♡ dyodyopie // Broken Guitar String
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Broken Guitar String by dyodyopie
Main Characters: Chanyeol Baekhyun, Jongin, Kyungsoo
Genre/s: Romance, Tragedy
Status: Complete
Reviewer: jaebal
The Review:
1. Punctuation, Spelling and Grammar (15/20)
- All in all, this section seems to be fairly above average. I thought that the way that you inserted the small musical sentences/paragraphs was wonderful.
The grammar and punctuation in your story is quite rough. It is a common mistake here between authors that you tend to switch tenses every now and then, and it does make me quite confused; is the story in the past or in the present? As well as that, some words that are supposed to be singular turned into plural and the other way around.
2. Title (3.5/5)
- "Broken Guitar String", it's so direct and yet deep. My brother used to play the guitar before and frankly, I have heard how terrible it sounds when one string is broken. But the tiny error is that I don't find it to be relevant at all if you haven't put the musical sections in. I think that it would relate to the story more if Baekhyun was an actual singer and Chanyeol was a guitarist or a composer. I found the 'bed of roses' to be more fitting because as you said in your story; the bed of roses represent their love.
3. Organization (6/10)
- The pace of the story was quite fast; from their school days, to the proposal, to moving in, and then the new neighbors came. It's quite frustrating, the plot development seemed to be rushed; it needs some air.
4. Details (5/10)
- As I have said in the earlier section, I really find the development too rushed at that also leads to lack of details. It seemed as if Jongin and Kyungsoo came out of nowhere just to ruin Baekhyun and Chanyeol's relationship. And if anything, how did Baekhyun die from a piece of broken glass? Unless the glass is really thick and from a large frame then it wouldn't be enough to pierce into Baekhyun's heart and kill him just like that.
I also want to add that if there's anything that irks the most about this story is the insertion of POVs. Try to stick to one so that you don't have to write any of that, but personally I find the third-person narrative more comfortable.
5. Creativity and Response (6/10)
- The
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