A/N: A narration. Mostly. So, if you don't like this type of writing, I offer you to better skip this story. :)

       It's another lengthy update, so please cherish your eyes, my dearest reader...don't read it in one go . Enjoy reading ^^

 

BGM: BoA – Between Heaven and Hell

 

I should actually hate you, the more I embrace you, it hurts

Although when morning comes, I will look for you again

I should actually push it back, this love that can’t be used anymore

Because time will blur us again somehow

 

(Flashback)

Anyang – Day 5, Yong Hwa’s side

Five days had passed, and the situation in the Anyang Hospital was more or less a little bit better now. Five days of hardworking, sleep deprived, sinking with coffee, finally Yong Hwa along with his team could get a sigh of relieved. But, just right when Yong Hwa thought that his work were lessening, apparently, God has his own way to show his love to Yong Hwa, because that night….

“Doctor….doctor…Help… please save my wife” The man who looked like probably 3 or 4 years older than Yong Hwa abruptly got in to the ER area while carrying his wife in a bride style. The inpatient wards were all used by the patients, and even the hospital didn’t have any choice beside to make the alley of those room somehow became an “inpatient wards” as well, due to the overload patients in the hospital, because Anyang, which is one of the small town in South Korea and there were not much hospital too, so that was the best treatment that the hospital could give to the patients.

The man looked frantic, with his forehead full of cold sweat, red eyes, and his-still-damp-cheek, which is it was obvious that he was crying earlier.

Yong Hwa who was just hang his stethoscope back to his neck after checking his patient, looked up and observed him.

Scared and lost were clearly showed all over the man’s face. Yong Hwa noticed. His gaze then turned to the motionless body that was carried by the man, which is none other than the man’s wife. Her skin looked pale, like, really pale, as pale as a white paper but somehow  its  covered with a red stain, also she looked terribly skinny -- just like another former patient that he took care, a malaria one.

With his still frantic-nervous looked and somehow a hopeless voice, the man looked at Yong Hwa with a pleading eyes.

“Please…save my wife…doctor…please…” he said, with a crack voice, and just like that, the man started to sobbed that made his hands were trembling.

Yong Hwa locked his gaze with him and he ordered the nurses with “Let’s take her in”

The woman, then being brought to the emergency room, her husband placed her on the bed carefully, and before he finally left the room due to the order of the nurse and also the hospital procedure, he took his wife’s right hand, then kissed it softly, whispering “Saranghae”, then he looked up to meet Yong Hwa’s gaze.

“Putakhaeyo euisa sunsaengnim…” he said.

Yong Hwa nodded and soon the ER door was closed.  While the husband was waiting outside, Yong Hwa started to do the medical check up for his wife, started from checking her eyes, her tongue, the blood pressure, pulse, and all that was necessary. Yong Hwa frowned and bit his lips, feeling a little bit uneasy after checking her condition, even though she wasn’t his first patient that came to him with the-already-worse-condition, but something made Yong Hwa, somehow, felt sorry for the husband of the patient, he didn’t know why, but he just felt like that. And from what he saw, he concluded, that the woman was already in a bad state of condition.

“Move her to the inpatient wards, make sure that she’s being placed INSIDE the room” Yong Hwa said with a stern voice to the nurses, with the emphasizes of the “inside” word.

The three nurses looked at each other eyes, before finally the one who was stood beside Yong Hwa said “But sunsaengnim, there’s no room left, we could only placed her at the alley just like the earlier patients”

“Andwae. Find a way, she has to be placed inside the room so she could get the intensive treatment, or else we’re going to lo--”

Yongha hung his words and shut his eyes in desperate, this is one of the million things that he hated of being a doctor.

“We have to do everything possible to help her” Yong Hwa continued his words.

He stared to the three nurses eyes, to make sure that his wish would be grant by them.

“Find a room for her. Putakhaeyo” Yong Hwa ended his words and somehow his voice was heard like a plead.

And  finally gained a nodded and “Algeseumnida” from the nurses.

Yong Hwa nodded and smiled at them. He was heaved a deep sigh before finally he turned his hell, proceed to walked out of the room, feeling already hard with what he’s going to do. Another thing that he hate of being a doctor, which is giving a full explanation to the relatives about the current condition of the patient.

Fighting, Yong Hwa.

When Yong Hwa stepped out from the ER, and the automatic door made its way to closed slowly, the man was approached him, half running and the worried-frantic look was still there. He looked even paler now, seemed like he was the one who’s going to passed out.

“Wh—what… How… How’s my wife?”

He finally managed to complete his sentence.

“Let’s have a seat first, Sir…” Yong Hwa said, as he patted the man shoulder’s lightly then headed to the bench nearby while the man just followed him obediently

Once they reached for their seat, Yong Hwa offered his hand and a warm smile, signaling to have a handshake with the husband of the patient that he’s going to take care of.

“Seung Gi. I’m Lee Seung Gi, Doctor Jung” The man said, as he also reached for his hand and trying hard to put on a warm smile on his lip even though the realization that his wife was dying inside the ER room was hardly made him to fake a smile.

“Alright, Lee Seung Gi-ssi, listen…right now your wife is—“

“What happened to Yoon Ah? She’s alright, isn’t she? She’s going to be just fine, right? She was just exhausted right, doctor?”

Seung Gi already drowning Yong Hwa with bunch of question, even before he let Yong Hwa finished the explanation first.

“Lee Seung Gi-ssi please calm yourself first…” Yong Hwa suggested, as he put on his hand on Seung Gi’s shoulder and patted it lightly.

Seung Gi shut his eyes and threw his head back in desperate then he ruffled his hair, trying to calm down a bit and got his sense back because the moment he looked at Yoon Ah sleeping helplessly on the ER, he thought that he already lose his mind.

“I’m—I’m sorry Doctor… I’m just… I… Sorry…” Seung Gi couldn’t even find his words to answered Yong Hwa.

Yong Hwa nodded his head, showing that he’s understand with Seung Gi’s act.

“Lee Seung Gi-ssi, are you feeling calmer now? Better?”

Seung Gi nodded with his eyes-closed then said “Yes doctor, please just tell me everything about her condition”

“Alright then, Lee Seung Gi-ssi…while your wife was being brought to the hospital, her condition was, well how could I say, uhm… her condition was already quite worrying—“

But again, before Yong Hwa finished his sentence, Seung Gi already grabbed his collar and pulled him to stood up from his seat roughly.

“YAH NEO!” Seung Gi shouted with a piercing eyes, that looked like ready to eat Yong Hwa alive.

That act, was of course gaining attention from the people around them and even made some nurses and doctors approached them in a hurry, preventing from any further action from Seung Gi, that was indeed, would lead to such a harsh act.

Yong Hwa raised his left hand, signaling them to stop approaching and struggling to say “Kwaencanha”.

“Sir, calm down and please consider it, that this is a hospital not a boxing arena” Doctor Yoo Jae Sook said, as he got alarmed with what’s Seung Gi’s gong to do next.

“Kwaencanha Hyung” Yong Hwa said once again, with a close-to-normal voice, this time, feeling that Seung Gi’s gripped on his collar was a bit loosening, though he still stared at Yong Hwa with his red eyes.

Yong Hwa gripped Seung Gi’s hand, then said “Please…calm down Lee Seung Gi-ssi”, and he tried to released Seung Gi’s gripped, and it was a succeed, Seung Gi slowly released his tight gripped from Yong Hwa’s collar.

When Yong Hwa thought that Seung Gi was calmer and he could finish this by himself, he signaled the nurses and the doctors that was surrounding them to back off, and was telling them that he’s alright. Then one by one, the nurses and the doctors left them and went to checked their patients back. The last one who left was Jae Suk, before he gave Seung Gi a dead glare and assured himself that he won’t harm Yong Hwa.

Seung Gi was panting, like he was just running around the hospital court, when he wasn’t. He looked down, staring to the floor, his hands into a ball, trying to ease hi anger for he finally got his sense back and realized that punching or strangling the doctor who took care of your wife and trying to safe her was obviously not a wise thing to do.

“Lee Seung Gi-ssi, are you alright? Do you still need more times?” Yong Hwa asked, full of concern.

Seung Gi shook his head while closing his eyes, and ruffled his hair in desperate then said “No, it’s okay. I—I’m sorry doctor… I shouldn’t have done that to you… I’m really sorry”

Yong Hwa smiled then he said “No one gets hurt, so it’s alright. Don’t mind it, I’m fine. So, could we start to discuss the matter  now?”

“Thank you doctor Jung, and yes, of course, please…just…just tell everything to me, whatever it is, I’ll try to understand all of it, doctor”

“Alright then, have a seat…”

Then Yong Hwa started to spill out everything that was related to his wife’s condition. What happened to her, what made her turned like that, including how bad her current condition is, what’s the necessary treatment to be taken by her, what will her condition leads to if she didn’t reduced her fever tonight, and all, Yong Hwa just told every single thing to him but still, he was choose the right words and the delicate sentence, wishing that it would lessen Seung Gi’s worries. Fortunately, Seung Gi was showing his cooperative act during the explanation of his wife condition, he was listened to it carefully and paid attention to every words that Yong Hwa spilled. Though, his expression was kept changing from a worried, to uneasy, then slightly frantic, and turned to troubled until finally he looked so hopeless as Yong Hwa already finished his words.

