For MissJadeDragon
~Infinite Secret Santa 2013~ *Santas Revealed!*For MissJadeDragon
Couple: Myungjong
Prompt: Sungjong is all alone and Myungsoo is never alone. Sungjong is home-schooled and Myungsoo is in university. Complete opposites linked together by one thing. Depression.
Kim Myungsoo was never the cheerful type. There was something about him that seemed mysterious, be it his choice of clothing or alluring eyes. He was more of a man of little words, speaking only when he found it necessary. Sure, when one got to know him, they would find that he was a fairly warm person. Nonetheless, his exterior made him seem intimidating. Regardless of his cold demeanor, he was content with his life. If he were ever asked whether he wanted to change his life, his answer would be no.
Myungsoo’s life was just like anyone else’s. He had a mom, a dad, and a younger brother-a family that loved him. He had many friends since kindergarten. He spent most of his life going to the local primary, middle, and high schools, getting his education. Like others, he would hang out with friends rather often, going out for food or just to have fun. In other words, Myungsoo led the typical life of a youth. Although it was rather ordinary and unexciting, Myungsoo was completely satisfied with how he was living.
That is, until he entered university.
***
Lee Sungjong, on the other hand, was known for his ever so cheerful self. Everyone who knew him would agree. Maybe it was how his bright smile lit up the entire room, or how his soft laugh sounded like music to the listener’s ears. Either way, anyone who saw him could sense happiness radiating from him.
Sungjong lived a rather sheltered life, in comparison to most people his age. He grew up with the pleasure of (or lack thereof) having an overprotective mother and being homeschooled. Unlike most children, Sungjong was taught at home ever since the age of five, as opposed to attending the usual public or private school. As a result, very rarely did he interact with others around his age. His mother was adamant on keeping Sungjong at home, arguing that if he went to school with other kids, he would be bullied. As much as Sungjong would have liked commuting to a school and making friends with everyone, he didn’t mind being homeschooled. He was rather fond of his teacher. Sungjong felt that he got a good education as well, through all the years that he was homeschooled, and never had the urge to change his lifestyle.
It wasn’t until the years around his ‘graduation’ that he found himself lost.
***
One fine day, Myungsoo was waiting outside his school for his family to pick him up. His brother mentioned how he wanted to go on a trip, and alas, that was what they planned to do. For a teenage boy, Myungsoo was rather happy about a family trip. One reason was that his family was excited. The biggest reason was simply because he enjoyed being around people he loved, despite how he seems on the outside. Friends. Family. All of them.
He waited and waited. An hour later-no one. He called his parents. They didn’t pick up. At dusk-still no one. At 6:30, he received a phone call.
“Are you Kim Myungsoo?”
Myungsoo was in his second year of high school when his family was involved in a car accident.
***
Sungjong always studied diligently. His teacher knew it, as did his mother. This day was no different. Sungjong sat in the study room, listening intently to his teacher. The sun shined on his face as he gave a small nod at his teacher’s lecture.
“...and that concludes todays lesson. Good job today, Sungjong.”
Sungjong smiled brightly at his teacher, as he gathered his books and papers from the desk. “Thank you for your hard work, Teacher Park.”
He stepped into the hallway, and slowly closed the door behind him. He clutched his books and materials from his lesson as he walked toward his room. As he made his way to his room, he noticed that something seemed wrong. His mother wasn’t home. Sungjong frowned. ‘She’s supposed to be at home right now..’ he thought.
He shook the feeling off. Maybe she was out buying groceries, he reasoned.
When Sungjong entered his room, he dumped his study material onto his desk. Just then, the home phone rang. He rushed out of his room to answer it.
“Is this the Lee household?”
Sungjong was beginning his high school curriculum when he found out about his mother’s sickness.
***
It turned out that the accident didn’t lead to any serious injuries. Other than some minor bruises, Myungsoo’s family emerged unscathed. They showered him in affection afterwards, mentioning how glad they were that Myungsoo wasn’t a part of it. His brother clung to him happily, as everything ended up fine.
