.

"He did."

"How... no don't say it. Ha-chan?"

Yunho nodded. The man walked to the bed and sat next to his friend. "Don't be mad at her." It seemed weird to say that, mostly when the other person was dead.

"I'm not mad at her... I will never be mad at her..." He said in a low voice.

"She began to call us and send us pictures of you when she knew she was expecting." Yunho said quietly. The man won't hide anything to Jaejoong. "It was short but... we were happy to know that you were living well... and you seemed happy with your new life."

"So... I don't have to say that..."

"Don't say it. Don't say it if it makes you sad." Yunho interrupted him, knowing what Jaejoong wanted to inform him.

Jaejoong nodded and fell into silence. As for Yunho, the man was trying to find a topic to discuss with his friend. But nothing was in his mind.

"I'm sorry." The younger man said suddenly.

"For what?" The older man asked, turning to look at Yunho.

"I wasn't there for you." Yunho sighed. "It seems I'm a loser than a hero in your eyes..." He chuckled softly. "Stupid of me to think that, right?"

"You was never smart to begin with."

"You're killing me." Yunho said, looking at Jaejoong tenderly.

"Don't look at me with those eyes."

"With what kind of eyes?"

"As if I'm someone precious in your life. Something I'm not."

"Don't say that..." Jaejoong's words made Yunho's heart bleed. It was as if the older man was trying to push the younger man from his life. "Jaejoongie..."

"What are you doing here? Don't you have something better to do than to be in this awkward situation?" Jaejoong asked quietly.

"I want to see you."

"It's not a good reason for you to escape your job."

"I don't care."

"Yunho..."

"Jaejoongie..." Yunho took Jaejoong's hand in his. "I know... I was a loser. I was a coward... whatever name you want to call me I'm okay with it. But you have to know that I did all of this to protect you. I had to choose between losing Dong Bang Shin Ki or you... And I chose to lose you... Because losing Dong Bang Shin Ki meant that I would have a life with you but at the same time it meant that I would crush not only my dreams but your dreams as well as our dongsaengs' dreams. I know that you don't understand what I'm trying to say..." The man sighed.

Jaejoong was remaining silent, letting Yunho explain his decision to crush his heart at that time.

"They knew about us. And if I chose you, if I followed you... what would become of us? So I had no choice... I thought you would understand me... that even if I didn't have to voice my thoughts you would understand me... I..." Yunho sighed again, hiding his face in his palms. "I should say something smart but I ended up accusing you... when you were not at fault... God please! Kill me right now." He let himself fall backwards on the small bed. "I'm sorry... really sorry..."

"Nothing will kill you. You're U-know Yunho from Dong Bang Shin Ki. One of the rising God of the east. So, being a God you're immortal." Jaejoong replied softly, ruffling the other man's hair gently.

"So you too. You're Youngwoong Jaejoong, one of the rising God of the east. My partner..." Yunho added, taking Jaejoong's hand in his and bringing it to his lips.

"Don't dream to much." Jaejoong chuckled softly and flipped Yunho's forehead.

And another silence took over between the two men.

Yunho could only remain silent while waiting for any kind of reaction from Jaejoong. As for the latter, Jaejoong didn't know how to talk with Yunho. Teasing the other man was his way to deal with his nervousness being in the same room as Yunho, and mostly hiding his treacherous heart which was beating like crazy for this man.

Ha-chan was right.

Jaejoong still loved this man with all his heart.

"Have you ever taken your time to listen carefully to this song? One of your song when you were still five? Kimiga odoru natsu. You translated it into With all my heart, right? Those lyrics seem to reflect your heart."

He was skeptical when she made the remark. But she made him listen to the song, and at the end he couldn't stop his tears flowing down from his eyes. He couldn't stop all those memories of Yunho that he had tried to bury from his mind and heart since their separation. He couldn't fool his own heart.

Kagamini utsutta kakechigaeta shatsuno botan

Sonna sasaina kotode kimiga ireba yokattato omou

Aenai jikanga bokurano aiwo tsuyokushita

Kotobani tsumarunara sottohooni kissu wo shiyou

Sorezorewo matsu hibiha isogashiku sugirukedo

Konnanimo konnanimo tada… Aitakute zutto kimiwo omouyo.. kokorokara kimiwo

Mouichido my heart tsutaetakute

Kimiga yobeba bokuha yukuyo

Kimino sobade waraitaindayo

Reflected on the mirror, the buttons of my shirt are in the wrong button holes

Even with these little things, I truly long for you

The time we cannot spend together has deepened our love

If I'm at a loss in words, I'll just kiss you lightly on your cheek

The days longing for each other quickly passes by

So fast, so fast, only..

I miss you, My thoughts are always with you… from the bottom of my heart

Once again, I want to give my heart to you

If you call me, I’ll go to you

I want to smile by your side

And once more Ha-chan was right.

"In this world, we won't fall in love just with one person. There are so many people who could pretend to be our other half. But when you find THE one, that other half who has all you expected from your life partner, you can't walk away from that person. Why? Because all the small things that surround you will always remind you of that person."

"I have the status of the woman of your life now. But you could choose any woman to be your wife. To suit a standard in this society. A man shall only love a woman. A man shall have a wife. However, Jung Yunho, he is a lucky bastard. Because you won't love another man as you love him. The man of my life... that idiom all women use to define the love of their lives, THE one for them is really suitable in your case. He is THE one for you. He is the man of your life."

How could she be so right?

"Even if you love me, your heart will always cry for someone else."

" Oppa? Don't try to shut your heart from that love. It isn't a love full of sins. Love is blind. Love is cruel. Love is sincere. Love is a feeling that no one can control."

How was she able to see through him like she did?

And now what should he do?

He was at lost being in this room with this man who could affect him so much like before. Jaejoong was wishing to have Ha-chan at his side. She would know what to do. She would help him to stand strong in front of Yunho. She always helped him to stand on his two feet since Yunho and him had broken up.

But she was no longer there. And he needed her so much.

"Jaejoong... God... Baby don't cry." Yunho lifted up from his lying position and cupped Jaejoong's face between his hands. "Please... tell me... tell me what I said wrong... Jaejoongie..." The man was panicking at those sudden tears staining Jaejoong's beautiful face. "Baby... Please don't cry." He enfolded the crying man in his arms, rubbing small circles on his back hoping it would ease his pain away. "I'm here. Please Jaejoongie don't cry... I'm here..."

"Yunho..." Jaejoong shuddered, burying his face on the other man's neck and wounded his arms around Yunho like his life depended on the latter. "Ha-chan... she's no longer there... She... my Ha-chan isn't there anymore..." He cried in Yunho's arms without retained.

At the thought of his late wife, at the memories of her, Jaejoong couldn't stop the tears that were menacing to stream down on his cheeks. After her funeral, the man had never given himself the time of crying her death, of mourning his loss. Not with his daughter still in the hospital, being nursed in her incubator and fighting to live in this world with the help of the medical staff. Not with Ha-chan's family mourning her death. Not with grandma Isa being so frail and sick.

Jaejoong had to be strong for everyone.

But, this man had succeed to break all his walls. Jung Yunho will always be his weakness as well as his strength. Crying in front of Yunho was so easy. Because Jaejoong knew that this man will always make him feel safe, make him feel better.

As Ha-chan had said to him, this ma