Daesung waved goodbye and watched G-Dragon and Youngbae disappear into the house. His mom was going to kill him. It was past midnight on a school night. And Daesung had at least a half an hour ride in the night bus ahead of him. She would go absolutely ballistic, Daesung cringed at the thought. It was an accident. He had never meant to stay out so long, time had just flown by. Jamming with the guys had been all that Daesung had dreamt of and more! On his way here earlier tonight he had been so terrified he had thought of turning around on the spot and never looking back, even though he had come all this way. However, before he could run away like the chicken that he was, Youngbae had caught up with him so there had been no turning back. Daesung was grateful, he wouldn't have missed this for the world. He even managed to forget about Seunghyun for a couple of hours which was no small feat.

Waiting for the bus, Daesung wondered if he should call his mom to tell her he was alright. There was no way she had gone to sleep with him not back yet. But what if she had inadvertently fallen asleep? He didn't want to risk waking her, or perhaps it was more that he wanted a moment of quiet before he had to face the music. He boarded the empty bus, choosing a seat in the back. He realized he hadn't checked his phone at all while he was at G-Dragon's place. He had put it on silent so it wouldn't bother them at an inconvenient moment. Daesung half expected to see 10 missed calls from his mom, being greeted by police officers on arriving home, his mom already having reported him as a missing person. Oh, he hoped not. He drew a deep breath and checked. No missed call, but there was a message.

Daesung was surprised, his mom never sent text messages despite him having taught her how about a million times. Maybe the millionth time had been the charm Daesung thought as he opened the inbox. 'lobster' flashed before his eyes and before he could even process what it meant, his insides curled up into a giant knot. He pushed 'read' before he could start making up a thousand different horrible scenarios. 'Can we meet and talk?'. Daesung stared at the screen, rereading the message countless times. It was bad. Nobody ever asked to talk unless they had something awful to say, if you had good news you would just say them straight out. His stomach churned. This was it. It had been shorter than he had expected. He had never expected to be able to hold on to a guy like Seunghyun for a long time, but he had hoped for a little more than a blink of an eye. One kiss, that was all he was getting.

As Daesung felt the world come crashing down on him, he realized he was being ungrateful. He should be thankful for the experiences he did get. And one kiss was more than a lot of people got. Some would never get to experience the whirlwind of being in love. Daesung wasn't completely sure what to think about it though. He had felt a kind of happiness he had never before encountered, but then again he had experienced unhappiness that had all but made him check into an insane asylum. Love was a double edged sword and for those not skilled in sword fights, death was the likeliest outcome. Daesung could feel the sword being held up against his throat right now, waiting to rob him of his last breath. The execution had been postponed until tomorrow, since it was already too late to send Seunghyun a reply now. He told himself he was ready, that he didn't need this life, he could blossom in the afterlife. He imagined what the afterlife would look like as he stared out into the darkness of the night, loneliness creeping up on all sides.

There was light in the living room. Daesung's mom was waiting up for him, as he had predicted. He slowly took off his shoes. He was already a dead man, so what kind of punishment he got didn't really matter. He entered the living room, surrendering to his fate. His mom sprang up from the sofa in attack position but one look at Daesung was enough to disarm her. “Oh, honeyboo, come here sweety.” she said and hugged Daesung warmly. He hadn't realized it, but he had been on the verge of tears. His mother's warm embrace broke down his last defenses, the tears making a break for it. Before Daesung knew it, he was howling on his mother's shoulder, his body shaking uncontrollably. It was like a damn had broken inside of him and all that had built up behind it was rushing to get out. “Oh, Daeboo, it's okay, just let it out.” his mother said soothingly, patting his back softly. Daesung felt lucky to have such an amazing mom, he didn't know where he would be without her.

She held him close until he was all cried out. She laid Daesung down on the sofa, lending him her leg as his pillow. She gently his forehead, the worry crease between her eyes clearly showing. “Did you just break up?” she asked quietly. Daesung was taken aback. How did she know he was dating anyone? “How did you..” Daesung began, but was overcome by sobs. “A mother knows.” she said kindly. “You've been practically flying about the house dreamy eyed lately, what else could it be?” she giggled. Daesung was embarrassed, he thought he had hid it pretty well. He was thankful that she wasn't grilling him over which girl it was, he didn't like lying to his mom. “I know it's annoying hearing this now, but it will get better. Maybe not right away, but slowly you will start to forget. Each day will get a little bit better, I promise.” she planted a kiss on his forehead. “Come on, it's way too late and you've got school tomorrow.” she paused, “Did you at least have fun with the guys tonight?”. Daesung had told her about the jam session. He nodded, wiping the tears from his eyes.

