BGM:  SUKI - Anesthesia

 

Joong Ki’s P.OV

“Kwang Soo-yah, I leave first, oh?” I said, as I popped in to his office room.

Then I found his sad face, his hands were cupping his face. He looked up when saw me and nodded lightly. Sensing something wrong with him, I decided to approach him and stood in front of his desk.

“Yah, wae?”

Once again, he looked up at me with his pouting lips.

“She’s sick” he answered shortly.

I frowned, “Nugu—Ah! Nicole?”

He nodded again.

“Then why don’t you come to her house? You knew the address anyway” I suggested

He looked up at me again, resting his hand on his desk and asked “Should I? I won’t disturbed her? What if she mad and kick me out?”

I chuckled. “Please, she always got mad whenever she saw you, so what’s the problem?”

Kwang Soo leaned on his seat, and slowly a smiled started to formed on his lips, then in just a split of second it turned into a silly grinned.

“You’re right! What’s the problem? She’ll always throw me her tantrums but I’ll always throw her my love! That’s how we’re work out, don’t you think so?”

I rolled my eyes before he said “Dwaesseo. I leave now, annyeong!”, then I turned back, wanting to leave the room.

 “Gomawoo Song Joong Ki!”

I just chuckled and wave my right hand as the respond. Without even turning my back and look at him, I knew that he must be still grinning like an idiot.

As I finally walked out of my office, I know it’s a bit early then usual, but I’ve to deal with something, I got in to my car, and with a light heart, I drove off, wanting to finished my business as soon as possible.

Ah…. I can’t wait to move to my new apartment….

After I finished my business in Cheongdam-dong, dealing with the administration and all with the developer, I decided to went to Lotte Mart since it’s really obvious that I need several new things to fill my new apartment.

The mall was quite crowded, dominates with the high schooler lovebirds and some kind of highschool girl group and boy group, chatting and giggling on the bench beside the ice cream kiosk, and even taking picture in front of the cupid statue that placed at the center of the mall. Glancing at those sceneries, somehow remembered me to those memories, years ago. When I was still in a highschool year, along with her.

Ne, geu yeoja, naega saranghaneun yeoja, Seo Joo Hyun.

We used to be like that too, going to the malls in Busan, well, not so often, but just several times, since she didn’t really like to go to a place like that. She prefer zoo or some place like Myungdong, a place where you can get anything you need there with a cheap price. And, though malls in Busan weren’t that huge and luxurious like malls in Seoul, but at that time, we were really happy and proud to go there, for it was one of the most popular place to hang out for the students back then.

Then something caught my attention, when a couple, still wearing their uniforms, passed me, looking at the photo on their hands while smiling happily to each other. Sharing those lovey dovey stare while intertwined their finger along their way. Yeah, they look really happy, just like us, ages ago…

I stopped from taking a step, reaching out for my back pocket and took out my wallet. I made it open, and there…. I still keep it there…

The photobox of me and Seohyun ages ago, still wearing our highschool uniform, looking to the camera while smiling happily. Both of us making a “V” sign as she winked her left eye.

Yeah, that day, those days, we were smiling happily. But now, everything has changed. Now, I can only smiled bitterly whenever I remember of that day.

And as much as I really wanted to meet Seohyun today, I must hold it and control myself, though. Actually, I took times, and I was “disappear” for a while to go to Busan, just to think about this matter, to make up my mind. Busan in the most memorable place for me, it’s also the only place which always make me feel secured and comfortable. Maybe it was because Busan is the only place where our memories remained, so I guess that’s why being in Busan could gained my energy. I have to acknowledge it, that Seohyun, is already married, with the man –that I hardly admit—she loves the most. Ne…I admitted, she loves him. The way she looks at him, the way she talks to him, the way she proudly announced that he’s her husband, shows everything. Her eyes only look at him, her heart only owned by him, geu jashik, Jung Yong Hwa. The only person who couldn’t see and cherish her sincerety, and stupidly cheating on her.

Snatch Seohyun away, was the only thing that I was thinking about just right after I’ve found out that her husband is Jung Yong Hwa, who were earlier introduced to me as a boyfriend of a woman named Park Shin Hye. But, came to think about it, get Seohyun back by snatch her away from her husband, was not an acceptable way to do though. Even if it’s hard to admit, but, there’s no guarantee by snatching her from that creature Jung Yong Hwa, could make her forget him and love me back. No, there’s no guarantee for that. What if something worse happen? Like, what if she hates me because of that? Because, I knew her quite well and for what I knew, Seohyun really hates people who takes any way just to reach their own goals, just to achieve their selfish wish without thinking others. And I, I don’t want to be one of them, I can’t be one of them. Because, if I really do that, then what’s the difference between me and those selfish people? Get her back just for fulfilling my wish or just to save my heart for any pain and hurt, without thinking of her feeling, who must be got suffered for being separated with the one she loves? No, I don’t have a heart to do that to her. Seohyun, she’s really going to hate me until death if I ever do that. And I won’t let it happen, never.

Beside, she was right, I was the one who left her back then. Without any words, without bid goodbye, without asking her to wait for me, I just left her like that. So everything that’s happening now, is all because of my stupid-foolish-unworking brain. Back then, 9 years ago, I was just so scared, so worried, so confused with all those complicated issue, and obviously, so stupid, to keep thinking that I’ll come back to her in the right times, at a one fine day, but now, what did I got? Another misery, another sadness, and another regret. I should’ve told her earlier. I should’ve came back earlier. I should’ve, a little bit braver. If only I could turned back the times, if only I could go back to the past, to the days where we were happy, I would never ever let go of her hand, I would never ever let her feels alone, I would tell her those three magic words “I love you”, yes, I should’ve give her something definite to hang on, but why? Why I didn’t tell her that I love her earlier? If only, if only….

Now, all I can say is what’s done is done. There’s no useless what ifs, nor stupid if onlys. There’s nothing I can do to get her back. She already has someone in her heart. That someone whom already fill her heart for a long time, a really long time, even before I met with her. Yeah, I know a bit about her first love, she told me about him once, though she never told me the name but on the same day she was telling me her first love story, at the evening, when I saw her sleeping in our  photography club room, I approached her then I could hear she murmured something like “Yongie oppa….saranghae…” in her sleep. So I thought, Ah….his name is probably Yong-something. Though I felt uneasy and I couldn’t denied that I feel a little bit insecure and jealous because of that, but at that time, I thought that it was just some kind of love story in childhood, never thought that, finally in this present time, she really married with her first love. “Jung Yong Hwa”, the first time she said that name, my heart felt like frozen at the moment, and came to think about it over again, slowly….I knew, “Jung Yong Hwa” is none other  but “Yong oppa”, her first love, or should I say, her imagine and forever love?

And as I much as I love her, I’ve finally decided, to buried my intention of snatching away Seohyun from Yong Hwa, as much as I love her, I have to finally, let her go…

No, I won’t stop loving her, but I won’t do something stupid and unforgivable like bothering and ruining her life, separate him from the only one she loves, or added another burden to her which only could led her to hates me even more.

All I can do now is just loving her, alone, silently, soundlessly, and always be ready to catch her whenever she falls, always be there to wipe her tears whenever she cries, also I’ll always be there to cheer her whenever she sad, whenever she feels lonely, whenever she feels reject, whenever she needs companion.

Yes, that was the only thing I could do now. It’s okay, it’s alright for me to be her shadow that always follow her though I couldn’t reach her and hold her in my embrace. Though it sounded stupid and made me looked so pathetic, but honestly, it’s more than enough for me, I won’t ask for more.

