if you haven't already guessed, i can be very indecisive. so, there is an update today (obviously) so there won't be one on monday. im just way too busy. i got an essay to write for english, stupid math, plus two papers for criminal justice. then come wednesday, i have my criminal justice mid-term, so i need to study studay study >,< goddamn it.

i hope you enjoy this chapter, it's probably the most important one in this story because *drum roll please* HERE COMES THE TRUTH! it's about ing time, right? sorry i kept you waiting ^_^;;;;

enjoy~~~

For many obvious reasons, Baekhyun woke up anxious Sunday morning, knowing full well what was awaiting him that day. He had barely gotten a wink of sleep as his stomach kept doing summersaults every time his mind drifted to Chanyeol and what he could possibly have to say that day.  He didn’t want to have to face the music that day—to know the truth he had been so eager to find out before.

Fact: Reality was a .

After hours and hours spent of endless wondering what had happened to them, he had never expected something so damn complicated had forced its way in between them.

Reluctantly, at nine in the morning, Baekhyun sent a text to Chanyeol telling him to come over whenever he felt like it, attaching his home address in the message.

Was it okay to ask him to come over? Baekhyun soon regretted that decision, but nothing could be done now.

He cleaned even though his small apartment was already well organized. He cooked himself ramen even though he wasn’t hungry. He the television even though he had no desire to watch it. Anything to distract him, though, he needed it badly. Finally settling to making himself some tea only took an hour to do.

When was Chanyeol going to be there?

Baekhyun cursed himself for not giving a specific time to show up, hating the wracked bundle of nerves he had become. He sat on the couch with his tea, sipping the warm liquid that barely soothed him. He was never going to be ready for this.

All too soon or all too late, a knock finally sounded on the door and Baekhyun resisted to urge to plunge himself out the window. Time had run out and there was no turning back.

Baekhyun shakily walked to the door, pausing for only a second before finally opening it revealing Chanyeol holding a white box in his hands.

“I brought apple fritters,” Chanyeol announced, seeing Baekhyun’s curious gaze on the box in his hands.

Baekhyun offered a please smile before letting the tall man inside, showing him to the kitchen where Chanyeol set the pastries on the counter.

“That was wise,” Baekhyun commented, grabbing a pastry with a napkin, “of you to bring these.”

“I remember you always buying one after you’d had an exam back in college,” Chanyeol recalled, grinning at the memory.

Baekhyun pointed to the kettle on the stove, “Want some tea?”

“Please and thank you.”

After the two had settled at the table with apple fritters and tea, Baekhyun advised that Chanyeol had better start talking so they could just get this over with. It was obvious both men were incredibly anxious at the moment.

“Okay, okay…Well, I’ll start off by apologizing again, because I really can’t apologize enough. So, I’m incredibly sorry Baekhyun. I really am, and I don’t expect forgiveness for what I’ve done,” Chanyeol started out, the warmth from with teacup helping him speak these words.

Baekhyun nodded for him to continue.

Chanyeol looked to him with weak eyes. “I cheated on you at a party when I got drunk, I don’t even remember it. I only knew I slept with her because we woke up together . I kept quiet about hoping you would never find out about it, but Yuri came to me tell me she was pregnant and I panicked.

“I didn’t believe her at first and did my best to ignore her telling her if she was pregnant I wanted nothing to do with her, but then she showed me the sonogram,” Chanyeol’s voice hitched as he said it. “Then it hit me. I was going to be a dad, and that little blob Yuri had shown me in the picture was my baby. I felt shameful even considering wanting nothing to do with that small being whose life hadn’t even begun yet. It wasn’t the baby’s fault.”

Baekhyun took a sip of his tea to calm himself. He hated listening to this; his ex-boyfriend who he loved so dearly, talking about his unborn child. It felt strange and didn’t sit well with him, but nonetheless, he let Chanyeol talk on because despite hating it, he really wanted to know it all.

“So I decided I wanted to be a part of my child’s life. But then there was you, and I knew you’d be heartbroken if you knew. I didn’t know what to do. Like I said, I panicked. I didn’t have my head on straight, but I broke it off with you and moved away all for the sake of you not finding out. That was a terrible mistake.

“I want you know, Baekhyun, that there wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t think about you. I hated what I had done, but it was too late. I loved you then and I still love you now, but I have priorities.

