“It all happened so fast. Dad got sicker with every passing day and after only a couple of months he was completely confined to his bed.” Seunghyun's eyes were empty, like he was someplace else. He was probably reliving it all over again. Daesung felt bad for making him go through such a hardship again, but he hoped him being there would at least comfort Seunghyun the tiniest bit. He pondered whether he should stop Seunghyun, relieve him of his pain, but he really wanted to hear the story, to become closer to Seunghyun. Who knew, maybe this would be good for Seunghyun as well, cathartic, sharing his pain, opening up. Wasn't that what the psychologists all said? Daesung would listen to him closely and not charge a dime for it, so this was even better than going to therapy.

“My mom, my mother.. well, she was always cold. I never could decipher how their relationship worked. My dad was a caring, kind person, but my mom cold as stone. How they got attracted to each other I will never understand. Not only do they not fit, but they are complete opposites. Dad always made excuses for her, that she was stressed out, that she had a great burden to carry, that she wasn't the best in communication when it came to feelings, ...but I'm really not so sure that there is a decent person living somewhere deep down inside her. She has always been cold and calculated towards me, never once has she showed me motherly affection. Our relationship is more like a polite business transaction.” Seunghyun sighed. Daesung couldn't imagine what it would be like to not have his mother. He suddenly felt a storm of gratitude whirling up inside him. Even though life had given him his fair share of lemons, and perhaps somebody else's share as well, he at least always had his mom. She was his shelter, his anchor, his focus point in a disorientating world. He couldn't imagine living without that kind of safety net. It must've been awfully lonely and scary. His heart went out to Seunghyun, it ached from longing to shower him in love, to make up for all those years he went without it.

“You see, my mom was born with a silver spoon in and starting with her first breath in this world, her life has revolved around business. Her father had wanted a boy, but after giving birth to her firstborn, my grandmother died and left my grandfather with nothing but my mom. Too stubborn to remarry, all my grandfather's energy went into making my mother a worthy heir to his fortune. He made her into a business robot. That's why I simply don't understand what my dad saw in her, I think it was wishful thinking. I think he thought she was pretty and made up a person that he wanted her to be, and desperately tried to fit her into that mold until the day he died.”

“The company my granddad left mom was big, but it was nothing compared to what it is today. Being a business robot has its perks. She is ruthless and doesn't stop until she gets her way, so those old gray-haired CEO's have nothing on her. With blood and sweat, not tears because robots don't cry, she more than quadrupled the net worth of the company and today it's one of the biggest companies in the whole of the country in its field. That's why me and my mom, we hardly know each other. She was always at work and it was the only thing she cared about. She never failed to put work ahead of us, not once apologizing for all the missed birthdays, missed recitals, absent parent days, the list goes on. There came a point where I stopped caring and starting thinking of her as nothing more than a robot. A robot can't help that it doesn't have a heart, right?” Seunghyun tried to control his expression, trying to look like he didn't care, but it was obvious how deeply he was shaken. Even though he would probably never admit it, Daesung was sure he still loved his mom and longed for nothing more than for her to welcome him with loving arms, making up for lost time.

After gathering his thoughts for a little while, Seunghyun continued. “The only thing she did care about was that I did well at school, since I would one day be responsible for the company. The company that was her real son, I was just a nuisance. A dirty necessity so that there would be someone to care for her beloved creation when she was no more. Only I didn't want a company, I wanted a mom.”.

“When my dad got sicker, she pretty much stopped coming home. She never used to spend much time at home, but she at least came home at night to sleep. With my dad completely dependent on others to take care of him, she started sleeping at work. She paid some nurse to take care of him, and didn't show her robot face at home no more. I could see it affected my dad. He tried to hide it, putting up a brave face, telling me it was just her way of coping and that I shouldn't hold it against her, but he was clearly deeply hurt. Of course I would hold it against her! My dad was dying and she couldn't even spare a few hours of her precious time to spend with him. If not out of love, then out of duty. He had stood by her, supporting her every step of the way, taking care of me and the household as well as working a full time job. Now that he was dying, she couldn't even pretend to care?!” Seunghyun's face got redder, anger coloring the air around him. Daesung his arm ever so lightly in an effort to calm him down.

“In the end I cleaned up my act and quit school to take care of him. Yes, we had a nurse, but I just couldn't fathom leaving him all alone all day to stare blankly into space, contemplating death. I'm not sure whether it was more for me or for my dad, maybe it was for us both. When it became clear that time was scarce, I started hating sleep. Sleep took away time that I could be spending with my dad. I could feel the resident knot in my stomach getting bigger every day, loneliness creeping inside as my dad just got sicker and sicker. I tried my best to hide it from my dad, I tried to keep the atmosphere around him light, shooing away all dark thoughts. If he was well enough, we would play games and chat, in between times when he forced me to study, helping me the best he could. Mom had been against my decision to quit school, since that would affect the companies future and reputation, but it wasn't as if she came home long enough to do anything about it.”

“With the end drawing near, I realized I couldn't live with the knowledge that my dad never truly knew me, or not the whole me in any case. I wanted to tell him I was gay. No, I needed to tell him. Even if he ended up disowning me, using his last breath to hate me, I had to tell him. I even thought hey, if he disowns me, maybe it will be easier to handle his death. After agonizing over it time and time again, attempting and chickening out countless times, I finally told him.”.

“My dad had had a particularly bad day, throwing up pretty much the whole day. He was so weak that he was shaking, barely conscious but unable to sleep from the pain. I got second thoughts that maybe he wasn't strong enough to handle it, but I had kept it inside for too long, I had to get it out, even if I was being selfish. I sat beside him, so nervous I was about to puke. What would I do if he disowned me? Then I would have no one in my corner. I would be all alone in the darkness, unable to find my way to the light. I put my hand on my dad's, my voice a mere whisper. I started, 'Dad, this might come as a big shock so you might want to brace yourself, but I have to tell you something'. With his weak hand he squeezed mine and just said 'I already know. I've always known. I just want you to be happy. I love you, son.'. A lone tear gliding down his cheek. That was all he had strength for, but it was enough for me. That night I cried myself to sleep.” the tears streamed down Seunghyun's cheeks, his voice cracked. Daesung was already bawling, this was the saddest story he had ever heard. He was always moved by sad stories in movies and books, but this was too real to handle. He could feel his heart breaking. He felt as if he somehow had lost Seunghyun's dad as well, as if he had known him and cared about him without even knowing it.

Seunghyun took a deep breath, his voice barely audible, but still he kept going. “The next morning he was dead. All that was dear to me had been taken from me. That morning, I died too.”.