"Ellin sat in the middle of her bed with Jinyoung's journal in her hands. She sat there staring at it for awhile before she decided to just open it. She opened it and stared at the initial blank page for another few minutes. She couldn't deny how nervous she was to read what filled the pages of his journal. She hated the anxious feeling in her chest, she hated why she was feeling this way; She knew after she read this Journal that she would pity Jinyoung even more than she already did, that she would feel so sorry for him that she would want to forgive him. Ellin secretly already knew the truth, she knew Jinyoung's explanation of everything was true, but now she would have no excuse to ignore it and pretend like it was a lie and that she could continue hating him.

Ellin had to put an end to this never ending tension between her and Jinyoung, and it was this need for closure that allowed her to proceed to reading the first entry. She took a deep breath and begun flipping through the pages. She skimmed through the first few entries since they were simple rants about school and the stress that came with that. Here and there he would mention his father's expectations of him and how much distress it gave him. Ellin continued to skim until an entry made her halt her lazy skimming and become more serious in reading. 

"I always feel this way after going to Minsun and Choa's house. Seeing how close they are with their parents makes my heart ache. I'm just so envious. They always say how they envy how I come from a rich family, which is understandable since who wouldn't want financial stability? I mean that's the reason why i haven't run away from home yet or at least stand up to my crazy father. I just wish I didn't feel so suffocated at home. I want to feel what others feel when they go home. I want it to feel like a home... not hell."

Ellin let out a deep sigh. It was not brand new information to find out about the hell Jinyoung was living in, Ellin had met his family after all. But something didn't add up "If he knew his family was so insufferable then why the hell would he make me meet them?" Ellin shook her head. Ellin continued to skim through the entries regardless, and they only got more depressing as they went by.

"I honestly just want to scream when i hear the way my father talks to my mom and I. He speaks so rudely and yet he's the nicest person ever to his employees? If only they knew what a monster he was. Mom is too drained dealing with him to even spare any time to spend with me. School has really become my escape. Others may think it's crazy, but i wish school was longer. Any time i can get to spend more time with my friends that actually care about me."

Ellin was beginning to feel extremely frustrated, and it wasn't because of Jinyoung, it was because of the environment he was living in. Ellin had already hated Jinyoung's father because of what he did to her, but now she hated him on a whole new level. She was stunned because no one would have even expected Jinyoung to be living in such an environment based on his cheerful expression at school. He would always be the one to help others with their homework, he'd always go out of his way to make people feel welcomes, and when he would see someone get bullied he would never just stand by and watch. 

As Ellin flipped to the next page, something caught her eye that made her heart sink; the date. It a week before the big train wreck happened at Jinyoung's house. Ellin was hesitant to continue reading, but she had read this much so far, she couldn't just stop now. She knew she couldn't resist reading it forever and decided to just rip off the band aid at once. 

"Something really weird happened today... My aunt came into my room and told me that she knows I have a girlfriend. I don't know how the hell she found out but i'm not even surprised since she's such a creep. She snoops through everyone's trying to find a way to blackmail people and basically ruin their lives for her own benefit. Her finding out i have a girlfriend isn't even the main problem, that witch decided to tell my father, and you know what he apparently said? He said he wants to meet her and if she doesn't come to meet the family then i have to break up with her. What the is wrong with this family. I didn't tell them i had a girlfriend for a reason, i would never want Ellin to meet my crazy family. But i have no choice... I mean Ellin's from a rich family too so maybe things will go smoothly? I just can't believe i'm going to have to ask my 9th grade girlfriend to meet my parents... i hate my life."

Ellin was so emersed in each sentence she was reading. She now found it facinating how she was reading about the past in a different perspective. She still couldn't get rid of the nervous feeling in her stomach, but as she read each sentence Jinyoung wrote she felt strengley connected to him in a way she had never felt before. She wasn't reading his entries as someone who hated him, she was reading them as someone on his side. This was the exact thing she feared before reading his journal, but it didn't pain her half as much as she thought. If anything, it released her from the pain she was feeling for the past few months.

But now came the moment she feared the most, Ellin flipped to the next page which was written on the day she was viley kicked out of Jinyoung's house. 

