‘Jae!’ I continued walking down the hall ignoring Kris yelling after me. Well not ignoring per se, I just had a bad feeling that I wouldn’t like to hear whatever he was determined to talk about. ‘Jae!’ I ducked out of the school and immediately started looking for Mina or L. I love Kris, a whole ton, but he had been adopted into my family and took the surrogate big brother far, far too seriously. Well not too much compared to my actual brothers but still an extraordinary amount. I immediately hid behind a bush and breathed out a sigh of relief as I watched him walk by with a frown plastered on his face.

 There was some part of me that questioned whether hiding behind a bush was pathetic, but really I’m non-confrontational to a fault, a classic libra as Sooyun would say, but really I still didn’t care much for such things. Once I was sure he had walked off I stepped out from behind the bush and brushed my clothes off. I could almost feel the choking itch of my collar as I tugged the tie loose then ed the first two buttons.

 ‘Freedom,’ I breathed out as I rubbed my warm palm against my throat to soothe the ache that plagued me every day I went to school. Taking off my coat I folded it neatly and put it into my bag the pulled out my grey cardigan, putting it on then slung my backpack onto my shoulder. The last move in my routine was untucking my bright pink tank top and letting it seperate my white dress shirt and plaid skirt. For some reason kids at the school seemed to think that I was too cool for school because I suffocated in my clothes. I still wasn’t used to wearing dress shirts everyday. I still ed it as soon as the bell went (usually right in class as soon as the teacher finished talking) and I still smiled at the teachers and walked away silently when they told me to button my shirt back up. It’s not like I was one of the girl’s who loosened it so their cleave was visible, I just ed the first two, there is nothing unseemly about it.

 Sighing I shook my head and walked towards the gate with my hands stuffed in my sweater pockets. Sometimes it felt like people just purposefully spoke against me, it had faded away after the first while that I had come here, after people got to used to me. But I had a feeling it would start up again, I had started feeling strange since the boys became part of EXO and Chanyeol had started hanging out around me. Not because he’s making me strange, because that would mean that he was evoking emotions inside of me, but it felt like people were watching me again.

 ‘Jaehwa!’ I looked up from the ground and stared blankly ahead of me until my vision vision focused and I saw Mina waving at me.

 ‘Ah, Mina-shii,’ I smiled at her and walked towards her.

 ‘Yah! Jae!’ I froze and glanced behind me to see Kris at the exit of the school, 46 steps, he can’t go that fast down them. I charged towards to the gate of the school, feeling my heart pound as adrenaline ran through me. Whenever people are chasing me I always have this illogical fear that they are trying to harm me, and well that sadly extended to Kris. I knew he never would but my instincts told me to run, run as fast as I could, and I did. I watched as Mina frowned looking confused then Myungsoo rolled his eyes and started walking away.

 ‘Oppa! Where are you going?’ Mina frowned at him.

 ‘Come on Mina!’ Sungyeol grabbed her arm with a grin and started running just as I caught up to them. ‘Race you!’ I scoffed lightly as I fell in step just behind him so I would know where I was going. Already Sungyeol seemed like a free spirit, someone who enjoyed pranks, laughing, and running away from random people.

 ‘What did you do?’ Myungsoo sighed in annoyance as he ran at the same speed as me.

 ‘I don’t know, he said he wanted to talk.’ Immediately Myungsoo stopped running causing me to stop, and in turn the other two.

 ‘You’re running because he wanted to talk?’

 ‘Well…...yes?’ I frowned and rubbed the back of my head, now that he said it I really did feel kind of pathetic.

 ‘What kind of talk?’ Mina fixed her collar that had gone askew from the running.

 ‘I don’t….know, I think it has to do with Chanyeol.’

 ‘The EXO guy that was hanging on you?’ Sungyeol scrunched up his nose as he made a confused face.

 ‘Yeah.’

 ‘Is it about you two dating?’ Mina questioned and I coughed in surprise.

 ‘Dating? What? No! Where did you even hear that?’

