Taeyeon grunted as the pounding in her head grew louder. Surprise then took over when she opened her eyes to see a pair of brown curious orbs staring intently at her before the eyes widened and the owner ran off to hide somewhere. Taeyeon frowned before sitting up. The eyes were vaguely familiar. She tried racking her brain for names but stopped as soon as the pounding in her head returned. She cupped her head, hoping to ease the pain.

“Taeng?” A little voice spoke and the spot beside her shifted. She looked over her side to see Jessica’s daughter fiddling with her fingers. Her eyes immediately lit up at the sight of the little girl.

“Seohyun? Why are you here? Wh—where’s your mommy? Did she leave you here?”

The girl’s eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“Mommy is there! She cook Taeng and Hyunnie breakfast!” The little girl beamed, pointing at an archway.

Taeyeon’s eyes widened as the realization dawned on her. She slept in the Jungs’ house.

“Mommy says Taeng drink this.” Taeyeon turned to see Seohyun pointing at a glass and painkillers that was laid on the coffee table.

Taeyeon smiled before taking the painkillers.

“Thank you, Seohyun.”

The two fell silent as Seohyun studied the woman beside her. Her eyes traveled from the tousled blonde hair to the dark circles under Taeng’s eyes. Taeyeon, on the other hand, was lost in her thoughts. She remembers drinking the night before, but can’t remember what happened after she boarded a taxi.

She then focused her attention to the little girl beside her who was staring intently at her. She cleared before speaking.

“How old are you?” She blurted out as her curiosity grew. She needed to know if Jessica cheated on her while they were together.

“Hyunnie is three!” The little girl replied with her index, middle, ring and pinky fingers standing erect.

Taeyeon chuckled before folding the little girl’s pinky finger back. “That was four. This is three.”

Seohyun looked at her fingers with a pout before nodding. She then brought her attention back to the blonde woman beside her to ask, “Taeng hungry?”

Taeyeon smiled before shaking her head no. She was still having a hangover and she feels like every food she’ll take in at the moment will just end up on the toilet bowl. Another frown adorned the little girl’s cute face with cheeks puffing and all. Taeyeon willed herself to keep her hands from pinching the little girl’s cheeks.

“Taeng eat breakfast with Hyunnie?” Seohyun sounded like she was pleading but her face gave no expression at all. Taeyeon wondered how the Jungs were always able to pull off a straight face with ease.

Taeyeon contemplated for a while. She was about to answer the little girl when a voice spoke from the archway.

“Hyunnie come on, breakfast is ready..” Taeyeon turned to see Jessica standing at the archway before their gazes locked momentarily.

“Taeyeon, you should eat first too.” Jessica added before disappearing inside the kitchen again, not waiting for Taeyeon’s reply.

A tug on her hand got Taeyeon looking at Seohyun who looked at her with expectant eyes.

“Taeng eat with Hyunnie!” The little girl cheerfully said in her not-so-fluent Korean.

Before Taeyeon could even stop the little girl, she was already on her feet while Seohyun dragged her to the kitchen. Seeing the little girl’s struggle, Taeyeon decided to just comply.

She was ushered by the little girl to sit on a chair across hers; beside Jessica’s. Taeyeon awkwardly smiled at Jessica before fixing her gaze on the plate in front of her, contemplating what to say.

“Eat up, Taeyeon.” Taeyeon was surprised at the softness of the voice. It was something she gets to hear every morning back when they were still together.

“Taeng! Eat eat!” Seohyun urged as she munch on her bacon and a slice of bread.

Seohyun looked over the blonde woman with concern before speaking, “Taeng don’t like Mommy food?”

Taeyeon immediately straightened up on her seat and took a bite from the hotdog that was laid on her plate. She shook her head at the little girl before smiling, “Your mommy’s food is yummy.”

Seohyun gave her a thumb up.

Jessica’s heart skipped a beat as her daughter called Taeyeon ‘Taeng’.

“Mommy? Where Mommy Hyo?” Seohyun then turned to Jessica. “I miss Mommy Hyo.”

Taeyeon’s heart wrenched at the mention of the other blonde.

“Mommy Hyo will be home later. She needed to visit her family, baby.” Jessica explained with a smile while Seohyun nodded.

“Taeng go with Hyunnie? Mommy Hyo says we go to park. But she not here.” Seohyun’s eyes travelled from her mother to the blonde woman sitting stiffly beside her.

“Hyunnie, Taeyeon is busy. She needs to go to work. Why don’t we go together? Mommy is free today.”

