“So.. you've never even.. with a girl?” Seunghyun asked curiously. Surprised, Daesung turned around, facing that beautiful masterpiece that was Seunghyun. Daesung wondered why the artists of the world weren't just standing in line, waiting for a chance to try and capture that raw beauty nature had created. Maybe because there was no capturing it, they would always fall short, no matter how talented. It would probably just give them an inferiority complex, throwing them into depression, leading them to end their career. Yeah, they were right not to even try. Daesung felt honored to get a private viewing like this, like he was the only one with the key to the museum that kept all the most precious treasures of the world and he alone could sneak in after hours to marvel at them, slipping past the 'do no touch' barriers to quench his curiosity to his heart's content.

“No.. have you done it with a girl?!” Daesung replied incredulously, watching his reaction carefully, monitoring his every mini-expression for hints. Seunghyun looked like he was pondering just how much he should tell him. Daesung snuggled up to Seunghyun, getting comfortable, indicating that he was in it for the long haul, he wanted the long version of the story. There was something familiar about being in Seunghyun's arms. Like he had been there before, but just didn't remember it. Like amnesia patients that lost their active memories, but retained muscle memory. Daesung could feel it in his bones that this was where he belonged.

“I had a girlfriend once..” Seunghyun finally started. Daesung's heart nearly stopped out of surprise, he'd had a girlfriend? So once upon a time he had been a normal guy, dating his sweetheart, living out the fairytale about the prince and the princess? How was that possible? It was one thing to compete with other guys, but competing with a girl.. it was impossible. Daesung's heart sank. A girl could give him so many things that Daesung would never be able to give him. He could date her in public for one, and she could bear his children and make a happy ever after for him. Daesung couldn't help but think that maybe Seunghyun would be happier with a girl. That maybe Daesung was keeping him from his happiness, forcing him to date in darkness like some dirty homeless mutt. Daesung's heart ached.

“Why did you break up?” Daesung timidly asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. But he had to know the answer. He had to protect Seunghyun's future and happiness, and for that he needed all the information. Seunghyun was quiet. Too quiet. Daesung wasn't sure if he had overstepped some invisible line. Daesung thought Seunghyun's line was too strict, too all-encompassing. They were boyfriends, boyfriends were supposed to share their most intimate thoughts and memories, were they not?

Seunghyun put his arm tighter around Daesung, staring at the ceiling. He sighed. Whatever it was, it was something he didn't feel comfortable talking about. Daesung pondered whether to change the subject, slip in a joke or two and just play around. or whether to press Seunghyun to talk with the silence between them that was still unbroken. Before he could decide, Seunghyun broke it himself.

“My dad got sick..”. Daesung could see the pain in Seunghyun's face. He didn't know what to do, so he just hugged him a little tighter and waited for him to say something. He wanted to know more about his life, about his everything. Every little detail was a point of interest for Daesung, but he got the feeling that pushing for information was not the way to get it.

After a long silence, Seunghyun finally spoke again, “Cancer.. no cure.”. Daesung could see tears forming in Seunghyun's eyes. It hurt that Seunghyun was hurting, Daesung wanted to fix it, he wanted to make all of Seunghyun's hurt go away, permanently. He had never felt so helpless in his whole life. He could do nothing but just lie there, holding Seunghyun, hoping that would give him at least some solace. “They could only delay the inevitable, it was a death sentence. My dad was an incredible man, you see. I looked up to him, I wanted to be exactly like him. He was such a kind soul and he was not only my dad, but also my best friend. We did everything together, he was my entire world.”. Seunghyun hardly stopped to take a breath. Once he finally opened up, it was as if a dam had broken and the information just kept flowing. It was like he couldn't stop. That since he had started, he had to get everything off his chest.

“When I was with my dad, I felt like there was nothing I couldn't do. My dad used to say that if you wanted something bad enough, and worked hard enough, nothing could stop you. That even if society kept telling you you couldn't, you shouldn't listen. You should just hum your favorite song to drown out the skeptics and march on, in the end they would be forced to recognize all your hard work and dedication. My dad lived by that, he worked hard his whole life and what did he have to show for it? Cancer. That's when I realized that the world was unfair and brutal. The world didn't care whether you worked hard or whether you were a good person, if anything, the scumbags that stepped on other people were the ones that got ahead in this life. I lost all hope and spiraled down into severe depression. I did all I could to hide it from my dad, since I didn't want him to spend his last days on this Earth worrying. I started having a lot of one night stands with guys in shady bars, but try as I might, I couldn't block the real world out. Try I did though. I became really distant and at first my girlfriend was really understanding, after all my dad was dying and all. But there's a limit for everything and in the end she gave up and left me.”

“I didn't care, I barely even noticed. It just gave me more time to sleep with guys I didn't know. I didn't care about anything anymore, I couldn't visualize my life without my dad so I felt that not only he was dying, but me too. Life without my dad was pointless. When I thought about it, I felt like I couldn't breathe, like all the oxygen was being out of the atmosphere and when my dad would die, all the oxygen would be gone, leaving only concrete within me, a hollow shell.”

Daesung couldn't hold back his tears any longer. He didn't want Seunghyun to see him crying, since that would only make it harder for him, so he tried to stealthily wipe them away. Only, a single tear escaped his fingers, landing on Seunghyun's collarbone. Daesung froze, hoping Seunghyun hadn't noticed it. But he had. He felt around the area where the tear had dropped with his fingers, stopping when he found the spot, his finger grazing the tiny tear puddle Daesung had just made. Seunghyun paused his journey down memory lane, nudging Daesung's chin upwards to get a better look at his face.

“Oh, cutie.” Seunghyun whispered, his voice trembling. As their eyes met, a tear escaped down Seunghyun's cheek as well. Seunghyun gave him the softest, most heartfelt of kisses as the tears continued flowing down both their cheeks. It was the most intimate moment they had ever shared. Daesung felt as if Seunghyun had finally let him into his heart. It wasn't all happy feel-good, it was more heartwrenchingly feel-bad, but Daesung would gladly offer up his heart to share Seunghyun's burdens. Seunghyun's heart was broken and Daesung didn't have a clue how to go about trying to mend it, or whether it could be mended ever again. But at least he could be there for him, that had to count for something.

Seunghyun drew him into a tight hug, almost too tight, making it difficult to breathe. Seunghyun's skin felt warm against his. Daesung's feelings were growing so strong he wasn't sure he would be able to handle it. He could feel it in every cell of his body. He was starting to care more about Seunghyun than he did himself, wishing he could trade places with him. Wishing he could bear all his pain, allowing Seunghyun to regain his happiness and faith in the world.

“Should I stop here?” Seunghyun inquired, drying Daesung's tears. “This wasn't my intention.” Seunghyun half-smiled hopelessly. Daesung shook his head, “No, go on. I want to know more.”.