*This is a long chapter, took me two hours to do 

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You ran all the way home and collapsed right on the floor. You barely half way through the door when you collapsed leaving the front door wide open as you panted and cried. Gasps for air fell short as you sobed your heart out. Your placed you forehead on your curled fists, small shoulders shaking as you took one big breath of air and let it out in hysterical sobs. Your shoulders were shaking violently as cries and wails of why filled the home. 

Why was he cheating on you? Were you ugly to him? Were you boring now? Had you done something wrong? Was he not attracted to you now?  Did you say something wring? Were you not lovable anymore? Was this life with you undesirable now? Was that girl younger and prettier? Just was wrong with your relationship that Zico had to cheat on you? Was it just you in general?

--------2 months 

Two months passed since that day that you found Zico cheating on you. Buy that day you did find him, you had packed everything you owned and put it by the door to grab on your way out. Since he was going to another girl almost every night and was never home with you, then he didn't have to worry about you being there. You had cut the sheets, blanket, and cover in half and taken your half and thrown it in the trash. You also took all your photo of you two and cut your half out and placed Zico's part back in the from. You also left every little thing he had given you except for the big white teddy bear with a block b jacket and tattoos. You decided to bring it along to remind you never to trust boys.

You transfered back to SM after begging Boss oppa who was curious as to why you wanted to come back. You lied saying that Stardom just wasn't your type of company and wanted to come back to the original company that you wanted to work for. It only took a week for Stardom to sing your transfer papers. Stardom's boss had understood why cause he knew about you and Zico and having heard the rumor that Zico had a number 2, he understood. He signed without a problem and that was it. You were transfered back to SM. 

You lived in the SM dorms with BoA since she had extra room and wanted to look after you like the last time you worked there. But unlike last time, you were part of super Junior's film crew since BoA's film crew was full already. But she was happy that you at least lived together where you could talk and hang out. 

You never tried to contact Block B, except for Taeil since he's your cousin. On the day you left, you hadn't found your phone so luckily Boss oppa issued a new one with a new number. Only SM and Taeil knew your number. He called daily to check on you. 

"Let's go do something" he whined..

"Bwoh? Today's my day off, I'm resting" you groaned snuggling under your blanket.

"Nooooo, let's go do something" he whined.

"Aniyo, I'm going to rest" you said before hanging up.

There was a few seconds of pure bliss as you laid in bed before a sudden weight was suddenly upon you. You groaned as you're eyes almost burst out of your head to see Taeil sitting in your back. He smiled as you glared at him. Before you could yell at him, he grabbed you hand and towed you down the lobby and out the building to his car where he pushed you int the seat. 

"The heck, I want to go back! Why can' t you just let me asleep?" You yelled as he grinned. 

He just grinned as he drove to a store then dragged you out and pushed you inside where you were man handled into a dress, heels, make up and hair. Dizzy and feeling slightly violated, he  paid for everything before grabbing you and pushing you back in the car and driving off. In the car you got your head to settle again and looked over at Tail. He was dressed in nice dark jeans, a black snug button up with the top buttons undone, and a black and white bandana tied around his head ( like nillili mambo). 

You looked down to see yourself in a tight red dress that had then white ropes for straps leading to the low back that went just stopped under the low curve of your back. The side of the dress we're scrunched to show off the sides of your thighs in a y way. You opened the mirror to see you had black cat eye make up, bold red lips, rosy cheeks, and your hair was straightened and one side pinned back.

"Yah! What am I wearing?" You yelled at him.

"Calm down, were going for a drink you have to dress nice" he smirked.

 You hufffed as you crossed your lean legs and saw the shiny black heels that's covered you feet. He kept on driving as you stared out the window looking as the night life passed by. With a such you remembered how Zico and you would tale night walks and eat street market food hwne you couldn't sleep. Soon Taeil stopped driving and you saw he had stopped at a big flashy bar. 

"Ani!" You protested as Taeil dragged you in. 

The guards let him last and he dragged you in forcibly into the club with flashing lights, loud music, and people who were dancing horrible. You shook your head as he present a booth to you. Seeing you shake your head, he pushed you into the booth and waved one of the waitresses over ordering a bunch of drinks that you thought could make your liver shut down.

"Why'd you bring me here?" You yelled over the music.