“Your wife’s going to be move to the treatment room and let’s pray that everything will be alright”

Seung Gi nodded while he was still staring blankly to the floor, then slowly he lift his head and looked at Yong Hwa.

“Algeseumnida sunsaengnim, and I’m sorry for being rude and act like a rascal earlier, I was just… It’s really something that I’ve never thought that it would happen to my wife. I’m really really sorry, doctor”

“Like I said, Seung Gi-ssi, no one’s hurting, so it supposed to be alright. Beside…”

There was a short paused when Yong Hwa hung his words before finally he continued his words again.

“….I’m a husband to, so…. I guess…more or less I could understand your feeling, an I promise I’m going to put all of my efforts to help her” Yong Hwa said, as he ended his sentence with a warm smile.

“Thank you doctor, thank you so much…” Seung Gi said with a glazed eyes, and slowly smiling sincerely, his first sincere smile today. He bowed repeatedly to Yong Hwa.

“Aniyo Lee Seung Gi-ssi… That’s the reason why I’m here” Yong Hwa said as he too, smiled to him.

Then Yong Hwa excused himself from there, telling Seung Gi that he was still had another patients to be checked. So, after the exchanged bows of the two, Yong Hwa walked passed him and proceed to the front door hurriedly the moment he saw there was another patient who had just entered to the hospital.

***

It was 02.30 am actually, when Yong Hwa finally have some leisure times to freshened himself after hours dealing with the patients, operations, medicines, and all. He rubbed his neck with his right hand, trying to lessening his tensed muscles as he made his move to the cafeteria. Min Hyuk, his best friend was already go to their room, choosing to sleep right away after finished his works, afraid that he might be won’t have times to sleep on the next day. So here he was, walking alone to the 24 hours cafeteria, craving for another cup of coffee for he was afraid that the total of 6 hours of sleep that he got in these past five days might be messed up the moment he checked his patients because he felt sleepy, and that’ll surely made his patients in danger. So even though he knew that drinking too much coffee isn’t good for her health, but he’ll take the risk as long as he could stay up longer so he could help more patients. And the faster he finished his job right there, the sooner he could go home, and meet his wife, Seo Hyun, to clear all the messed up things between the two of them, between their relationship, whatever relationship they had for now.

On the cafeteria, Yong Hwa met the man again, his brows furrowed when he recognized the man who was sitting alone at the corner of the cafeteria is Lee Seung Gi-ssi.  Despite his bunch of patients these past days, Yong Hwa felt something different with this one, it was like they have something-in-connect that made Yong Hwa wanted to knows him better.  He still didn’t know what the reason was, and well…make friend with your patient isn’t a sin anyway, he thought. So, he decided to approached him. Bringing his black coffee in his left hand, Yong Hwa walkd slowly towards him.

“Annyeonghaseyo Lee Seung Gi-ssi” Yong Hwa greeted.

The man looked surprised, seemed like he was just awake from his daydreaming.

“O—oh…Jung sunsaeng… Annyeonghaseyo” the man stood abruptly as he bowed his body.

Yong Hwa also bowed at him, then smiled.

“Is this taken? May I join?” Yong Hwa asked, pointed to the empty chair across the man’s seat.

“Aniyo doctor Jung… Of course, please, have a seat…”

Yong Hwa smiled, “Thank you…” then he placed his black coffee on the table.

Seung Gi just giving him a smiled as an answer.

Yong Hwa took a sip of his black coffee, while Seung Gi was playing with the straw of his lemon tea.

“Why are you still up Doctor Jung?” Seung Gi asked.

Yong Hwa put the cup neatly on the table before he answered.

“Ah… Keugae…  I’ve to checked the progress of one of my patient around 4 o’clock, I’m afraid that I’ll passed the times if I get some sleep, so… I’d better stayed up” Yong Hwa said, then soon having another sip of his black coffee.

“Ah… Is that so? But, aren’t you tired?” Seung Gi asked, sincerely, after he caught the dark circles of both of Yong Hwa’s eyes, it’s really obvious that he hadn’t get enough sleep.

“Tired? Well… I guess I am… But when I think about how my patients need me as their doctor, they need their doctor to lean on, no matter how I tired, it can always strengthened me and gained more energy to me Lee Seung Gi-sii”

“You’re really a good doctor, Doctor Jung”

“Ah....aniyo Lee Seung Gi-ssi, I’m far from what you’re talking about…” Yong Hwa said modestly.

“No it’s not, you really are a good doctor sunsaengnim. Your wife must be proud of you” Seung Gi praised wholeheartedly, and even managed to put a smile on his lips.

Strangely it hit Yong Hwa’s heart. Hearing “…your wife must be proud of you” was somehow built up a strange feeling in his heart, according to the relationship between him and Seo Hyun right now made him wondered, does Seo Hyun still acknowledged him as her husband?

Yong Hwa just smiled bitterly upon hearing it, and again, sipping to his black coffee that strangely turned more bitter for him.

“How about you, Lee Seung Gi-ssi? Why are you still stay up? I’m sure that you need to get sleep too” Yong Hwa asked, trying to divert the subject.

“Please just call me Seung Gi, doctor Jung… I feel more comfortable with that, so do you mind?”

“Ah ne, of course, then call me Yong Hwa instead, just pretend that we’re having a chingoo-talk here”

Seung Gi nodded then smiled to him, “Well, I don’t think that I can’t sleep in this kind of condition Yong Hwa, you know…. How could I sleep when my wife was struggling for her life in there” he said with a hurt tone.

“…….Yoon Ah-ssi is a strong woman, I believe that she won’t let her illness beats her, let’s just have faith in her”

Seung Gi nodded weakly and trying to cheer up as he said “Yeah, you’re right, she’s my wife, so she must be a strong woman”

“Your wife really lucky for having a husband who loves her so much” Yong Hwa said wholeheartedly, but he didn’t know why, after finished his sentence somehow he felt a coldness in his heart, it was like something was make his heart frozen for a split of second.

Seun Gi smiled disappeared by Yong Hwa’s words, instead he chuckled then smiled bitterly and he turned his gaze to the glass window beside him.

“Lucky? I don’t think so…” He said, eyes locked on the scenery outside.

Yong Hwa frowned, feeling confused with his answer, he was about to asked Seung Gi again, but was taken aback when he was witnessing Seung Gi’s troubled expression and he was sighing in frustrated.

“Mind to tell me?” Yong Hwa suggested, feeling that something must be bothering Seung Gi since he made that kind of expression.

“Ne?” Seung Gi asked weakly, didn’t what to responded actually.

“Well… we’re chingoo, right? I guess it’s normal to share story between friends, don’t you think?”

Actually, Yong Hwa wasn’t that kind of person who will digging or inquiring someone’s personal life, he had that cold personality who’ll just brushed it off when he saw people around him looked troubled or so on. Having a what so called “chingoo talk” and trying to help friend’s problem was really rare for him to do, he was just did it once in a while, and only to Min Hyuk. But apparently, with this Lee Sung Gi guy, Yong Hwa acted different, because something made him feel the strong urge to did that.

“Yeah….you’re right” Seung Gi responded, smiling bitterly to himself.

After considering for minutes, Seung Gi looked up, seemed like he was wondering and trying to find the right way to spill everything out.

“We…. were married because of the arranged married that was planned by our parents…” Seung Gi finally started.

Yong Hwa’s brows raised, as he couldn’t hid that he was quite surprised with Seung Gi’s confession, well…how could he not? The situation was more or less…..same with his. But Yong Hwa choose to talk nothing anyway, and let Seung Gi finished his sentence.

Seung Gi continued again with “….. At that time, I was drowned in a black hole after my girlfriend dumped me and go with another namja, so when my parents told me that they’d like to introduce my wife-to-be, I simply agreed, for I don’t really care to whom I’m going to marry, I really don’t give a damn about that. My family and her family have a good relationship, not only in business but also in friendship-relationship, and just like that, I’ve finally married Yoon Ah, my Im Yoon Ah…”

Yong Hwa fully listened him, as he felt that his blood was rushed rapidly through his pulse and as Seung Gi spill words by words from hi mouth, Yong Hwa too, felt his heart beats faster and faster.

There’s a paused and the long sigh before Seung Gi finally continued his sentence.

“Im Yoon Ah… She’s the best gift that heaven ever gave to me. She’s just like the angel that God ordered to put a light in my dark life, to bring happiness in my sorrow days, to make me warm in my cold seasons, she’s…..she’s everything to me… and if only…if only I realized all of it a little bit sooner… ” Seung Gi hung his sentence again, as he felt that his voice was starting to cracked and was near to sobbed, and of course as a namja, it would be so unacceptable to cry in public, with someone that you just be friends with some minutes ago.

Yong Hwa titled his head, got a creased on his forehead “Sooner? What do you mean?”, he couldn’t stop himself to ask, though.

Seung Gi looked at his eyes, and said “I’m a bastard Yong Hwa-ssi… I’m a bloody jerk bastard…” he said those words once again, and turned his gaze back to outside scenery when he continued.

