The words were like a blunt attack to the head. Donghae stared, stupefied. He got the gist that ever since Namjoo’s strike down Tao had lost it, but he had, too, underestimated Tao’s feelings. Time, he’d thought, would help Tao get back on his feet. It wasn’t it.

“Tao,” Donghae started, but Tao wasn’t up for listening to him. Eyes lifeless, Tao rose to his feet. He wasn’t planning to bring anything with him as he left Donghae noticed. The criminal offender was really going to go.

This man…was really down trodden.

Holding his wrists out together as he turned toward Donghae he said, “Cuff me.”

The stare on Tao’s beaten expression turned firm. Just as stubbornly Donghae told, “No.”

Tao’s eyes widened slightly. The bedroom heightened softly with tension. He couldn’t let Tao leave. Donghae needed manpower more now than ever and because letting him go right now didn’t feel right. Tao’s presence may have been temporary from the beginning, but as their two teams incorporated into one he wasn’t just a simple outsider anymore.

“Your job here isn’t over yet,” Donghae began. After a momentary pause he went on, “This team needs you, Tao. We all need you. We still need you.”

“I’ve had enough with your politics. I want out, Donghae.” he said with an aggressive note.

“Why leave now when you didn’t earlier?” Donghae questioned. “You may have complained but you were willing to trade anything for freedom. You almost have it, but now you want to give it up?”

“Don’t question me,” Tao defensively stated.

“Oh, I will, that’s my job,” Donghae shot back and received Tao’s long glare. “You want to give up because Namjoo lost her baby. You knew about it this whole time, but chose not to say a word because you wanted them to yourself. It was your little secret. For a moment you thought ‘I could be selfish’, but then Namjoo put her life on the line and lost her baby and you couldn’t do anything. Yes, you’re right. The baby died for nothing and its death was meaningless, and it was your fault! You could have prevented it if you’d spoken up about her pregnancy, but you chose not to! Now it’s too late and all you can do is wallow in your own grief. Is that right, Tao? You’re the one to blame.”

Donghae heard a loud, angry grunt in that split second before he was shoved to the wall, Tao’s hand gripping his collar and the other threatening to choke the living daylight out of him. “Shut up!” he screamed. “You don’t understand!”

Heaving a breath Donghae asked, “What don’t I understand, Tao?”

Tao’s menacing gaze penetrated his eyes. The grip on his collar tightened. What Donghae saw was an inconsolable man anguished by his own feelings. Donghae’s heart went out to the man who had never loved before.

Softening his tone Donghae said, “It’s not your fault.”

Gritting his teeth Tao hung his head low, woeful. He probably didn’t know how to deal with his own suffering.

He heard a pained cry from Tao, “No…you don’t know. You don’t know anything. If I stopped her…if I just held her back…”

“Tao,” Donghae tried again, “you can’t blame yourself. If anyone is to take the blame, it’s theirs. We did what we had to.” Then he repeated, “It’s not your fault.”

Tao’s lips trembled with a sob. His grip tightened on Donghae’s collar once more and loosened before releasing him and stepped back. Tao was broken. His heart and his body, and Donghae did what he never thought he would have to do. He hugged him.

~_____~

Chorong had just finished dinner when the doorbell rang. She wasn’t expecting anyone and she couldn’t recall informing her parents of her mishaps, so they hadn’t been informed of her injuries. Excluding them from the list of possible visitors she walked away from the sink to the door.

It was Joonmyun.

He wasn’t alone but with a bag of packed chicken soup. Holding it up for her to see he greeted with a gentle smile, “Hi.”

Chorong stared back, startled. He was the last one she had expected. Namjoo had seemed like his first priority and she couldn’t imagine him leaving her alone in the hospital. But he was here.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

“Oh…” coming back to earth she stepped back to allow him in. Closing the door she followed him into the kitchen wishing she would have cleaned up the moment she came home. Her floor was dirty with dust and dirt. She hadn’t had the chance to sweep or mop or vacuum. A sense of embarrassment washed over her and she tried not to let her face redden. This was his first time here…inside.

