JUNSU’S POV

     It was surprisingly hard to keep up with Ara and I got eventually started getting tired fast. But it was still. I was convinced anything would be fun as long as Ara was there. We stopped every now and then to rest. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t concerned about how I looked. My shirt was askew, I was all sweaty, and my hair was probably messed up. But all I really saw or paid any attention to was Ara—and even in her sweaty, panting, tired state, she was still beautiful.

“Junsu…” She said during one of our stops.

I lowered the back of my hand from whipping my face and looked at her. “Hm?”

I looked down and scuffed her shoe across the ground. “I’m sorry about that night…you know when you took me to the club. I didn’t mean to get so upset and run out like that. I’m sorry if I ruined it for you.”

I raised my eyebrows. Well this is unexpected… Then I tilted my head. Did she still feeling guilty? My poor baby… “You don’t have to be sorry. I should be sorry for bringing you to a place that made you feel uncomfortable. I’m not upset with you about it, if that’s what you think.”

She bobbed her head up and down. “I know you’re not and I’m glad. I just…wanted you to understand…why. I was talking to Eun Hye last night and she had some really good advice for me about being honest to you. If I ever leave you wondering about anything…well its like leave a crack in a dam. The whole thing could come down if you don’t fix it properly. So I wanted to talk about it…” She peered up at me. “Is that ok?”

I gazed at her for a while. Her friend gave good advice. I didn’t expect for her to bring this up, but apparently it was important to her. So I nodded and stepped close to her. “Ya, that’s fine. We can talk about it if you want.”

She drew in a slow, careful breath and started, “Before…before I you, before I went t school—before all that happened… I never did things like going out to clubs with my friends. So everything about that night…was new to me. On top of the fact that all the people you introduced me to were famous—and I know that shouldn’t matter to me, but…it did. I just felt so shy and out place, but when I looked at you… You seemed right at home. Completely comfortable with your surroundings. And there were some special moments that night…but all I could really think about was how I didn’t fit in there.” She looked up at me again the look in her eyes was the same as it had been that night when I saw her run out of the club. I immediately want to take her in my arms and contract everything she was saying. “I felt like I didn’t fit in with you, Junsu… Your world is so different from mine and I was afraid that I would lose you to it. That probably sounds silly, but it really scared me at the time. I wanted you and your friends to like me and think I was cool, but I didn’t know how. I wanted you to have a good time, but you seemed to laugh a lot more when you were with them than when you were with me. I felt kind of like a wallflower—and I know that’s not your fault! You didn’t mean to. But that’s just what I’m saying… You belong to a world that I’ve never experienced before and I’m not sure if I can follow you there.”

I started to panic then. Oh God, no, please don’t break up with me! I can’t live with you! I didn’t know what to do. “Ara…I…I’m sorry. I know you said it’s not my fault, but I’m sorry anyways and I wish there was some way we could fix this…” She looked back down and nodded. No, I needed her to look into my face and know that I meant every word I was about to say, so I turned her head back to me. “Ara, I love you more than anything else in the world and if I lose you now I know I’ll die. Please, let’s try and make this work.” I begged. “I’d give anything to stay with you. Just please say you’ll stay with me.”

She put her hand over mine. “I want to, Junsu, I really do. It’s just hard sometimes. You have such a busy schedule—“

“I’ll make time for us.” I reasoned.

“You’re followed around by so many fangirls—“

“They’ll get over it.”

“You’re famous and that means we have to keep our relationship a secret—“

“We can have a press conference. It doesn’t have to be a secret anymore if you want.”

“Your manager controls your life—“

“No…”

“And your friends…are people that I can never truly be real friends with.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“But I want to. Junsu…it’d hard.”

My hand caressed her face and she squeezed it as tears formed in her eyes. “I’ll help you.” I said. “I’ll do anything for you. If you want to make our relationship public, we can.”

She shook her head and looked away. “No…not yet. I just…wish this could be easier—on both of us. I mean, you couldn’t even eat or sleep without seeing me! What happens when you go on tour again and have to go months without seeing me? Do you really think we can both handle this?”

I nodded. “Yes. I do. I’m strong, I can do this. I just know I can no longer survive without you. I love you, Ara. And if you don’t think you’re strong enough, then you can some of my strength. I’ll make up for it. Just…don’t go.”

I could hardly see her face now and I was aware of the tears blurring my vision and trailing down my cheeks. She was crying too. She bent her head down to hide, but that was impossible. I pulled her close to me and let her cry for a while, a few of my tears falling into her hair.

Then I felt her nod against my chest. “Ok…ok, Junsu. I’ll try. I’ll try harder. I think…I can do it too. I want to be with you more than anything. If you won’t give up on us then neither will I.”

I titled her face up to look at me. “I’ll never give up on us.” And then I kissed her. A bittersweet, tear-stained kiss full of fear and hope and all the love that I had for her.

Then we wiped our faces dry and continued up the mountain.