The blonde darted her eyes from one table to another before taking a swig from her beer. It’s only her second time in the place; the first being with Jess and her friends. The place looked deserted today. Maybe because it was still early. She shrugged, bringing the bottle back to . Thank goodness for whoever invented the beer and everything in the world that could make you momentarily forget the pain. Momentarily.

A sigh. Of course it’s not true. There was never a thing in the world that makes you forget pain. Nothing but amnesia. But Jess had tried that before, no? And she ended up hurting more; cried herself to sleep because Taeyeon was so close yet so far.

Taeyeon and Jessica. They were soul mates. She knows that. Time and circumstances had tore them apart but here they are, falling perfectly back into each other’s arms. Jess might never admit it, but she knows, she feels it, sees it. Her Jess wants Taeyeon back. But what was holding Jess back? A part of her wants to hope that it was her, but of course that isn’t the case. That will never be the case. She was like a sister to Jess. And that’s what she’ll ever be.

Her make believe family with Jess will crumble down as soon as Jess sort her feelings out. And what would that leave her? Nothing. No one. Jess could never stick with her like she stuck with Jess for the past years. But that wasn’t Jess’ fault. It was hers, only hers. She made herself believe she could replace Taeyeon in Jess and Hyunnie’s life. And Jess could not know. Because Jess being Jess, she’ll surely holdback with her feelings for Taeyeon. And one broken heart is always better than two.. err, three.

A sigh.

Maybe coming to Korea with Jess was a bad idea… or maybe good? She’ll get over whatever she feels towards Jess.. right? She just have to watch Jess and Taeyeon patch things up together, right? Then she’ll get really really hurt until she’ll feel nothing because her heart will become numb--oh, the heart just pumps blood, silly. It’s the mind, wasn’t it? Her feelings—whatever it is called, are just psychological, right? Because.. because she was just too attached to Jess and Hyunnie. Because.. because they were her family. Because.. because she had no one else in her life but Jess and Hyunnie. Because.. because she died and left her. Because Jess gave her the family she had always dreamt of having with her.

“Here,”

A bottle of soju was presented in front of her, bringing her back from her reverie. She looked up to see the intruder’s face, only to be greeted by a giant shikshin. She raised a brow at Sooyoung before turning her head to the side. There was something in the eyes of the giant. Sympathy? But why would she sympathize with her? She haven’t told a single soul about her fondness of Jess, not even the annoying Tiffany Hwang who always steals Jess from her. Was she that obvious?

“It’s lonely to drink alone.. Hyoyeon, right?”

She flinched when she heard a squeak from the chair across her when the giant dragged it. She furrowed her brows at the younger girl who sat comfortably in front of her, invading her solitude.

“So, where’s Sica? Why are you alone?” There was something in the younger girl’s voice. Gentleness? She can’t put a finger onto it, but there was something.

“She’s with Taeyeon. In Jeonju,” was her short answer.

“Really? Are they visiting Taeyeon’s mother?”

She nods her head, hoping that the younger girl would leave her alone.

She felt the girl shifting on her seat... uncomfortably? She looked like she had something to say but too shy to do so.

“Did you need anything?”

The younger girl blinked rapidly before biting her lower lip.

“I..” Sooyoung trailed off, remembering what Seunghyun had told her through the phone this morning.

“Soo! I remember the Hyoyeon Kim you were talking about.”

“Huh? Remember?”

“Yeah, her wife died from a car accident.”

“Wife?”

“Yeah, wife as in a girl she married.”

“But isn’t she and Si—“

“I don’t know. But yes, I was there when her wife was brought to the E.R. I was just an intern back then. She almost lost it, Soo. I’m surprised she coped up well.”

“Sooyoung?” Hyoyeon inquired, tilting her head slightly to the side.

“I.. uh, do you want to grab something to eat? Something not from my father’s bar? Say, fish cakes?” Sooyoung flashed Hyoyeon a blinding smile. There’s no need to remind the girl about the tragedy she had faced and coped bravely, right? All she could do is befriend the blonde.

**

Jessica waited for her heartbeat to steady. She feels like her heart is going to explode any minute from now. Being in the same car with Taeyeon for hours and hours of drive was not easy. And the blonde just decided to torture her more when she decided to scoop Seohyun from her lap, faces centimeters away from each other. She could practically hear Taeyeon’s uneven breathing at that moment, making her heart pump more blood than her body needed.