 ‘Everyone think’s you two are dating, I mean everyone thinks you two were dating before the trip and just decided to come out as a couple during it. Plus a girl was saying she saw you two on a date.’

 ‘Oh…..’ My eyebrows furrowed as I thought through that strange theory. ‘Well the main issue is that I have no feelings like that towards him.’

 ‘He clearly does,’ Myungsoo rolled his shoulders suddenly to adjust his coat. This whole situation just rang impossible for me. With every step I took towards their hangout the more unnatural it felt. How was it possible that I was currently walking with three nice people to meet up with five more, the chances that I would screw this up was astronomical. It was overwhelming for me to suddenly be acquainted with so many people, a large part of me questioned if it was possible to be emotionally involved with so many people. Additionally, I felt like it wasn’t where I wanted to be.

 ‘Well…..’ I pressed my lips together as I thought through my interactions with him. ‘I think he just has a strange sense of humour.’

 ‘What does that have to do with his humour?’ Mina frowned, her small doll like lips curved into an appealing frown.

 ‘Ahaha….’ I laughed awkwardly, scratching the top of my head as I thought through his multiple jokes about dating. ‘Nothing to worry about.’

 ‘We’re in here,’ L grasped the handle to a small door in an alleyway and pulled it open to reveal an open room filled with mirrors in the back of a restaurant we had passed. There were five guys sitting on the floor talking.

 ‘Yo, yo, yo!’ Sungyeol ran into the room waving his arms widely. Immediately one of the guys shot up and hugged onto Sungyeol tightly. ‘Hyung!’

 ‘Jaehwa, this is my group Infinite, the one hugging Sungyeol is Dongwoo, our rapper. The one with small eyes is Sunggyu,’ Myungsoo grinned as Sunggyu scowled at him.

 ‘My eyes are not that small!’

 ‘Eyebrows is called Hoya, he’s our main dancer,’ Hoya smiled and wiggled his thick eyebrows taking the joke in stride. ‘The cheesy guy is Woohyun, and the last is the youngest, Sungjong.’

 ‘Just saying cheesy guy isn’t much….’ I trailed off as Mina started laughing.

 ‘Just wait,’ she dropped on the ground then patted the ground next to her. ‘They always start right away, they’ll greet you properly after.’

 ‘Bye,’ I waved my hand in farewell and watched as Woohyun and Myungsoo drove away. It had been fun watching them practice, I really enjoyed it. They were passionate in what they did and it really showed. Of course I would have loved to see EXO practice but that never happened. I could only hope that would change.

 ‘There you are!’ Sooyun opened the door and waved me in, glancing down the road as she did.

 ‘Here I am, what’s up?’ I shut the door behind me and grinned at her as I tried to restrain a yawn. What had started as a practice session for Infinite ended up with them attempting to teach me their first dance. That was a stupid idea, I forgot the moves almost as soon as I learnt them, it was actually rather pathetic.

 ‘What happened?’ She gently ran her hand on a cut that was on my cheek and I laughed and shrugged.

 ‘Somethings aren’t avoidable,’ when we were walking out for a snack Woohyun had gotten over excited, one thing happened, then next thing we knew we had fallen over and I accidentally scraped my cheek on the pavement. But, really, this is normal for me and there is really nothing abnormal about this.

 ‘I swear we need to lock you in your room to keep you safe,’ she scolded jokingly before glancing in the living room. ‘I’d sneak to the washroom and get that cleaned up, a group of us are in the living room.’

 ‘Ah,’ I made a small grunt of affirmation as I made my way to the washroom. I looked in the mirror and grinned, it looked pretty cool. It almost seemed like I got in a skirmish, I hummed and splashed water on my cheek washing it off. I wiped polysporin on my cheek and smiled into the mirror. It wasn’t too noticeable anymore, and I wasn’t about to put a bandaid on it, they never stay on anyways.

 ‘Meimei,’ Tao chimed as he walked into the washroom.

