~_____~

The bright sun filtered against her face when she opened her eyes. The shouts in the distance had now disappeared, but she could still hear the laughing of children from afar. A wave of fresh wind swept over her shaking the branches of the tree above her. They sounded almost like rattles shaking, but with a breathless murmur.

Sitting up Namjoo stared at the blanket she was lying on.

Just once she wanted to do something alone without anyone intruding on her, so she’d decided to leave home. Namjoo thought she made the right decision after all. This was calming and it soothed her tense nerves. Plus, she didn’t have to think about anything at all.

Lying back down she sought for the clear ablue sky above and blocked the sun out from her eyes with her hand. She often came to this park with Kyungsoo just to sit around and play games or eat. Those were her good days. Now she didn’t know where those days were. As time continued to pass by at the blink of an eye, all Namjoo could really feel was stress.

Today she was by herself, unusually. Kyungsoo would be upset if he knew she hadn’t called him out for their game hour on her day off. There was no plan to tell him about this day off. There was no plan to tell anyone where she was.

Today’s alone was different from all the other days of being alone. Today’s alone was called for. 

Easing her arm over her eyes she decided she wanted to nap some more. Without luck she awoke minutes later feeling hungry. Refusing to meet her needs she continue to lie there waiting for time to continue going by as if she might see the second hand of time waving at her. The moment her head started spinning she got up, grabbed her things, and left.

Upon stopping by a convenience store to buy a sandwich she came across some bouquets on sale. Her eyes dropped upon the yellow daisies and fresh leaves smelling of clean water. Finally picking it out of the bucket she checked out only to, instants later, be walking down a very luscious green area she hadn’t been to in three years.

There was no one there, not a soul in sight nor any other visitor. Namjoo had this cemetery all to herself.

The grass prickled against her shoes as she walked by and came back to life after she moved on to continue waving in the wind. Her father’s mound had been cleared of the weeds growing on it and some food had been placed beside the tombstone. As expected, her mother had most likely been the last visitor. When her eyes landed on the cold rice, the boiled pork, and the boiled egg she recalled Suho telling her to go home to visit Junho.

Yes, she should make time, she thought. Then on the other hand, she didn’t have time. Home wasn’t her place anymore.

Setting the bouqet down beside the food wrapped safely inside aluminum foil Namjoo pulled out a bottle of soju she’d bought along the way with her.

“I’m sorry,” Namjoo apologized, “I can’t drink with you right now.”

Silence greeted her back, but it wasn’t something that was foreign to her. Namjoo knew silence well. Her hair fluttered against her face before the cool wind died down and she sat there for a while, staring at the mound; empty thoughts wafting through her mind. Finally getting up she walked away.  

~_____~

“The movie was so good, wasn’t it!?” Suho asked again 10 minutes later.

They’d walked down the district in order to look for some place to grab lunch. Suho was only thinking of the movie they’d seen, but so many other things were on Chorong’s mind. Partly, she was glad Suho enjoyed the movie. He really loved the cinema just as Namjoo had promised, but now she was on her own…with him.

“This place looks good,” Suho broke himself off mid-sentence. “Want to grab some burgers and fries?”

Turning his way she glanced at the shop window.

“Or not?” Suho’s tone of voice went from high-excited to low-devastated.

Chorong didn’t have a preference at the moment. It wasn’t like she was seeking to lose weight or eat healthy. Food didn’t quite matter to her at this moment, but it might be the only way to get closer to Suho.

“No, I’m fine with it,” Chorong shook her head.

Inside, without bargaining Suho offered to pay. He, in a sense, was like a young high school student out for fun on a day where school didn’t happen. An air of carefree and no burdens represented his excited mood as he went back and forth from one subject to another, almost as if he was talking to himself. He didn’t know anything else, but how to enjoy himself. The longer Chorong watched him, the older she felt in comparison.

Suho was having so much fun that she thought he’d have just as much fun by himself.

Letting out a satisfied groan as he swallowed he shook in his seat like a child, “This is so good! I was so hungry!”

Her heart paced a little faster when she saw his lips curve into a smile.

“What was your favorite part about the movie?” Suho went on. “I liked the part where…”

Suho could spend all day at the theater and never get tired of watching the same movie again and again. What kind of life had he led before joining the Military Operations?

“Is something wrong?” Suho asked a second later, switching subject again. His eyes were partially wide with curiousity and he pointed to her tray, “Are you not feeling well? Why aren’t you eating?”

“Ah…” Chorong pressed her lips together and grabbed her sandwich.