After putting back my wallet in my jeans pocket, I continued to walked and entered some stores, choosing  the new materials to be put in my apartment. Again, I smiled bitterly as I remembered of something, to tell you the truth… there’s once, ani….not just once…but may times, I’ve ever picture myself with her, Seohyun, buying things for our home, choosing what kind of couch that we will put on our living room, what color we will use as the wallpaper in our house, buying the groceries together, picking our couple cup, and all, ahh…..what a wonderful imagination. No matter how wonderful it is, but still it’s just an imagination… A wonderfully bitter imagination.

Today, I miss her more than yesterday.

Somehow, my feeling went gloomy after reminiscing those memories. So I went upstairs, hoping that it will wipe away those gloomy feeling inside me. Just the moment I stepped my feet, my eyes caught and locked on the beautiful creature who was standing soundly meters away from me.

It was her. Seohyun.

I couldn’t help but smile widely as I saw her there, standing in front of the glass door. Ah...seems heaven loves me today.

I stepped closer and walked towards her, but something make me frowning when I found her hands were trembling as her eyes locked on the other shop in front. I followed her gaze, as I narrowed my eyes to get a better view. Anger started to rise as soon as I found out what made her standing stiffly like that.

Geu jashik, and his mistress.

Bastard.

I saw her walked towards the shop with her trembling legs. Probably she wanted to made a check, whether the man inside the shop was her husband or not. Without think twice, I followed her. I also felt curious with what I saw, but the main reason is, didn’t I said that I’ll always be ready to catch her whenever she falls? So,  I’ve to do my duty right at this second.

And…..it was right. It was him. I stared at Seohyun, she was shaking like a leaf, covering with her both trembling hands, as she slowly stepped back.

She’s going to fall, soon. And I’m ready to catch her.

Soon, she walked out of there, hurriedly making distance with the place where the couple were showing their lovey dovey scene. Again, I followed her. But as much as I want to approached her and pulled her into my embrace, I thought that for now, she needs time alone, she needs space, so I’d better let her, but still keep her on my sight, so I always ready to reached her where she’s about to falls.

I saw her took the escalator upstairs, and got in to the movie theatre. But strangely, she didn’t buy a ticket or cola or popcorn like usually people do inside the movie theatre. Instead she was just rooted in her position while staring blankly to the paper she gripped in her hands.

Perhaps, it’s a movie ticket?

I gave her some other times, before finally decided to approached her.

After contemplating for a bit, I guess this is the right time for me to catch her, before she falls too deep.

“Seohyun-ah?”

She was still stiffening somehow, and with just one look, I knew she’s hurting inside, she’s hurting alone. I stared at her eyes, and in there I could see the things I hate the most in this world, her teary eyes. Once again, I’ve to be the witness of her painful tears.

She didn’t answer so I asked her again, “It’s really you Seohyun-ah! What are you doing here? Alone?”

Seohyun could only look up and stared at me, but still quiet, as if her voice was stolen away.

Hearing nothing from her, I’m worried even more so, again, I asked her “Yah… Neo… kwaencanha?”

Still, Seohyun just silent and stared at me. So I rubbed Seohyun’s arm, couldn’t hide my worried look, and that was the time where she finally spoke up.

“Op….ppa….” she said, with a sligh trembling voice.

I tried to act normal and looked excited to meet her there, “Ne, majayo. I’m your Joong Ki oppa, and I was asking what are you doing here…alone?”

“…..Nan….nan…”

My eyes caught two ticket she was gripping tightly in her hands.

“Ah….waiting for someone to watch a movie?”

Seohyun looked down and stared to the tickets. I could see that slowly her lips started to trembling, it was so obvious that in a minutes she was going to cried bitterly.

“Perhaps….are you waiting for Nicole?” I said, though I know that she wasn’t waiting for her best friend to come.

 

Uljima Seohyun-ah… Nan yeogiseo.

Pleaseon’t be sad my love, I’m here, I’ll always be by your side…

 

End of P.O.V

 

***

 

Yonghwa’s P.O.V

Pabooo! I should’ve confirm the place for watching the movie first! Now look, she must be upset since I couldn’t be reached by phone. Yah….why did I have to forgot my phone? Why did I have this stupid habit of not remembering numbers? If only I could remember my parents number, I would asked them for a help to give me Seohyun number. Wae Yonghwa ? Wae? She must be worried, she must be upset, and I’m totally, obviously, ruined our “make up” moment. What if she thinks that I’m only play with her feeling? What if she feels  abandoned by me? What if things turned even more complicated because of this? And what if….what if I didn’t have any chance again to apologize to her?

I couldn’t stop to cursing myself. I didn’t even pay attention to what Shin Hye said to me. I don’t care with the jewelries she picked. She could decided and choose it by herself. I could only smile and nodded in agreement without even thinking it matched her well or not while Shin Hye was entertaining herself by happily choosing the jewelries she’s going to buy for her and Gyu Ri, while me? I still desperately think what should I do to contacted Seohyun. I was pacing back and forth, glancing to the jewelries in those glasses case, trying to clear my mind, when something bright and beautiful caught my eyes, and somehow it remembered me of her.

I took a step closer to it. It was a necklace. A beautiful butterfly pendant hanging  from a silver chain. The butterfly looked sparkling with the diamonds on both side of its wings.

Simple yet so beautiful.

“What are you looking at?”

I was a bit startled when Shin Hye asked me.

“Huh? No…nothing” I said.

Shin Hye followed my gaze and looked at the butterfly necklace that attracted me earlier.

“Are you finish? Let’s go then” I asked her.

She looked up at me again then smiled “Ne, let’s go!”, she said. Linking her arm with mine, which I refused right away and gained a pout from her.

“Ah wae? We’re not in the hospital!” She asked, raising her voice a bit.

“Why do I couldn’t link my arm with my boyfriend?” she continued.

“Ahra….but still….” I said, but still it doesn’t feel right. And I’ve to admit that IT IS obviously not right.

But she didn’t mind my words, because she linked her hand again with mine and dragged me out of the shop.

I know this is not right. And things even more complicated now. This is my fault to agreed with her and be her boyfriend. What happened to me? Why did I agreed to be her boyfriend while in fact I’m already a husband for another woman? I’m really stupid to have the same thought that I still love her. Wait, what did I say? I thought that I still love her? Thought? Mwoya? Doesn’t it mean that….I don’t love her, now?

Shin Hye was still talking to me while we were walking in the mall, but my mind was floating. I don’t know, but I just couldn’t pay attention to whatever she told to me. I was so busy with my own thought. I have to admit that in these past days, I started to looked Seohyun differently. Her smile, her bright eyes, her kindhearted, everything….everything about her always make me peaceful. Things feel so right whenever I’m with her. If I’m with her, I feel like I could face anything  in this world.

But, things already turned like this, now….what should I do, Seohyun?

I stopped my step and looked at Shin Hye.

“Shin Hye-yah, I’ll drive you home now”

Shin Hye frowned and looked at me a bit disappointed “Huh? Wae? Why don’t we walk around a little bit longer?”

“I’ve told you that I’ll just accompany you to buy the gift, now you got the gift already, so it’s time to go home” I said, expressionless and walked ahead of her.

“Yonghwa!”

I paused and turned around and looked at her with a straight face “Perhaps, do you want to go home alone? Well okay then, I leave first”, without hearing her answer I already walked and took the escalator to went downstairs.

However, she followed me and with a disappointment on her face and voice, she finally agreed to go home.

End of P.O.V

 

***

 

My heart hurts, it hurts so much

That I don’t even think I can smile

No, it feels like I will die

I asked my hurting heart

Can you live like this?

Can you really live?

 

(Lotte Mart – XXI Theatre)

1 and a half hour passed, finally the movie was finished. People started to collected their belonging and left the room. But not for Joong Ki and Seohyun, both of them were still sitting quietly on their seat. Seohyun was still lingering with her mind, while Joong Ki was just staring at her, didn’t know what to do to comfort her. She looked really hurt and lost her soul, never he saw Seohyun looked so fragile like this before.

