I tried to eat than just cry over Donghae.

 

Eunhyuk: what is she eating?

Kangin: a hotdog sandwich with peanut butter?

me: I'm sorry. I just have the urge to eat a hotdog with peanut butter.

 

Suddenly, I grab some food and sat on the couch. Yoona and Siwon was cuddling. I sighed. Suddenly, I went to the bath room and threw up.

 

Kyuhyun: are you okay?

me: yes.

 

I sat down again. 

 

Yoona: Yah. you've been throwing up every morning for a while now.

me: i'm fine.

Yoona: you sure?

me: why are you so worried? I told you I'm fine. 

 

I stormed out and went home. Yoona caught me eating vegetables with hot sauce this time.

 

Yoona: You've been eating weird things lately.

me: and so? 

 

I was about to go to the living room.

 

Yoona: You know, you're showing signs of being a pregnant woman

 

She just laughed but I froze. Remembering what happened to me and Donghae one night.

 

Yoona: Yah! Yah!

me: ...

Yoona: You aren't pregnant right? *smiles*

me: Yoona..

Yoona: What's wrong?

me: Donghae and I..

Yoona: what about the two of you?

me: something happened to us.

Yoona: WHAT!?

me: when we came from the guest room.

Yoona: I know something was up.

me: Yoona...

Yoona: wait, so you're pregnant?

 

I was speechless. Was I really pregnant? Donghae's the father. The wedding is near. I can't tell him that he's going to be the father. Yoona went out and tole me to stay. She returned after 15 mins. She gave me a pregnancy test kit. 

 

Yoona: Do it.

me: but it feels uncomfortable.

Yoona: do it.

 

And so I did do it. I read the instructions. It says two lines mean positive. I thought I wasn't pregnant but I was shocked to see two lines. I went out from the bathroom and was still left speechless.

 

Yoona: so?

me: *shows*

Yoona: OH MY GOD! Donghae's gonna be a father already!

me: don't tell him. don't tell anyone. once the wedding finishes, I will go to the US.

Yoona: says who?! When did you start thinking about this!?

me: I think it's better if Donghae and this child will not meet at all. 

Yoona: It will be hard for your child. 

me: harder if they will find out.

 

I left the house. I sat at my usual spot over the Han River. I could remember when things were simpler. Donghae was always there for me, cheering for me, guiding me. He never left me but all  could do is leave him. Tears fell and I stood up. I walked with my head bowed down. I know I couldn't do anything. Suddenly, someone grabbed me and hugged me. 

 

me: whoever you are, let go of me before I kick you.

*lets go* Donghae: I'm sorry.

 

I just walked away. But he wouldn't allow me too and held my hand.

 

me: donghae, let go of me.

Donghae: why? I used to hold you before and would hurt me. I got used to it til I was the only person allowed to do it.

me: that was before.

Donghae: Everything's in the past now?

me: yes. you and everything. I'm trying to forget you, Donghae. Can't you see it?

Donghae: i don't believe you. After how many years, you can't forget me the way I couldn't forget you.

 

He wiped my tears. He held my neck and he gently leaned closer, kissing me. I cried as how he kissed me. How could I leave him? But, he's the one leaving me. I pulled away.

 

Donghae: Tell me, does my kiss still belong to the past?

me: Donghae. After the wedding, I'll be going back to the US.

Donghae: Why?

me: Cause there's no reason for me to stay here after you get married.

Donhgae: You're trying to forget impossible things! You can't forget what happened to us! 

me: I don't want to remember that.

Donghae: It may be wrong, but it was the best night of my life. 

 

I just ran. I can't deny it but it was also the happiest moment of my life. I ran towards my room. I cried. I received a text message from Donghae.

 

Message: I'm sorry. But I told you the truth. Even if I marry Jessica, which I wish I won't, I still love you. 

 

I slept holding the picture frame with a picture of I and Donghae. The following day, I went to the guys place. I need a company and  they were all I need.

 

Heechul: YAH! We need to plan on how we can stop the wedding!

Eunhyuk: Let's kidnap Jessica.

 

They keep suggesting weird ideas which I just laughed off. I dragged Yoona out.

 

me: I saw Donghae yesterday. I told him about my plan.

Yoona: what did he say?

me: he said I couldn't forget him the way he couldn't too. He said doing that is impossible.

Yoona: Do you agree?

me: Well..

Yoona: Oh, just say he's right!

me: FINE! He's right! Forgetting him is impossible but leaving him is easier.

Yoona: *slaps my face* You know what, you always think that moving away will help you solve your problems. You agreed to go to Australia because you were afraid that you were in love with Donghae, and now, you're afraid of the future that you hold!

me: I'm sorry.

Yoona: You really are a bad girl. But I can't blame you. You're just too afraid to face everything.

 

She hugged me and we returned home.