“Jessi! Aren’t you coming inside?” Tiffany’s loud voice brought her back to her senses. She nodded and smiled at Tiffany who waited for her on the door step of the big ancestral house.

The eye-smiling girl linked their arms as soon as Jessica stood beside her. She talked about how peaceful the place is and how the air was so fresh and whatnot. Jessica only nodded in acknowledgement, mind still lingering on Taeyeon who smells so deliciou—no, wait, scratch that.

“..anyway, Jiwon and Umma is waiting for you upstairs. I’ll take care of Hyunnie, alright?”

Jessica was ushered to a wooden staircase before Tiffany strolled off to the kitchen where Seohyun and Taeyeon were.

She knocked on the third door on the hall and the door opened immediately, revealing Jiwon and his dorky smile. Just like Taeyeon’s.

“Umma, your favorite in-law is here.” Jiwon announced, opening the door wide and stepping aside to make way for Jessica.

Jessica hissed at him as she passed by him, letting him know that she wasn’t happy with his joke. The guy just rolled his eyes before getting out of the room.

**

“So, Taetae. How have you been?” Tiffany asked, index finger twirling her locks, back leaned on the sink.

“Tae..tae?” Taeyeon inquired with furrowed brows. The nickname isn’t really new since Wooyoung call her that, too. But it sounded foreign coming from Tiffany. They weren’t really close since she had only seen Tiffany in gatherings.

“Yeah, I thought it sounded cute.”

“I.. I guess.. it.. it is.” Taeyeon scratched the back of her head.

“Anything new about you other than your new found fondness in sweet potatoes?”

“Huh?”

Tiffany pointed at the half eaten sweet potato in her hand.

“Oh.. uh, Hyunnie.. she.. she wanted me to taste it.” Taeyeon looked off to her side to see Seohyun eating her sweet potato happily.

“Mommy Tiff, can I have juice? Pretty please?”

Tiffany smiled at Seohyun before opening the fridge to get Seohyun her juice.

“M-mommy Tiff?” Taeyeon inquired as tiffany made her way back to Seohyun with a glass of orange juice in hand.

“Jessi didn’t tell you?”

“J-jessi? You call her Jessi?”

“Yeah. Why?” Tiffany went back to lean her previous position on the sink, facing Taeyeon who was leaning on the island counter with Seohyun beside her.

“So anyway, Jessi and I are bestfriends—sisters. Yeah, we’re like sisters in Cali. I was there when she was pregnant and I was the one who brought her to the hospital.”

“Oh..”

“Where’s Hyo, by the way?” Tiffany asked, changing the topic.

“Sooyeon said she’s with her family and can’t come with us.”

“Oh, so you’re calling her Sooyeon again?”

They both turned towards the kitchen door to see Jiwon leaning on the doorframe with a wide grin on his face. Tiffany smiled brightly at her fiancé while Taeyeon frowned at the interruption. She had so many things to ask Tiffany.

Her frown deepened when Jiwon walked towards Tiffany to engulf the girl in a very, very tight hug and a kiss afterwards.

“Y-yah! There’s a child in here!” Taeyeon said and immediately moved in front of Seohyun.

Jiwon rolled his eyes before settling beside Tiffany.

“So, what were you two talking about? Were you talking about how great of a guy I am?”

Tiffany and Taeyeon both rolled their eyes.

“Taetae was just asking me how I knew Jessi.”

“Oh..”

Taeyeon looked at her brother then back at Tiffany again before speaking. “Did Jiwon know you were with Jessica in California?”

“Yeah,” Tiffany answered almost immediately.

“What?! And you never told me?! What kind of brother are you?!” Taeyeon said, anger lacing each word.

“Calm down, Thumbelina. I didn’t tell you because I thought you weren’t interested. And besides, you were coping and moving on.”

Taeyeon scoffed, “Some brother you are.”

“Anywaaaaay,” Tiffany interrupted, shooting Jiwon ‘the look’. “Can you and Jessi pick the oranges from the market, please? I forgot and Jiwon can’t leave Umma here.”

“Wh-what? Why us? You can just ask someone else. Or y-you.. you can pick it up by yourself.”

“I’m looking after Hyunnie, Taetae. And don’t you think it’s nice to drive around town in the late afternoon?” Tiffany smiled, “With Jessi?”

**

“How have you been, Jessica?”

Jessica looked at the frail woman sitting on the wheelchair. Mrs. Kim had grown thinner, her eyes emptier than they ever did, wrinkles showing and hair so thin. This wasn’t the Mrs. Kim she had engraved in her mind. The graceful and young Mrs. Kim, gone because of her illness.

