‘Of course you would pick this one,’ I looked at Jaehwa’s notebook and smiled at the little animals on the cover. It seemed like something she would have, cute but not too fancy or busy looking. ‘How far out did you go?’ the soft cover I flipped it open and laughed seeing the page covered with a list of things that made her angry.

Lots of things make me angry (too much really) this list is exhausting maybe I should read it over with tea? Or lemon honey water, tastes good, careful not to add too much lemon though, it was too sour last time….

‘That’s a really long title.’ Just like with how much she rambles and goes off in thought, her reflection style mimicked that.

-When people…..okay no that’s just gross, but fingernails on the counter, so disgusting

I could almost picture her wrinkling her nose and mock gagging.

-When people don’t tell me what I want to know for no reason

-Closemindedness

-Unacceptance

-When dad tells me what I’m feeling or what I think, that’s not how I feel, why do you never listen to me? Why do you still try to make a into a five-year old addicted to cuddling? I’m not, in fact I’m not into skinship, unless I am, but I’m usually not

-Infinity…? Maybe that’s just severe pain….

-My eldest brother…...is it bad my reflex when I think about him is a mix of absolute anger, guilt and love? Least it’s not contempt….well maybe a bit of superiority, I don’t know, I really have to learn how to let go of grudges

-my habit of compulsory excuses/lying

Things that annoy me…..

-Navi from OOT

-When people think I have a huge ego, I really don’t it’s my joking style, not my fault I was raised by boys

-When…...when I look at the long list of things that anger me, and knowing that my list of annoyances will be just as long

-not sure what else….. Oh! When I realise how many reasons I have, I always have an excuse or explanation for everything

Shaking my head I smiled and flipped the page. ‘I thought you said it would be long?’

-People who are too happy…..that sounds terrible doesn’t it? How do I make that sound nicer….people who make me jealous of their sanguinity? Jealousy isn’t much better……

-When people tell me to ‘calm down’ or speak patronisingly to me

-When I’m incapable

-When I feel like/get called an idiot

Things that make me SAD

-Seeing people/friends/family upset/yelling/angry/hurt/sad

-My relationship with my eldest brother

-How depressing I can be

-Really quite a lot I just can’t think of it

 I frowned as I saw that the list ended there, I noticed an indent on the page, showing she had written on the back of it so I flipped it and saw she had written me a paragraph. But, she didn’t know I was going to take her notebook…. I laughed as I saw how long the paragraph was, it was almost a whole page, she must have started ranting about something.

 Chanyeol-shii, I want to say sorry, why? Well I’m most likely already on the plane, see I’m going home for the weekend, I wanted to tell you but I got anxious and kind of…..well didn’t. That’s why I’m writing it down now. Gege was going on about how people hate things like this, do they really? I always wonder and I just, I don’t. I find it so curious…..I suppose when I’m on the receiving end I hate it but I do it myself. I know this is just another excuse but I have a fear of goodbyes (among many other things), I’ve moved a lot as a kid. Not as much as some but I’ve moved four times, I’ve gotten used to the truth of goodbyes. When you say goodbye, there is always a ‘I’ll miss you’ you promise to keep in contact, but eventually you drift away until all that’s left is another facebook contact… I know going on a trip is different from moving but to me it feels the same.

 Whenever I leave people I fear our relationship will have changed before I come back. When I visit my best friends even, before I see them I fear we will be uncomfortable and not