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          When will I ever stop crying? When will fate stop making me a toy? When will I stop hurting? When?

Naeun’s POV

I was holding a cup of coffee while looking out the window. I can’t think normally, I was so preoccupied. I was like solving a mystery by my own. I know they can help me if I just tell them, but I want to find it out myself, I want to be sure.

I feel someone stand beside me. I feel really scared on the restaurant, not for myself but for Minho’s father. Why is he not coming home yet? It’s been one year since he flew from Korea to here.

I look at Minho beside me, he looks so serious and handsome, as usual, “When did your father go here?” I ask so I can find some information’s if I was right about my creepy feeling.

“What’s with the sudden question?” he ask back. Why do people like to answer a question with a question too? Isn’t so irritating? I curse under my breath and sit on the couch.

I gave him a cold stare, “I-it’s January 8, 2013” he quickly answer. My eyes widen and I feel the sudden pang of fear cross my spine. He quickly sits beside me.

“Why? What’s the matter?” he pulls me closer to him and I feel warmth and relieve. It feels so safe in his arms…

I didn’t reply. I just kept silent. That’s Liana’s death anniversary, January 8. Now everything was clear, but there’s one thing I wanted to be sure of.

“We’re going to LS Hotel the day after tomorrow. Just give me some time to think of something” I put my head on his shoulders. Why can’t I just like Minho?

Someone clears and sit between us. She puts the tray of cookies and pineapple juice on the table. I frown at her.

“Are you feeling well now, Naeun?” Trish ask,

“I never feel fine! Why do you people always ask that stupid question?” she flinched and scowled.

“I know! I know!” she shouts and angrily bite her cookies.

“Do you really need to sit between us?” I need someone to hold on to right now. I need someone on my side… someone who will never leave my side.

“Of course, what if you develop feelings for Minho? You have a boyfriend!” she said out loud while eating her next cookies and smile afterwards.

“And where is my boyfriend? I sarcastically ask but the coldness was still there and stares deadly at her. She shouldn’t have opens that damn conversation.

“Maybe somewhere… around” the smile on her face never vanishes, and I hate her when she smiles.

“Stop smiling if you don’t want me to rip your mouth” I stare blankly in her eyes that made her shut up. What a ty threat! I should have said ‘I’ll kill you if you don’t shut up’, that’s way better.

“By the way, where’s Sulli?” Minho ask when he feels the tension between me and Trish.

“Taking a shower” she reply when her phone began ringing,

“I’ll just take it, excuse me”

“Yeah, you can even throw it” I roll my eyes when she just smiles at my harsh words. She really seems used to it.

I stand up but a hand stops me, “Where are you going?” he ask,

“I was going to follow her. Maybe its mom and she’ll make a not-so-believing story about what happen today. I’ll be right back” I slap his hands on my arms and walk out angrily off the room.

Why do I feel so angry? Ahrg!

How dare she talk about Taemin? How dare her open that topic? Why can’t she just shut up? Why am I so angry? Why can’t I just stop thinking of him? Why can’t my heart stop beating for that arrogant, self centered bastard? Why am I in this situation? Why do I so many ing problems?

WHY THE HELL IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!

“Argh!” I groan in frustration and kick a nearby trash can. Why is it always me against the world? I gave a sigh of frustration. I feel so weak…

Then I hear voices…

I walk slowly without a sound because I knew its Trish talking with someone on the phone.

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Trish’s POV

“Hello?”

“Hey, Taemin, sup?”

I was with Taemin on the phone. He ask me if I can come here in New York so I can guard Naeun even without him. Why can’t he just show up and say sorry? He was such a coward that he can’t tell Naeun about the bet. No, about the agreement, the deal or whatever, so he can tell Naeun that he really loves her. He’s here somewhere in New York, always eyeing Neun wherever she goes.

He’s a creepy stalker. Ha-ha! He’s afraid that if Naeun finds out everything, she will leave him, and he said he can never take that. So, that’s why when go back to Korea, he prepare a special dinner for the both of them, and that’s the time he’ll reveal the truth.

I wish it goes well. Naeun was a hard headed girl; she doesn’t understand those kinds of thing. She’ll just feel used and toyed… again.

“I’m fine, what happen today?”

“Taemin, you better show up”

“Why? Are there any boys who are roaming around her?” he sounds panic and angry.

“Yeah, that’s what I mean” I smile when I heard a loud crack or whatever it is on the phone. Ha-ha! I’m enjoying this!