 “Ever since we were married, I had never behaved like a husband for her.. I even… I even cheated on her… Without her knowing, I was started everything again with my ex-girlfriend, she was came to me asking for a second chance at that very second I was really madly deeply in love with my ex, so without  a second thought I said “yes” then we were started everything from the very first start, and just like that I’ve betrayed her, I’ve betrayed my wife…”

Seung Gi bent down his head, his glistening eyes couldn’t hold the tears any longer, as he shut his eyes, his tears dropped to his lap. Yong Hwa didn’t know what to do or what to say to be honest. He didn’t know what was making him frozen in his seat like that. Was it because it’s his first time experiencing seeing a guy crying in front of him or was it because Seung Gi’s story was…..once again….more or less…having a sync with his. Yong Hwa started to fear of what he’s going to listened next.

While in his seat, Seung Gi looked uneasy and saying “Ah, mianhae” hurriedly and soon thumbed his tears away. Yong Hwa was still rooted on his seat and didn’t give any respond to him, for he was to busy to prepare himself to listened to the whole story from Seung Gi.

After he felt a bit calmed down, he continued.

“I never care with her, whether she’s sad, or having a hard times with his work, or even sick, I don’t care, I ignored her, but as much I made a distance and getting far away from her, she kept stepping forward and showered me with her love, her care, her tenderness, she never even mad at me even once, even when she…even when she was finally found out that I was cheating, she didn’t mad at me, instead she was blaming herself for being a horrible wife so I go to another woman, I still remember, at that time when she saw me kissing in my office with my girlfriend, with a teary eyes and crack voice, instead of cursing me or hit me,  and much to surprised, she was apologizing to me, I still remember her words clearly, like it was just happen yesterday….”

Yong Hwa sank deeply in every words that Seung Gi uttered, he could even imagine if he was being in his shoes. And that made Yong Hwa scared even more. But, though he didn’t know why he felt scared so sudden, Yong Hwa dared himself to asked Seung Gi about what Yoon Ah said to him, on the day she found out that her husband was betrayed her.

“Wh—what was sh—she said?” Yong Hwa asked, feeling dumb for stuttering without no reasons.

 Seung Gi bent down his head, and shut his eyes in desperate again, before he finally found his voice, though sounded a bit trembled.

“Mianhae… I’m such a useless wife for you, mianhae oppa…mianhae…”

“That was what she said to me” Seung Gi turned his head to looked at Yong Hwa with his glistening eyes, before finally threw his gaze back to outside.

“Mwo?” Yong Hwa said as soon as Seung Gi finished his words, couldn’t believe his ear for the words that he just heard. Apology for the betrayer? That was non sense. Yong Hwa thought.

Seung Gi chuckled bitterly, then said “It doesn’t make sense, does it? Apology for a bastard like me? It’s not logic for me too, I mean, she has any right to cure me, slap me, punch me, even spit right on my face. I won’t mind it, because really, I deserved that. But, I just couldn’t believe, how could she so dumb like that?”

Yong Hwa was silent and only looked at him, still startled.

“And that hit me, I guess that was my turning point, after that incident, I realized that what I felt for my girlfriend was not a truly happiness, it was a fake, just a pseudo happiness for me. I realized that what I felt for her was just an obsession, it wasn’t a love… But what Yoon Ah showed and did to me, it’s a love, a true love. Because even after that incident, she was still treating me like usual, though I could see there was still a pain and hurt in her eyes and her smiled didn’t reach her eyes, but she was till act like a wife for me, take care for my foods, clothes, wishing me a good day…”

Seung Gi was taking a deep breathe, before he added his sentence. “And I was so ashamed of her that I couldn’t even tell her that I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, for breaking her heart, once again. I was dumb, no, I’m still a dumb, even now. Just like I told you before, I had never care for her, not even when she got sick. Until one day, I knew that something’s wrong with YoonA, she looked paler and thinner day by day, and red stains were showing more as day goes by on her body. I asked her, but she said it was only an allergic and she will recovered soon, because I was such a back then, so I was just brushed it off and got crazy with my girlfriend, until finally one day I realize what ‘s my heart really feel, so I broke up with my girlfriend and planning to make it all up with Yoon Ah, to collect the breaking pieces and started from the beginning with her, but… I’m afraid that it was too late…”

Yong Hwa frowned, “What was too late, Seung Gi?” feeling his palm was turned colder, the moment Seung Gi hung his words again. To be honest, Yong Hwa really wanted to leave him there, scared for what he’s going to uttered next, for Yong Hwa had a strange feeling about that, the feeling about hearing something that he couldn’t bear.

Seung Gi sighed then answered “Yesterday, or should I say hours ago? Because I could still feel the same scared even now. Well, what happened hours ago before I brought her to here, was really like a doomsday to me, I went home after full day of work, but somehow the circumstances in our house was a bit different, usually at night YoonA would let the light on the living room , so it won’t be too dark for me when I got back home in the middle of the night, but at that time, our home was really dark, there was no light that , I called her, but she didn’t answered, I the light at the living room and headed to our bedroom but she wasn’t there, I walked to the guest room, still I found nothing, until finally I decided to went to the kitchen, and that was for my first time in my life I felt terribly scared to the point that I was rooted and frozen in my spot as I looked down and found her laid motionless on the floor…”

Yong Hwa gulped upon hearing his words, so it was right, his strange feeling was right. What just he heard wasn’t a pleasant thing to be heard.

“The vegetables and a knife were scattered on the floor… She fainted on the kitchen with her apron still on her body, it was really obvious that she was planning to cooked me dinner” Seung Gi added.

Yong Hwa could see that Seung Gi gritted his teeth, and looked so tensed.

“From what I remembered, when I touched Yoon Ah’s hand, he was never as cold as that very second, I was scared, I was really scared because no matter I screamed her name over again, no matter I shook her body, she didn’t budge, she didn’t opened her eyes, she didn’t answered me, she didn’t wake up… And at that moment, I found the world was stop spinning. The images of her flashed  really fast in my head like an old movies, her smile, her laugh, her voice, and also that sad face when she cried when she found out that I was cheating came to my mind just like a storm and I…I…”

Seung Gi couldn’t finished his sentence again, for he couldn’t help to sobbed pathetically right there. The hell with dignity, because the thoughts of losing his dearest wife was most matter for now. He thought.

While in his seat, Yong Hwa was still the same-old frozen figure, who didn’t know what to do or what to responded. But, the realization that Seung Gi story was really, now he dared say, much like his, kind of frightening him. And the thoughts of how bad Yoon Ah conditions now, was not making it better either. While Seung Gi was sobbing pitifully in front of him, suddenly Seo Hyun’s smiling face was popped out in his head, and though he admitted that he must be near to insane because he felt like he was just hearing Seo Hyun’s voice calling him “Oppa” sweetly, when in fact, she wasn’t there, and probably already fell asleep by now. He was closed to imagining the most frightening scenarios in his head, what if Seo Hyun…

Yong Hwa hurriedly shook his head and shut his eyes tightly, was stopping his crazy-scaring imagination in his head.

Ani. It won’t be happening, it won’t be happening. He repeated it all over again in his head.

“God! I’m sorry Yong Hwa, it must be make you feel uncomfortable” Seung Gi said, as he hurriedly dried his cheeks with his palm.

Seung Gi’s voice snapped Yong Hwa’s back to reality, so he gained all his attention back to Seung Gi, who looked like a mess now, with still-wet-cheek and messy hair.

“Aniya. Kwaencanha. I mean, who won’t be broken to see someone that we love the most got sick, right?” Yong Hwa said, offered his smile trying to cheer him up.

Seung Gi smiled weakly, but his stared was still locked on his lap.

“……..Will she forgive me?” Seung Gi asked bluntly, more to himself actually.

Yong Hwa froze while Seung Gi looked up and stared to the still-dark-sky through the window.

“Will she ever forgive me? Will I have a second chance with her?” Seung Gi asked again still without turning his gaze from the dark sky out there.

Yong Hwa had no clue of what should he say to console him, for he also got an exact same question to himself.

Will Seo Hyun forgive me? Will she?

“She will” he finally gave an answer to Seung Gi, despite all of his worries, he just felt that at that very moment he had to say it.

Seung Gi smiled bitterly, and murmuring “Jeongmal?”, but without looking at Yong Hwa.

Yong Hwa could heard it though, so seeking for an answer, he stared at his black coffee, as if it would give him an explanation. Then he remembered her, he remembered what she said to him when he was sinking in his guilty for he couldn’t stay by his grandma’s side in her last time. Somehow, it was like brought him back to that situation again, when he was in a grief and just staring blankly to the dark sky at his night in Busan, he was all alone in the backyard when all of his family were already fell asleep--well at least that was what he thought—and he was desperately dying to find the answer “Will grandma forgive me?”, and then he felt someone approached him, as if she was listening to his unspoken words, with a warm smile on his face she walked closer only to stood in front of him and reached for his hand. She held it tight before she said “Halmoni will forgive you oppa, because she loves you and love means forgiveness….”, that sentence was successfully made Yong Hwa froze in his spot, but somehow it made all of his worries and fears were flying away without leaving a track. He felt so relieved just because she said one simple sentence like that, Yong Hwa could find nothing as an answer so he held her hand just as tight and nodded with a sincere smile, hoping that it will deliver his gratefulness to her, she was also smile at him even wider before she suggested “It’s getting cold here, let’s get inside oppa…”.