 ‘Gege,’ I mimicked before grinning at him. ‘Look, cool right?’

 ‘What did you do?’ He snickered and folded his fingers behind his head, supporting his neck. ‘Did you hurt yourself again?’

 ‘Basically,’ I lightly hit his stomach before walking by him, making my way towards the living room.

 ‘Jae, there you are,’ Kris walked up the hall as I was walking down it. I opened my mouth to speak then went silent and nodded meekly.

 ‘Alright, alright, I’m going,’ my shoulders slumped as I turned around and started walking to my room.

 ‘Is everyone down there?’ I tried to look over Kris’ shoulder but he shut the door behind him instead.

 ‘Nope,’ he waved towards my bed then dropped down onto the chair by my desk. ‘Please, sit.’

 ‘Alright,’ I sat down, lying my back against the wall, smiling nervously.

 ‘You know why this meeting is being held, right?’ Kris’ lips were pulled into the same charming smirk that had enchanted the fangirls of the school.

 ‘Not really,’ I avoided his gaze knowing exactly what it was about.  

 ‘This is about your infatuation with Chanyeol,’ Kris’ eyes locked with mine as I puffed my cheeks out resisting the urge to grimace.

 ‘What infatuation,’ my voice was flat, void of emotion as I tore my gaze from him, looking up at the ceiling instead.

 ‘Jae, I know you. You were like this with Matt too.’ Kris sighed and ran his hand through his hair. ‘I’m not going to tell you what to do, whether you should pursue it or not, I just want to make sure you’re okay.’ We both fell silent, the silence wasn’t overbearing it was comfortable. He was thinking of what to say and I was waiting to listen. ‘When you were with Matt, it didn’t last. Everyone was pushing you too together so the emotions weren’t real. I just want to be sure that if you’re going to think about it then you’ll really consider your feelings.’

 ‘I know,’ I sighed heavily and looked at my fingers as I played with them. ‘It’s just hard, how do you really know when you like someone?’

 ‘I don’t know,’ Kris looked just as lost as me as he dropped down onto the bed beside me. His eyes were dark and bitter as he stared down at the pink patchwork blanket my grandmother had made me. ‘I wish I could help,’ he jostled the bed as he pressed himself against the wall.

 ‘Me too,’ I laid my head against his shoulder sighing. ‘He’s been trying to help you know. He’s come up with all these exercises he thinks will help.’

 ‘Are they?’ Kris picked up my body pillow and laid it across our laps, knowing how I liked having pillows on my lap.

 ‘I don’t know,’ I went silent and hugged the pillow to me that was a blatant lie. I knew exactly how well they were working, after a pause I spoke up again, ‘yes. But I knew they would, as soon as he starts the exercises I recognize them. I just never did them, I never put forth the effort to try.’

 ‘What does it feel like,’ I smiled and lifted my cheek off his shoulder.

 ‘Liking someone?’ He nodded slowly.

 ‘I don’t really know either, my mother always said that you enjoy being with the person. It feels nice, you smile just by seeing them. When you walk in a room they are the first person you look for, they make you feel at ease. You feel comfortable with them, and you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone with them.’ I went silent and traced the lines that were imbedded in my pillow case.

 ‘I don’t like anyone.’ Kris spoke slowly, as if the idea of him liking someone was strange in itself, that he shouldn’t have to say that.

 ‘Do you think I like him?’

 ‘I know he likes you.’

 ‘Everyone says that.’

 ‘Then everyone’s right,’ he tapped the pillow reminding me of Chanyeol’s habit of tapping anything within reach. ‘Do you think either of us can love properly?’

 ‘Maybe,’ I scrunched up my nose as I considered what he said. Neither of us had good role models for fathers. We were both worried that we would turn out like them, but I never told Kris that I was more scared that I would be submissive. That instead I would marry someone who would abuse me and I would allow them to. ‘I vowed to myself that before I get married I would get couples therapy.’

 ‘That’s a good idea, honestly do you like him?’

 ‘I think I might,’ I blinked then pulled out m