BGM: Secrets by One Republic

A dark circle is evident beneath my eyes; I knew drinking that dark coffee to lull me to sleep is not going to help. I’m glad I went out before Sunny or Sooyoung unnie sees me. They would corner me for these eye bags, considering we all decided to sleep early. They will ask me. And I would hate to lie. I don’t want to answer their questions. And I know they wouldn’t want to hear my answers either. It’s like it’s a little silent agreement among us. They would only ask because they had to, out of obligation. But they knew the answers. They’ve always known.

I laid my purse in the seat next to mine and called for the waitress.

“One hot choco drink please” The waitress nodded and came to me after 5 minutes, bringing the hot drink in my table. I said my thank you and she left, giving me the privacy I wanted.

I added some cream and took a sip as I wait for the woman I dreaded to see.

*Flashback from five years ago*

Sooyoung unnie decided to help me with my assigned task. It was so kind of her to do so. Truthfully, after I heard that conversation, I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to go through with our plans. I mean, I love my sister and I like Yuri unnie for her. But I also like Taeyeon unnie and I don’t know if I can stomach the idea of knowing that somewhere along the line, Taeyeon unnie is secretly hurting.

“It’s going to be okay Soojung-ah. We’re gonna do great that those two won’t know what hit them! Oh! I can feel it. I’m going to get a free buffet meal for a month, courtesy of Yuri.” Sooyoung unnie enthusiastically smiled at me. I nodded blankly, not knowing the right reaction to give. Sooyoung unnie is as excited as me before I knew that little secret. She couldn’t have known. And I couldn’t tell her. Will she still act like this if she knew?

We were at my house waiting for Yuri unnie to arrive so we can keep her occupied while Taeyeon unnie does her designated task to my sister. When suddenly, my sister came running down from the stairs. She swiftly took her car keys and went to the garage, wearing a very worried look.

“Taeyeon has started” I heard Sooyoung unnie whisper to me as we duck behind the tall plants near our patio.

I saw my sister putting the car on reverse when suddenly Yuri unnie appeared, blocking her way. Her face was red and her gait, unsteady.

“Oh crap! Yuri! Yuri isn’t supposed to be here…yet. I specifically told her to have fun in her college dinner party before she comes here!” Sooyoung unnie complained, panic in her small voice.

“Sica-ah~” I saw Yuri unnie knock the car’s outer trunk while calling my sister’s name.

“What are you doing here, Yuri?” My sister went out of the car.

“Sica-ah~” Yuri unnie called her name again, this time doing aegyo.

“What is it Yuri ah? I need to go now. Taeyeon called. She hurt her ankle and needs help.” My sister explained, anxiety in her voice.

Even from the distance we were in, I clearly saw how Yuri unnie’s face turned sour at the mention of their friend’s name.

She straightened her back, took hold of my sister’s shoulders and stared at her eyes.

“I’m in love with you, Jessica Jung. I’ve been in love with you since the moment I laid my eyes on you.” Yuri unnie bluntly confessed.

Sooyoung unnie was ecstatic beside me as she tries to cover and saying ‘hooray!’.

“Yuri, you’re drunk. Let me go. Taeyeon needs me.” I heard my sister answer quite flatly as she removes Yuri unnie’s grip from her shoulders.

Yuri unnie dropped her arms and took a step backward.

“Taeyeon, huh?” Yuri unnie snickered.

“She knew I was in love with you. From the very first day, SHE knew! That’s why she tried to get close to you. The meals, the flowers, the gifts…those were not hers! Those were MINE! I ASKED her to help me get you. But what did she do? That ing bastard! Do you think I didn’t know? I saw everything, Sica! I saw! I saw you two kissing in the school’s rooftop! How can you-- …. She’s the only family I got Sica. Why does it have to be her?” Yuri unnie was trembling, her voice filled with anger.

I have not seen her this angry before.

Sooyoung unnie’s jaw dropped at the revelation she just heard.

“I…I need to go. Taeyeon needs me.”

 My sister entered the car and left.

*END of Flashback*

I stirred my drink and stared at the steam it’s emanating.  The morning light entered the café as its door opened and a lady in pink walked in. She turned her head from left to right, searching for someone.

I raised my hand and called her.

“In here. Ms. Hwang”

She came…

The woman I don’t want to see.

--

The travel was awkward. She tried to make small conversations. But I am too preoccupied to extend her small talks. Our chats would end with me answering ‘yes’ or ‘no’ or giving a single nod. She must have understood after a couple of tries, so she stayed silent the rest of the ride and just drove us to the cemetery.

I can see her eyes turn to silly crescents and her lips curve into a smile as we walk inside the mausoleum. I know she doesn’t mean to hurt me. But somewhere inside me, I still can’t quite accept that someone got to live instead of my dear sister and to see the proof that Jessica Jung is just a person in the past and no longer with me still breaks my heart. She must have sensed my cold demeanor so she turned serious and hugged the bouquet of stargazers she bought as we continue to thread the white marble p