“Have you eaten?”

“Uh…oh…” she stammered then lied, “no, not yet.”

“I thought you looked weak earlier, so I brought something.” he told her and quickly assured, “I can’t cook, so I just bought it from a restaurant on the way here.”

Touched, she watched him unpack the little plastic bowl. He had thought of her. She didn’t think he’d seen her earlier, because after watching him take Namjoo back to her room she hadn’t shown herself.

“I thought you’d stay the night at the hospital,” Chorong said.

“Namjoo said she’d be ok alone.”

“Is she ok?” she worried. She imagined Namjoo would need a lot of encouragement and comfort right now and considering that Suho was her closest person, he’d stay with her. Maybe Namjoo had forced him to come?

“Hovering around her too much gets her agitated,” Suho explained pulling a chair out to sit down, “but don’t tell Donghae I left her alone. He wouldn’t be too happy.”

Grinning, Chorong sat down and took a taste of the chicken soup. “It’s really delicious.”

“I thought so,” he smiled.

“Let me get you a bowl,” she began to stand but Suho stopped her.

“It’s fine. I’ve eaten,” he assured.

Dropping back down in her seat she couldn’t help but wonder why he’d really come. Suho just didn’t just drop by. At least not to her place unannounced.

“I’m not making you awkward, am I?” he worried.

“No, not at all,” she quickly spoke up glancing at him. Was she making him uncomfortable? Glancing at his injured head she asked, “Are you feeling ok?”

Stretching his shoulders out he smugly grinned, “Oh this?” he pointed to his head, “I’m all right.”

They fell silent for a quick minute while she continued slurping the broth. She really wanted to eat the chicken he’d bought, but her stomach was so full.

“You don’t have to eat it,” Suho said. “You’ve already eaten right?”

Guilt crossed the expression in her eyes and she set the plastic spoon down. “Sorry.”

“I noticed your dishes were just washed,” he observed. “Save it for tomorrow. At least you won’t have to get up to cook breakfast.”  

“I guess you’re right,” she agreed, mood up. She needn’t force herself to do something just to look good for him. Suho was sharp and she didn’t want to make herself appear dumb.

The ringing of his phone interrupted their moment of calm. Suho appeared apologetic before he stood up and stepped away to answer. She listened to him talk behind her for a minute or so then returned to the table. “It was Donghae.”

Perked, she asked concerned, “Did something come up?”

“Actually, it’s not that big of a deal,” Suho said then double thought his answer, “well, maybe it is.”

“Then you should probably go,” Chorong suggested.

Pressing his lips together to form a firm smile he nodded, but didn’t move. Again, she wondered why he’d really come. Did he need to say something to her? If he wanted to talk about ‘them’ she didn’t think she was really ready to hear it right now.

“Chorong,” when he mentioned her name she felt her heart hike up with anticipation anyway, “I just want to say, thank you.”

Now that was something she’d least expected. Did she make him feel like he needed to be grateful to her? This thought made her feel condemned.

“Just…for believing in me and standing on my side, always,” he let their eyes meet. Her heart raced. This was a moment of sincerity she hadn’t foreseen. “It means a lot.” Broadly smiling Suho stood with a satisfied sigh, “I won’t bother you anymore. Don’t walk me to the door. Rest well.”

His words were ultra comforting and it was all she needed to hear. Recharged and happy inside out Chorong watched him walk away.

Suho was thankful. He admitted being happy to have her around.

He cared.

~_____~

“Isn’t it cute?” his brother mused over the sonogram with his wife at the dinner table. Kris’ eyes glued to the black and white picture of the unborn baby in front of him. Indeed his brother was a proud father and his sister-in-law a happy-to-be mother.

His heart ached for their happiness and his own unspeakable pain. They were going to be parents, but he would never be able to experience it.

“What’s wrong?” his sister-in-law worried. “You haven’t touched your food.”