Joong Ki tried to distracted her by stretching his hands in the air and it was a succeed. He gained her attention.

“Oowaah…I had never thought that you could be so fragile while watching sad movie, you’re crying too much Seo Joo Hyun!” Joong Ki acted to , hoped that he could melted the heavy atmosphere even if it’s just for a bit.

Seohyun who realized that her cheeks were really wet as she also could feel the remaining tears on her eyes, hurriedly wiped it all away.

While in fact, Joong Ki also knew, that Seohyun wasn’t crying because of the sad movie that they just watched, but it was because something else, probably related to her husband with his mistress.

“Well I like the story though, you choose the best movie Seohyun-ah. If it comes to movie, neon….jinjja pro-yah!” Joong Ki said, showing Seohyun his two thumbs up.

Seohyun just smiled lightly as she finished to dried her tears on her damp cheek.

“However… It’s time to leave now. Let’s go!” he said, without waiting for her answer, he already grabbed her hand and guided her to leave the theatre.

They were stood in front of the XXI theatre when Joong Ki checked for his watch, and time showed 6.40 pm, it was nearly dinner actually.

“Seohyun-ah, it’s nearly dinner now, do you want to grab some foods here? Let me treat you then” he suggested and smiled wholeheartedly.

Seohyun looked up and stared at him before she shook her head lightly while saying “Aniyo… I don’t feel like eating now oppa”

“Keurae? Well then, do you want to go home? I’ll give you a ride, free of charge!” Joong Ki suggested once again, now, with a grin on his face.

But Seohyun still looked gloomy, seems like she was thinking hardly over something that bothered her so much.

“Aniyo…I don’t want to go home….” She answered with a low voice, and her sentence sounded hanging.

Joong Ki frowned, “Wae?”

After heaving a deep sigh, Seohyun looked up and smiled at him. The first smile he saw today.

“I just….want to spend more times here, just a little bit longer actually, oppa just go…”

Joong Ki also smiled to her, “Mwoya? Are you shoo-ing me away? Am I a cat or something?”

She chuckled, “Aniyo… It was just… uhm… you look tired so you’d better go home”

“Tired? Me? Ayee… You must be joking. There’s no way Song Joong Ki got drained of energy. Wanna prove?” Joong Ki smiled mischievously.

This time, Seohyun was the one who frowning.

Joong Ki smiled even wider as he took her hand and dragged her out of XXI theatre area.

 

***

 (Lotte Mart – Game Zone Arena)

“Whooaaa… Oppa you’re really good at this!” Seohyun commented as she saw how Joong Ki punched the yellow duck on the screen with the rubber hammer, as the duck was repeatedly popped out on the one hole then its disappear only to popped again on the other hole.

“Of course!” Joong Ki answered proudly, his eyes stealing glance at Seohyun,and he saw that she was smiling widely as her eyes fixed on the screen.

Yes…Seohyun-ah….smile…you have to smile, more often….

*PEEP PEEP PEEP*

The screen shows “YOU HIT IT!!!” with the animation of a pouting duck beside it, then just like that around twenty small tickets came out from the bottom of the machine. Joong Ki pulled it with his left hand, and staring proudly at the brownish ticket.

“Yah….if we get more of these ticket we could exchange it with a good gift!”

Seohyun smiled and nodded several times in excitement.

“What do you want?”

Seohyun turned her head, and looked at the numerous gifts that were showed at the front gate.

“Uhm….that…that minion doll!” She said, pointing the doll with her fore finger.

“Ah…that one? Ho much tickets to get that doll?” He asked, but more like asking to himself, because he didn’t wait Seohyun to answer, instead he walked closer to the front gate and checked it by himself, Seohyun followed behind him.

“130 tickets….” He murmured.

“It’s too much oppa… You can’t reach it” Seohyun said, a bit disappointed.

Joong Ki turned his body and looked at her, smiling.

“Aniya…it’s not that much. I’ll get it for you, I promise. But first, you have to help me”

“Ne?” Seohyun asked in confused.

“It will be hard if I’m the one who collect those tickets, how about if you play it too?”

Seohyun looked contemplate. Because honestly, she didn’t really like to play game, and Joong Ki knew it.

“………Okay” she finally agreed.

Joong Ki smiled widely.

“Now come here….just try this “Mischievous Duck” first, it’s easy…” he said, while handed her the hammer then he put the coins inside the machine.

“Just punch as much as you can….thinking about someone who annoyed you or makes you upset might be help” he continued, then chuckled after finish with his words.

Seohyun also chuckled upon hearing it.

Thinking about someone who annoyed me or makes me upset……

And just like that the scene that she saw earlier inside the jewelries shop playing like an old movie in her mind. She chuckled again, but bitterly this time, and her expression turned colder as she remembered of it.

“Yeah….I think it’s going to be easier with that way. Let’s start!” Seohyun said.

Joong Ki found her changed expression, but he didn’t  mind to ask her, afraid that it will ruined her mood and feeling.

“Okay, one…..two….go!”

Seohyun gripped the hammer tightly as she started to punch the yellow duck on the screen. Joong Ki observed her, she looked really determined with the games, her eyes really fixed on the screen. He even doubted whether she’s blink or not. But since Seohyun is the type who always be serious with whatever she does, so he thought maybe she found that the games was quite interesting for her, that’s why she looked so determined like that.

While in fact, Seohyun was having a battle of emotion inside her. Anger, sadness, disappointment, everything….were really drained her energy, as if she was running at the football field nonstop, to the point that she felt tired, really tired of everything that happened to her.

To what extent this heart could endure a pain like this? She asked silently.

Yah!  Neo!  Jung Yong Hwa!  How could you?!  How dare you?! Nappeun neom! Nappeun neom!. She shouted in her mind as she punched the duck repeatedly.

Joong Ki who didn’t stopped to paid attention and observed started to furrowed his brows when he found something strange with Seohyun, she looked different from earlier. He took a step closer to get a better view of her face, and there…. He was witnessing a crystallize liquid fill her two eyes that caused her eyes were no longer sparkling, but somehow it was buried with sadness.

*PEEP PEEP PEEP*

The machine started to beep as a sign of the end of the games, the pouting duck showed up on the screen beside the words “YOU HIT IT!!!”. The game was finished already. But what did Seohyun do? She kept punching the screen with the hammer.

“Seohyun-ah…” Joong Ki called her, but she didn’t respond

Seohyun kept punching the screen, though the game was over.

At first, Joong Ki thought that he as mistaken, but when he moved a little bit closer to Seohyun, he heard those words again from Seohyun.

“Nappeun neom…/nappeun neom….”

Though it heard almost like a whispered and even close to a murmured, but Joong Ki couldn’t believe that he was just hearing Seohyun’s cursing. It’s the first time for himto heard and saw Seohyun acted like that. He kept observing Seohyun, her powerful punched turned weaker…and weaker…and weaker… until finally those crystal clear in her eyes started to rolled down, slowly, freely, to her cheek. And that was sign for Joong Ki to grabbed the hammer from her hand, and stopped her.

“Geumanhae….geumanhae Seohyun-ah….”

Seohyun let Joong Ki grabbed her hand and took the hammer in her gripped. As Joong Ki took the hammer, her hand was falling freely as if she had no more energy. Her body was stiffened on her spot, staring blankly on the screen.

Joong Ki knew something was happening to her, something related to that person, something about the earlier scenery that they were saw inside the jewelry shop. Yeah, she must be thought about that again, he conclude. He didn’t have a heart to asked her why, to asked her what happened, to let her spill a word, he was afraid that maybe it was just going to hurt her even more, beside he already knew the answer anyway.

“Seohyun-ah….” Joong Ki took her hand that made Seohyun looked at him.

