On the next evening, Siwon had been at Mr. Park's café at 10 o'clock sharp, but he hovered some minutes at the other side of the street, when he saw that Yesung was still in the café.

The whole day he had tried to prepare some words which would help him to explain his situation, but he wasn't able to find the right ones... Jungsoo was mistrusting him - rightly – and Siwon knew that the whole thing was really weird, but though he truly wanted to clean this whole mess up.

When he saw Yesung leaving the café through it's backdoor again, Siwon took a deep breath and crossed the street, with shivering fingers and a hammering heart.
There's no going back now.
Either he fixed their relationship today or he would have to forget Park Jungsoo for all time.

Siwon was facing Jungsoo's back when he arrived in front of the cafe’s door and for some precious seconds, Siwon allowed himself to eye the pretty man secretly. Jungsoo was putting the chairs on the tables again, with experienced movements and in a specific rhythm that only Jungsoo himself might know. Underneath his white shirt, Siwon could clearly see the working muscles on Jungsoo's arms and back and for only one second, he remembered the day before – kisses and touches in Mr. Park's office and the silent promise of a shared night in Jungsoo's bed, that would never happen...

Breathing in the cold night air, Siwon raised his hand and knocked his fingertips silently against the door in front of him.

Jungsoo's body stiffened with this quiet sound and he turned his head, before he placed the last chair on the table and wiped some sweat from his forehead. The glance with that he was eying Siwon was serious and straight, but Siwon was quite sure that Jungsoo was at least as nervous as himself.

Only the heavy raising of Jungsoo's chest revealed the deep breath he took, before he headed to the door and grabbed the bundle of keys from his pocket. Again, he looked into Siwon's eyes with the same denying expression on his face, putting the key into the lock and turning it around.

With a silent jar, the door swung open and Siwon was able to enter the café.

“Hey...”
A little uneasy, Siwon kept standing next to the door while Jungsoo turned the key around again and pulled down the blinds in front of the huge windows. The dim light from the ceiling lamps was quite pleasant and caused a kind of calm feeling in the whole room, that didn't fit the atmosphere between the young men.

Jungsoo cleared his throat silently and turned towards Siwon again, pointing a little undefined towards the bar. “Do you want a drink?”, he asked a little braced and headed to the counter. He briefly eyed Siwon, who was following him in a ridiculously high distance while his nervous fingers were slowly ing his coat.

“A coke, if you have.”

Placing his coat on a random table, Siwon sat down on one of the bar stools. In an helpless try to hide the trembling of his body, he slowly turned the chair from left to right. The whole situation between them was tense and uneasy, though Siwon had truly hoped to rebuilt the former closeness with Jungsoo. Grabbing the bottle that Jungsoo was handing him, he bowed his head slightly and took a small sip.

Again, Jungsoo had to clear his throat while he leaned his back against the wall behind the bar. Defensively, he crossed his arms in front of his white working shirt and avoided looking into Siwon's eyes.
“I guess we should get it off quickly...”

Siwon winced slightly at these rejecting words, but though he nodded slightly and took a deep breath. In the last minutes, he had decided on being straightforward, without beating around the bush.
“The appointment on which my father's employees harmed your father was the first task I have ever attended. All Cho-sons had to join the business after their 21^st birthday – mine was just four days before your appointment.”

A dry feeling crawled up in Siwon's throat and made his voice a little husky. He coughed silently and took another sip from his coke, before he was able to continue again.
“My brothers and I had been prepared for joining the Cho business since our childhood. When other kids were going to school or joined some sports clubs, we had private lessons with our father's employees. We were educated both in the normal school subjects, but also in athletic sports, the use of weapons and anything we might need in our later lives – technical knowledge, rhetoric, all this stuff to become a proper head of the Cho business.

It was normal for us, you know? We rarely left our mansion and until we became teenagers, we thought that it was perfectly ordinary to handle weapons and that stuff. We also knew what our father's business was about, but only when we grew older, we faced it's real consequences and dimensions...”

Siwon briefly raised his fist in front of his mouth and cleared his throat, when it became dryer and dryer with every single word he said. He threw a brief glance at Jungsoo, but his face was completely expressionless, though he seemed to listen to Siwon's words carefully.

“However, I accompanied him on that day because I knew that this was my future... I never appreciated my father's actions and being a part of it now made it even more scary, you know?”, Siwon smiled a little and shrugged his shoulders. “If you only TALK about such things when you aren't concerned, you can easily get over it again. But if you stay there next to your father and you know that you HAVE to follow his advices, you start to...”

Siwon took a deep breath, when he couldn't find some fitting words again. To his own surprise, Jungsoo silently finished his sentences:
“... you start to realize.”

Siwon raised his glance again and smiled a little, while a thin spot of hope was glowing in his heart again. Maybe Jungsoo was able to understand him... Maybe he could comprehend how Siwon felt and that it all was just because of his father, maybe ---
“Believe me, if you stand next to your father who get's PUNISHED by some foreign guys, you REALIZE a lot, too.”, Jungsoo said now hostilely and drowned the flame in Siwon's heart immediately.