“Err, actually I-I’m free today.. too. I mean.. i-if you guys like.. I c-can drive for you.” Taeyeon mumbled loud enough for Jessica to hear.

“You don’t have to, Taeyeon. We don’t want to bother you.”

“No! No, it’s not a bother. Really, I’m free today.” Taeyeon immediately answered, shaking her head vigorously.

“No, really, Taeyeon it’s okay.” Jessica smiled, melting Taeyeon’s heart.

“Oh.. o-okay.” She answered dejectedly.

The breakfast went on with Taeyeon listening as the mother and daughter conversed about things they should do today. She felt envious and hurt at the thought of Jessica not wanting to be around her. Maybe the girl didn’t trust her since she was practically a stranger to her.

After breakfast, Taeyeon prepared to leave since Jessica wouldn’t allow her to help on the kitchen. This worried Taeyeon more. Jessica seemed to be so hell-bent on getting rid of her. Taeyeon frowned. Despite the girl’s loss of memory, Jessica seemed like she didn’t want to be around her. With a sigh, she turned the doorknob to walk out of the house, only to stop when a voice called out after her.

“Taeyeon?” She instantly turned upon hearing Jessica’s voice.

“About your.. uhm, offer at the dining table. I was wondering if you still want to.. c-come with.. us?” Jessica shyly said without meeting Taeyeon’s observant gaze. Jessica was fiddling with her fingers, a habit Taeyeon knows the girl does when she’s anxious about something. She smiled seeing a little piece of the old Jessica; her Sooyeon.

“Of course.” Taeyeon answered with a dorky smile. She was so happy that Jessica actually asked her to come.

“Thanks. Seohyun had been whining to ask you to come. And she won’t.. won’t stop until I say.. yes.”

“Oh..” There was a hint of disappointment in Taeyeon’s voice as she looked off to the side. Sure she’s happy that she’ll be spending time with Jessica and Seohyun, but a part of her wished that it was what Jessica wanted and not only because she was complying to her daughter’s request. Well, there goes my wishful thinking.

“So, uh, we will see you then?”

“Oh, yeah. I-I’ll just fetch you guys here in an..” Taeyeon brought her left arm up to peek at her brown leather-strapped wristwatch, oblivious to the wide eyes that stared at the same wristwatch as the owner kept her tears at bay.

“..an hour. I’ll see you guys in an hour.” Taeyeon looked up, only to find Jessica’s back turned towards her.

“O-okay. S-see you.”

Before Taeyeon could bid her goodbye, the girl already disappeared back to the house. Taeyeon sighed before closing the door behind her.

**

Jessica sat on the same black Honda City that she had always rode shotgun back when she was still with Taeyeon. Nostalgia was creeping in and she fought the urge to leap on the seat beside her and straddle the girl’s lap like she always does on their nightly strolls. Good thing Seohyun was on her lap.

“Mommy, it hurts.” Seohyun complained when Jessica unconsciously clutched the little girl’s shoulders.

“S-sorry, Hyunnie.” Jessica said before kissing the crown of her daughter’s head. The little girl nodded with a smile and continued staring at the blurry images outside the car window.

“Where Taeng take Mommy and Hyunnie?” The little girl inquired as she looked at the driver with thoughtful eyes.

“Somewhere nice and quiet.” Taeyeon smiled, eyes fixed on the road.

Jessica looked at the familiar road that leads to where Taeyeon had thought her how to drive eight years ago. The road looked different yet the feeling of familiarity was still there. The place looked more secluded than before but the green grasses were preserved and new trees were planted.

“Mommy look! Water!” Seohyun pointed at a small lake that lay on the center of a clearing not far away from the road.

“Mommy can Hyunnie swim? Please? Please?” She pleaded, giving her mother the cutest puppy-eyes she could muster.

“Err, no Hyunnie. You might catch a cold.” Jessica replied, tapping the girl’s nose twice.

“It’s okay, it’s not really cold. I can watch her for you.” Taeyeon’s statement had Jessica turning her head towards Taeyeon.

She opened to speak but stopped when Taeyeon parked the car beside the road. The latter then turned to face Jessica and Seohyun.

“Let’s go?” She said before getting off the car to speed walk towards Jessica’s side and opened the door.

Jessica’s heart beat rapidly as Taeyeon bent and inched closer to her. Their eyes connected for a second and Jessica saw the sadness and longing in those chocolate brown eyes, mirroring her own. She then felt Seohyun’s weight disappearing from her lap as Taeyeon scooped the little girl into her arms. Jessica was left to collect herself together on the front seat as Taeyeon took all the breath away from her.

She sighed; this is harder than I thought.