“I’ve been good, Mrs. Kim”

“Oh, Jessica. How many times do I have to tell you to call me Auntie?”

“I-I’m sorry.. auntie.”

Mrs. Kim smiled, weak hands reaching to cup Jessica’s. The latter obliged, moving closer to Mrs. Kim, kneeling in front of her. She buried her face on Mrs. Kim’s left knee, uncontrollable tears damping the fabric of the woman’s pajama pants.

“Don’t cry, sweetie.” Mrs. Kim cooed as she Jessica tresses.

“Everything’s.. going to be.. fine w-with you.. r-right?”

“We are trying, sweetie. Taeyeon is trying to find the bone marrow that would match with mine. For now, I could only hold on to therapies.”

Jessica cried her heart out for the woman who treated her like her own daughter, the woman who had always supported her and Taeyeon.

“I’m sorry,” Mrs. Kim’s voice was low, almost hushed.

Jessica looked up to the woman with questioning eyes.

“I’m sorry Taeyeon had to take over the company. I’m sorry she had to hurt you. I’m sorry, sweetie.”

“N-no. please don’t apologize, auntie. Whatever Taeyeon did, it was all her decision.”

“Decisions she had to make because of her sick mother.”

Mrs. Kim saw the confused look in Jessica’s eyes and continued, “We needed money for the bone marrow transplant. So she decided to comply with her father’s wish of taking over the company. Our family savings weren’t enough. And she said that having the company was the only way for us to continue with the treatment.”

Jessica fell silent. How could she blame a sick woman? No, she never could. It wasn’t anybody’s fault.

“And I’m assuming she never told you this?”

Jessica shook her head. Taeyeon didn’t.

“You are still hurting, I can see it in your eyes.” Mrs. Kim commented as she cup Jessica’s face.

“Your eyes look like Taeyeon’s. Always lost, empty and uncertain.” The woman added.

“Don’t let this chance slip again, Jessica. Don’t lose each other again.”

Dry lips then landed on Jessica’s forehead.

**

“S-sorry.. I told them I can go by myself but Tiffany is being stubborn.”

Jessica turned her head to the driver’s seat after hearing Taeyeon speak for the first time since they were asked to pick up oranges from the market.

“And I’m sorry if the car isn’t comfortable. I can’t bring mine since the oranges won’t fit.” Taeyeon added.

“I-it’s okay..” Jessica managed to let out.

“Your eyes are red. Why were you crying, Sooyeon?”

Jessica didn’t answer, instead she asked; “Are we still far from the market?”

“Y-yeah.”

Jessica hummed and nodded.

They settled into another comfortable silence. But it was cut short when the old pick-up truck abruptly stopped and the engine died.

“W-what’s happening?” Jessica asked, eyes darting from Taeyeon to the empty road. It was already late in the afternoon and the sun will set soon.

“I’ll check,” Taeyeon answered, getting out of the car to open the car hood.

After a few moments, Taeyeon came back with a frown. “The engine over heated.”

Jessica groaned before taking her phone out of her back pocket.

“And no network coverage. Great,” she said as frustration built up.

Taeyeon nibbled on her bottom lip before looking apologetically at Jessica.

“I-I take f-full responsibility. J-just blame me.”

Jessica turned to look at Taeyeon with incredulous eyes. She wasn’t blaming anyone. Why would Taeyeon think like that?

“Don’t be silly, Taengoo. I’m not blaming anybody.”

She was taken aback at her own words. Did she just call Taeyeon, Taengoo?

“O-okay..” Taeyeon bit the inside of her cheek just to suppress a grin and with hopes that the warm feeling in her cheeks would vanish soon.

Their conversation died at that as they sat in their respective seats in silence.

Half an hour had passed and the sun was bidding Jeonju its temporary goodbye, spraying the sky a perfect hue of orange and pink, making everything look romantic. Taeyeon took in the masterpiece the setting sun had made. She remembers watching the sunset and sunrise with Jessica before. Jessica had always loved the sunset while she loves sunrises as it reminds her of new beginnings.

New beginnings. Will she ever be fortunate enough to experience that? With Jessica? Maybe not. Jessica has a family now. And as much as Taeyeon don’t want to admit it, the girl looks happy. And it makes her happy too.. somehow.