Joong Ki could see her teary eyes clearly, so he raised his right thumb and wiped the remaining tears on her eyes and drying her wet face with it.

He smiled warmly to her, “Are you tired already? Let’s get some good food, shall we?”

Yes oppa. I’m tired. I’m tired of myself, I’m tired of him, I’m tired of everything.

Though she shouted loudly in her mind, but no words spill from .

Slowly, Joong Ki took her hand and held it with his. Usually, when Joong Ki did that, it’s either Seohyun refused, or she just let him held her hand but she never  held his hand back.

Now, it’s different.

When Joong Ki held her hand, as they started to walked and left the game zone arena, slowly… Seohyun also held his hand. Joong Ki was startled but he couldn’t deny how happy he was when Seohyun also held his hand. But something made his smile didn’t stayed longer, that was when he felt her hand was shaking, he stole a glance at her, though her long wavy brownish hair almost cover her beautiful face, but Joong Ki still could see her wet cheek and trembling lips, it was so obvious that Seohyun tried her best to didn’t made any sound and only cried silently. Joong Ki could only heaved a deep sigh, as he felt so useless for he couldn’t do anything to ease her pain, to erase her sadness, to wipe away all of her sorrow. So, as a return he held her hands tighter, hoping that it would give her more energy.

 

Seohyun knew what she did probably could lead into something that will going to be missed-interpreted. She didn’t mean to give Joong Ki a chance or what, becase even after all of those pains, those tears, and those heart broke that she got, her heart remaining the same. Her faltered heart could only stayed for just a several seconds. At the second she thought to back off, she didn’t know why but she couldn’t imagine what will happen to her if she decided to let him go, only imagining those things was already made her scared to death.

Because even after all those painful sadness that she faced, she couldn’t take him out. Her detached heart didn’t give a permission for her to do that. And just like that, she didn’t changed. She still only loves him. The love of her live is always be Jung Yong Hwa. But, right now, right at this second, she really needs something to support her so she wouldn’t break, she really needs something to hold on, or else she’s going to break into pieces.

 

If only my heart can be put under anesthesia and meet a new love

If only I can get over you as if nothing happened

You became a thorn in my heart so I can’t ever meet someone new

Even when I look for you in my detached heart, I can’t take you out

 

***

After having a dinner together, Joong Ki decided to give Seohyun ride to her apartment. Though she was as quite as the former, Joong Ki didn’t asked much. He was raining Seohyun with stories during their dinner earlier, even though Seohyun didn’t respond much, but he didn’t mind it, he was just trying to be a good companion to her. Inside the car, she was also the same, still quite, not even bothering to started a convo with Joong Ki, she looked like having a deep thought that made her eyes only fixed on the road.

Around 30 minutes were passed, and finally they arrived in front of Paragon Apartment Complex, Seohyun’s apartment. And that was the time when Seohyun finally turned her body and look at Joong Ki in the eyes.

“Oppa….really, thank you so much for today…” She said wholeheartedly.

Joong Ki nodded and smiled warmly to her.

“Anytime, Seohyun-ah…”

I’ll always be there for you anytime you need me, Seohyun….

“And….I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the doll…” Joong Ki said, a slight disappointment could be heard on his voice.

Seohyun smiled to him and shook her head.

“Aniyo….it doesn’t matter oppa…The only matter is you were there, accompany me…I’m really grateful for that…”

Joong Ki only smiled to her before he said, “You must be really tired today, so you’d better get inside and have some rest… Forget every painful moment that was happened today, tomorrow will always be better and brighter, remember that…”

His words made her eyes teary again. She cursed herself for became so fragile and vulnerable like this.

“…..Ne…you were right… I’ll get inside now, have some rest too…and be safe on your way”

“Ahrasseo. Have a good night, Seohyun-ah…”

“Gomawooyo… You too oppa”

And with one last wave, Joong Ki drove off while Seohyun was also get inside to the huge and magnificent building beside her. Finding it hard to breathe the more she got closer to her apartment. She already have a deep thought about something that she’s going to say to Yonghwa on her way back home with Joong Ki. And she’s ready to say it to Yonghwa the moment she arrived at their apartment.

Geurae… Tonight might be the hardest night for me to face. But still, this is something that I have to do.

 

***

 

(Yonghwa and Seohyun apartment)

 

Yonghwa’s P.O.V

I was the one who reached home first when the time was still show 6.40 pm in the evening and I was hoping that Seohyun will be in our apartment by now, but then I only found an empty room. I walked lazily and threw my body on the yellow couch in the living room. I leaned my body and closed my eyes, feeling totally drained of energy though there were less schedules in hospital. Slowly, I opened my eyes and stared to the ceiling, then I remembered of something that I keep safely in my trousers pocket. I reached for it with my right hand and raised the blue velvet box in the air. Without even notice, I was already smiling widely.

 

Flashback

Just right after Yonghwa and Shin Hye reached the basement, Yonghwa made an excuse to Shin Hye, he told her that he forgot his car key at the jewelry shop and ask Shin Hye to just aited him at the basement. At first she was insisted to come with Yonghwa to get the key back, but after Yonghwa showed her his cold expression because she couldn’t stop whining, she finally agreed to just waited for him at the basemen.

“I won’t be long, just stay here” Yonghwa said in finality.

And with a pouted mouth, Shin Hye finally agree, “Ahrasseo..”

Half running, Yonghwa proceed to reach the Jewelry shop where they were visiting earlier. Actually, Yonghwa didn’t left his key, he kept it safely on his shirt pocket, but there was another intention why Yonghwa wanted to went back to the jewelry shop. The moment his eyes caught the butterfly necklace on that shop, he couldn’t stop to thinking about buying it and give it immediately to Seohyun. Yes, his wife Seohyun, not his girlfriend Shin Hye.

As he finally arrived at the jewelry shop, he walked towards the worker and spit out his intention to buy the necklace, which gladly responded by the worker.

“Soonim, do you want me to put the necklace on a box or should I wrap the box with the wrapping paper? ”

“Aniya, just put it in the small box that could be fit in a my grasped, and please make it quick” Yonghwa said, feeling anxious actually, since he worried that Shin Hye is going to suspicious and made her silly assumption because he was taking too much time for only taking a car key on the shop.

“Ne…algeseumnida…And..do you want to put a note inside the box?” The worker asked as she smiled to him.

“Yeah, sure” he answered excitedly.

Then the worker bent down her body only to took out the blue velvet box from the drawer behind and a piece of blue paper completed with a black pen.

“Soonim, here is the paper and for the box that you asked, is it fine with this size, soonim?” The worker handed the paper and also showed Yonghwa the box.

Yonghwa took the blue paper and the pen, then he glanced at the box, a smile formed on his lips.

He nodded and said, “It’s perfect!”,

The worker took the necklace in it then Yonghwa also started to write a simple note on that blue paper. As he finished with the note, he gave it back to the worker, and the worker gladly received the note and slipped it inside the box. While Yonghwa took his wallet then handed the worker his credit card. She received the card from Yonghwa and did the paying administration. But when she was about to put the box in the small shopping bag, Yonghwa stopped her.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just take the box instead”

The worker smiled and nodded, “Algesumnida…”

“Thank you for your visit sir, please come again next time” She smiled and bowed politely as she handed Yonghwa the small shopping bag that consisted a blue velvet box that Yonghwa bought.

“Ne…thank you!” Yonghwa smiled widely as he gripped the box tightly.