 “How could you be sure Yong Hwa?”

Again, Seung Gi’s voice snapped him from the flashback that he just traveled seconds ago. He looked up and firmly answered him with the same answer that he got that dark cold night.

 “……..Because she loves you and love means forgiveness Lee Seung Gi… ”

On this dark and cold night too in Anyang, Lee Seung Gi felt an unexpectedly warmness from Yong Hwa’s words that made him pursed a smile on his lips without even notice. More or less the same with what Yong Hwa felt back then.

“Gomawoo….. Gomawoo Yong Hwa-yah…”

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

Yong Hwa’s pager was started to beep when he was about to responded Seung Gi’s words.

“Ah, wait a second” Yong Hwa said, then took out his pager from his white jacket pocket.

It was from the ER. Showing that another patient just come by now.

“I’m really sorry Seung Gi-yah, but ER needs me”

“No, please, don’t apologize. And once again, thank you Yong Hwa-yah, really. I feel better after talking to you. Thank you Doctor Jung Yong Hwa, you’re really a nice person”

“Aniya… ” Yong Hwa shook his head modestly, but a smile plastered on his lips.

“Thank you Lee Seung Gi, so much” he added.

Seung Gi frowned, “But, what for?” he asked in confused. Yong Hwa was the one who listened to all of his confession and all, it should be him who thanked Yong Hwa, isn’t it?

Yong Hwa just smiled, and stood from his seat, which is being followed by Seung Gi to also stood up. And with one last bowed, Yong Hwa turned and walked out from the cafeteria, proceed to the place where he was needed.

Thank you, for made ​​me realize to protect the most precious thing that I almost lost.

Well, apparently, Seung Gi wasn’t the only namja who just realized what was being left behind in his life. The same, goes to another namja, and it was Jung Yong Hwa.

***

 After checking his new patient that dawn, Yong Hwa was walking hurriedly, half running, actually, to check up for Yoon Ah. He placed his palm on her forehead, pulling out his small flashlight and carefully opened her eyes, after that he put on his stethoscope to check her internal system. Yong Hwa closed his eyes and sighed in relieved as he found that miraculously, Yoon Ah condition’s better, at least for now.

Lee Seung Gi  who was stood beside Yong Hwa, altogether with Yoon Ah’s father –that was just arrived from Seoul moments ago—who also stood nervously and obviously tensed beside his son-in-law, was looking to Yong Hwa with a full of hope, when Yong Hwa straightened his body and placed his stetoschope neatly on his right rocket.

They were still couldn’t even find their voice to ask a simple question like “How is she?”, but when Yong Hwa curved a smile, all the worries, the fears, the breathtaking moment were kind of swept away by a simple gesture from Yong Hwa.

“Your wife is really a strong woman” Yong Hwa began.

Seung Gi, his father-in-law, also his parents could only looked at him, silently seeking for a further explanation.

“Though her condition’s still weak but she has been through her critical period, so she still needs all of the intensive treatment, she’s doing a good job, so now it’s our turn to keep praying for her”

Seung Gi knelt down as he felt the most relieved moment of his life, covering his face with his two hands, feeling all the tensed all over his body were lessening until he felt boneless because of too much happiness, when in fact he was just informed that his wife is in a better condition now.

Yong Hwa squatted to match his gesture with Seung Gi, soon he put his hand over Seung Gi’s shoulder, smiling warmly as he said “Don’t lost the chance, chingoo-yah”

Because I won’t let mine got lost too. Yong Hwa vowed.

***

The moment he left the room after checking for Yoon Ah, Yong Hwa walked towards his room, and once he got in there, he searched for his phone right away, was feeling so eager to make a phone call for someone he missed so much though it was still dawn. Soon, he took his phone which is place on the study desk. He unlocked the phone screen then scrolled to find her name and made a call for her.

Another waiting line was being heard all over again, but the one who was being called wasn’t answering, at all. Yong Hwa got his forehead creased, both upset and disappointed were floating on him.

Why’d she didn’t pick up? Didn’t she miss me like I did? Or…or…. did she forget me already?

“Ah mwoya!” Yong Hwa shouted as he threw his body to sit on his chair, feeling desperate just because he’s call was being ignored.

Just then, Min Hyuk was got in to their room, since the two were a roommate. Min Hyuk’s brows raised upon seeing Yong Hwa looked troubled, while sitting in his chair and staring to his cell phone.

“Hyung, wae?” Min Hyuk asked, as he took off his white jacket and hung it neatly behind the door.

Yong Hwa ruffled his hair while murmuring something that can’t be heard by Min Hyuk.

“Hyung…?” Min Hyuk asked again, since he found nothing as an answer.

“She didn’t pick up. She didn’t answer my call!” Yong Hwa said, pouting and frowning.

Min Hyuk titled his head, was trying to digested what Yong Hwa meant.

“Huh? She? Nu….gu?” he asked, feeling absentmindedly.

Yong Hwa glared at him, before he said “Who else do you think?”

Now, his titled head was added by a frowned on his face. But, when he realized about what was Yong Hwa talking about, his expression turned cold, feeling upset already realizing that how could his hyung still thinking about that girl and not hyungsoonim?,Next, he looked straight to Yong Hwa.

“Don’t say it’s about Shin H—“

“Yah! Of course not, it’s not about her!” Yong Hwa cut his words, suddenly feeling annoyed when he sensed where Min Hyuk lead his words to.

That made Min Hyuk dumbfounded, so he asked again “Then?”

Yong Hwa rolled his eyes, and with his eyes closed, he said “Seo Hyun-ie”

Min Hyuk’s brows raised, while Yong Hwa opened his eyes and stared at him, saying

“Seo Joo Hyun, my wife, who else?” He announced firmly, and with his one last glared at Min Hyuk, he put his phone on his ear, waiting for the answer from the-still-same-person.

Min Hyuk gaped and widened his eyes, before finally he got his sense back and pulled his chair to sit just centimeters away from his hyung.

“Hyungsoonim? It’s really hyungsoonim? I’m not mistaken, right?”

Yong Hwa only eyed him with annoyed, hand still holding his phone.

“Whooaaa daebak!!!” Min Hyuk cheered with a loud voice, and even clapping in excitement.

Yong Hwa sighed, decided to just stopped calling her.

Next, he turned his gaze to Min Hyuk, feeling annoyed even more hearing his dongsaeng blabbering just because he was calling his wife. What’s wrong with that? He thought.

“You’d better close your mouth before you chocked by flies” Yong Hwa said dryly.

That made Min Hyuk stopped clapping and shut his mouth immediately. But that doesn’t stop him from digging information.

“Yah Hyung, it’s for real Hyung? You just called Hyungsoonim? Is there something urgent?”

“Tch! Yah! Am I just allow to call her if there’s something urgent? I just…you know… feeling like… want to talk to her. Yeah,  I call her because I want to, so what’s the problem?” Yong Hwa explained, though he, himself, even had no idea, why’d he felt like he needed to call her right there and then.

His answered, made Min Hyuk –unmanly—covered his gaped mouth with his two hands.

“Oh my God! What happened here? Hyung…. You…. Do you…fall…for….her? I mean like, fall…in love with Hyungsoonim?”

Yong Hwa successfully froze in his seat. Was trying to swallowing what his meant and causing he asked the same question for himself too. Do I? Do I fall for her? He thought.

Something made Yong Hwa feel embarrassed and causing his cheeks flushed red, while Min Hyuk was already giggling and desperately held back his laugh witnessing silly act from his Hyung. So, in order to save his last self-respect from the hoobae, Yong Hwa put on his cold face back and plainly answered him.

“So, whenever I called you that it means I fall in love with you Kang Min Hyuk? Please, don’t exaggerate things”

“Ayeee! Of course that’s not what I mean Hyung! You knew it, don’t be embarrassed with me just admit it Hyung…” Min Hyuk didn’t bother with the annoyed face that Yong Hwa made, instead he was feel so energize to for some more.

“Yah! I just want to call my wife when I feel like wanna talk to her, what’s the problem with that, huh?!”

“Whoaaa… Hyung, you even sounded like a husband now…” Min Hyuk commented again, with his jaw that looked almost dropped.

Yong Hwa narrowed his eyes at Min Hyuk, feeling annoyed with his commented, then said

 “I AM a husband!”

“I know…but you sound like… I mean… like a real husband…”

Yong Hwa turned his head and lifted his hand, ready to smacked Min Hyuk’s head while yelling “YAH!”, but he stopped when Min Hyuk-luckily-got his head covered by his hands.

Peeking from his arm, Min Hyuk decided to put down his hand after he made sure that Yong Hwa was calmed down, though he still put on his deadly glared at Min Hyuk.

“ANI ANI!! I mean…. I was saying that, I didn’t used to see you act like that… Mi—mianhae Hy—Hyung”

Yong Hwa rolled his eyes with his mouth slightly opened, throwing an annoyed chuck as he said “Tch! Just be use to that from now on”

“Ahrasseo…” Min Hyuk showed his toothy grinned while nodding in agreement and causing his eyesmile was plastered cutely on his face.