But happiness.. happiness is Jessica. Happiness is being able to hold the girl to sleep. Happiness is seeing the girl’s sweet smile every morning. Is she ready to let go of happiness? Of beautiful, precious memories shared for years and years? Is she ready to let go of Jessica yet? Even after all those years, her heart still yearns for Jessica. Only Jessica.

“Taeyeon?”

Her eyes immediately opened when Jessica’s sweet voice entered her consciousness.

“S-sica?”

“It’s hot in here. Can we sit on the carrier?”

“Oh.. s-sure.”

Jessica smiled at her before getting out of the vehicle, which she followed suit. They sat on the carrier, feet dangling on the edge. Taeyeon unconsciously hummed a song that had been on her mind for a week now. A smile graced her lips before craning her neck to the side, looking for the guitar she knows Jiwon always kept on the carrier.

She reached for the black guitar case and opened it. It was the same guitar she had used when she and Jessica were on the lake.

Jessica just stared at the guitar Taeyeon was holding when she was reminded of that night in the lake. It was so perfect, so beautiful. Taeyeon was beautiful under the moonlight, accompanied by her sweet, sweet voice.

“I talk to you as to a friend
I hope thats what you've come to be
It feels as though we've made amends
Like we found a way eventually..”

Taeyeon sang, accompanied by the strumming of guitar strings, captivating Jessica again.

“..It was you who picked the pieces up
When I was a broken soul
And then glued me back together
Returned to me what others stole..”

Jessica’s heart beats abnormally fast again as Taeyeon’s eyes caught her gaze, trapping her. She wanted to look away but the intensity of Taeyeon’s gaze was just too much that she finds herself submitting to the older girl.

“..I dont wanna hurt you
I dont wanna make you sway
Like I know, I've done before
I will not do it anymore
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
But now that Im coming down
Wont you be my solid ground?..”

Taeyeon’s eyes were speaking to her. Begging. Begging to be part of her life again. Begging to reclaim the spot in her heart that no one had ever successfully occupied but Taeyeon. Only Taeyeon.

“..I look at you and see a friend
I hope thats what you wanna be
Are we back now where it all began?
Have you finally forgiven me?

You gathered my dreams in
When they all blew away
And then tricked them back into me
You saved me I was almost dead..”

And in that moment, Jessica knew it had always been Taeyeon. And it will always be Taeyeon.

“..I dont wanna hurt you
I dont wanna make you sway
Like I know, I've done before
I will not do it anymore
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
Well now that Im coming down
Wont you be my solid ground?”

Will she be Taeyeon’s solid ground? Yes. Definitely yes.

“Taengoo..”

Tears welled up in Jessica’s eyes and Taeyeon was fast at wiping them with her thumbs after putting the guitar down.

“Will you forgive me?” Taeyeon said, hands still cupping Jessica’s cheeks as the girl continued to cry.

Jessica held Taeyeon’s hands, squeezing them a little before nodding.

“I’m so sorry, Sooyeon.”

Another nod.

“I love you. I always have. I always will.”

And another nod as Jessica’s tears stream down her cheeks.

Taeyeon moved closer to her and engulfed her in a tight embrace. Something she missed doing. Something she always wanted to do since Jessica was back. Something she’d never get tired of doing as long as Jessica permits.

She pulled back, eyes connecting with Jessica’s. There was so much love, so much longing in Jessica’s eyes that she had failed to see for the past weeks. Her Sooyeon is back. Her Sooyeon. And just like gravity, Jessica’s eyes pulled her in until her face was merely centimeters away from the latter. She felt her heart going up to as it pounded louder and louder until it was the only thing she was hearing. She swallowed the inexistent heart in before moving closer to Jessica, lips barely touching.

She saw Jessica close her eyes and she did the same, waiting for the lips she had missed the most. And when it came in contact with hers, the rain poured. Jessica was about to pull away but Taeyeon already had her hand on the back of Jessica’s head, holding her head in place as she move her lips against Jessica’s. The latter eventually responded, melting in Taeyeon’s kiss.

It was wonderful and a first. Jessica had never kissed Taeyeon under the rain before. It was just something they have seen in movies… until now.

“Kiss in the rain,” Taeyeon breathed as they pull away, foreheads pressed, eyes connecting.

“God, you are so beautiful, Sooyeon.”

Before Jessica could answer, Taeyeon had pulled her into another kiss. Hearts flutter in every move their lips make. Souls reconnecting, finally finding their solid grounds. The world around them long forgotten as rain continued to pour on them, like the heavens were actually blessing them.