♡ jasmine96 // From: H
❝Pink Paris Review Shop❞ (CLOSED)♥ Pink Paris Review Shop ♥
From: H by jasmine96
Main Characters: Luhan, Jessica, Sehun
Genre/s: Romance, Fluff
Status: Complete
Reviewer: oshi
The Review:
1. Punctuation, Spelling and Grammar (10/20)
- Now I hate giving out scores like these, but this whole section is just messy with its tenses to straight out incomplete sentences. I reworded the first two sections in your story (the bold lettering are my corrections):
Jessica took out the important things from her locker. She closed it as a long sigh escaped her lips. Today is a big day for her. Today, she will confess to her crush. Her sister had cheered her this morning. Even though sometimes Krystal was so annoying, her cheers had made her gain courage to finally confess. Smiling, she walked to her class. First subject is music, she would meet her crush there. Entering the class sweetly, Jessica took her usual seat in the middle. Placing her singing book on the table, she hung her bag at the side of table.
“You look good today Sic, something happened?” one of her friend asked. Jessica shook her head, telling more of the truth than the lie.
“Nothing,” she replied. Yoona eyed her suspiciously and shrugged it off, giving up.
“I’ll go to my seat,” nodding as a reply, Yoona left her alone. Jessica drew a deep breath and wrote something in her book.
1st- Confess
2nd- Date
3rd- Hold hands
4th -
Jessica stopped as a guy with dark-brown hair appeared. He walked coolly to his seat with a ball on his hands as he laughed along with someone beside him. Jessica bowed her head immediately as the dark-brown-haired boy became aware of her stare. Nervously gulping, she tried to take a peek through her book that she used to cover her crimson face. The dark-brown-haired boy didn’t pay attention at her anymore. She let out a relieved sigh, she decided to use her residual time before the class to stare at him.
“Hello kids.” their teacher greeted as she entered the classroom. Jessica cleared and organized (?) her things as a pair of eyes glanced at her with smile.
Jessica walked to her locker to take her gift. She used a candle to make it last night; she made a little football for a bag hanger. Unlocking her locker, she found herself surprised with the greeting of a little paper heart. She never received something like that. Curious with it, she took it slowly and read it only to find a little note that was for her.
To : Jessica Jung
I never know you’ll confess to him this soon. I’m slightly hurt by the news, but I can’t do anything. Sigh...
Hope you’ll success my lady.
From : H
“Who is this?” Jessica turned around and looked for anyone who could have sent the little heart. As she found nothing, she turned back to her locker on
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