Yong Hwa just chuckled and shook his head upon seeing his dongsaeng behave so silly like that. But then when he realized that all of those phone called that he made earlier was being ignored when he was dying to talk to her, he heaved a long sigh and pouted his mouth, which is got Min Hyuk’s attention.

“Wae tto Hyung?”

“Ani….I’m just… Uhm… She didn’t picked up my calls…” Yong Hwa asked weakly.

“Did she forget about me already?” He was murmuring actually, but Min Hyuk still could hear it clearly.

He hold back his laugh, knowing that if he didn’t do it his hyung was so going to got a real smacked on his head.

“Ah…. Hyungsoonim?” Min Hyuk asked, trying to sounded normal, when in fact, he was really itch to teased his hyung who really look like an old-lover-school-boy.

Yong Hwa nodded and simply said “Oh”, with his eyes still locked on his phone, didn’t bother to look at Min Hyuk.

It was funny somehow, once Min Hyuk realized that this kind of act that Yong Hwa did was just really rare to see. Yes, he had seen his hyung act just like the same, but it was years ago, when they were still a college-student and when his hyung was fallen deeply with a girl named Park Shin Hye.

Min Hyuk checked his wrist watch, and when he found out, he was chuckled and shook his head, feeling confused. How could a brilliant doctor like him act so dummy like that? Well…love really caused someone get foolish… Wait, doesn’t it mean, Hyung is…?

“Hyung…. Are you loosing your mind?” Min Hyuk started, causing a frowned on Yong Hwa’s voice.

“It’s just 4.20 am Hyung! Hyungsoonim must be sleeping at dawn like this! You’re surely disturbed her if you still insist to make a call for her!”

“Huh?” then Yong Hwa lifted his hand, doing just the same like Min Hyuk.

“Ah! PABOO!!!” Yong Hwa shouted in desperate, feeling just like what he said, yes, stupid, he must be really stupid for didn’t consider her side and annoyed her with a phone calls he had made.

“I thought it’s still…you know…a possible time to make a call” he reasoned.

“Well…it’s a common thing for someone who falls in love to act like a fool” Min Hyuk said, showing his toothy grinned, as he stood up from his seat then soon prepared for his bed.

 “Yah! You kid just shut up!” Yong Hwa said in annoyed.

But when Min Hyuk sat on his bed and was about to lying down and got his peaceful bed time, Yong Hwa asked him.

“But Min Hyuk-ah, like you said it’s 4.20 am….” He hung his words.

Min Hyuk nodded, “Oh…”

“Even at time like this I think about her….”

Min Hyuk raised his brows, couldn’t guess where he was leading to, “So?”

“But she’s sleeping right now! Isn’t it unfair? Why she doesn’t think about me too?” Yong Hwa asked, got a pouted on his mouth, and dared Min Hyuk tell that his hyung was really look a love sick puppy.

This time, it’s Min Hyuk turned to rolled his eyes in annoyed.

“Just go sleep and meet her in your dream then”

And without waiting for his next comment, Min Hyuk just lied down on his bed and shut his eyes tightly, saying “Good night Hyung!” loudly, then he covered his body with the thick blanket up to his neck.

Yong Hwa gaped, and hurriedly proceed to Min Hyuk’s bed, didn’t please with Min Hyuk’s answered, at all.

“Yah! Kang Min Hyuk!” He tried to wake him up the moment he sat at the edge of Min Hyuk’s bed.

Min Hyuk budge, but only to turned his position and showed his back to Yong Hwa, murmuring “Just sleep hyung…” lazily.

“Tch! Your hyungsoonim wasn’t answering my call. Can you please at least, like, pity me?”

“I pity you Hyung….” Min Hyuk commented, his sounded was muffled by the pillow.

“Not that kind of pity I mean…”

“Ah Hyung!” Min Hyuk shouted in annoyed then suddenly sat up, and was throwing his blanket roughly as he looked at Yong Hwa with a piercing eyes. His action made Yong Hwa jolted and stood quietly beside his bed.

“Just call her in the morning and let me sleep, will you?!” He added, still glaring at Yong Hwa.

“Ah—ahrasseo! Yah! I was just asking your opinion anyway, don’t be overreacted!” Yong Hwa countered, avoiding his dongsaeng’s gaze who’s looking scary with the red eyes of his.

Min Hyuk reached for his nape with left hand, and let out a sigh before he finally answered

“You want to know my opinion Hyung?”

Min Hyuk could tell that his hyung eyes were twinkling brightly, anticipating his answer, and no, he didn’t look like the cold Yong Hwa that he ever knew.

“Oh…mwo?”

“You’s better sleep, lovesick puppy!” After that, Min Hyuk grabed his blanket and back to his former side which is showing his back to Yong Hwa and pulled the blanket until it covered his head in hope that he was so gong to have a peaceful sleep,

Which was true, apparently, because Yong Hwa didn’t say anything after that. But when he was nearly to sighed in relieved for finally will soon get his sleep time, he could sense that Yong Hwa was approached him, he didn’t mind it though, he still got his eyes close, feeling too tired to asked him again.

*PLAK*

“Aish Hyung!” Min Hyuk shouted angrily.

“Sleep tight Min Hyuk-ah!” Yong Hwa said plainly, as if what just he did seconds ago was nothing.

Min Hyuk couldn’t make any comment for that, for he was rubbing his head pitifully after he got his good night “kiss”, which was, a smacked on his head from his dearest hyung, Yong Hwa.

So, he could only heaved a sigh.

But then again, when he was close enough to drift to his dreamland, another Yong Hwa’s annoying-lovesick-act, hold him there. Well, he didn’t mean to eavesdropping, but Yong Hwa’s bed was only a meter away from him, so how could he stopped himself from listening to his hyung’s phone call?

He turned his head to checked Yong Hwa, which was taking his leisure time by laying downward on his bed, phone on his ear, with his toothy grinned and cheeks were nearly to bursting sometime soon.

“………Hyun-ah… It’s me…”

Min Hyuk heard him trying hard to sound sweet for his wife, but it caused the opposite for Min Hyuk, because he felt like wanna throw up already.

“You must be sleeping now, so… I used this voice mailbox to tell you….uhm…”

While Yong Hwa was having his own serenity with his phone, in his side Min Hyuk’s mouth was already “Eukkk!”, trying hard to hid his puke mode. If he didn’t feel terribly sleepy right now, he’ll surely choose to just went out and slammed the door, but, what can he do? He needed sleep, like, really need it, or else he won’t be able to stand up for work.

Pulling his pillow roughly, Min Hyuk decided to just covered his ear with it, couldn’t bear it again the second he heard his hyung giggling stupidly while saying “Hyun…I think of you…many times…”

Min Hyuk rolled his eyes thinking, here we go again, this hyung is surely, 500%-ly, a love sick puppy.

***

Yong Hwa’s P.O.V

I knew I looked so dumb for giggling like this and couldn’t help to hold my cheek-burst when I was talking to Seo Hyun on the phone—through mailbox, yeah, I decided to just leave his message on it, or I’m going to insane if I didn’t tell what was I felt to Seo Hyun. I didn’t bother whether Min Hyuk would heard me then teased me later because of it or not, but for now calling Seo Hyun is what matters.

I have to admitted that my last conversations with Lee Seung Gi, was kind of slapped me right on my face. I didn’t deny it, that all of the experiences that he got during my days in Anyang was really, like a whole new horizon for me to see. True, that I had used to witness those horrified screams or a loud cries or a hurtful cursed when he informed the family that the patient was in a terrible condition or when I was announcing their time of death. But, I had never seen a dead case as many as what he found here. Death after death after death and I began to scare to the point that I frequently got a nightmare. The loud scream, the pitiful sobbed, the fainted parents or wives or daughters or even girlfriends the moment they found out, that the one that they love so much were passed away, all of those—should I say it, tragedy?— were bringing a lot of questions for me to answer, to the point that he got totally bothered with my unanswered questions.

What if it happens to me? What if someone that I love leave me?

And whenever I had a thought like that, Seo Hyun’s face was the only one who emerged in my mind. Not my beloved father nor my dearest mother, also not my lovely sister, and the same goes with my friends or other relatives.

It was Seo Hyun, it was always Seo Hyun.

Why her?

I had asked myself, like, hundred times already but only found the sound of the wind as an answer.

The moment when Seung Gi came to the hospital, carrying his wife protectively in his hand was my turning point, I finally concluded. I didn’t know why I got a feeling like –attached?— with him. Was it because the nightmare that I had on the previous night? Because that one nightmare seemed a bit different from what I got in general. Usually, I would dreamt about the scene that just happened moments ago before I slept, like…seeing my passed away patients and the screams of his or her family would like echoing in my head and hurt my ear which is causing me covered with a cold sweat when I woke up.