"To have fun!" He yelled back with a gummy smile.

"Couldn't you have just let me enjoy my day off?" You pushed his shoulder.

"Now where's the fun in that?" He asked handing you a shot. 

"No! I have to work tomorrow" you shook your head.

"Come one, get loose" he made a face taking the shot. 

You sighed and took the one he offered and took a small sip. Taeil made a (-_-) face at you that read 'are your serious' making you down the whole shot. He cheered and ordered some more and kept on feeding you drinks as you tried to protest. But suddenly as you had given into him for the fourth shot, something happened. 

"Baby Taeil!" Some one yelled. 

You couched making you chocke on the vodka shot and it went all over the table. This caused Taeil to start laughing and spit his drink all over the table too. He started laughing as you patted your lips looking up to see a disgusted look on block b's faces, except for Zico; he wasn't there. Probably with his new girl. 

"Taeil, who is she?" Jaehyo asked.

"Does it matter, hey there beautiful" Kyung said grasping your hand.

"Guys, you don't recognise her? It's ________" Taeil said putting an arm around your shoulders.

Instantly, shock replaced the disgust on their face. Kyung immediately let go of your hand and let his jaw hang. Uneasy with all the stares you are getting, you slide out of the booth about to go head for the club's exit. But you stopped seeing someone come in through the hallway that lead to the entrance of the club. There he was with his head now shaved free from the dreadlocks that you would play with constantly. There he was in the leather jacket you helped pick out for his birthday, the jaded ripped jeans he favored, black T-shirt he would complain about. Your instantly froze seeing him look around for the rest of block b with his thumb on his bottom lip, a habit of his. 

Looking at Taeil you saw him looking straight at Zico with his look of hate burning in his eyes but also a content smirk playing on his lips. Taeil had planned this. He had planned this, for Zico to see you like this. He had planned for Zico to see what he had left. He had planned for Zico to regret evey night he left you alone. Taeil looked at you and smiled as you felt your eyes tear up and turn back to see Zico looking in Block B's direction. That was your cue as you turned and hurried to the girl's bathroom. 

There you gripped the sink and started to pant your nerves starting to buzz uncontrollably from the alcohol. Looking at yourself in the mirror seeing the color had faded from your face drastically. There was a sickening churning going on in your stomach threatening to reveal its contents but you chocked it down as best as you could. You wanted to get out of here, to go back home and curl under your favorite blanket. But there he was outside, in the club only about a/hundred feet from the girls bathroom. You had to get out, but Taeil had your purse that held your cell phone. Your cell phone!

----------Taeil

"Hey Zico man!"  Taeil said giving him a bro hug as he came up to them.

"Hey man, what's going on, this club is hep hap" Zico said as he picked up a shot. 

The guys looked seeing the shot glass had the bright red lipstick on the rim. PO's eyes couldn't have gotten any wider as Zico took the shot and out the glass back on the table. But upon glancing at it, he could see the lipstick again on the rim of the glass and made a face. 

"A waitress had a shot with us before you came, that's her glass" B-bomb quickly came up with a lie.

"Well she must have good taste, I always like red lipstick on girls" Zico shrugged looking for another. 

"Um let's go dance" u-kwon said tugging on Jaehyo and PO

But as PO slide out of the booth there was a a clank of something falling on the ground and hitting Zico's foot. He bent around and picked whatever it was as the guys stood uneasy watching him. Zico straightened out and everyone saw it was a cell phone with a a lady bug styled case. The guys stopped breathing knowing that it was your cell phone. Zico made a face as he looked it over when it started to vibrate signaling a text message. His eyes widened as the phone came to life showing the wall paper you had. 

It was you. You with a big smile while holding a camera in hand as you worked on the set. You could see Sujer Junior members a in the background as well other crew members. He looked up seeing the members staring at him. 

"Where is she? Where is she? Where is ______!" He yelled standing up.

"Oh she might be somewhere, might be on the dance floor or at the bar or in the bathroom or already have left" Taeil smirked. 

Zico didn't have time for him/as he jumped over the table and started searching the dance floor for you. He left your cell phone on the table as he went searching all over the club. You had finally summoned the courage and left the bathroom and saw Zico wasn't at the table and quickly gathered your stuff up.