Although those involved returned to their normal, everyday life, Myungsoo did not. Something seemed to snap in him after the accident. The boy who casually went about his life was gone. He began to question what he was doing with his life. He had no goals, no reason to do well in school. He had no passions. The years he had lived seemed meaningless.
What was it that he was living for? If Myungsoo learned anything from the accident, it was that a life could easily be taken away the next day. In fact, it could be his tomorrow. So shouldn’t people be living their life to the fullest? Pursuing their dreams. Finding love. Making the most out of life.
Yet what is it that I’m doing?
Myungsoo shook his head, trying to stop his thoughts. He did not want to know the answer to his question. ‘Kim Myungsoo, what are you thinking about?’ he asked himself.
Over the next few months, he found himself pondering over life.
***
Luckily, Sungjong’s mother’s sickness wasn’t as bad as he thought. She had a mild case of pneumonia, and was already being treated with antibiotics. It had been about a month, and she had been trying to hide it from Sungjong. She was well on the way to recovery.
Sungjong wasn’t convinced, despite his mother and the doctor’s reassurances. His usual optimism faded away, as he sat alone in his room. It dawned on him how vulnerable people were. Disease could take someone away at any given time. Something about that made his mood drop. He could be next. Sungjong shuddered, and wondered whether life was worth living when he could be dead the next day.
He supposed that it would be best to live to his fullest potential. After all, he was still young. There were many things that he could do, many possibilities for his future.
But what do I want to do in the first place?
Sungjong sat in his chair, and began thinking about what he would do after high school. Except he had no idea what he wanted. His head hurt just thinking of possibilities. ‘Lee Sungjong, you need to get it together..’ he muttered.
Over the next few months, he as well found himself thinking about life.
***
The years passed by. Myungsoo had pushed his distress back temporarily, and picked up photography in the meantime. He entered university with his friends, with the intention of majoring in photography.
When he began photography a year ago, he found it surprisingly enjoyable. Myungsoo would go around taking pictures of his friends. He loved how the beauty of a scene could be captured flawlessly. It was also an outlet for his feelings. At last, he found something that he loved doing. Unfortunately, soon after his university entrance, he felt whatever motivation he had go away.
Myungsoo’s friends and family noticed that he changed. To his friends, the skinship-loving Myungsoo seemed to disappear. When he was around his friends, he sat quietly, gazing in another direction, whereas before, he threw his arms around whoever was near him. To his family, the perfect son Myungsoo seemed to disappeared. The previously affectionate Myungsoo who was always there for his family now chose to lock himself into his room. Even Myungsoo knew he had changed, though he was unaware of the reason. Everyone asked him if he was okay.
Myungsoo lied and said yes.
***
It was the last year of Sungjong’s homeschooling. The next year, he would be going off to college. After much self-conflict, he decided that he wanted to go into the entertainment industry.
Sungjong realized how much he liked singing and dancing. Often, when he was alone in his room, he would dance to popular idol songs. Occasionally, he sang. So Sungjong vowed that he would become an idol someday. He fantasized about joining a group where they were all friends, and about being surrounded by loving fans. However, not long after beginning his college applications, he lost all hope.
He didn’t know what overcame him. He lay on his bed, wondering what made him think that he could be a performer. He clearly had no experience with people, and he wasn’t even a good enough dancer or singer. It’s impossible for me, he reasoned. But if that was impossible, then he had no plans for the future. The thought made his heart go weary. He buried his face into his pillow, and began to sob. It soon became a daily occurrence.
His mom noticed that strange sounds came out of Sungjong’s room everyday. One day, she caught him as he went out of the room, and asked him if there was something wrong.
Sungjong lied and said no.
***
The two soon began to isolate themselves from everyone else. For Myungsoo, it meant his family and friends. For Sungjong, it meant his mother and teacher. Both spent their time curled up in their rooms. At some point, Myungsoo stopped going to his classes. Sungjong stopped going to his everyday lessons.
Naturally, people became concerned. Even so, they didn’t act on it. They figured it was just a phase.
Neither Myungsoo nor Sungjong admitted how they felt to anyone.
