I helped them set up the tent, brushing my hair out of my eyes I shuffled awkwardly. As always Chanyeol noticed my discomfort, frowning in concern he watched me. ‘Are you okay?’ I bit my inner cheek and grimaced. The tent was rather large, it had enough space for all of us on the inside, it had two openings on either side. The main entrance had it’s own cover over it, and also had a tarp under it incase it rained, the other entrance on the opposite side was just a basic zip up with a very small roof coming off the top.

 ‘I just, don’t feel comfortable sleeping in the same tent as a bunch of guys,’ I whispered, looking at the ground. I had been taught by my mum to not do that kind of thing, it didn’t matter who it was (well unless it was one of my brothers) but I should never sleep in the same room as a guy or guys.

 ‘You can sleep in the entrance then,’ he waved to the covered entrance and stepped into the tent, zipping the exit closed, keeping me out. I faltered and sat down on the tarp surprised by his sudden actions. Biting my lip I slowly got my sleeping bag and pillow out, was he telling me to stay away? I felt my eyes burning at my emotional response to his actions, he still hadn’t ped it. Did I do something wrong? I slowly ped the zipper and sat on the outside still, hugging the pillow to my chest I looked inside. Chanyeol was talking and laughing with Tao.

  ‘I bought candy,’ Tao grinned and pulled out three bags, each of them had an assortment of delicious candy and a large caramel cookie.

 ‘Cool,’ without a glance at me Tao handed the bag to Chanyeol who readily accepted it. ‘What are we going to do with the third bag?’

 ‘Let’s split it,’ Tao shrugged and started to divide the candy between them acting like I wasn’t even there at all. I could feel my shoulders hunching in more and more as I watched them ignore me, talking and laughing amongst themselves. I watched as Baekhyun came in the tent from the other side, busying himself with getting his bed ready, was he ignoring me too? What could I possibly have done wrong?

 There really was no point in me being here, I watched as Chanyeol pulled out a book and opened it, listening to Tao as he talked to him he started multitasking. I wanted to read too, but, I looked at Chanyeol, my messenger was on his other side it held all of my entertainment things, my book, notebook, pencil, eraser, headphones, charger, it held everything that could help me right now. I gulped trying to force down the nausea that was flooding my throat, making me feel like I was going to get sick.

 ‘When are you going to sleep?’ Chanyeol casually brushed his hair out of his eyes, I opened my mouth ready to answer, looking at him I bit my tongue, he was looking at Tao, he still was  ignoring me.

 ‘I’m staying up late,’ Tao grinned at Chanyeol, not noticing my discomfort.

 ‘Talking?’ Chanyeol smiled as Tao started laughing, nodding his agreement to Chanyeol’s statement. Dropping my pillow I got up and walked out of the entrance of the tent, walking around the tent I walked into the back entrance and smiled at Baekhyun who immediately looked up and smiled at me, acknowledging my presence.

 ‘Jaehwa,’ he patted the free space beside him, signalling for me to sit down, smiling back at him I sat down. ‘How are you doing?’

 ‘Good, actually, I have a request for you,’ I looked down at the tent floor, feeling my nervous anxiety build up.

 ‘Sure, what is it?’

 ‘Could you possibly, get my book for me?’ I pointed to my bag then looked at him, I expected him to suddenly go cold like Chanyeol and Tao had, but he only nodded, his smile was still was welcoming as before.

 ‘Sure,’ I watched him walk across the tent before digging into my bag, pulling out a thick blue book. ‘This?’ He waved it about as Chanyeol glanced at him, before looking back at Tao, not saying anything.

 ‘Exactly!’ Hearing my affirmation he walked back over and dropped down beside me then handed me the book.

 ‘There you go,’ I smiled at him as I lightly rubbed my hand against the book.

 ‘Thanks.’

 ‘No problem, hey!’ I watched his eyes light up as Sooyun walked into the tent sitting down beside him.