On his way to school, he decided he didn't want to spend the whole day on edge. If he was going down, it would be on his terms. 'Okay, let's meet on the roof at lunch :)'. There. Now he could prepare for it mentally. He wasn't going to freak out or show him just how deeply this was affecting him. He was not going to give him the satisfaction. Even though he had only been a passing fling for Seunghyun, a meaningless distraction, it had meant the world to him. Whether he liked it or not, he had completely fallen for Seunghyun. But he was going to make sure Seunghyun didn't find that out. That way he could keep a bit of his dignity. Cool and calm. That was how he was going to play it.

The lunch bell rang. Daesung got a pang in his stomach. He was nauseous. He wasn't sure he could do this, but it was too late to back out now. He could see Seunghyun stand up out the corner of his eye. Daesung did his best not to hyperventilate. He wasn't as ready as he thought he was. He started heading for the door, pearls of sweat appearing on his forehead. He felt clammy. On the corridor he bumped into someone. “Yo! Homie!” G-Dragon waved from the other side, indicating he should come over. This wasn't the best timing, but G-Dragon had been nothing but nice to him so he couldn't just brush him off. Daesung pulled himself together. He headed over there and greeted him with their newly created secret handshake, or handbump more like it. He thanked him for last night and laughing they touched on some of the highlights of the night. “Same time, next week?” G-Dragon beamed at him. “Count me in!” Daesung said smiling.

As he turned around he saw Seunghyun rushing past. Had he been listening in on their conversation? No, that was wishful thinking. Seunghyun had no reason to, he had probably just taken his time getting out of the classroom, planning how he was going to break his heart. Daesung climbed the stairs up to the roof, his spirit lower than ever. He stood in front of the closed door for a while, dreading opening it. “You can do this! Be strong. Be strong. Just... be strong.” he coached himself. The moment had come.

Seunghyun was already there. He had brought a blanket and was opening a bunch of lunch boxes. Bribing him with a fancy lunch was he? A fancy lunch was only a drop in the ocean of hurt he was creating. “Hey.” Daesung said a bit too sullenly. “Hey.” Seunghyun replied dryly. Watching Seunghyun's beautiful hands lay the food out carefully made the tears well up. It took all he had to hold them back. He didn't want to let Seunghyun go, he wanted to hold onto him for dear life. He didn't care how pathetic that would make him look. He wasn't ready to let go.

Before Seunghyun could say anything, Daesung started telling him in detail about the jam session. If he just talked long enough, Seunghyun wouldn't have the time to do what he came here to do. “And you won't believe how awesome G-Dragon is! I thought I knew, but boy was I mistaken. He is probably the most talented person I've ever met in my entire life. His music sense is out of this world! He can just sense the music in everything, it's amazing!” Daesung wasn't lying, he was actually that amazing. Seunghyun didn't seem to appreciate the diversion Daesung was creating, he hardly touched the food. Daesung took an egg roll and stuffed it into his mouth, even though his stomach protested gravely. He continued with his mouth full.

“Oh and you should hear Youngbae sing. He sounds like an angel. I mean it! Like an actual angel!” Daesung was running out of material, but still kept on going. This was the longest lunchtime in the history of humanity. Ring bell, ring! He felt Seunghyun getting impatient, the atmosphere was strained. Daesung started to panic. He had planned to leave this part out of the story, since it was embarrassing and he wanted to look cool in front of Seunghyun. But these were desperate times and maybe it was funny enough to lighten the mood a bit. “When we were starting the first set.. I was so nervous that I was kind of just walking about, fiddling with the mic stand. So when the song started, I was going to make the beginning super cool, bending backwards, lifting the mic stand with me. But I had somehow managed to wrap the cord from the mic around my feet, so I basically tripped myself and if G-Dragon hadn't caught me, I would've probably fallen on the drum set, pulling everything down with me.” Daesung's face was bright red. “I was actually super surprised at how strong G-Dragon is. He like, managed to hold me up without even breaking a sweat!”. Daesung was still impressed and found it hard to believe that it had actually happened.

“Yeah, ehm.. I forgot, I .. I have to go.” Seunghyun said in a hurry, pulling the blanket from under Daesung. He didn't even bother putting the food away, he just wrapped the blanket up into a big bundle of mess and left without saying anything further. Daesung felt empty inside. Maybe he should've been brave and let Seunghyun say what he came here to say. Why should he make it easy on him? He still felt bad. Maybe it was best to get it over with. Daesung began to doubt that he would be able to handle it, perhaps face to face wasn't the way to go. Maybe texting was better, then he didn't have to act all strong and could just bawl his eyes out after getting the boot.

Preparing to leave, Daesung stood up and stuck his hand in the pocket of his blazer, but his phone wasn't there.