***
It got worse. Myungsoo had long stopped using his camera. Sungjong no longer danced or sang, or even cried. All they felt was emptiness. The things they previously loved doing had no more meaning. To them, there was no point in living.
***
Myungsoo couldn’t stand being in his room anymore, after three months. At the same time, all he wanted to do was stay home and sleep. The black colored walls made him feel worse; it was suffocating. His family and friends had long given up on him. One day, when no one was at home, he left the house.
***
Sungjong hated sitting around in his room all day, with its bright yellow walls contrasting with his mood. But he had no desire to do anything other than lie around. His mother and teacher had tried getting him out various times before, but they never succeeded, and stopped. One day, he ran out of the house, just to try to get away.
***
Myungsoo wandered around the city aimlessly. The sun didn’t make him any happier. Neither did the playful children running around giggling in the park across the street. Myungsoo began to wonder why he thought it was a good idea to go outside. Yet he didn’t go back. He kept going straight ahead, through the busy streets. Through the silent streets. Soon enough, he found himself in front of a river.
Myungsoo stood on the concrete road above the river. There was a slight slope that led down to the river. The ground surrounding the river was covered with luscious, deep green grass. To most people, it would have been a sight to behold. Myungsoo figured that this would be a good place to stop. It was a place in solitude.
He took a step onto the grass, toward the river. To his surprise, he found a boy sitting in front of the river, who was hugging his knees to his chest. Myungsoo stopped walking, uncertain if he should go any further. The boy seemed to be deep in thought, as he stared into space.
The boy turned around right when Myungsoo stopped.
***
Sungjong heard footsteps on the grass behind him. He turned his head toward the sound.
What he saw was a handsome boy, who didn’t look much older than Sungjong himself. The boy was dressed in completely black clothes, and was staring at Sungjong. Sungjong quickly turned back around, not knowing what the stranger was doing there, and went back to his thoughts.
Sungjong had found the river when he ran away from home. Seeing that no one was around, he decided to stay for awhile. Somehow, it felt even lonelier than sitting in his room, sitting by a river alone. But strangely, he liked it. Sungjong looked back again, to check whether the boy had left. He was still standing there, although his attention was directed toward the river. This time, Sungjong stared at the boy.
Sungjong opened his mouth to speak.
“Would you like to sit down?”
***
Myungsoo took a seat a few feet away from Sungjong. Sitting with someone wasn’t what he had in mind when he arrived at the river. The same thought went through Sungjong’s mind.
The two sat quietly, each wondering what the other was there for.
***
Myungsoo and Sungjong found themselves going to the river more frequently. By chance, each saw the other there whenever they went. Everyday, like the first, they would sit a few feet away from each other for a few hours. It was an escape for both of them. The calm scenery purged their thoughts. The negative feelings went away. Yet, they still felt lost.
One day, Sungjong spoke to Myungsoo.
“Why do you come here?"
Myungsoo didn’t reply for a few seconds.
“Because I don’t know where else to go.”
Sungjong nodded in understanding. “I can relate.” He let out a sigh. "Do you ever get the feeling that you don't want to live? But at the same time, you don't want to die?"
Silence followed. Sungjong laughed nervously and looked down. "I'm sorry, I di-"
"No, I know what you mean."
Sungjong looked at Myungsoo in surprise. "You do?"
Myungsoo smiled faintly. "It's hard to want to live when you have no motivation."
Sungjong chuckled lightly. "That's true. I've lost mine for awhile now."
They fell quiet once again, and stared ahead at the river as usual. Except this time, they felt less alone.
Sungjong turned toward Myungsoo once again. "What's your name?"
"Kim Myungsoo."
"I'm Lee Sungjong."
A/N: Angst was more difficult to write than I thought. I tried to portray the depression realistically. I hope it's not that confusing, and that you like it.
StarlightSpirit: I love how this was formatted and it focused on the emotions and their lives and ended with them meeting, that was really well done and different. You linked their lives together so well and your writing is great! I love this! <3
Updates will be just me adding direct links as they come in and adding the santas to the chapters, don't worry too much :3
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