And that night was a bit different, though. In that dream, the little girl that ever happened to popped in my dream was came again, but now she was wearing a white dress, we were currently on the sunflower garden which is actually has a beautiful scenery, but the scene that was happened right there was terribly opposites, the moment I saw that the little girl’s nose was started to bleeding as her tears were slowly rolled down to her cheek. I wanted to approached her and asked her what happened, but I just couldn’t, as I felt that my feet was kind of frozen and my throat was so dry to the point I could even find my voice. The little girl was still looking at me, as she desperately saying “Yong-ie oppa….sara juseyo…”, and next, she was lifting her right hand, trying to reach my hand, but when I tried to lift his hand and reached hers, the little girl were slowly being brought away by the two tall men with a wing on their back, the little girl didn’t protested though she was still spread her hand trying to reach me. The scene in front of me was scared me to death, so with all my might I tried to shouted “Andwae…” but it only came out more like a whispered, hoping that it would stopped the two stranger namja for bringing her away from me. “Andwae!!” I repeated, spreading my hand even more, in hope that I could reached her as I kept trying to move my feet, ready to grabbed her away from the two strange namjas that guide her on both of her side. But, just when I finally could move my feet and readily run to her, the little girl was already disappear, living me alone at that huge sunflower garden. I turned my sight to the left, and right, all of my surrounding, but found nothing, not even her shadow. Though I didn’t know who was that little girl, but even in that dream, I was really scared of losing her but I lost the little girl that was just stood right in front of me moment ago. So I shouted, calling her in desperate, “Andwae! Come back! Don’t take her! Come back!” but still, no one answering.

If Min Hyuk didn’t woke him up that night, I must be really drowned in my cold sweat. Feeling relieved for it was only a nightmare, but somehow those feelings of fear, worry, unsafe, were still there, floating over my head that sending a chill to my neck that made the hair on my nape stand on end.

“Aigoo.. Hyung, you’ve just drifted for 30 minutes and you already got a nightmare? Jinjja!”

I still remembered Min Hyuk commented that night, but I, who was still in a shock and panting heavily didn’t say anything as I was still drowned with the thought of “Who is that little girl?”. It was quite bothering me honestly, for it wasn’t the first time for the little girl to emerged in my dream, it happened to be the….third? If I’m not mistaken. The thing that made I was sure that she was the same little girl was not because I familiar with his face, no, not because of that, her face was really blur to be honest, I could only see that he has a sparkling eyes, somehow it looks so familiar for me, like I often saw them, but where? Who? I still couldn’t tell who’s the owner of those sparkling eyes. But, the thing that made me got sure she was the same person, was the way she called him.

“Yong-ie oppa”

That.

That was why I even dared myself to bet that she was the same little girl that ever popped in my dream.

Well… nevermind, I’ll noted to think about the little girl later, for now, the reality was more important than dream.

 I’ve just realized… though I never thought about it, that made a phone call to Seo Hyun like this could make me feel…..content. Though it was only a simple and short message for her, but still, it succeed to lessened the burden that I’ve felt these past days. Ah…. I should’ve called her sooner, so I won’t be bothered by the unimportant thoughts and just focused with my work here. Because, hey, who will think that calling her was simply ease my burden?

Wait, was it because that? Was it because what Min Hyuk said to me was the reason for what I feel right now?

Did I fall…..in love…with her?

Strangely, my heart beats faster as I think of it. What’s this?

Ah…. I think I’ve to make up my mind, maybe it was just because I don’t get enough sleep here so it molding me to act weird like this.

But somehow, Min Hyuk’s voice was keep lingering in my mind. “Did you….fall in love with her?” he said.

Did I? Wasn’t it too soon? We’re just together for only weeks, aren’t we?

I shook my head as I felt I could just quit this matter for now. I thought, it’s not really important for now to call it love or not, as time goes by, everything will be showed the way it should be. There’s one thing that most important for me now is, doing the right things with didn’t let Seo Hyun go. Yes, that was the only right thing to do for now.

But as much as I think about her, another thought was bothering me again.

Shi Hye.

What should I do with her?

No, it’s not “what should I do with her?” but the right question is “How’d I tell her? When is the right time for me to talk to her?”

Yes. I guess, deciding to go to Anyang was a best decision that I’ve ever made so far. Like I said, it was really brought me a whole new horizon to see. Everything…everything that kept bothering me from the very start of our marriage with Seo Hyun, seems found its light, slowly. Every single things that I had experienced in these past five days helped me to made up my mind, to finally see what I have to see, it helped me to be firm with my act, choosing what’s best for us, the three of us, me, Shin Hye, and mostly Seo Hyun.

Ah…. I should just sleep so I can wake up soon, face my new day, till times for my work here’s finish, and soon I’m going to Seoul, I’m going home, going to her…

Yeah, the sooner I sleep, the sooner days will change, and it also means the sooner I meet Seo Hyun.

***

Waiting for two days passed for Yong Hwa, was like waiting for two years passed. Though, he was still doing well on his work, just like he always did, but the urge to meet Seo Hyun and make up everything with her, together they put everything back on its place one by one, was made his heart hard to handle as times passed as he felt so eager to just go straight to Seoul and bet his luck to ask his second chance.

No, he still didn’t know whether he’s doing this because of what Min Hyuk assumed, no he was still clueless about that. Was it because he love her? Or was it only because the responsibility? The obligation? And all of manner things?

He just brushed it out of his mind, all of those thoughts, and was deciding to just hold tight to the thing that he was sure was the right thing to do for now.

So, on his last day in Anyang, Yong Hwa couldn’t stop smiling and feel totally energized because he’s so going to meet Seo Hyun anytime soon. He even swinging and humming a song as he packed his belonging to his luggage and caused Min Hyuk, once again rolling his eyes. But deep down inside, he was also feling happy for Yong Hwa seemed so close to find the light that he was searching for.

“Chukae Hyung….” Min Hyuk said.

“Huh? For what?”

Min Hyuk chuckled, “For finally going home and soon meet Hyungsoonim”

Yong Hwa blushed just like a little girl, even himself was cursing silently for his stupid silly act and easily got caught blushing just because that simple words.

“Ah….ne…” Yong Hwa commented, as touching his un-itchy nose.

Min Hyuk just smiled and shook his head, then continued to pack his belonging just like Yong Hwa did. But, truth to be told there was a warm sensation in his heart after observing his Hyung behavior that gradually getting warmer to his wife. And one thing that surprised him was, he could tell that this very second, Yong Hwa looked like his “real Yong Hwa” years back before he was dumped by his girl, he was the same Yong Hwa who cheered often, who laughed a lot, and kindly showing his smile to anyone who greet him, just like the old times, before that terrible love of his life turned him into such a cold-hearted person that Min Hyuk almost couldn’t recognize. And what was made Min Hyuk happier was, though “the fall in love Yong Hwa” was showing more or less, the same behavior just like he did years ago when he was falling deeply with that college-girlfriend of his. Min Hyuk sensed there was still a different though, from what he saw, Yong Hwa wasn’t only a young man who was madly chasing for a selfish love, no it wasn’t only the eros love, what Yong Hwa showed now was more than that,  away more deep than that, it was more like, a companionate love. Still, whatever his feeling leads to, Min Hyuk hope that it would lead for the better to both Yong Hwa and Seo Hyun.

Once they had finished with the packing things, they decided to walked out and gathered at the front gate to united with the other doctors from SNU University. But before he go straight there, Yong Hwa told Min Hyuk to just went first for he had another things to do, Min Hyuk was just simply agree with that and left Yong Hwa alone in the alley in front of the ER. Yong Hwa then turned left, he took his steps towards the inpatient wards, to check his patient, for the last time.

Yong Hwa knocked the door when he was already stood in front of the room, 3 seconds passed and the door was being opened.

“Annyeonghaseyo Lee Seung Gi-ssi” Yong Hwa greeted as he nodded his head.

“Oh…Yong—Ah mian, I mean, Doctor Jung! Annyeonghaseyo! Come in!”

Yong Hwa nodded then smiled before he followed Seung Gi, and when he fully got inside, Seung Gi’s wife, was also greeted him.

“Oh… Doctor Jung, annyeonghaseyo!”

Her weak voice was already disappear just now, Yong Hwa thought. In fact, he could tell that Yoon Ah sounded so cheerful than usual, which is obviously made him glad.

“Wow! You sounded excited Yoon Ah-ssi….and look at your face… you look amazingly glowing!” Yong Hwa praised with a cheerful tone.

“Ah…is that so? But, yeah, I feel terrific today… Haha” Yoon Ah blushed before she laughed merrily.

“I’m so glad to hear that Yonn Ah-ssi…” Yong Hwa said, whole heartedly.

While Seung Gi was only smiling while holding his wife’s hand tightly, feeling amazingly grateful because God and also herself gave him the very precious second chance that he really needed.

“Well… I’m here to give you my last farewell Seung Gi-ssi, Yoon Ah-ssi… It’s my last day in Anyang and I’ve to go back to Seoul…”

“Ah jjinjjayo?” Seung Gi asked, feeling disappointed for he won’t be able to see his friend again.

“Could you just stay in Anyang for a little while doctor Jung?” Yoon Ah asked, really hope that Yong Hwa would do so.

Yong Hwa smiled then shook his head “I’m sorry I can’t Yoon Ah-ssi… But, I’m really thankful to meet you here, both of you. You’re really a good friend Seung Gi-ssi… Thank you so much…And, both of you are so lucky to have each other” Yong Hwa said, sincerely.