End of Flashback

 

I opened the blue box in my hand and stared at the butterfly necklace inside. I intentionally wanted to buy a necklace for Seohyun, because I thought that the butterfly necklace really fits with her, it seemed like the butterfly represents Seohyun perfectly, beautiful, elegant, has a lot of beautiful colors and charms, so like her, so like Seohyun. But somehow, there’s something that also worrying me. If butterfly really represents Seohyun, then doesn’t it mean…. despite how beautiful the color is, how attracting the charm is, just like a butterfly that is so fragile and so easy to be torn apart, is she also as fragile as butterfly? Is she also so easy to be torn apart?  

Just thinking about that made me shut my eyes and shook my head as a denial. No, I’ll surely won’t let it happen. I’ll never let the butterfly got torn apart, no, never.

Gripping tightly to the small box in my fist, I got up from my seat and walked towards Seohyun’s bedroom. Yonghwa decided to put his gift for Seohyun inside her room without her notice, silently, quietly... Hoping that small gift would be a successful surprise for her and make their relationship a little bit better.

He observed her room and got a little bit confused of where is the perfect spot for him to put the gift. Is it on her bed? On the bedside drawer? Or maybe the dressing table?

He choose the last answer though. Dressing table sounds good to put his gift.

A smile still plastered on his face when he put the gift on the dressing table, he also didn’t forget to put a sticky note over the box. And with a light step, Yonghwa then went to the kitchen.

She must be haven’t take her dinner. He thought.

Pulling his sleeves up to his elbow, Yonghwa then started to make his favorite food, which is something that he usually made, spaghetti.

End of P.O.V

 

The tears hurt, it hurts so much

That I don’t even think I can cry

No, it feels like I will die

I asked my hurting heart

Can you live like this?

Can you really live?

 

It’s a good thing that their apartment placed in the first floor of this huge building, so it didn’t took a long time for Seohyun to finally reach there. As she passed the code and got inside, she saw Yonghwa’s shoes and the light on the living room also shines brightly. Ah…so he’s already home, she concluded.

“I’m home” Seohyun said in a weak voice.

Yonghwa popped out from the kitchen while he was untied the apron from his body. Seohyun looked at him with a furrowed brows, finding it strange that Yonghwa was orbiting in their kitchen, for she knew that usually Yonghwa would just stayed inside his study room, buried with the piles of his paper work.

“Seohyun-ah…wasseo?” Yonghwa greeted her happily.

Seohyun just silent and slowly stepped in after wearing her pink slippers. Yonghwa walked closer to her, he knew, he could saw it, a disappointment was clearly show all over her face.

“Seohyun-ah…about today, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that, I was—“ Yonghwa was ready to spill out his words and this time he’s going to be honest with Seohyun, he will tell everything that happened to him including telling him that he was accompanied Shin Hye, but then Seohyun cut his sentence.

“Aniya. Kwaencanhayo oppa. I understand, you must be busy” Seohyun said with a straight face.

“No, it’s not like that. I do want to watch a movie with you but then—“ Once again, his sentence was cut by Seohyun’s cold voice.

 “But then you have a sudden operation because there was an accident or something like that, am I right, oppa?”

Or should I say… But then your girlfriend asked you to go with her, am I right oppa?

Yonghwa frowned upon hearing her words. She looked different today, totally different. Her straight expression, her cold voice, her sharp freezing eyes. Seohyun was never acted like that before, she was always sweet, caring, and has those warm beautiful eyes.

“Hyun-ah…”

That was the only word that Yonghwa could spill at the moment.

That…the way he called her….had always made her heart beat faster and turned her cheek into crimson red. But at a moment like this, Seohyun didn’t want to look easy, she tried hard to control herself of not falling for him over again.

“I understand oppa. I understand it, CLEARLY. You’re the type of person who really dedicates with your job, and I appreciate that, so you don’t have to make any explanation for that, beside there’s something I want to tell you”

Seohyun then put her bag on the couch, and readied herself to spill what matter that she wanted to utter to Yonghwa. She already think about it million times on the way home earlier. Maybe, what she’s going to say to Yonghwa might be hurt her even more, maybe she’s going to regret her decision in the future, but…. she’s not ready yet to let him go, she’ll never be ready for that, no, not now, she couldn’t let him go yet, so for now this is the best thing to do. Yeah, she admitted that she’s as selfish as that. Because honestly, deep down inside, there’s still a tiny hope, that someday, for she doesn’t know how long will it takes, but someday, maybe on a one fine day, Yonghwa will love her just like the say she loves him.

“Look, Seohyun-ah… I know you’re upset because once again I broke my promise to you, but for now please listen to me, let me explain, I can explain and I want to explain every single thing to you”

Yonghwa took a step forward, but Seohyun took a step backward. Avoiding him.

He had never thought and never imagine, that what just Seohyun  did, could break his heart slowly. Yes, it was heartbreaking for him to witnessing that Seohyun didn’t even want to get closer to him, and somehow it scared him.

“Please…Let me explain” He started to begged.

“No. You don’t have to. I’m not interest to hear that”

He didn’t know what had happened to her. But she’s so different today, her eyes, her voice, her expression, he doubt that this woman in front of him is her wife, Seo Joo Hyun. He knew that she’s upset towards him and she has all the reasons to do that to him, because he admitted that he’s the one who broke his promise, once again. Yonghwa heaved a sigh and decided to go with her way, if she didn’t want to hear his explanation now, then it’s okay, he’ll let her talk first.

“Ahrasseo. Because you’re this upset, so we’ll go with your way, if you don’t want to hear my explanation now, then it’s okay. But I’ll still explain everything too you sooner or later and you have to hear my explanation, now let’s discuss what you wanna talk with me while having our dinner… I cooked our dinner” Yonghwa smiled to her before he turned his back and was about to walked when he heard Seohyun’s answer.

“Thank you, but I had my dinner. So I’ll say it here” Seohyun said stubbornly.

Every words that Seohyun uttered were came out from her cold voice and she also persistant with her  stern look, that made Yonghwa turned back to face her again and ready to hear anything that she wanted to say to him.

“Okay, what do you want to discuss with me?”

Gripping to both side of her coat, silently asking God to give her more power to spoke up what she has been thinking of to Yonghwa.

“Oppa, we need to re-think our marriage” she said firmly, without any blink, without any stuttered, so firm, so smooth, as if she was already think about that like, forever.

Yonghwa blinked. 

Actually, even Seohyun herself felt surprised that she got the courage to finally spill out those words, words that has been floating in her mind ever since she saw that heartbreaking scene on the jewelry shop. There was a long paused between them, only the sound of the clock that was hanging on the wall that could be heard, and even their sound of breathing seemed echoed loudly in the living room.

“Mwo? What did you say?” Yonghwa asked, he was asking for assurance actually, couldn’t believe that he heard those words from Seohyun.

Seohyun cleared before she said “You’ve heard me. We need to re-think our marriage”

Yonghwa chuckled bitterly and shook his head lightly in disbelief.

“Wh—what do you mean? I don’t get it”

She shut her eyes in desperate and bite herself, trying to gained any power so she could stood there longer to face Yonghwa.

“Like you said before, we’re married not because we love each other, but it was because that arranged marriage thing, so I think we need to do something about this, we need to re-think about our marriage….”

There was a paused, before she finally continued with “Yong Hwa oppa, for how long we’re going to married? Our married is a grandma’s wish, now she’s already in heaven, so what do we do with our marriage? Just be honest, both of us don’t have any intention to make this marriage last, do we? But, it won’t look good for our relatives if we get divorce this month, it’s too early to do that and I don’t want to make my and your family ashamed, so….how do you think? How about 1 year? Or maybe 6 months? Ah…I think 6 months is better. Well then, how about after 6 months we’ll get divorce. Or perhaps, do you have another solution?”

Seohyun was the one who keep blabbering while Yonghwa rooted on his spot, couldn’t believe that a topic like this will be spill out from Seohyun’s side.

“Seo Joo Hyun, what the hell are you talking about?” He asked her with his sharp gaze and piercing eyes.

