Ring Ring Ring.

God.  Telephone.

“Hello?” I said in a disgusting groggy voice.
“You’re still sleeping?  Get up.  We were supposed to go to the amusement park remember?” He said.
“No…I don’t remember.  I’m going back to sleep. Bye.” I said with my still groggy voice and hung up.

Then I fell back asleep, but then the doorbell rang.

“Who’s that?” I said angrily and walked over to the door.
“Who is it?” I asked
“Open the door.”  The person said.
“Who is it?”
“Just open it now.”

Wow.  This person was commanding.

I just opened it because I figured it was someone I knew.  Nothing bad was going to happen.
And it was someone who I know.
But it wasn’t someone who I was suspecting.
“Jiyong-oppa?” I said.
“I called you.  And you hung up on me.”
“What are you talking about?  I didn’t hang up on you.  I was sleeping.  And the only person that called me was some guy that said we were to go to some amusement park or something.”
“Yeah.  That was me.”

.
Amusement park.
Yesterday.
Today.

God.

Why do I always do this to myself?  I need to see a counselor or something.  I have this disorder where you start saying things that you shouldn’t say.  Especially when you are trying to limit your time-sharing with a certain some one. ing Turrets Syndrome.

“Sorry.  I think there was a misunderstanding…I didn’t think that you would really go to the park with me….so I guess I just said that yesterday without meaning it.”
“And?”
“And….I don’t think I’m going to the amusement park.”
He looked at me annoyed.
“Sorry.”
He looked at me for a bit, and then he just shut me off.  He then proceeded to go into my apartment and to my room.
“Oppa…what are you doing?” I followed behind him.
“Maybe a couple look would be nice?”  He stood in front of my closet and opened it.
“You have a walk in closet?”
“Yes.”

 A walk-in closet is a necessity.
He walked in and started to scan all of the clothes.  I started to feel a little anxious and embarrassed because I haven’t really organized them recently from vacation.  There were some clothes on the floor.
“You have some interesting pieces in here.” He said.
“Oh…uh…thanks.”
“But I want you to match me.  Since I am wearing a green and black jacket with black skinny’s…I want you to wear…”
“A green and black jacket with black skinny’s?” I finished his sentence.
“No.  I want you to wear ….” He trailed off and started to scan around the closet some more.
“This.” He finished, holding up an oversized sweater that had the same green and black and a bunch of other colors all chaotically splashed together.  It was one of my favorite sweaters of all time.  I was surprised he picked that.
“Don’t you want me to be wearing something girly like a skirt?” I asked.
“No.  We are going to an amusement park with crazy roller coasters.  Why would any girl in their right mind wear a skirt?” he asked.
“To impress the boy.” I said.
“Do you want to impress me?” He asked.
“No.” I blushed.  Maybe a little.
“Then wear the sweater.  I would borrow this sweater myself, but I think you would look better in it.”
He hands me the sweater.
“I don’t know if this would be a good idea.”
“The sweater?  Of course it is.  It’s pretty chilly outside. It’s fall. We have four distinct seasons in Korea.”
“No.  Us going to the amusement park.”
“…It would be fine.”  But I could tell he was kind of afraid too.  If we get caught….I don’t even know how bad it would be.
“Jiyong-oppa…let’s just not go.  It’s not safe.”
“No.  We are going.”  He left this time without pulling me alongside of him.
But I followed this time.
I felt like going all of a sudden.
“Put your clothes on and we will leave.”  He plopped himself on the couch and waited for me.
I looked at him for a bit, pulling an annoyed face and all he did was give me a what sign.
I just sighed with my head shaking from side to side and went to my room to change.
I put on the sweater and some distressed and frayed black skinny jeans and went out.
“Perfect.  Now we look like a couple.” I felt a little uncomfortable him saying that, but I wasn’t going to make him know.
“Ew. Gross.” I said.

He smiled and then said “Let’s go.”