Seung Gi released Yoon Ah’s hand from his and took a step closer to Yong Hwa. Next, he lifted his right hand and put in on Yong Hwa’s shoulder.

“You’re really a good friend, Yong Hwa-yah. Thank you, thank you for everything…. Me and Yoon Ah are so lucky to not only had a great doctor here, but also we have a really good friend. I hope it’s not the end of our friendship, we’re really looking forward for our meeting in the future, don’t you think so, Honey?” Seung Gi asked, as he turned his gaze to Yoon Ah that looked at him in amazed, feeling a bit startled by the way he called her, since she didn’t used to hear him called her like that.

“N—ne? Ne! Of course! I really want to meet your wife Yong Hwa-ssi”

Yong Hwa smiled widely, then said “I’m having a very good times to in Anyang and I’ll never forget it for the rest of my life… And yeah, of course, just don’t hesitate to visit our house when you go to Seoul. Me and my wife will gladly welcomed you”

“Well…” Seung Gi said, before he stepped backward and spread his arm, before he added “Can I get a farewell hug from my doctor friend?” and ended his sentence with a smile.

“Yeah, sure!” Yong Hwa said firmly and gave his hug to Seung Gi.

And just like that, with one last bowed to both Seung Gi and Yoon Ah, also an exchanged of business card by Yong Hwa and Seung Gi, Yong Hwa turned his heel and was ready to leave the room when he heard Seung Gi said.

“You’re wife is so lucky to have you, Yong Hwa-yah”

Yong Hwa turned back and he looked straight to Seung Gi’s eyes, saying “Ani. I’m the one who’s lucky to be her husband”

And I hope it will last forever, however complicated out relationship now, but despite everything I can’t picture myself with anyone else but her.

Seung Gi’s lips slowly curved a smiled and nodded at Yong Hwa, silently saying “Good luck, buddy!”

Yong Hwa made his last bowed for the couple before he really left the room and ready to started collecting the missing pieces of the puzzled between him and Seo Hyun.

***

As much as Yong Hwa desperately wanted to just see Seo Hyun right there and then, but somehow his complicated relationship between him, Shin Hye and Seo Hyun couldn’t stop bothering him. So, hoping that resolving the main problem first would put him at ease, Yong Hwa decided to just finished everything it takes between and him and Shin Hye definitely the best choice for he was sure that it was the only reason that made the relationship between those three people was turned complicated. For now, let’s just put the longing of not seeing his wife aside, and act smart to solve the main problem first, he thought.

So, once he finally arrived at the SNU to put his luggage, he straightly took his car key and on his way to ask Shin Hye out, Yong Hwa called her. Just right what Yong Hwa thought, at time like this, Shin Hye must be hanging around at a café or something similar, so he didn’t surprised when Shin Hye told her to just pick her up at Mango Six. But Yong Hwa sensed something strange with her, he didn’t understand when Shin Hye said “Nadu saranghae Yong Hwa-yah…”

Who said “saranghae”? I was just asked her whether we could meet or not. Tch!

But he just brushed it off anyway, and drove as fast he could so he could reached that place sooner. The sooner, the better.

Once he arrived there, Yong Hwa let the window car ran down slowly to informed her to get in. But, Shin Hye acted weird again, she said she didn’t want to get in if Yong Hwa didn’t open the car door for her.

“Aish! Jinnja!” Yong Hwa cursed, but he grant his wish and hurriedly got off from his car, feeling he didn’t have a choice so he just did it.

Shin Hye smiled sweetly at him, though he could only Yong Hwa cold gaze as a return. With a pouting mouth Shin Hye then got in to the car, then soon followed by Yong Hwa after he closed the door on Shin Hye side.

The engine was started and they started to drove, but when they were only 3 meters away from that place, Yong Hwa stepped the brake suddenly causing Shin Hye yelling at him as a protest for making her body was thrown away and her head hit the dashboard. Yong Hwa didn’t even bothered with Shin Hye’s yelled though, instead he was frowning and felt something strange as he felt like his heart beat faster without any reason and suddenly he felt anxious. Something made him want to looked up and checked for what was happening behind his car through the rearview mirror. His forehead creased as he also narrowed his eyes, trying to get a better view of what was happening out there, ignoring Shin Hye who still bickering and call him all over again.

He saw that people gathered in front of the café, some of people who was walking even running to go there. What happened? Yong Hwa asked himself before he decided to just check it by himself. But when he was unbuckled his seatbelt and open the car door, his wrist was being grabbed by Shin Hye.

“Where are you going?” She asked in annoyed

“Didn’t you see that people gathered in front of the café? Maybe they need help” Yong Hwa said.

“Tch! Just let them! Maybe it was just a starving beggar or something, didn’t u say that you have something to talk to me? Did you forget that I don’t have all day, Yong Hwa?” Shin Hye said, irritated by Yonghwa’s act.

That defeat him though. Yeah, she was right after all. If he failed today’s mission, he’s so going to insane and even doubting whether he could still breathe properly or not.

So, he put buckled his seatbelt back and drove away to the find a place for them to talk.

***

I’m sorry that I still think of you, that I still love you

That I won’t be able to completely let you go in the end

Let me love you just for one more day – this is the lie I say again

But when I see you, I forget about it as I give you a smile

And I fall in love with you again

 

Seohyun’s P.O.V

“Okay…Ahrasseo… Ne….nadu saranghae Yong Hwa….”

She said.

And that made me thorn apart, into pieces, a very tiny pieces.

I don’t know whether it was because I heard her saying that she loved Yong oppa, or was it because my illness so I feel like wanna passed out anytime soon. Because really, it feels so hard for me to breathe. I feel my inner palms were getting sweaty and why Park Shi Hye-ssi looked like she has a twins?

I tried hard to not clutching on the left side of my chest, though the pain that felt inside is so unbearable. If I’m the only person in this café, I’m so going to scream out loud, letting out my pain as I shouted “Please! Stop throbbing and hit me like this. It hurts! It hurts like hell, nae shimjang-ie geumanhaeyo jebal…..”

 “Aigooo…. Look at you, are you feel that surprised until your face got pale like that?”

She asked me. It was obvious that she’s witnessing my pale face now. God, how I want to just end this talk as soon as possible.

Please not now. Please don’t here. Not in this kind of situation. Nae shimjang, please hold a bit longer…

I kept repeat it in my head, hoping that my heart would understand and stopped violence me like now.

 “I hope you could act smart and let him be happy with me by letting him go. I’m so not looking forward for our next meeting so I hope today will be the last. And ah! Perhaps you want to make a check whether the one who fetch me is your husband or not, you could come with me and witness it with your own two eyes”

But, as much as I think that I couldn’t hold it any longer, for the terrible dizzy that I feel, but I decided to use my last strength to also got up and did just like what Shin Hye told me, checking whether it was Yong Hwa or not, so I stupidly, walked behind her.

There was a time when I feel contemplate of what should I do next. I gripped the hold of the glass door tightly, begging for having a needed power to face everything hat I’m going to face the second I stepped out of this place that feels like hell to me. But I feel I’m strong enough, I dared myself to face my destiny. Whatever it is.

When I turned her head to the parking lot that placed on the left side, I’ve found the scene that’s happening right in front of my eyes was like a nightmare that finally became a true. I should’ve anticipated it, I should’ve prepared myself for it, I should’ve known that I’ll hurting like this…. I should’ve…. I should’ve…..

WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME JUNG YONG HWA?!!!

The pain inside my chest was not helping at all, and even made everything turned even worse. I can’t hold it anymore, so I clutched it, cursing myself for having this useless weak body. The pain inside me was getting bigger, as I felt my chest was throbbing more frequent, to the point I felt like its heating my bone, asking to jumped out from my body.

It feels my world stop spinning right there and then.

I broke, again. Into a tiny pieces, once again.

And even worse, I feel like someone’s taking my live, like my heart was being pulled out from my body, that made her couldn’t breath, couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t stand any longer to face the world, as I feel my heart was kept throbbing repeatedly and I feel the most unbearable pain that I’ve ever felt in my existence.

I tried to composed myself as I looked up to the sky, and found my vision got blurry. The view in front of me is really strange, why do people around me are moving in a slow motion? Even the cars are the same. And….and….why, there’s so many people that have a double-blurry face? I shook my head tyring hard to get my sense back. But apparently, it’s not working when I feel my heart was throbbed so hard to the point it hit me so painfully, and finally I found no strength and just like that I let my body laid on the floor.

I still can see his car, though blurry, but I’m sure it’s his car. I know it looks stupid, but I don’t know, at time like this I want him to come to me and save me from this nightmare, so with a faint voice I call him.

 “Oppa….help….”

I feels my eyes were so heavy, but no, I don’t want to close my eyes yet, what if my eyes won’t be able to open ever again? No… It won’t be happening… I wanna see him…though it’s for the last time I wanna see him. I need to see him. So I let my eyes struggling to be open.

I tried to call him once again, but it’s a failure because finally I blackout.