She got off of the car and trailed behind Taeyeon who was still holding Seohyun in her arms. The two looked like a perfect fit.

Taeyeon had stopped at the bank of the lake, putting Seohyun down.

“Do you still want to swim?” Taeyeon asked while watching Seohyun hesitates at the water.

Seohyun shook her head no before turning to face Taeyeon.

“Hyunnie don’t want. Can Hyunnie play with Taeng?”

Taeyeon’s eyes lit up before nodding.

“What does Hyunnie want to play?”

The little girl tapped her chin twice before grinning.

“Hyunnie play tug ‘o war with Taeng and Mommy?” The little girl looked at her with expectant eyes. Taeyeon chuckled before giving the girl a thumb up.

“Mommy! Taeng play tug ‘o war with us!” The little girl cheerfully ran towards her mother who was standing a few feet away from them.

Jessica was about to protest when she saw Taeyeon jog past them with a rope in her hand.

“Where did you get that?”

“Uh, car? Why?” Taeyeon answered, eyes shifting from the rope in her hand to Jessica.

Jessica shook her head and let her daughter lead her to where they will be playing.

“Okay, you two against me!” Taeyeon handed the other end of the rope to Jessica and Seohyun.

“Mommy! Mommy! We beat Taeng okay? Okay?” Seohyun jumped up and down in front of her mother hoping to get a confirmation. Jessica smiled at her daughter before smirking at Taeyeon.

“Yes, baby. We’ll beat Taeng.”

Taeyeon’s breath hitched at the old nickname. Jessica might not have intended it but it sent tingles down Taeyeon’s toes.

“Taeng?” Seohyun’s voice brought Taeyeon back from her reverie as the little girl looked at her questioningly.

“Oh, right. Okay, let’s start.” She said as she tried hiding the blush that had crept its way to her cheeks.

The game commenced with only the three of them. Seohyun stood in before her mother as she tried with all her strength to pull Taeng towards them through the rope. Jessica and Seohyun were about to win when Taeyeon surprisingly applied more force on her hands, making the mother and daughter stumble forward. Jessica wrapped her arms instinctively around her daughter’s small body as she waited for the loud crash as she lost her footing. The inevitable crash didn’t come and Jessica opened her eyes when a grunt emitted from someone. Her eyes widened as soon as her gaze was met by Taeyeon’s closed eyelids.

Taeyeon had caught them before they crash to the ground.

“Mommy!” Seohyun grunted as her body was sandwiched by the two women. Jessica immediately rolled to her side with an erratic breathing.

“You okay?” She heard Taeyeon ask as the girl wrapped her arms around Seohyun.

“Me is okay. Taeng hurt?” Seohyun answered in a worried voice.

“No, Taeng is okay.” Taeyeon smiled brightly at the little girl, making Seohyun smile in return.

“Are you okay?” Taeyeon then turned to look at Jessica who lay still on the ground beside her.

“I-I’m okay.. t-thanks.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pulled too much.”

“I-it’s okay..”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I-I am.. s-sure.” Jessica managed to say as she calmed her beating heart down.

“Taeng! Let’s race! C’mon c’mon!” Seohyun jumped and down again, hands clapping in excitement.

Taeyeon grinned before standing up and offering a hand to Jessica which the latter took almost immediately.

“Race you to the tree!” Taeyeon announced before running with Seohyun trailing behind her. She looked back to see Jessica walking behind them. Some things never change.

“I win!” Taeyeon’s attention was brought back to the little girl as she leaned her hands against the tree trunk with a wide grin plastered on her small face.

“Oh man! I lost!” Taeyeon pretended to cry. Seohyun approached her with worried eyes before patting Taeyeon’s thigh.

“Why Taeng cry? Hyunnie not win anymore. Taeng win. Taeng not cry okay?” The little girl cooed, hoping to stop the blonde woman from crying.

A smile crept to Taeyeon’s lips before she scooped Seohyun into her arms. “Princess, won. Our princess won!” She happily exclaimed as she twirled her body around, holding Seohyun tight in her arms. The little girl’s giggles filled the silence of the place and Jessica found herself smiling at the endearing sight. Maybe taking Taeyeon with them was the right choice.

“Hyunnie is Princess?” The little girl inquired after Taeyeon sat on the ground with her back leaned on the tree trunk as she nestled Seohyun in her lap.

“Yes, Hyunnie is our princess. Do you want to be a princess?”

“Yes! Yes! Hyunnie is Princess!”

Jessica shook her head before sitting on the ground beside Taeyeon. She reached out to grab Seohyun and settled the little girl on her lap.