“I moved with Yuri in together after that. I worked and took care of her, always meeting her needs. I took her to the appointment and we went baby shopping—I enjoyed that part a lot. And her parents helped us out a lot too. And through all that, we never had feelings for each other though. Our only relationship is that she’s the mother of my child.”

Baekhyun took this moment to ask, “When I was in your apartment, you had no photographs. If you have a child, why don’t you have any pictures of her up?” It was a reasonable question to ask.

Chanyeol chuckled, “I have pictures of her, but they’re in a photo album. I do have a reason for not hanging them up though.”

“And that it?”

Chanyeol shifted nervously, but continued on, “I thought after Yuri had our child, I thought everything would go smoothly. We’d raise our daughter together and make mistakes and learn, but everything would be fine. And for a while it was. It was great.

“When she was born, I was so happy. Here I was in the hospital room holding this beautiful, little baby in my arms, and I said, ‘I’m you’re daddy and I’m going to protect you always.’ I promised her that.”

Baekhyun was so entranced, staring at Chanyeol who had to pause to take a deep breath. And there was no missing the tears that had collected in his eyes. Baekhyun had a sinking feeling.

He was almost scared and nervous himself to hear the next part.

“About a year after Lina was born,” Baekhyun assumed that was Chanyeol’s daughter’s name, “She was looking very pale and we kept finding bruises on her. Yuri had gotten so angry with me because she thought I was abusing our child, but that was completely ridiculous. But then Lina kept getting fevers and had gotten a scratch by Yuri’s mother cat, and it got infected. We thought maybe she had an infection from the bacteria from the cat, but we took her in to the doctors and they did blood work, but it wasn’t from the cat.”

Chanyeol stopped himself, a couple stray tears falling down his cheeks. Baekhyun reached over to hold his hand, which Chanyeol accepted gratefully.

“The doctor said she had large numbers of abnormal white blood cells in the bone marrow and was rapidly developing.”

“Leukemia…,” Baekhyun gasped quietly, biting his lip to keep from crying when Chanyeol confirmed it with a single nod of the head.

“We tried chemotherapy, but it wasn’t working,” Chanyeol said, tightening his hold on Baekhyun’s hand. “The doctor suggested a bone marrow transplant, but neither Yuri nor I are a match. We’ve looked for donors, but for some reason the world seems to hate us. A lot of the time, I’m sure I’m punished for all the wrong things I’ve done.”

Chanyeol couldn’t speak anymore. He was a sitting mess at Baekhyun’s table, sobbing into his arms while Baekhyun did his best to comfort him, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

Baekhyun couldn’t believe; he could hardly wrap his head around things. After all this time loving and hating Chanyeol’s guts for the lies and emotion hurt inflicted upon him, he had no idea what Chanyeol had been going through all these years. He felt sick with himself.

How had Chanyeol been able to live with it all? The secrets and the emotion strife his family was going through, and day by day he just went on working and living hoping for a better tomorrow. Seeing Chanyeol so vulnerable before him, Baekhyun wanted to just take the giant into his arms like he used to do when they were younger, and hold him until the pain went away. Except, no amount of hugs and whispered encouragements could make this better.

“Chanyeol, I am so sorry,” Baekhyun apologized, hoping Chanyeol’s crying to slow. “For years I felt so much resentment towards you and selfishly only thought about myself when I had no idea what you had to go through.”

“Baekhyun, please don’t—”

“Don’t tell me to stop,” Baekhyun cut him off. “I feel terrible. I feel terrible for hating you and being indecisive with my feelings, and only adding more trouble for you when you’re struggling.”

Chanyeol sat up, trying to wipe the tears off his face, but they didn’t slow.

“Baek, I’m sorry I kept this all from you.”

Baekhyun wiped his face as well, and chuckled softly. “You know, had you just told me the truth all those years ago, I would have helped you, you know. I mean, I would have been upset and hurt, but I would have gotten over it and been there for you.”

Chanyeol nodded, whispering, “I know. You’re a good person, Baek, and we grew up together. I should have told you.”

“I’m sorry you’ve had to keep this to yourself.”

“I’m sorry I lied.”