"This is so ed up... how did things end this way. I gave her so much hope that i'd protect her and in the end i ended up the biggest coward on the planet, like always. When will I stop being such a coward? I can't even stand up for the people I love... what kind of man am I? I can't even...  The look in her eyes... I can barely continue to write this just thinking about that look... and I don't think i'll ever forget it. I wanted to go after her so badly, i wanted to yell at everyone so badly, i wanted to protect her and yet... i just stood there. She'll never forgive me, and i don't blame her... but i don't think i'll ever be able to fully give her up. I have no choice though, if i assoicate with her or any of her friends, they'll be the ones getting punished."

Ellin slowly closed Jinyoung's journal as her tears finally began to flow down her face. The words Jinyoung had confessed to her that day in the library study room suddenly enchoed in her mind "I couldn’t let him do to you and the girls what he did the year we broke up. So I became a coward, once again I gave into my father." Ellin felt so suffocated taking in everything she knew now, finding out the other side of the story. It was too much to handle. She was so angry; "Why didn't he just tell me right away? Why would he put me through this!?" she weeped.

"Where the hell is Ellin? It's Wednesday and she still hasn't come back to the dorm" Soyul worried as she tied a bow with a red ribbon. All of the semi-formal club members were preparing decorations for the event in one of the universities lecture halls. "You sure she isn't sick or something?" Gummi asked. "I don't know, that idiot won't answer her phone... and it's her damn birthday too!" Soyul raged, gaining everyone's attention now. Jinyoung stopped what he was doing and froze there as he confirmed that what Soyul was saying was true. 

"Okay, chill a bit Soyul, you always overreact. I bet she wanted to spend her birthday with her parents or something" Choa reasoned, rolling her eyes at Soyul worried expression that soon turned to irritated "You shut up queen of drama!" Choa scoffed "Me? How am I the queen of drama, i'm the opposite!" Soyul chuckled "Are you kidding me Choa?! You might as well make your middle name drama"

"Is this normal between them or are they having an actual fight right now?" Baro nudged Gummi. "It's the former, their friendship is based on talk and bickering" Gummi informed with a chuckle.

Suddenly someone noisily barged into the room. "You see, i told you you were overreacting you drama queen" Choa smugly smiled, sticking her tongue out at Soyul. it was Ellin of course. 

Soyul stuck her tongue back out at Choa before she waved at Ellin in relief. "Ellin, where the hell have you been!" Soyul cried. 

Ellin let out a deep sigh "I only have one class on Monday and no classes on Tuesdays so i decided to just comeback today, why do you always worry so much Soyul-ah!" Ellin giggled. "I told her that already" Choa smiled, satisfied.  

"i'm seriously going to-"
"ANYWAYS!" Minsun stomped, interupting Soyul, "we have to celebrate your birthday!" Minsun chimed. 

"B-birthday? What birthday? Mine? That's today?" Ellin said, acting clueless. 

Minsun rolled her eyes "Liar, you know it's your birthday. You smell like homemade seaweed soup, idiot" Minsun exposed, shaking her head. 

"You got me... i know, but i honestly don't feel like celebrating it" Ellin pouted, scratching the back of her head, "knowing you there's probably already a cake in the fridge" 

Minsun smiled "Yup, and it says Happy Birthday Ellin, so as the cake rule book says; one mustn't eat a birthday cake before the birthday person blows out the candles that are firmly placed on the cake. That's a direct quote by the way, i didn't make it up" Minsun chirped.

Gongchan and Shinwoo, and Baro started laughing hysterically at the back. "Your girlfriend is a nut case" Baro commented, "You're just mad you don't have a girlfriend" Shinwoo laughed. "Your girlfriend is one too" Baro added.

"About this cake, can we eat it too?" Gongchan asked, swfitly including himself in the conversation. "I mean you are the all knower of cake, clearly"

"Uhh... last time I checked, boys aren't allowed to eat any cake in the presence of girls... if the girls are generous enough though, they can allow it... but i don't know if we are so..."

"You guys can eat the damn cake! Cause i said so!" Ellin declared.

"Aish... i should have gotten a bigger cake!" Minsun pouted. "I don't even feel like celebrating this" Ellin sighed.

"Ellin, since you don't feel like going out to celebrate your birthday, we'll just do something in our residence kitchen" Gummi offered. "Yeah, it'll be small!" Minsun persuaded. 

"Alrighty, whatever. But that cake better have chocolate mousse in it!" 

"I know you too well for it to not" Minsun grinned.