“Where is she? Who’s with her? What is she doing right now? Is she okay?” he ask simultaneously I want to hit him in the head.

“Ha-ha! Don’t be so worried” I try to enlighten my voice,

“Phew! What’s happening there right now?”

“Oh, do you really want to know?” I ask playfully I heard his curses.

“Is she okay?”

“Of course!”

“Great, I really miss her… I hope I did come. Argh! I damn miss her. Why didn’t I just show up, right?”

“You’re so sweet” I said and smile.

“I know. I just can’t accept the fact that until now I can’t tell her the truth…”

*sobs*

I look at my back and saw someone run away. My eyebrows furrowed but I just shrug. Maybe I’m just hearing sounds.

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Naeun’s POV

“Taemin, you better show up” she said and I froze. Did she just say… Taemin? As in Lee Taemin?

No it can’t be. But I… but I heard it loud and clear. I feel my chest tightening. I can’t breathe…

“Yeah, that’s what I mean”
“Ha-ha! Don’t be so worried!”
“Oh, do you really want to know?”
“Of course”
“You’re so sweet”

I feel a range of different emotions in my chest. Pain, anger, betrayed and stupidity. I feel someone slap me with the words ‘Is that even surprising about a Casanova?’ I run away while tears flow my eyes. I can’t believe that he’s cheating behind my back, and of all people, he was with Trish!

Saying I was shock, surprise and hurt was an understatement.

My sobs grew louder as I was heading down the lobby. Everyone was looking at me, running and crying like a lost child, but screw them all! I feel so used, humiliated and broken right now!! How dare he used and made me one of his girl’s collections? After I trust him? After I… after I loved him?!

“Ahhh!” I was outside the hotel now, still running, still crying, still shouting… and still hurting.

So that’s why he didn’t come? That’s why when I asked him if he won’t leave me, he just stayed silent? That’s why he’s so preoccupied… that’s the reason.

And he chooses to hit on my cousin? That’s why he prefers to call her over me! I was sobbing more loudly, alone in the street, alone in the dark… crying again.

When will I ever stop crying? When will fate stop making me a toy? When will I stop hurting? When?

You’re such a jerk Lee Taemin! I ing hate you!

I was running without knowing where to go when I found myself in a bar. I open the elegant door, seeing everyone partying as If there’s no tomorrow. Kissing, making out, partying and fighting, that’s what happening inside. The smell stinks, but I don’t care.

“Hey babe, wanna go to heaven?” a guy said and slaps my .

I gave him my sharp glare. I bent my knees and hit him on ‘where-it-hurts-the-most’ “You can never go to heaven because I will send you to the pits of hell! you! How dare you ing touch me?! Don’t you know who you ing mess up with?! Huh?! Don’t you ever dare to ing touch me again man ! Stay the away from me!” I shouted and punch his ugly face, making him fall on the floor.

Everyone stops partying, watching us. I look at them and fear crosses their eyes when I pull out my air gun.

“No one shall disturb me! Stay away! All of you!” I yell at all of them and go at the bar counter.

The bartender looks scared, “Two bottles of margarita, please” Yeah, bottle. I want bottles, not glasses.

“But we only serve glass-” I point my fake gun on him and he quickly do as I say.

“No, change this to tequila” I smirk when he quickly follows my order.

[Central Park]

When I go out on the bar, that’s when I realized I just enters a lion den, many bad people where there, but I think I’m the bad- lion on that bar. That’s the first time I did such terrible things, I hate love! It’s making me crazy!

The central park was a beautiful place, I sit on the grass and look around. So silent,

Then I began to cry. Why do I feel so weak?! I should be brave and strong! I shouldn’t cry! *sobs*

“Ahhh! I hate you life, screw everyone!!” I shouted and when I get tired, I lay on the grassy land and raised my hand with the half drink tequila bottle. It was the hardest liquor but why it isn’t affecting me? Do I have a strong immune system?

I’m so tired being toyed. I’m so tired being used. I’m tired of living, I’m tired crying… I’m tired hurting.

I hate everything…

“Kiyoshi, I miss you. I wish you’re here, you’re the only person who cares for me. I miss you so much” tears flow down my cheeks again. When will I stop crying?

Pain… anger.