“You seem to be having too much fun little girl.” Jessica said and nuzzled their noses together.

“E.. esh.. esski..” Seohyun’s brows knitted to the center as she tried recalling what the action was called.

“Eskimo kiss,” Jessica finished for her daughter, unconsciously smiling at the memories she had shared with the girl sitting beside her. Seohyun grinned before leaning her forehead in her mother’s shoulder.

“Is my baby tired?”

Seohyun nodded against the fabric of her mother’s shirt as her eyelids slowly closed with a cute little yawn.

“Thank you, Taeyeon.” Jessica muttered as soon as she heard Seohyun’s steady breathing.

Taeyeon turned towards Jessica only to catch her yawning too. She smiled and scooted closer to the girl before pulling Jessica’s head gently towards her shoulder. Jessica smiled when she felt Taeyeon’s arm snaking around her waist before her eyelids closed. Oh how she missed the warmth Taeyeon always offers.

Taeyeon watched Seohyun’s head rise and fall against Jessica’s chest. There was something about the little girl that always pulls her in. Maybe it was the fact that the girl was Jessica’s and she had her mother’s charm that Taeyeon could never resist. Not in this lifetime, and maybe not on the other lifetimes. Jessica was her weakness... will always be her weakness.

A sad smile adorned her face as she stared at Jessica’s sleeping face. She still longs for Jessica even if the girl was beside her. She’s too close yet too far. Maybe she was meant to always long for the girl, as a consequence for her actions.

Taeyeon fought the urge to kiss Jessica, but like always, her self-control were futile as she ended up giving Jessica’s forehead a peck.

“Maybe it was for the best, but I hope you get your memories back soon. You can hate me and all, but please just don’t forget about me.” Taeyeon whispered as she rested her head on the crown of Jessica’s head, oblivious to the lone tear that rolled down the girl’s cheeks.

**

That night, Jessica lie awake on her bed beside Seohyun as her thoughts wandered back to the words Taeyeon had whispered when the girl thought she was sleeping. Maybe it’s time to talk things out.

She sat up on her bed and reached for her smartphone. She scrolled through her contacts and stopped when she saw the number she wanted to call. She tapped her thumb into the screen before bringing the phone to her ears.

“Hello?” A groggy voice answered, making Jessica’s heart beat fast.

“T-Taeyeon?”

There was a pause before the receiver answered, “Jessica?”

“Uh, did I wake you?”

“Oh, no, no. I was just about to go to my office.”

Jessica frowned when she saw the time displayed on the alarm clock.

“At this hour?”

“Y-yeah. I.. can’t sleep. So I decided to.. do some work.”

“Oh..” was all Jessica could answer.

“Hey, uhm, do want to go out? I mean just stroll around the city? I-if y-you can’t sleep t-too. But if you’re s-sleepy then never mind.”

Jessica unconsciously smiled before answering, “I’ll wait for you outside.”

She heard an audible sigh on the other line before Taeyeon say, “I’ll be on my way.”

Jessica went to Hyoyeon’s bed as soon as the phone call ended. To her surprise, the girl was already awake and was smiling widely at her before saying, “I’ll watch Seohyun. Don’t forget to bring a jacket, okay?”

Jessica nodded before kissing her bestfriend’s cheek. Hyoyeon watched with a sad smile as Jessica slipped out of the door.

**

Jessica and Taeyeon walked side by side silently as they strolled along the park of Han River. Both girls were trying to come up with something to talk about. Taeyeon was the first to break the silence by clearing .

“I like taking walks here when I was still attending university. I used to walk here with someone really dear to me.” She said as she fixed her gaze in front of her.

Jessica, on the other hand, was thankful for the dimly lit park that hides the blush on her cheeks.

“Where is that person now?” Jessica managed to ask as their pace slowed down.

“I.. did some things.. that were unforgivable. And she.. left.” Taeyeon hung her head low as she shoved her hands inside the pockets of her jacket.

“Like?” Jessica asked, wearing the same straight face. She was itching to know if the girl would admit about them being lovers before.

Taeyeon looked up to Jessica for a moment before focusing her eyes to something else. Anything but Jessica. She was hesitating to say, but more than that, she was ashamed. Talking about it in front of Jessica is actually nerve wrecking than she ever thought.

“I..” Her eyes landed on a bench not far from them.

“You want to sit first?” She asked and Jessica nodded.

They settled on the bench with Taeyeon giving a decent distance between them. Jessica waited for the girl to continue talking as she watched the reflections of street lights on the calm river. Jessica was reminded of the time Taeyeon had serenaded her on the lake because of the still water. Those were distant memories but it all felt like it just happened a day before.