Seohyun blinked and gulped upon hearing his responded. At first, she thought that Yonghwa aould just agreed with him easily. What she had asked to him was not a hard wish to fulfill anyway. He doesn’t love her, so what’s the matter with this “re-think marriage issue”? Or does he? No… Aniyo. That will never be happening.

“Are you out of your mind?”

Seohyun heard him asked her once again, now he’s the one who talked to her with a cold voice and stern look.

But the stubborn Seohyun was remaining the same, she didn’t want to be beat by now.

“Aniyo. I was just being rationale and telling the truth”

Yonghwa smirked and chuckled in annoyed.

“Rationale? What rationale did you mean?” Yonghwa asked, raising his voice.

“I was just—“

“Enough” Yonghwa said firmly, raising his right hand as a sign to made her stop speaking.

Then he continued “I can’t stand to hear this stupid silly conversation. If you want to get divorce then go ahead. Just do as your please, I don’t care anymore!”

And just like that, without asking for her permission first or telling her where will he going, he turned back and walked towards the front door, then he closed the door with bang it loudly. Leaving Seohyun rooted alone in her spot. The moment Yonghwa passed her and she heard the sound of the door being bang loudly, her eyes started to glistening and she couldn’t hold her lips to turned trembled. She had thought about the consequences of her idea, she already readied herself to face another pain and hurt the second she spoke with Yonghwa about this. But, she had never thought that witnessing Yonghwa who left her in this kind of situation will hurt like hell, it was beyond her imagination, the pain was too much, it stabbed her heart deeply to the point that she’s so going to die anytime soon.

With a trembling and heavy steps, Seohyun decided to go to her bedroom, hoping that she’ll manage to calm herself there. She entered her room and sit on the chair in front of the dressing table. Though she tried hard to calm herself, but still she felt like going to explode. At first she was just staring blankly to the material that was placed neatly on the table, but when her eyes caught the yellow purse beside her perfume. She grabbed it and took the contents of it only to grasped it roughly. She smiled bitterly as she stared the sacks of the antibiotics in her hand, enalaphril, nifediphie, veraphamile, digoxin, dobutamine, furosemide, she let out bitter chuck as she read the label of her medicines.

Stupid pills. Stupid useless pills. What’s the use to drink all of these stupid things?

I don’t care. Now I really don’t care anymore. I f God wants me to die then I’ll always ready for him to take me. I already live in hell anyway.

She didn’t know why and what was happening to her, but one thing she knew that at that very second, she felt like she couldn’t couldn’t hold her frustration any longer, Seohyun got up from her seat and threw all her medicines to the bin, and for the next, Seohyun used the bottles of beauty treatments, perfume, everything that was placed neatly on the table as a victims to threw her tantrums. She brushed all of that things with her two hands, causing the bottles and all were thrown centimeters away, the things were crashing on the floor and made an ugly sound that hurt ears.

Everything were now scattered on the floor, yes, everything, including the blue velvet box that Yonghwa intend to give her as a gift, but she didn’t aware of it. The box were also threw centimeters away from the dressing table until it laid under her bed, for only God knows how could she would ever find it.

The next things she knew was that what just she did, didn’t calm her even a bit, instead the pain in her heart was getting bigger and bigger ‘till she couldn’t hold back her tears and cried hardly. So she got up and dumped her body on her bed, buried herself with a duvet so she could muffle her sobbed.

So, to what extent does the heart could endure a pain like this? Seohyun had absolutely no idea about that. Could she stand any longer with the aching heart? Could her heart bear it?

My hurting heart, can you live like this? She questioned herself, and found only another pain that hit her heart as an answer.

But one thing she knew, when the heart only shows uncertainty and couldn’t give the definite answer then it means the pain is the only answer.

 

If only my heart can be put under anesthesia and meet a new love

If only I can get over you as if nothing happened

You became a thorn in my heart so I can’t ever meet someone new

Even when I look for you in my detached heart

 

***

The next morning, Seohyun was still the same, cooking for their breakfast and prepared Yonghwa lunch box, despite her still-puffy-eyes and tired face, as the result of her endless-crying last night. But both of them were still showed their cold expression, no one dare to see each other eyes though their having a breakfast together and share the same dining table. None of them also blabbering about the last night issue for they also didn’t know how to handle that matter and discussing about it on this early morning would just caused another bickering, and it won’t be good to start a day.

“Oppa, I’m going to get my car back today, the worker say that he’ll ride it to my office, so you don’t have to dive me there nor fetch me” Seohyun started the convo as she munched the food and stared to her bowl, avoiding Yonghwa’s gaze.

“Okay. But let me drive you to your office, you haven’t get your car yet anyway” Yonghwa said, trying to sounded normal and still want to show Seohyun that he still care of her.

“Thank you but that’s no need oppa, I could take a taxi”

Yonghwa put down his chopsticks already feeling uneasy in the early morning. He looked staright to her, though the one he was looking at was only focused on her meals.

“Look, Seohyun. I know you’re upset with me, and I’m really sorry I had never meant to break my promise, please listen to me for once, yesterday I was—“

Seohyun paused from raising her spoon to , but without even looking at Yonghwa, she already cut his sentence and started with “I told you it’s okay and I don’t want to talk about it anymore”. Seohyun put down her spoon and gulped her milk before she continued her sentence.

“ I’m done with my breakfast, so I leave first. Drive safely oppa, annyeonghigyeseyo”

Then Seohyun got up from her sea, and still without even sharing a glance to Yonghwa and just look straight as if Yonghwa was invisible, as if she was the only one person in that room.

But when Seohyun was taking three steps away from the dining table, Yonghwa stood abruptly and grabber her wrist only to made her spun around and face him.

“No, I know you’re not okay, your eyes, your face, your voice tells everything”

Seohyun pulled her hand roughly from his grasped and glaring at Yonghwa.

“Let go of me” She said firmly.

“No. Not before we finish this matter” Yonghwa looked straight to her sparkling brownish eyes, that seemed dark and empty that morning.

Seohyun gave up, so she just let him but turned away her eyes, avoiding his stares.

“Now tell me, what should I do to make you want to listen to what I’m going to stay?”

Seohyun felt that his grasped was weakened, and that was Seohyun pulled her hand from him and stared sharply at him.

“Nothing to explain, I’ve told you it’s okay, I understand it CLEARLY. So now, let me go peacefully to my office or we’re going to be late for work”

Seohyun couldn’t bear it, she felt like she couldn’t stand there to face Yonghwa any longer, so without waiting for his words Seohyun already turned her hills and left her apartment as soon as possible, before everything turned worse, before her efforts to hide her tears become useless.

Yonghwa was just looking at her back with his forlorn and bitter expression. He decided to didn’t hold her back any longer because he knew that for now Seohyun would never ever heard to everything he’s going to say. He never thought that Seohyun could be this angry though. But still, everything won’t turned this worse if only he could act a little bit smarter. Yeah, this is his mistake, he was wrong, it was all his fault. He concluded.

Seohyun didn’t take any longer to left her apartment that felt like hell to her during these past hours. So she was immediately stopped the first taxi that her eyes caught. Telling the driver to speed up and drove her to her office, the only place where she could hide from Yonghwa.

 

***

(SNU Hospital)

Meanwhile, on that early morning, the situation and circumstances at the SNU Hospital were already chaotic and crowded. Not only the nurses who were half running here and there bringing the oxygen masks, bandages, IV bottle, and all, but the doctors were all the same. Though almost everyday, SNU looks crowded, but today the situation looked even  more chaotic than the usual.

As soon as Yonghwa wore his white jacket and entered the department of surgery, Minhyuk were running towards him and immediately escorted him to the meeting room, ignoring Yonghwa’s question and his confused look. When both of them entered the meeting room, there were already about 30 doctors from all department that was gathered there. Seemed like there were something serious must be happening, that’s why dr. Park Han Byul, the chairman of SNU Hospital made the meeting.