"Taeil, I hate you so much!" You yelled grabbing your phone.

"Why so you hate me? I'm just trying to get him to realize what he left and should have appreciated" Taeil said with a hard look. 

"I'm going home with or without your help" you huffed and left the table. 

With the purse in hand you made your way to the exit of the club in hard steps angry at Taeil but also upset about seeing Zico. Suddenly your steps slowed as the pain began to take you over again. You put a hand to the wall and another to your chest as your heart began to beat faster than usually. Your vision began to blur as tears brimmed to your eyes making your half blind. Suddenly in the mix of your hearts irregular beating and tears, you heard you name. The tears immediately stopped as your head snapped up and your foot took another step. It was followed by another as the sound of your name got louder. You bit your lip trying to stop yourself from stopping and continued on towards the exit. But then time slowed as you felt a hand grab you shoulder and turn you around. 

You back hit the wall as you saw his panting sweaty red face looking down/at your. Your heart stopped seeing him stand over you with the look of sheer happiness on his face. 

"______ I" 

"I hate you" you simply said. 

"What?" Hiis face fell.

"I hate you, you lying cheating bastard, I hate you!" You yelled tears flowing down your cheeks.

"_______...'he said softly.

"No, I hate you! I hate you for making me worry! I hate you for all those sleepless nights! I hate you for all the excuses! I hate you for the deceit! I hate you for the memories! I hate for you making me hold on! I hate you for making me believe in us! I hate you!" You yelled hitting his chest with each confession.

Zico stood there taking the beating putting up with it for you. He let you wail on his chest as you continued to say how much you hated him. He looked down at your seeing all the tears slip down your face as you hit him with each 'I hate you'. But finally he took hold of both your wrists and pressed them against the wall. You gasped as you were pulled to the wall with Zico having a hold on you. He took one of your hands and pressed it to his chest where his heart was. 

"I hate me too. I hate that I gave into temptation. I hate that I made you worry. I hate that I pushed you away. I hate that I continued to give in. I hate that I didn't stop giving in. I hate that you were kept worrying about me. I hate that even though I was doing something wrong, you were still by me. I hate that I didn't t appreciate you like I should have. I hate that when I got home you were gone. I hate that I lost you" he chocked out, the words getting past the lump in his throat. 

"But I never hated waking up to find you in my arms. I never hated going to bed knowing that I would be next to you. I never hated waking up to see your head on my chest. I never hated coming home to find your cooking on the stove. I never hated watching you as you worked on set. I never hated those days where you would put a blanket over my shoulders when you found me asleep at the desk. I never hated knowing that if I had trouble sleeping you were there to talk to. I never hated anything that we did" his voice was cracking as he tried to hold back his tears. But his tears seemed to have won as they slipped down his cheeks while he continued on. 

"I'm so sorry, I never deserved you for what I've done to you and how I broke your trust. I can't take back what I did, but I won't take back telling you that I love you. I love you, and I hate myself for not appreciating you and keeping a hold of you and doing what I did. I hate not waking up to you any more. I hate not holding you. I hate not feeling you. I hate that I did this to us" he finished.

Tears fell down his cheeks as he kept your hand on his chest while he talked. Tears kept falling down your with each owed he said trying to fight your feelings for him. He looked down at you as he waited for you to say something but instead you kept quiet not knowing what to do. He was so close with his hips touching yours and his legs trapping yours. His grip on your wrist loosened as his hand and slipped to you cheeks curling his fingers in the back of your head striking your cheeks with his thumbs. Butterflies ignited in your stomach remebering how soft his touch was. Your tears stopped as he began to inch close bringing your face to his own his eyes closing softly. Your muscles froze as you felt his breath get hotter on your lips signaling how he was getting closer until you could feel his lips on your own. 

Your eyes closed feeling his dry lips that tastes the tears he had been crying. You hands went from his chest to his neck your fingers curling around the back of his neck bringing him closer to you. Lips pressed harder trying to remember how the other tasted after so long. Heads titled deepening the kiss to feel the passion that had been forgotten. Lips began to move insynce remembering how the other felt. Hands roamed feeling the heat of the other. Fingers gripped the passion rising in their bodies. Then lips parted. 

"I hate you so much"

"I hate me too" 

-I love and missed you

-i'm sorry but I'll love you forever-