“Actually I was planning to stay in all day. You don’t get that kind of lazy when you’re with Donghae,” Suho talked on. “I can tell something’s going to come up once the weekend’s over. Who knows when we’ll get another free day after this. I have a feeling Victoria’s going to recover really fast. My intuitions are always correct, have I told you that? You just ask Donghae or Namjoo and they’ll tell you I’m always right.”

Suho shook his head then took a large bite out of his burger. The way he chewed even seemed as excited and enthusiastic as he.

Was work all he ever thought about?

Emotions of a loss of hope and uncertainty took her over. She felt downcasted, set aside. Suho wasn’t paying attention to her.

What was she doing? She had called him out for a reason, wasn’t that right?

Chorong was scared, but when was she ever not scared? If she didn’t do it now, she would never do it. In the end, she would reprimand herself; drone over what could have happened if she’d said something and regret this forever.

Why did she have to be such a coward?

Grabbing the cup of soda she wrapped her hands around it, the dew from the ice inside melting into her fingertips. Raising her eyes she peered into Suho’s excited face. Would he lose that face if he heard what she said?

“Suho,” Chorong called.

His eyes bulged out a little when he looked at her and Chorong felt like sinking into her bench, to disappear forever.

Gulping she forced herself to go on, “I have something to tell you.”

“Hmm?” He raised a brow.

She could feel the cold sweat tremble as it slid imaginatively down her face. Her fingers pressed even more into the paper cup for some courage. No matter what, she couldn’t disregard her feelings and she knew for sure that she wanted Suho to know how she felt. At the end of the road, he might be there.

Divulging completely into his eyes she pressed on, “I like you. For a while…I’ve liked you.”

Her heart immediately sunk when she saw the excited expressions in his face start to die bit by bit, just as she’d feared. Fangs grew around her heart biting into her organ profusely. The disappointment transitioned into ache, and then quick pain.

She was embarrassed and it hurt.

Fluttering her lids rapidly to hold herself together in front of him she bit her tongue before apologizing, “I’m sorry.”

Suho stared back at her silently and for the first time he didn’t tell her it was ok, he just merely just stared - the kind of stare with no judgement, but just a plain stare.

Chorong felt her insides well up and drawing the tips of her fingers into her palm she sat there for another three seconds, waiting for him to say something. When he didn’t, she left the table.

~_____~

Lay found himself walking down the evening street, the sky dipping into an aqua blue night air. A lot of chatter resounded around him and shoulders brushed him by, but he wasn’t out for just a normal walk.

Along the side of the streets were vendor stalls, cracks in the concrete, and drinking tents. The luscious night air was stenched with mixed aromas of soup and alcohol. It was certainly an adult’s world at night.

About half an hour ago Chorong had surprisingly called him out. What the occasion was, he wasn’t really sure but she had called him out.

Turning into a fading red tent he looked around before ducking back out to walk toward the one across the street. Inside he found Chorong sitting at a lonsome four squared weak looking blue table. Her long hair was striding over her shoulders messily and she had her elbow propped up onto the tabletop, her head leaning into her palm. She almost looked like a student tired from a whole day of studying.

As Lay neared the table he spotted two finished bottls of soju on the table, a filled shot glass, and a bowl of drained soup in front of her. For some reason, Chorong was still stirring its content with the silver spoon.

Apparently, this wasn’t his co-worker.

Sitting down at first quietly he observed her. Her eyes looked a little muddled and dazed. She only turned to look at him a second after and let on a drunken smile.

“Hi,” her eyes were barely open. “You really came.”

Lay’s eyes drifted over to the empty bottles of soju before peering at her.

“We could have had lunch like you wanted yesterda, but it’s too late for that,” she said it a little mockingly as if he should be disappointed. “And at last, I’m not alone. Cheers Lay, cheers.”

She turned away still chuckling weakly to herself before her expression became empty. “You must be surprised. I wasn’t going to call you, but no one was taking my calls.”

“What’s wrong?” Lay worried.

Chorong turned to laugh into her hand, her eyes closing a bit and Lay thought he saw sparkly dew drops at the corner of her eyes. That smile appeared on her face again before it started growing downward and she gritted her teeth together in the kind of way that a child would. Her shoulders shook as she inhaled and she reached for the shot glass before quickly downing it too quickly for him to stop her.

After swallowing the liquid Chorong pressed her forehead into her palm again and shut her eyes.

“Chorong…”

“Sorry, just give me a sec,” Chorong told.

He waited about two minutes, but Chorong seemed to have forgotten about him.