Ellin had taken a nap at her dorm since she didn't get much sleep for the past few nights. She was now hurriedly getting ready for her 'birthday party' since she didn't like people waiting for her, especially when cake was in the picture. As she was getting ready, Gummi barged into her room "You're still not ready?" Gummi asked. 

"No, i woke up like 10 minutes ago" Ellin alerted. Ellin was on the edge of her bed, a mirror in one hand as she struggled to do her make up. 

"I actually didn't come in here to see how far off you are from being ready" Gummi said. "Did you come here so you wouldn't have to help them get things ready in the kitchen?" Ellin asked, making Gummi laugh "No! Although i would totally do that, but all they have to do it take out a cake from a fridge and a few plates so..." 

"Then why? I mean i don't really need a reason for you to barge into my room but what are you holding back Gummi?" Ellin asked as she began to put on her eyeliner. 

"Something happened this past weekend, didn't it?" Gummi began. 

Ellin sighed "No, nothing happened... nothing i need to speak of right now at least..." Ellin said. 

"You read his journal, didn't you?" Gummi said, deciding to get get straight to the point. 

Ellin stopped what she was doing and turned to look at Gummi, "You just couldn't wait until after this...party...cake gathering... thingy" Ellin said, shaking her head at her shameless friend. 

"You know i have no patience when it comes to drama like this" Gummi chuckled. "So...? Did you?" Gummi poked. 

Ellin let out a sigh of defeat "I did... i read that damn Journal. I just couldn't resist..." Ellin confessed. 

"And...?"

"And that's all you're getting out of me for now! We're already late and i haven't even put on my eyeliner so we will discuss this later!" Ellin said. "Ugh, fine! I'll meet you in the kitchen" Gummi pouted. 

Ellin cautiously stepped out of her room, half of her body in her dorm and the other half clinging outside. She looked around and made sure Jinyoung was no where in site. She wanted to talk to Jinyoung, she wanted to talk to him more than she had ever wanted to before, but right now she knew she needed to cool off and gather her thoughts together before she did. If she ran into him now, she may just break down on the spot. 

Once Ellin had safely made it to the kitchen she let out a big sigh of relief. "Yay, you're finally here!" Soyul said, "Sorry for being late... you know how i like my winged liner" Ellin apologized. 

"It's okay, we just got everything out now anyways" Minsun reassured. 

Ellin was surprised to see all the boys there. even Sandeul came but it was clear Baro dragged him by the look on his face. She felt a little sad when she thought about how Jinyoung was probably sitting alone in his dorm, well aware of what was going on. He must feel so left out she thought.

"Why do you look so sad?" Choa asked with a pout, "Huh- I'm not, i just feel bad that you guys actually went through all this trouble for a dumb birthday like mine..." Ellin lied. 

"Liar" Gummi said under her breath, nudging Ellin. Ellin pinched her, "i'll kill you Gummi" Ellin nudged back.

"Okay, can we get the candles going so we can finally eat this damn thing!" Minsun said. "For heavens sake, get the candles lit! The queen of cake demands it!" Gongchan joked. 

"you want us to get into our first fight as a couple? huh?!" Minsun shot back at him. "Ha, first fight as a couple? you two were a couple since last year and have foguht about 8 times since" Gummi commented. "Why am i friends with you rats" Minsun sighed.

"Did she just call her friends... rats?" Sandeul asked Baro, shocked. "Yeah, it's how they express their love" Baro explained. "Damn... i'm getting too use to this" Baro said, shaking his head at himself. 

Once the candles were lit, everyone began singing Happy Brithday to Ellin. Ellin begged and pleaded that they not sing it but of course her wish was not granted. Ellin stood in front of her lit cake, awkwardly clapping and smiling as she hear the embarrassing song. She began giggling at everyone's cheerful expression, even Sandeul looked excited. The power of  cake Ellin thought.

In the midst of all of this, Ellin was suddenly distracted by something she sensed from the corner of her eye. She turned her head and her heart sunk, Jinyoung was standing outside the doorway, staring at her with that broken expression on his face he had every time they faced each other. 

It's been 84 years.... i know. On a serious note its been like almost 3 years since i started this fic and it's still not done... I have wronged you all but im going to try to get this fic completed by the end of the year. I can't believe even B1A4 cameback before i uploaded this chapter. I know it's a short update but i'll try to update again really soon.