 ‘Hi,’ she smiled back at him, entwining their fingers together she blushed and looked away from him giggling as he laughed, his admiration for his girlfriend was making his smile larger than it was before. Should I really have said that? I mean Sooyun was okay with sleeping in the tent with the guys, should I be too? Without warning Chanyeol grabbed my arm and pulled me up and out of the tent.

 ‘What are you doing?’ I frowned at him as he dragged me into the enclosed entrance of the tent.

 ‘What are you doing?’ He shot back, ‘you were in the tent.’

 ‘So? I said I wasn’t sure I was okay with sleeping in the same place, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hang out with everyone.’ I watched as he yanked my pillow out of the actual tent area before forcefully pulling the zipper down.

‘You can’t just enter the tent,’ he glared at me, sighing in annoyance before exiting the tent, zipping closed the outer entrance of the tent, leaving me zipped in the outer area. I could hear him walking towards the other entrance of the tent.

 ‘You know what! Fine!’ I could see his silhouette outside stop as I spoke, my tears creating shining tracks down my cheeks. ‘Keep me out! Who cares! It’s good to know you leave me out of your life as soon as I set up any boundaries. I’ll be sure not to make the mistake of trusting you again!’ I yelled at him, I watched as his shadow slowly moved towards the other entrance, not halting. I sniffed and covered my mouth as I tried to keep myself quiet, what had I done to deserve this? I just said I wasn’t comfortable and now I was an outcast? Was I really that much of a handful?

 I jolted up, clutching my stomach, my dream was enough to make me sick. I slowly dropped my feet onto the ground and looked at the clock, it was four, there was still a long while until school. I slowly touched my cheek and removed my hand, staring in shock at the damp tears. ‘This should not be that heart breaking,’ I grabbed my uniform and pulled it on before walking to the kitchen lethargically.

 I practically smacked the kettle on, while I waited for the water to be ready I pulled out a mug and a tea bag, dropping it into the mug I leaned against the wall, closing my eyes. ‘There’s no reason for me to care if we don’t get along,’ as soon as I heard the kettle click I poured the water into my mug and picked it up, sighing as I felt the warmth radiate through the ceramic. ‘I’m too young for this,’ dropping onto the loveseat I curled up on it, the soothing scent of oolong tea was already helping me relax.

 ‘Okay, what do I feel for him?’ I pulled out the blank paper and pen I was allowed to keep in the drawer and uncapped the pen, tapping my cheek. I ignored the urging voice in my head, telling me exactly what I felt, instead I shook my head, ‘too hard. What about what do I like about him?’ I chewed on my cheek and tapped the paper, ‘I don’t know, he had a nice smile?’ I wrote the first thing on the list in english, my paranoia growing that someone might read it. ‘Why?’ I scratched a line from the word, making a web, ‘it’s sweet, cute, quirky, happy, and,’ I could feel my mouth pulling into a smile as I recalled his adorable lopsided grin, ‘attractive.’

 ‘Screw that, who cares about his smile,’ I huffed and scratched it out before tapping the paper again. ‘He has lovely eyes,’ I wrote out eyes, ‘why?’ I scratched another line, trying to make another web. ‘Expressive, annoyingly understanding, beautiful, nope.’ The rough sound of scratching filled the room, as long as the strong scent of ink. ‘That doesn’t help, humour,’ I started a new grouping of facts. ‘It’s funny, awkward, caring,’ I bit my lip as I laughed softly, ‘aware, he knows when it’s the right moment to listen and when to break the slump with jokes. Which means he is also mature.’ I wrote the word in caps.   

 ‘Creative, clever, cute, sweet, caring, overbearing,’ I froze and stared at the word in disbelief. ‘How is overbearing an attractive trait?’ I ruffled my hair and groaned, ‘stubborn, how are these attractive! No, they are not attractive,’ I dropped my pen on the paper and stared at my cooling tea. ‘I’m so screwed,’ I rubbed my eyes and lazily grasped my mug, drinking the cooled tea. ‘Stop denying it Jaida, you have a crush on a random boy that you’ve only know for a couple of months.’ I downed the rest of the tea, wincing at it’s bitter aftertaste.

 Standing up I went to the kitchen and washed my cup before grabbin