Let me forget you for just one day – these are the words that I can’t keep

If I don’t see you, I’ll hurt again, I’ll cry

But I still promise myself

I’m between heaven and hell because of you

(End of Flashback)

***

The sound of a pair of shoes knocking the floor in a full speed was heard all over the alley of the basement. It was Song Joong Ki, who looke like he’s going to passed out anytime soon. He had never thought that, this peaceful afternoon—at least that was what he thought—before he got a shocked news that turned his word upside down. Once he reached the front desk at the Emergency Installation at Saint Mary’s Hospital, with his still-full-shocked-face, he asked the staffs.

“Seo Joo Hyun” He said breathlessly.

“Patient Seo Joo Hyun…Please…” he said once again, in broke sentence, as he felt like his brain couldn’t work at that  time.

The staff got what his meant though. She checked the information about Seo Hyun on the computer, and within 5 seconds, the results was showed.

The staff was stood from her seat with a paper on her right hand.

“I’m sorry for making you wait Sir. There’s a patient named Seo Joo Hyun, but forgive me if I’m rude here, are you her guardian, sir? And if I may ask, what is your relationship with her?”

Joong Ki took his time to composed himself first before he answered her question. When he was no longer panting and made up his mind, he reached for his wallet and took out his ID card.

“My name is Song Joong Ki, and yes I’m her guardian. I’ve told the paramedic who brought her here with ambulance from the Mango Six through phone call” He explained, as he handed her his ID.

The staff took Joong Ki’s ID and got back to her seat as she re-read the paper that she was holding, to make a re-checked, then she was smile when she found that Joong Ki’s named was written on the paper as Seohyun’s guardian, next she input Joong Ki’s id number to the computer, after she finished, she stood and handed the card back to Joong Ki.

“Yes, it’s correct Song Joong Ki-ssi, your name was written here. And what is your relationship with miss Seo Joo Hyun?”

“Huh?” Joong Ki asked doumbfoundedly. Didn’t know what to answer actually.

“I’m apologize, but please don’t get it wrong. I have to ask you about this in order to completing the administration data, Sir. So, if I may, what is your relationship with Miss. Seo Joo Hyun? Are you her husband?” The staff ask, with a warm smile.

“Huh? Husband?” Joong Ki asked absentmindedly.

“Ne… I was asking, are you Miss. Seo Joo Hyun’s husband?”

Three seconds passed, before Joong Ki looked straight to the staff and finally answered with

“Yes, I’m her husband”

***

Just right after he finished all the administration thing and the staff informed him that Seohyun was still having an intensive treatment on the emergency installation. Joong Ki speed up to go there, didn’t want to loose any second, so he could reach Seohyun soon.

But the emergency room door were still closed tightly, but as much as the desperation and frustration were started to take control of him and he really wanted to just slammed to door and got inside, he knew that he couldn’t do that.

So he ruffled his hair in anger as he walked to the nearest wall and lean on it then slowly he was sitting on the floor with his back lean on the wall, both legs bent down and his face got covered by his hands.

“God….please…keep her safe…” He murmured.

He closed his eyes in desperate, recalling the memories of what was happening just now. Somehow it was kind of made him traveled to a flashback. He remembered how happy he was today, feeling already excited about surprise that he wanted to show to Seohyun.

Without her knowing, Joong Ki went to the time zone, the one when he and Seohyun went before. He was played all the game there, buying coins after coins and collecting the coupons afterwards, until finally it reached the quota for him to get the minion doll, which is he already promised her that he’ll give the doll to her. So, today, he was planning to give the said minion doll to her. But, instead of asking her to meet outside, Joong Ki decided to called Seo Hyun to meet him at his office. He knew that Seohyun was really busy these days, so it would save her energy if they just meet in his office who was placed only meters away from her office.

But apparently, Joong ki was the one who got surprised, because, the moment Joong Ki called Seohyun to asked her came to his office, Song Joong Ki frowned, when someone who claimed himself as a paramedic was the one who answered his call.

“This ahgassi fainted in front of Mango Six café in Gangnam-gu, are you her family Sir? She’s on the way to the Saint Mary’s Hospital by ambulance”

Even his voice was still floating away in Joong Ki’s head.

“Sir?”

The voice made Joong Ki looked up and brought back to the reality.

The middle-aged man with a glasses and white jacket was squatted down in front of him, with a sincere warm smile plastered on his face. He must be Seohyun’s doctor, Joong Ki thought.

“Ne?” Joong Ki asked, still looking dumbfounded actually.

The doctor was smiled and said “I’m Doctor Lee Soo Man, who in charge to take care of Miss Seo Joo Hyun… Are you her guardian?” then he reached Joong Ki’s hand and lead him to stood up, which Joong Ki simply obeyed.

“Ah….ne…. her guardian… Doctor Lee…”

“I see… And what’s your relationship with her?” He asked, still smiling warmly.

“I… I’m…I’m her husband, doctor…”

The doctor nodded and somehow his face turned to serious, he told Joong Ki to followed him to his office room, so he just did.

***

Joong Ki started to feel uneasy  on his seat when they were already in Doctor Lee’s room. Doctor Lee was still preparing the CT scan result that he was brought from the ER earlier. That was because before he got in to Doctor Lee’s room, he read the signpost with “The Division of Cardiothoracic Surgery” written on it.

Cardiothorac? Doesn’t it mean Cardiac? Heart? Why’d he bring me here? Is Seohyun…..? Andwae. Andwae. I must be mistaken.

“Song Joong Ki-ssi…”

dr. Lee’s  voice was quite startled him, to be honest.

“Ne…?” Joong Ki asked carefully.

“Does your wife took her medicines properly? How long had she got her last medical check up due to her condition?”

Joong Ki frowned, didn’t understand with the doctor was talking about. Medicine? Medical check up? Why’s Seohyun need it? She’s healthy, isn’t she?

“Mr. Song?”

“Wh—what are y—you talking about doc—doctor? What do you mean she…she took med-medicines? And…medical check up? Why did she need that? For what?” Joong Ki explained, stuttered, as he shook his head several times as the denial.

Doctor Lee brows raised by his answer.

“Mr. Song, your wife is sick…” he said, trying to tell Joong Ki about her condition slowly, since the doctor sensed that Joong Ki was no have idea about how bad her condition is.

“Yeah… I—I know… It must be because she was working too much these days…”

Doctor heaved a sigh, it was no use for beating around the bush, he conclude. Seohyun was already in this state of condition, the sooner he found out and it means the better.

“Aniyo, Song Joong Ki-ssi. I’m sorry to tell you this, but your wife, Joo Hyun-ssi is having a…. Mitral Valve Regurgitation”

Joong Ki froze for a second before he finally asked him again with a creased forehead

“Mitral…..what?”

“Mitral Valve Regurgitation or usually people called it with Heart Leak”

Joong Ki gaped as he looked at Doctor Lee in horror.

“Le—leak? What do you mean with leak? Doctor, please this is insane, this is imposible”

Just hearing the words was already succeed to made him shivered in his spot. How could heart be leak? It’s totally crazy.

Doctor Lee cleared his throat before finally he made the explanation “Song Joong Ki-ssi… Please calm down, but I think it’s better for you to know the truth. Miss Seo Joo Hyun’s having a Mitral Valve Regurgitation, it is one of heart disorder, in which the heart valve that separates the upper and lower chambers on the left side of the heart does not close properly. Regurgitation itself means leaking from a valve that does not close all the way. And the leaking here refers to the heart that leaking of blood. So,  when the mitral valve doesn't close all the way, blood flows backward into the upper heart chamber or also called, an atrium, from the lower chamber as it contracts. This leads to a decrease in blood flow to the rest of the body. As a result, the heart may try to pump harder. And if this condition was being ignored, it can lead to a worse condition”

The doctor explanation played like voice from an old radio that hurt his ear. He felt like he couldn’t stand there any longer. The wish that it was only a dream, or it was only a hidden camera that Kwang Soo had set for him was screaming in his head.

Joong Ki was already drench with cold sweat, moreover when doctor Lee said that her condition could lead to a worse condition. Oh come on, this condition is worse already. How could there’s a possibility make it worsen?

But he decided to asked the doctor, his feeling told him that it’s better for him to knew what he’s going to face.

“And….what is it doctor lee?” Joong Ki asked, though he already scared to death to hear the answer, but, he had to endure it.

Again, doctor Lee heaved a sighed before he answered him with

“This may lead to congestive heart failure, Song Joong Ki-ssi”

 

*************************************************************************************

HAPPY NEW YEAR  GUYSSSSSS ^^

And also , MERRY (belated) CHRISMAST FOR THOSE WHO CELEBERATE IT:)

Ah… I’m forgot to greet you by the way..

ANNYEONGHASEYOOOOO ^^

I’m sorry for the super late-delay-hiatus-update. The end of  2013 was kinda hard for me to handle, since there was so many heartbroken experiences for me.

But anyway, finally… I posted it. FINALLY.

THIS CHAPTER WAS THE HARDEST CHAP I’VE EVER MADE SO FAR. Fyuhh…

Still, I hope you like it and, THIS HAS TWO PART, so for the part 2, I was planning to post it tomorrow. Fighting ^^9

Well… I’ll say what I wanna say on the A/N at part 2, kkkkkk

so… ENJOY READING everyone ^^

Please DO comment, I really need a feedback … :3