Dear Sunny,

Do you still hate that nickname? Sorry, I’m not letting it go anytime soon. But you’ve always asked me why I called you that, right?

You know how I told you that it’s because you remind me of Sunny from SNSD?

Well, I lied. Here’s why:

I don’t know if you remember but my favourite dates with you were always in karaoke rooms… yeah, way back when. Okay, I can hear you creeping over my shoulder and calling me a ert because we did some questionable things in those rooms but hear me out.

You tell me all the time that you hate your voice and I honestly can’t understand why. Sometimes you’re super loud and sometimes I can’t hear you at all. There were times you told me that your voice sounded like a man’s and at other times, you’d complain about how squeaky your voice was. Whatever, the point is, I think you have the cutest voice in the world.

And also, I love the fact that you don’t care what you look like in the karaoke room. On the first night that we went, I still remember how you dragged me off my to dance with you. I know I was a horrible dancer (don’t even try to tell me I’m wrong) and that I didn’t get much better but thank you for making me feel like I was doing it right.

God, I probably sound like a creep but do you know why I loved making out with you in those rooms? It wasn’t just because we were both drunk and sweaty (let’s be honest, I would’ve made out with you even if we were sober and clean). It was because I couldn’t resist you.

Call me a weakling but after karaoke, your hair would always be messy and your clothes would need rearranging, and you probably didn’t notice but I couldn’t keep my eyes off you. It didn’t help that you had the strangest gym shoes that you’d always wear. Rainbow? Really?

I’ll skip the details of those make out sessions (I think you know how I feel about them) but I was always scared that we’d get caught. I was scared that the little grandma working there would come in and find us in an awkward position and kick us out. Even though it never happened, my nerves never died down. Then again, my nerves never died down when I was with you.

You made me come out of my comfort zone and helped me grow as a person. I’d probably never get the courage to walk into a girly café if it weren’t for you forcing me in there to try the cakes with you. Then we’d come home and you’d try to recreate the cakes.

I wasn’t lying when I said yours were always better.

I never lied when I complimented you. I want you to know that you’re beautiful, no matter how “ugly” you feel. Honestly, I didn’t get you whenever you looked at yourself in the mirror. I saw some flaws but they all added up to a person that I wanted with me for the rest of my life. You weren’t perfect, but I loved that about you.

But you saw all the strangest things.

You’d say you were too fat on Tuesday. Then you’d tell me that you wished for bigger curves on Wednesday. Thursday, you’d go on about how your legs were too short for your body.

I’m sorry I didn’t have much to say then, but I wish I did. Even when I gave you my most sincere words, you’d shoot me down with that face you’d make. I knew you didn’t believe me but I hoped I was wrong. I hoped that somewhere deep down, you saw what I saw.

This letter is getting quite sad, isn’t it?

Oh, and I still haven’t told you why I liked to call you Sunny.

I don’t know how to get to it without sounding like a little kid. You can probably see my stupid grin right now. You always asked me why I was constantly smiling. It’s not because I have a condition where I can’t close my mouth (despite what you say when I can’t shut up). I’m genuinely happy whenever you’re around, you know that right?

Let me go off-topic for a sec: do you remember when we had to babysit my cousin? It was on that night that we watched Taemin on Happy Birthday. He said his ideal girlfriend was somebody that looked at him brightly as if he were the sun and she a sunflower.

You asked if you were my sunflower and I said no.

You thought I didn’t love you enough for you to be my sunflower. But if I didn’t love you enough, would I be writing this letter? On those lonely nights, you’d call me and tell me you were scared of losing me. It hurt to hear that because you thought I would just leave you. It hurt that you didn’t know how much I couldn’t stop thinking about you every minute of the day.

Anyway, I’m sorry you didn’t get to hear this. I’m sorry if you still think I don’t love you enough. You aren’t my sunflower because I love you. I am your sunflower because you are my sun. Whenever you’re around, I can’t stop smiling and I can’t help but be happy.

And that’s why I’m writing this letter, Sunny. I don’t remember the last time I smiled. I wish I could hold you and tell you all the things that I didn’t get a chance to say. I wish I could go back to those karaoke rooms and find you there, waiting to dance and sing with me.

I wish I could eat your cakes again because the cafés just don’t make them like you do. I wish I could find your ridiculous rainbow shoes sitting by my door before I rush to work in the morning. I wish you would make those stupid faces again because, no matter how much you don’t believe in what I say, I still miss you.

I miss the way you make me smile.

I hope you’re having fun up there. The sun hasn’t stopped shining ever since you left and I think it’s because you’re there now. I told you it was the right nickname for you.

I don’t know what else to say. I’ll probably think of a lot more after I end this letter but this is it, I guess. Even if you’ve forgotten me by now, I hope you’ll never forget what I always tell you.

I love you and I’ll always love you.

Yours truly.

—-

the original anon that asked if i did song requests never actually contacted me back with a song u__u