The two men sat like that for a while, holding hands as they cried; Chanyeol crying for hurting Baekhyun and his sick child, and Baekhyun crying for not being there.

“I’m so scared,” Chanyeol whispered, his voice raspy from crying. “My daughter’s life is just beginning and I’m scared she won’t be able to make the most of the rest of it.”

Baekhyun wanted to do something, but what could he do?

“All you can do is pray and be there for her.”

Baekhyun recalled how happy that little girl, Lina, looked at the part that day playing with her parents. Chanyeol explained that occasionally, the doctors allowed Lina to go there with him, but for the most part she was to be monitored at the hospital.

“So, you moved out of Yuri’s apartment after she had Lina?” Baekhyun asked, the tears having stopped now and Chanyeol was no longer a blubbering mess.

“I was there for a year after Lina was born, but after she was diagnosed and admitted to the hospital, I moved out. My apartment now is closer to the hospital than Yuri’s so going to visit Lina is easier when I have to work.”

“That day you took me to the hospital after I hyperventilated…You knew the doctor,” Baekhyun stated, seeing Chanyeol nod his head.

“For a while he was Lina’s doctor, but he was transferred to a different part of the hospital so now he works in the E.R. We know each other pretty well from that, and Lina always took a liking to him. It’s a shame he doesn’t work in pediatrics anymore,” Chanyeol explained, smiling as he talked highly of the older man.

“So those times I ran into you there…,” Baekhyun trailed off. Fill in the blank.

Chanyeol replied, “Yeah. I was visiting Lina.”

Baekhyun gave a small smile as he recalled seeing the girl that one time from afar. “From what I could see, she looked very pretty.”

“She’s the cutest,” Chanyeol gushed, pulling out his wallet from his back pocket. He pulled out a picture and showed it to Baekhyun, who took it, giggling to himself when he saw it.

The little girl with small tufts of dark brown hair was seated in a highchair, smiling widely with wide eyes that sparkled at the camera. She was looked so cute and happy, especially with the orange baby food smeared around her face and on her nose.

“She loves puréed carrots the best,” Chanyeol said, smiling down at the picture over Baekhyun’s shoulder.

Giggling, Baekhyun handed the picture back to owner. “She’s looks adorable. She has your eyes and your smile,” he told the other.

Like the proud father he was, Chanyeol beamed, “She inherited good features.”

“How old is she? She’s got to be around four….,” Baekhyun then asked, curious.

“She’s three and a half.”

Baekhyun smiled, picking up an apple fritter on the table that had been forgotten a while ago. It was cold now, but still tasted delicious.

“Thank you for telling me,” Baekhyun said. “About everything.”

Chanyeol smiled back, “I feel a lot better now that you know. Since I first saw you that time ago, I wanted to come clean about it, but I just couldn’t.”

“I understand. And Chanyeol, if you need anything at all, please let me be of some help.”

“Thank you,” Chanyeol whispered, feeling touched to the max. “That means a lot.”

“Can I meet her someday?”

“She would love you.”

After some time of talking, Chanyeol then decided it was time that he left, explaining he had a shift in about an hour.

“I hope we’ll be seeing more of each other from now on,” he said as he was putting his shoes back on.

“Definitely,” Baekhyun nodded. “And um...You said before that you didn’t expect forgiveness…”

Chanyeol stopped what he was doing, looking up at the elder with hopeful eyes.

“I forgive you.”

Chanyeol stood up and pulled Baekhyun in for a hug, the both of them loving the way it felt so right. Baekhyun had really missed this, Chanyeol’s hugs. He considered it safe to assume Chanyeol had missed it, too.

“Thank you,” Chanyeol said once again for what felt like the thousandth time that day, but he just couldn’t say it enough. Releasing Baekhyun, arms dropping to his sides as he walked out the door, he called out, “I’ll call later.”

“You better. No ignoring me this time.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Bye, Chan.”

“See ya, Baek.”

Baekhyun closed the door after the other disappeared from view, flopping himself down onto the couch with a sigh.

That was that. He knew the truth now, and he felt happy and content. 

A/N: Sooooooo~~~ was it good? Not what you expected? Too predictable? Please let me know~ your feedback is gold. sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes, this is un-edited. haha

i want to thank each and every one of you wonderful people for reading this~~~ i love you <3 i'll try to update soon. 

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