Figuring that she had had enough he said, “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

Getting up to his feet he reached for her arm to pull her up. Chorong blindly followed his lead, but as soon as the night air hit them at the open doorway he heard her crying childishly and drunkenly.

“I’m so embarrassed,” Chorong cried. “I’m so embarrassed…”

Lay turned to look at her. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he held back preferring for her to be sober first.

As they walked along Chorong continuously hung her head against his shoulder, her chin burrowing into her collarbone. Every few seconds he would hear her take a sniff, but never made a move to wipe away the hair all over her face.

When he opened the car door and he tried helping her in, Chorong her hand against the door, refusing his aid.

“No,” she cried, “I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to go home. I hate this…why…I really hate this…”

A little taken aback by her drunkenness he stood back to watch her hide her face into the top of his car, her hand weakly ing into her chest.

~_____~

A date with herself in a coffee house hadn’t gone too bad. Namjoo wanted to return to a warm bath and a night of relaxation. Accordingly, she should have known that it wouldn’t happen.

Her steps became slow when she closed in on the front entrance where two dim lights on either side of the doors lit up the entryway. To the right of glass door she recognized Lay and Chorong, whose head seemed to be buried deep into his shoulder. She didn’t seem to be well balanced on both feet either.

Wondering what the occasion for their unexpected visit was she stepped toward them.

“Hi,” Lay greeted.

Namjoo glanced at him before eyeing Chorong, “What’s going on?”

“She’s kind of drunk and wouldn’t go home,” Lay explained. “She wanted to come here.”

Her eyes traveled over to Chorong again. Everyone was just so unexpectedly coming to her, but she guessed that after Kris and Tao’s intrusion in her life there wasn’t anything she could do anymore.

“I’ll take her in,” Namjoo offered.

“Are you sure that’ll be ok?” Lay was concerned.

“I’ll be fine,” Namjoo stepped forward to take Chorong’s arm.

After thanking Lay and bidding him forewell she started into the building toward the elevator. Chorong’s head was almost heavy; her long hair sprawled over her arm. Chorong’s face was barely seeable, but when Namjoo pressed the button for the elevator she felt something wet drip onto her shoulder.

For a few seconds Chorong didn’t say anything. When the elevator doors opened Namjoo led her in and pressed the button for her floor. Chorong’s breath trembled off her skin in waves, her chest vibrating in patterns the pain she was repressing.  

“Namjoo…Namjoo…” she called drowsily.

“What?” Namjoo answered.

There were little sniffles every here and then. Namjoo silently listened to her go on before slowly patting Chorong’s arm with her fingers. And why Chorong had come to her on this night in this state Namjoo felt like she needn’t ask.

“Go ahead,” Namjoo calmly urged, knowing that Chorong wanted to burst. Her shoulder was already drenched and it wouldn’t matter what kind of method Chorong cried with now.   

Without waiting, the loud sobs came through. The heartbreak punching the walls caging them like the pain growing as snakes inside her rib cage.

“Namjoo…joo…” Chorong started breaking out into a loud cry, pressing her head deeper against Namjoo.

“What?” Namjoo answered again a little sullenly. “I’m right here. You don’t need to call me like that.”

As if she hadn’t heard, Chorong repeatedly cried while calling, “Namjoo-ah…Namjoo…”

Staring absent-mindedly at the elevator doors at their slurred images Namjoo thought Chorong’s head became a little heavier.

“He doesn’t like me Namjoo,” Chorong sobbed. “I told him…I told him…”

Her sobs eventually became clear cut and louder, her emotions becoming deeper and more dangerous like a six foot deep grave. Without holding back, Chorong let her chest wreck itself heavily as if struggling for some air. The cries that came from the back of penetrated into the walls, carrying the expressions of devastation.

“I told him…told him…” Chorong repeated herself, puffing out deep breaths of warm air into Namjoo’s neck. “I…I…”

The sobs took over again and she clutched onto Namjoo’s hand for some strength, some comfort.

Comfort wasn’t Namjoo’s forte, but she had to say she wans’t just utterly taken over by some kind of speechlessness. What kind of words to say to comfort her wasn’t something Namjoo knew of, so she let Chorong cry it out.

The elevator stopped and opened with a loud ring. When the doors split opened Namjoo saw a couple of people standing on the other side waiting to use to use the elevator. Deciding it wasn’t right to pull out and cut Chorong’s weeping short, Namjoo waved at them to gesture them to use another elevator. To her thankfulness, neither of them entered.

When the elevator doors automatically closed, Namjoo continued to listen to Chorong cry against her shoulder; that hand still holding onto hers.

***Chorong's just a normal girl despite her career, and don't hate on Suho.