While he was driving to the amusement park, I asked him if he thought this would be a good idea.  He was a VERY popular celebrity and we were going to one of the most densely populated locations in Korea.  He was going to get .
“I told you.  I go there secretly all the time.  Besides…it’s a weekday today.  Not that many people would be there and I have an idea.”
“What is your idea?  People are going to attack you at the amusement park and we would need to call security.  Did you even tell Hyungman oppa that we’re going to the amusement park?” I asked a little worried.
“He knows that if I’m gone, I go there.  He’ll probably call me soon and start yelling at me.”
“And yet you still do it?”
“It’s one of my ways to feel what freedom is like.” He said.
Then I looked at him because I felt a sting of sympathy for him.  He was still a young vibrant man, yet he wasn’t able to do things that “normal” people can do.  He was always under watch from others and he had to be a role model wherever he was.
“Stop looking at me that way.” He was looking at me from the corner of his eye.
“I wasn’t looking at you.  What are you talking about?” I defended.
“Do you always have to lie?” He said seriously.
I looked at him a little shocked.
I choked out a “Fine.”
“So…why were you looking at me that way?” He asked.
I looked out the window. “Because…I just wished that you can do foolish things like average people.”
I started to doodle on the window.
I could feel his intense gaze on me.
I continued to speak, “you know like…go to coffee shops and get coffee, go watch the movies and watch it to the end, walk on the busy streets of Seoul and not get attacked, roll down your windows from your car and blast loud music, share a meal with someone because you don’t have any money, get absolutely wasted.  You know…simple things like that.”
I gave him a glance.  He had his eyes on the road.
“Sorry.  I just thought that it was a shame you would never be able to do those things.”
HE then started to laugh.
Sometimes….his mood swings scare me.
He wiped a tear from all the laughing.
He glanced over and smiled.
“I’m glad that you care for me so much.  The attention does get a little irritating at times, and me being a guy that needs his privacy, I do get frustrated.  But if I want to stay with a life like this, then I have to deal with it.”
I was a little frustrated with this answer.
“Can’t you announce to the people that you don’t want them bombarding you? I mean in America, some artists are recognized as true artists, but they are not attacked by their fans.”
He just shrugged.  I guess he was done talking about this.
I was too.  There was no point arguing about it when I couldn’t do much about it myself.
----
“The amusement park!” I shouted.
We parked and got out and started to head for the park, but then Jiyong stopped me.
“What’s up?” I said.
“Put this on.”
He handed an animal mask that covered my entire head.
“We’re going to be an animal for the day?” I mumbled behind the thick heavy mask.
“Normally I wear a mask and a hoodie, but I thought this would be more fun.  We are like a part of the workers here.
“Except we don’t get the money the workers are getting.”
“Come on. It won’t be that bad.” He said.
“I’m a freaking pig.” I yelled.
“What? I’m one too.” He said and I saw that he had his pig mask on too.

So this mask is like a helmet in a sense….you know…those head masks that is an animal?  It covers your entire face, but you still could see the outside.  It’s just that no one can see you.

“Don’t we have to get the tickets first?”
“No one does that anymore.  I bought it online already.”
“Wow.  You’re prepared.”
“Of course.”

---

So basically…you guys know how this ended.
It was me and him.  Having a blast at the amusement park.
NOT!
Actually…right after we put on the animal masks, we were bombarded with fans.
I really don’t know how and why the fans know about this…but yeah.  We were there for about 10 good seconds.
And I was personally getting excited.  I mean it was the amusement park, and it reminded me of the day back when I went to the amusement park with him in America.
But the fans came over and I didn’t know what to do.  They pushed me away from him and he was surrounded by fans trying to take off his mask.
I felt so sorry for him.  In fact, I wasn’t even angry with this because I knew it was going to happen, but he insisted that it wouldn’t.
I called for Hyungman and he came immediately.
After I called the manager, I did something I wouldn’t have done 3 years ago.
I stomped over, pushed the crowd, yelled and cussed at them for hurting Jiyong, grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the huge mosh pit.
We ran and ran until we finally say Hyungman’s car and hopped in before the fans caught up on us.

“Piece of .” I said as I looked out the window.
Goodbye Amusement Park.
He didn’t say anything and we were just breathing heavily.
Hyungman wanted to yell….I could see…but he knew that we were both pretty angry at what just happened.
“I’m sorry.” I heard from him.
I looked over to Jiyong and he was looking out the window as well.  But his face bared a sad touch, and he seemed so lonely.
I turned around, facing him, and grabbed his hand.
He looked over…not even surprised, but just simply looked at me with sadness.
I gave his hand a squeeze.
“It’s okay.  We’ll go some other day.  Since you’re so rich, maybe you can rent it out at night or in the early morning?” I grinned.
He just looked down.
He was still upset.
He slipped his hand out from my hand.
He ruffled his hair and sighed.
“All this gets so ing tiring sometimes.  I’m supposed to be cooped up in the ing house and not go out? All because of those people.  All because of those people who can’t just be happy seeing me at a concert or on television.  I did this for my music.  I don’t need to be bombarded.”
“Hey…” I said softly.  I started to rub his arm.
His shoulders drooped down and he was just looking out the window again.
“They just love you too much.  They don’t know that what they are doing is hurting you.”
“The people that I care about are disappearing from me because of those people.”
He looked at me with an angry face.
“They are the ones that helped you be here and stay here.” I said softly.
He looked away and just leaned against the car seat.  He did his famous beanie-lowering move.  He pulled his beanie down to cover his eyes and he bit his lips.
Poor guy.

I looked over the Hyungman who was looking at us through the rear-view mirror.  I shrugged at him and he shrugged back.

Then.

I don’t know what came over me, but I moved out of my seat.
And hugged him.
I laid my body on top of his while he was leaning on the seat and hugged him as tight as I can.
He stiffened a bit, but he started to ease up a little.
And then.
Something else came over me.
I shifted my head a little so I could say something to him.
I whispered, “I won’t disappear.”
And then he returned the favor by hugging me tightly.

I started to loosen my embrace from him, but he wouldn’t let go.
Then when Hyungman coughed a little, Jiyong let go.
But then he had this smile on his face.
I sat back on my seat, a little rattled from what I just did and triumphant for making him feel better.
I looked over at him and saw that he was already looking at me.
He gave me such a warm smile.  The smile that I remember seeing 3 years ago.
And instead of looking away, I smiled back at him.