Taeyeon looked over to Jessica who had her gaze fixed on the water when she heard the girl sigh.

“I let her wait for me on our wedding day. And I did not come. I heard from her bestfriend that she waited for seven hours, worrying about my safety while I was somewhere thinking of ways to break up with her.” Jessica’s attention was brought back to Taeyeon when the girl spoke. She could hear the remorse and shame laced on each word clearly.

“I’m a terrible person, Jessica. And she, she always thought about me first. I was always on top of her priorities. And she loved me despite my shortcomings. She loved every bit of me.” Taeyeon’s voice croaked as she fought her tears. She isn’t supposed to cry. She has no right to cry.

“Have you.. tried talking to.. her?” Jessica asked as she studied Taeyeon’s face through the faint light from the moon.

“I—no. I can’t face her. I’m.. afraid. I don’t know how to face her after everything I have done.” Taeyeon once again hung her head low.

“But don’t you think she’d somehow understand if you talk to her?”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Start by apologizing.”

Taeyeon looked up to the girl beside her, taking notice of the sparkling liquid that was rolling down Jessica’s smooth cheeks.

“Jessica? W-why are you crying?” She scooted closer to Jessica on reflex, rubbing the girl’s back.

Jessica was taken aback by the action and instantly wiped her tears away.

“I—nothing. I was just reminded of something.” She said while Taeyeon awkwardly retracted her hands from her back.

“I.. I’m sorry.” Taeyeon stayed seated beside Jessica, her arms unconsciously rubbing against Jessica.

“For what?”

“Things,” was Taeyeon’s short reply and Jessica decided not to probe any further.

“Taeyeon?”

“Hmm?”

“I.. have to tell you.. s-something.” It was Jessica’s turn to be nervous as she tried forming the right words in her mind.

Taeyeon just looked at her with furrowed brows, signaling her to continue.

“When we met at the supermarket.. I.. I told you and Sunny that I’m suffering from.. amnesia.. right?”

Taeyeon nodded.

“I..” Jessica drew in a deep breath before continuing.

“I lied.. T-Taeyeon. I wasn’t involved in a car accident and neither was I suffering from amnesia.”

Taeyeon’s eyes twitched for a moment before opening to speak, only to close it again when no words seemed to be coming out.

“I.. panicked when I saw you again that day. Because for the first time in almost four years, I felt the hurt and betrayal. It was like there was a deep cut in my chest that was healing but opened again when I saw you.”

Tears ran down on Jessica’s cheeks again and Taeyeon instinctively brought her thumbs up to wipe the girl’s tears away. It hurts her to see Jessica crumble like this. And she was to blame.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m really really sorry.” Taeyeon repeated as if it was a mantra, hoping the sincerity in those words would somehow aid both their aching hearts.

Jessica broke down by then, letting all her pent-up emotions out as she cling onto the fabric of Taeyeon’s jacket while the girl wrapped her arms around Jessica’s shaking body. Taeyeon ended up crying for the girl that she held tightly in her arms. Never mind her own aching heart, Jessica was more important.

“It hurts Taeyeon.. it still.. hurts.. it wouldn’t stop hurting..” Jessica said in between sobs as her grip on Taeyeon tightened.

“I’m sorry Sooyeon.. I’m really sorry..”

They stayed in that position for a while, with Taeyeon holding Jessica while she cried her heart out. Jessica’s sobs eventually died down but Taeyeon didn’t want to let her go just yet. She continued holding the girl in her arms, afraid that it would be the last time.

She looked down to find Jessica sleeping in her arms. She shifted Jessica into a more comfortable position, laying her down on the bench with her head in Taeyeon’s lap. She brushed all the stray strands that covered Jessica’s sleeping face, giving her a full view of the face she had missed so much. Her gaze trailed down to Jessica’s thin lips. She hesitated for a moment before finally deciding that it’s now or never as she leaned in to taste the delicate lips that was once hers to indulge. Lips meet lips and Taeyeon stayed like that for a few seconds, not moving, just pressing their lips together. Oh how she missed those lips.

She had kissed Jessica hundreds of times before, but the sensation that the peck is giving her was incomparable. All her insides churned as tingles ran up and down her spine. She felt something she haven’t felt for a long time. It was weird in a good sense. She wanted Jessica. All of Jessica.

“Spiderman kiss,” she whispered to the sleeping figure before kissing Jessica’s forehead goodnight. She then took off her jacket and draped it on top of Jessica.

“Sleep well, Sooyeon.”