The later Yonghwa knew, that there was a malaria plague and anthrax epidemic that spread rapidly in Anyang. All of the doctors there were discussing about those issues, including what should they do to help the people there, whose going to be there, and how many medicines they should bring to accommodate all the patient there.

And after a quite quick discussion, the doctor teams that will be send to Anyang from the department of surgery were choosen. From the division of neurosurgery division, dr. Park Jun Su and dr. Kim Chan Young were choosen, from the division of oral and Maxillofacial Surgery dr. Lee Jong Hyun and dr. Kwon Yoo Jae Sook were choosen, from the division of Vascular Surgery were choosen, and from the division of Cardiothoracic  Surgery, dr. Jung Yong Hwa and dr. Kang Min Hyuk were choosen, and all of them were agreed to go there. Since there’s not much time left, and before the epidemic went worse, all the doctors will take their flight there today.

Though Yonghwa was being rushed to go immediately to Anyang, but he asked for a permission to the chairman to go to another place first before they headed to the airport. Dr. Park Han Byul was object at first, he told Yonghwa to jell tell his family about his departure through phone, but Yonghwa insisted and still asking him to let him go for a while. If not because the friendship relationship with dr.Jung Tae Hun who’s Yonghwa father, then dr. Park won’t give his permission. Feeling didn’t want wated the times, Yonghwa grabbed his car key and drove of to Seohyun’s office.

But as much as Yonghwa wanted to see Seohyun and tell her that he’ll be going to Anyang for a week, Yonghwa only found a disappointment the second he arrived there. Because Seohyun wasn;t there, he only meet her workers but not her nor Nicole.

“I’m sorry sir, but Joo Hyun-ssi were having a home visit to her patient’s house by now, but she’ll be here around 3 pm, would you mind to wait?”

The voice of the receptionist at Seohyun’s office were echoing in his mind on his way back to SNU Hospital. There’s nothing he can do in this situation to meet Seohyun, so he decided to give her a call, but she didn’t answer so in the end he was just text her then took his flight immediately to Anyang, along with his team.

“I believe Hyungsoonim will understand. Don’t worry too much Hyung, let’s go and hit the problem quick so you could see her again as soon as possible” Min Hyuk said, and finished his sentence with his eyesmile.

 

***                                                                                                                 

During her home visit to her patient’s house, Seohyun didn’t check for her phone even once. But when the therapy treatment was finally finished and she got in to her car that parked in front of her patient house, she checked for her i-phone and found Yonghwa’s text in the amidst of her colleagues text and her worker and also Yonghwa’s missed calls.

She checked for Yonghwa’s message first.

 

Seohyun-ah, I’ve to go to Anyang today and my departure’s around 20 minute left. I came to your office but you weren’t there. I’m sorry to tell you about this through message, but I couldn’t catch you by phone.

Please take care of yourself and don’t skipped breakfast. I’ll see you when I go home.

Seohyun-ah, I’m sorry….

 

At first, Seohyun was expressionless while reading his text, since she already used with Yonghwa’s abroad schedules, but something caught her attention the second she read the last part of his text.

What’s the apologize means? Was it because his duty to go to Anyang or was it because something else?

She wanted to reply his text, but when she was about to touch her screen phone and make a sentence, she deleted it immediately. After that, she locked her phone screen then threw her phone roughly to the seat beside her and drove her car, headed to her office.

Geaurae….At least I won’t have to face him for a week.            

 

***

A week passed, and Seohyun was already turned into some kind of a death body who could walk and talk. Her eyes didn’t longer sparkling, her crimson cheek turned pale, as her body grew thinner. She took her meals, but not properly and in a less portion. She ‘s still the same old Seohyun when it comes to her work, she did perfect at all of her work, visiting her patient, doing he therapies, and all. But, she was no longer took her medicines, she already threw her medicines to the bin the night when she was founf out Yonghwa went with Shin Hye and though she still got the same antibiotics in her bag, but at the next day, she flashed all of it to the toilet seat and only left the empty bottles. Also, she didn’t come to meet her doctor in Busan for a routine check up. In short, Seohyun just did everything that worsen her condition without no one noticed.

 All of her worker were silently questioning her. They were all feeling curious but also confused with her sudden changed. Their sajangnim turned into someone that they hardly recognize. In their eyes, Seohyun was still the same kindhearted, caring, and warm person, but there was one thing that they missed the most from Seohyun, and it was, her smile. Yeah, once or twice she was smiling, but it never reached her eyes, and from what they knew Seohyun who used to be a cheerful person, lost her chamrs when she was no longer shows her smiling face.

And in return, none of her workers act annoyed and did their job well, the female workers were no longer gossiping in the morning and there was no longer lazy male worker. All of them wanted to make Seohyun’s work easier. So, they did all of Seohyun told them immediately, without any complaining and a forever “yes” from them.

Nicole had always asked her what happened, but she kept lying and told her that she was okay, that she was only tired and need some rest. Seohyun also lied to Nicole that she was still took her pills properly while in fact it was the opposites.

But one day, Seohyun looked already pale the moment she entered her office. Taeyeon and Hyoyeon, the receptionist of her bureau, were frowning as they looked at Seohyun’s face. Seohyun greet and smile at them as usual, but instead of greeting her back. Hyoyeon walked towards her and asked her in a concern look.

“Boss, are you okay? You look really pale today? Are you not feeling well or something?”

Seohyun just shook her head lightly, as she said “Aniya, kwaencanhayo onnie”

“Hyoyeon is right Joo Hyun-ssi, why don’t you take a day off? You should concern about your health more…” Taeyeon butted in as she also look worried of her.

“I’m fine onnie. Jinjjayo” Seohyun smiled weakly.

“Well then…let me bring your bag Boss, it looks heavy” Hyoyeon already grabbed her bag without waiting for Seohyun’s permission first.

Seohyun just smiled and let her bag go to be grought by Hyoyeon to her room.

“Joo Hyun-ssi, just tell if you need anything, I’ll come right away”

Seohyun nodded and smiled, “Thank you onnie…”

“Ah! Do you want me to order ahjumma to make you a glass of hot lemon tea?”

“That would be perfect onnie”

Apparently, that day wasn’t a good day for Seohyun. No, it’s not because of her work, her patient, her annoying worker or so on. She admitted that she felt awful that day, she felt exhausted, kind of loss of breath, and dizzy, but the later that made her day turned worse was,  because, that day, it was around 2 pm, Seohyun’s got a phone call from a caller who was claiming that she’s one of a doctor at SNU Hospital and her name is Park Shin Hye.

“Ne? What’s your name again?” Seohyun asked, a little bit surprised, as her hands grasped her phone tightly and slighly trembling.

“Shin Hye. Park Shin Hye. So, could we meet? I’ve something to tell you Seo Joo Hyun-ssi”

Seohyun gulped. But she knew, that sooner or later this day will comes, and it’s better to face it sooner before she’s already in broke into a pieces state.

“Ahrasseo, where should we meet?”

 

***

Around 20 minutes later, Seohyun was arrived at Mango Six, she observed the circumstances around and found the familiar figure that was sitting soundly near the glass window. Yeah, though she only saw her once, but she remembered her face, really really well.

“Annyeonghaseyo” Seohyun bowed lightly to her.

“Ah..finally you came. Have a seat” Shin Hye put on her fake smile.

“What do you want to order?” She offered.

“No, I’m okay, just tell me what you’re going to say. I don’t have all day” Seohyun answered, already feeling angry the moment she face her.

Shin Hye smirked “Are you always act this harsh towards other person? Well, no wonder your husband comes to another woman”

Seohyun brows furrowed, “Excuse me?”