My phone ring, I get it without looking at the screen, “If you’re going to ask where I am, go to hell! Let’s meet there, bye” I ended the call and throw my phone and started crying,

“I thought you loved me? I thought you feel the same, but you don’t. You used me too! You’re just like everyone! User! I just want to die. I hate you” I hate you that even I’m hurting so much, I still love you. I hate to love you…

I pull the pellet gun on my jacket and pointed it on my chest, on my heart. When I pull the trigger, will it stop loving him? Will I stop hurting? I close my eyes because of my stupidity. I can’t die because it doesn’t have bullet,

“God! Icy!”

………………

“No! Oh ! Icy, you’re drunk! ! Are you ok? Did you get hurt? Damn! I shouldn't have lost tracks of you” he gets the gun and throws it away. He hurriedly imprisons me in his arms.

“Icy…” I cry again when I saw his face. I bet I was hallucinating. How can he get here so fast? But I choose to talk, no to shout,

“I hate you, do you know that?”

“You’re drunk, let’s go” he was about to carry me when I speak again,

“I said let’s break up!”

“W-what? N-no! I-I’m sorry, let’s talk about it on the hotel, you’re drunk”

My sobs grew louder, “But you call my cousin over me! You’re concerned to her than me! You used me! Toyed me!!!!”

“Oh , don’t cry. You’re misunderstanding things. I never used you, I never toyed you. I never been into your cousin! Damn I cared for you-”

I cut him with my slap, I stand up and slap him on the other side. He was real…

“Liar! You’re such a liar! I- I loathe you! I hate because I still love you! Stop making me crazy! Stop making my heart beats for you! Just tell me to-” he s his arms on my waist and press his lips gently on mine. He pull me closer and his lips started moving, I kiss him back even though my mind tell me not to. Now I know that the saying, ‘the heart is stronger than the mind’ was real.

My heart says to kiss him back and even though my brain don’t want, my lips betrayed me when it started moving.

“You don’t know how much I miss you, you’re also making me crazy”

Damn! I just love you damn too much, Casanova!

ZZZzzzZZzzzZZzz

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Trish’s POV

We are all looking at Naeun while sleeping. She looks so beautiful and innocent while in her deep slumber but fiercer as a lion when she wakes up,

“It’s your fault”- Minho

“I know, I’m sorry”- Taemin

“Why did you have to do that?”- Sulli

“I- I don’t know… I’m afraid of losing her”- Taemin

“You’ll lose her if you didn’t tell her the truth” I said and Naeun’s forehead with my hands. I care for her even though she’s as bad- than a criminal. I think criminals and murderers will envy her if they just knew what she had done the night before.

“Argh!” she groan in pain and touch her head. Taemin quickly held her up and put his arms around her, “Can you leave us first?” he ask and we just nod.

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Naeun’s POV

I think my head was breaking in half! Damn! It hurts like hell!

“Argh! Damn! Screw that tequila!”

I heard a laugh, “I thought you’re not drunk”

I open my eyes and saw the last person I want to see. He was holding me again, arms around me. I try to get free but I was like pushing a wall.

“Let go!” he lay me on bed and raise my head beside my head. He gets in top of me and look in my eyes. Ah! The feeling was so awkward!

“Why would I let you go?”

“Jerk! Get off me!!” I shout in his handsome face,

I miss him… it’s been three days…

He lean his head closer to mine,

“I miss you” he said sincerely that made my tears fall, “Oh damn! Don’t cry” he wipe my tears using his thumb and intertwined our fingers again.

“I hate you” I said and close my eyes to stop the tears,

“I know, you hate me because you love me” I look angrily at him while trying to get free.

“I was the one who send Trish here. And the phone call? We’re talking about you, she says I was so sweet because I told her I miss you, I was always calling her, trying to know what you’re doing. I didn’t come with you because I… I… I want to surprise you. I miss you Icy, you don’t know how I feared when I lost sight of you last night…”

“W-what?” I was shock of his explanations. I did those crazy stuff last night because of nothing?! Crap!

“I was following you last night but I lost your tracks because of too many people on the bar. I didn’t even see the scene you did but I ask the bartender and told me everything. I was so afraid, not for myself but for you. I’m sorry Icy, I’m really sorry”

I push him too hard and sit straight while he was looking hopefully at me, “I know I-” I cut him off because of my hug,

“Damn you!” I hissed

“I love you too” he said and hugs me tight.

“I miss you Icy, I miss hugging you” he added and tightens the hug.

I feel the happiness building up, “ you” I reply and he just laugh.

Now, I just need to know one last thing.

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Ha-ha! I don’t really have an idea about this chapter. I just type and type and type.

^_^

Sorry for too many cusses.