Siwon swallowed hard and had to clear his throat again. “I know, Jungsoo, it was ---”
“Just go on with your story, I'm tired...”, Jungsoo interrupted Siwon, but now his voice wasn't that hostile anymore – rather silent and a little sad.

Siwon nodded slightly and averted his eyes from Jungsoo's denying shape in front of him, starting to play with the label of his Coke bottle. He ripped off a tiny piece of it and began to scratch on the new edge he had caused.

“When a task was over, we have some kind of business meetings with my father on the next day...”, Siwon continued silently and ripped off another piece of the label. “My father uses these meetings to review the tasks and discuss the future ones... During the meeting after your appointment, my father made...”

Siwon hesitated a little, but even if it might be hard for Jungsoo now, Siwon definitely didn't want to lie again.
“He made jokes about your father. Like he didn't know if Mr. Park is able to work now and pay the next installment – I know, it was my father's fault, it was a quite... awkward situation. But this idea didn't come to my mind before, even if – whether you believe me or not – I thought about you and your father the whole night. I felt guilty for causing this immense harm and I didn't know what my father would do, if you weren't able to pay the installment on the new deadline.”

A little helplessly, Siwon shrugged his shoulders, a small pile of paper shavings had built up on the bar in front of him.
“So I searched in the internet for your cafe’s address and decided to ask you for a job – I thought this is a good way to support you and to replace your father during his injury...”

Jungsoo frowned a little and eyed Siwon full of mistrust.
“So, you have been completely generous and you only wanted to help us after you tolerated my father being injured.”, Jungsoo said derisively and shook his head. “Siwon, if you only try to -”

“Just let me tell you this, okay?”, Siwon interrupted him silently and raised his hands pacifying, when Jungsoo was about to get upset again.
“Anyway, you know what came next... I gave you the faked documents I use for all of my “public appearances”. I got the job, I started to work here and after some time, I... got the idea to give you the money you need for your installments, bit by bit, so that neither you nor your father would notice anything... An employee of my father who is a good friend of mine faked the cash boxes' documents, so that the finance office won't notice any difference at the end of the year... yeah...”, Siwon shrugged his shoulders and raised his glance to Jungsoo. “Then you found out and now we're here...”

The silent ticking of the wall clock and the silent buzzing of the fridge were slowly filling the room, while both Siwon and Jungsoo kept silent.
Jungsoo leaned his head against the wall in his back and closed his eyes for some seconds. “But WHY, Siwon?”, Jungsoo finally asked silently, and in contrast to his former words, his voice was now calm and quiet. “Why did you give us your money...?”

Siwon smiled slightly and shrugged his shoulders again. “You know...”, he started silently, but somehow he wasn't able to find the right words. “Even if... I lied a lot to you, our conversations had all been real”, he said silently and shook his head slightly. “Sorry, I... I don't know how to say it.”

An annoyed sight left Siwon's throat, when he got on his feet and started to walk through the empty café, with his eyes on the ground and his hands in his neck. “You know, our... our date, for example, this was REAL.”
Siwon tried to put all his persuasive power into his words.
“With every day I spent with you I became... I became a little more of the real Siwon – my behavior and my actions weren't faked, okay? Just my name and... and the documents and maybe some details about my family, but ---”

“You mean your whole identity was faked...”

A painful stitch run through Siwon's heart.
He raised his glance at looked directly into Jungsoo's sad eyes, which were deep and brown and full of despair right now.
Due to a sudden thought that cut through Siwon's head, he grabbed the chairs from the table right next to him and placed them correctly on the floor again.
“Sit down here”, Siwon said towards Jungsoo and pointed at the second chair.

“What are you doing...?”

“Just sit here!”, Siwon insisted and pointed at the second chair again, while he took a seat on the other one. Jungsoo sighted silently and pushed himself off the wall, slowly heading to Siwon. When Jungsoo sat down on the chair and placed his hands on the tabletop, Siwon looked into his face and smiled slightly.

“My name is Cho Siwon. I am 21 years old, born on the 10^th of February, right here in Seoul. My father's name is Cho Chang Yul and my mother's is Cho Ki Joo. I have three brothers: Hangeng, he is 24, my twin brother Kyuhyun and Donghae – who you got to know yesterday. …”

This is how it started.
Siwon told Jungsoo EVERYTHING.
He talked about his family and the few friends he had, about Sungmin and his father, about their mother's death and their childhood under the strict eyes of Mr. Cho and the hard training they had to face. He talked about his fears and the scars in his soul, caused by horrible scenarios between his father and his poor clients, he told Jungsoo about his hobbies, his passions, about his dreams and his secret plans for the future. He simply told him EVERYTHING.

Siwon built up his whole self in front of Jungsoo – his real self, the person he was and he will always be, his identity  – because Jungsoo was the only one who deserved to know everything about him.

When Siwon left the café in the early morning hours and the sun was about to rise again, he didn't know if his long, long story built up the bond between himself and Jungsoo again. Jungsoo had never interrupted him during his monologue, but though he seemed to listen and his face relaxed with every further sentence.
They had separated without any big words and maybe they would never see each other again, but when Siwon left the café and turned his head to look back at the café, he saw a light smile on Jungsoo's tired face.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Maybe there's a tiny chance left for them, mh?:)