“You’ve heard me. But anyway, I’m forgot to introduce myself properly. Well then, annyeonghaseyo my name is Park Shin Hye” Shin Hye said, as she bowed lightly to her, still showing her annoying face.

“I know” Seohyun said shortly.

Shin Hye smirked upon seeing her responded. So, she decided to threw a bomb to her, now.

“And I’m his girlfriend, Jung Yong Hwa, your…..husband?” She asked annoyingly, raising her right eyebrow, wanting to annoyed Seohyun.

There were three seconds passed, before she finally find her voice and answered her.

“I know”

Shin Hye chuckled then soon it turned to a laugh, a mocking laugh.

“Mwoya? You knew about this yet you still sticking to him like a glue?”

Seohyun looked at her with a straight face, trying hard to net let her tears falls.

She tightened her hold to her bag as she answered her.

“Yes…” She said in a weak voice.

Shin Hye mouth hang opened, and shook her head indisbelief, while keeping her expression that full of hatred to her.

“Are you really that cheap”

Now, Seohyun’s hands were turned into a fist, as her breath was become heavier. Seohyun couldn’t understand, whether it was because her anger or it was because she felt really dizzy and her eyes also becoming blurry though there wasn’t a crystallize liquid in her eyes.

“I’m afraid yes” Seohyun answered coldly.

And her eyes was successfully raised Shin Hye’s anger. She couldn’t stand to face her there any longer, so she just blurted out her intention from the very start.

“Yong Hwa is mine. He’s mine since the beginning, your marriage is just a mistaken. And I don’t want to share what is already mine with someone else, that’s the thing that I’ll never ever think to do”

Seohyun looked at her straight in the eyes, though expressionless.

Didn’t minding Seohyun’s answer, Shin Hye was already blabbering again and dominated the conversations.

“Stop sticking to him and let him go. I’m the one who could give happiness to him, I’m the one who perfectly match with him and….”

She paused and smiled mockingly to Seohyun before she said her last sentence

“I’m the one whom he loves…”

Seohyun felt her tongue turned bitter, went dry, and hardly took an oxygen to breathe. There was a silence between them, only a stared fight between these two woman that could be seen. No one making any sound until Seohyun finally said

“You don’t have to ask me to let him go, he’ll come to you anyway”

Actually it wasn’t really an answer but more like a bitter confession that she made. Shin Hye was smiling widely hearing those words from Seohyun. Shin Hye took her mango-strawberry juice and it, before she said

“I’m glad that you’re understand. But, something still bothering me because you’re still sticking to my namja. So, being cheap and just let him come to me”

Seohyun didn’t answered her, as she felt her head were spinning around and she was dizzy to death. The cold sweats started to fill her forehead along with her sweaty-cold palms.

Then Shin Hye’s phone that placed on the table rang, she grabbed it and a wide smile formed on her lips the moment she found out who the caller was. She showed her phone to Seohyun, wanting to blabbering who was calling her, just like a child who just got her new toy.

“See? Your husband calls me” Shin Hye smiled arrogantly to Seohyun.

While Seohyun could only bent down her head and cursed her impulsive decision which is just simply agreed to meet Shin Hye. Now, look who’s the one who hurting? She asked herself.

“Oh….Honey? I miss you…. Where are you now?”

Though Seohyun didn’t stand to look at her face, but she paid attention to the conversations.

“Ah…you’re already in Seoul? What? You want to see me?” Shin Hye was glancing to Seohyun, she wanted to make sure that Seohyun listen to the whole conversation.

“Of course, you can see me, I’m at the mango six near our hospital, just fetch me here, oh?”

“Okay…Ahrasseo… Ne….nadu saranghae Yong Hwa….”

Then the phone call was cut. Shin Hye looked at Seohyun’s pale face and smiled in victory. She concluded that Seohyun must be feeling beat up until her face was as pale as that.

“Aigooo…. Look at you, are you feel that surprised until your face got pale like that?”

Seohyun just remained silent. True, that her face was got really pale along with her sweaty forehead. But Seohyun knew it wasn’t only because of the phone call, it was also because another thing.

Please not now. Please don’t here. Not in this kind of situation. Nae shimjang, please hold a bit longer…

Apparently Yonghwa was on the way when he made a phone call to Shin Hye, because less then in ten minutes, Yonghwa called her again, and asked her to came out because he was already there.

“Yes, I’m out now honey, wait a second…” Shin Hye then cut the phone.

She looked at Seohyun, her victory smile was still there, then  she said

“I hope you could act smart and let him be happy with me by letting him go. I’m so not looking forward for our next meeting so I hope today will be the last. And ah! Perhaps you want to make a check whether the one who fetch me is your husband or not, you could come with me and witness it with your own two eyes” Shin Hye said her sentence with full of confidence, then without waiting for Seohyun’s respond, she got up from her seat and turned her heels out of that place.

Though Seohyun felt like dizzy to death, but she has the remaining power to also got up and did just like what Shin Hye told her, checking whether it was Yonghwa or not. Shin Hye was walking ahead and she got aware that Seohyun followed her behind.

Shin Hye was already stepped out from the Mango Six, while Seohyun were still contemplating whether to going for a check or not, that caused she gripped the hold of the glass door tightly. But after sometimes, she decided to went out and when she turned her head to the parking lot that placed on the left of her side, she felt her world stop spinning. She felt like she broke into a tiny place.

It was really him. Her husband, Jung Yong Hwa, who was opening the car door for the woman who was earlier having a deadly discussion with her, Park Shin Hye. After opening the door for Shin Hye, Seohyun could see that Yonghwa was half running and got in to his car.

Seohyun felt like her live was taking away roughly from her, like her heart was being pulled out from her body, that made her couldn’t breath, couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t stand any longer to face the world. She looked up and found her vision got blurry as she felt the world were spinning so fast and the light turned darker and darker, until finally her body was spun and fall freely on the floor, but Yonghwa wasn’t there to caught her.

She laid motionless in front of the café, and one by one, people started to gathered around her and looked at her with a worried face.

Seohyun’s eyes were still slightly opened, when a middle-aged woman approached her and asked her condition.

“Ahgassi…ahgassi…are you alright?”

Seohyun heard it, but she was having a hard time only to find her voice. She was just staring at the red car that started to drove off from there. Silently asking, silently hoping, the owner of that car was coming back to her.

“Oppa….help….” she whispered weakly, before she finally blackout and lost her consciousness.

 

Oppa….come back…come back…..

 

If only my heart can be put under anesthesia and meet a new love

If only I can get over you as if nothing happened

You became a thorn in my heart so I can’t ever meet someone new

Even when I look for you in my detached heart, I can’t take you out

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Annyeonghaseyo *bowed deep

I’m glad there’s some reader who could still remembered me and my story..

I’m really embarrass actually to make this author note and post this tory, because it’s been a long time, don’t you guys think so ? TT_______________TT

I’m sorry for the long hiatus and for being the lazy author. I hope you don’t hate me. Well, you could hate me, but please don’t hate this story… Please don’t…huhuhu

I’ll try to make up by posting another lengthy update. Well, I hope it’s not boring you or make you feel like throw up or something…

I like the forward-backward plot of writing, so all of the" missing pieces" will be explain on the upcoming chapter ^^

I also wanted to thanked you for those heartwarming comments, and also thanks for those who stick to this story. Really thank you so so so much.

I was thinking of resigning for my current job actually, because I felt like my job took my live away and make me feel like I’m not someone who I used to be, I feel like I’m losing myself… So, would you kindly wish me luck to find another job? Huhuhu

Well, I hope you like the update. And I PROMISE to update sooner. I really promise you.

 

Enjoy reading and have a nice day ^^

 

PS: I’m sorry…

PPS: I’m really sorry….