The soup on the table was his and his brother’s favorite. They’d cleared their plates but he hadn’t touched even a spoonful of his plate. He just…had no appetite.

“Is work going well?” his brother asked concerned. “You’ve been looking awfully tired these days. Maybe you should ask for some rest.”

“I’m fine,” he tried smiling, “really.” but his family members looked doubtful. Could they see the way his heart was written on his face? How miserable he was?

“If something’s bothering you, you know you can talk about it with us,” his brother assured comfortingly. “Unless, well, it’s like, top secret. Maybe give us a hint.”

At this Kris tried smiling again, but the smile was at its weakest form. He was just so down. He wanted to talk about his baby that never had the chance to even grow. He wanted to talk about its mother and how infatuated he was with her, but he couldn’t utter one word without fearing the way his lips would tremble; how his world would shake and flip upside down again just the way it had when he first heard about the baby.

He should have been better. He should have known, but he hadn’t. He’d let Namjoo carry the weight by herself. He hadn’t been good enough, strong enough. It was his fault Namjoo had to come out to save him. It was because he’d been too weak. It was all his fault she was injured, his fault she no longer wanted to see him.

All his fault…

“Sorry but…I don’t feel too well. I’m going to go to bed,” he excused himself. Sliding out of his seat he disappeared down the hallway and into the sanctity of his bedroom, where he dropped to the ground in misery.

~_____~

Suho listened to the line ring. Finally after the fifth time calling and failing, Tao finally picked up. “Come to the rooftop.”

After making a trip to the convenience store Suho had grabbed some beer then arrived at Donghae’s apartment. The night view from the top of the eight floor building was picturesque. Pretty night lights below and beautiful stars overhead. It was serenity between both worlds, heaven and hell.

Suho turned from the wall when the door opened and Tao walked through the threshold. His long lanky figure was as desolate as Donghae made him sound. Suho sympathized with the man.

“Have one,” Suho handed a can of beer to him when he neared. Grabbing it from him Tao leaned with back to the wall and stared at the ground. Traffic boomed behind him but he didn’t want to look at the life below.

Suho got the gist that Tao didn’t want to talk. At least not with him and he probably wouldn’t open up…ever again.

“I heard,” Suho was frank, “you want to quit.”

Silence.

Turning around Suho, too, leaned against the wall with his back to the world. “I’ve wanted, too, for a long time, to quit then I wouldn’t have to deal with this ty world. It’s ty, isn’t it?” he turned to look for Tao’s reaction and received none. Heaving a sigh as he turned back to look out at the world Suho leaned forward with arms propped up on the high wall. “It’s pretty,” he commented, “the world, even when it’s ugly inside.”

Silence…again.

“There are a lot of stars,” he peered up at the night sky. “You know, sometimes the sky grieves too. You know it does when none of the stars show. I feel like tonight it wants to send a message; that things can become dark but there will also be beautiful days. The sky really tells a lot of stories.”

A few minutes went by like that with Suho talking and Tao listening – he wanted to believe Tao was listening. When he finally fell silent he merely listened to the wind whistling. Suho could hear the pang of their hearts, but he also wanted to believe there was also happiness.

“I didn’t like you…any one of you at the beginning,” Tao’s voice was a mouse’s squeak. “Donghae then said, you’ll probably be the best people I’ll meet. I laughed, because I didn’t believe him.”

Suho’s eyes slid over to peer at deprieved Tao who still hadn’t touched his can of beer. His gaze was strict on the dirty concrete. He hadn’t budged but Suho was glad he was talking. Suho just wanted to let him know that talking about his pain was all right and not talking about it was also all right, but that he needn’t coop it up forever. They were teammates, they were family.

“So?” Suho asked. “What about now?”

“He’s right,” Tao sincerely admitted. “I like you all.”

A small smile crept onto Suho’s lips. “Tao,” he called gently, “it’s all right.”

“I don’t know…”

“Namjoo will be ok,” Suho affirmed, “don’t worry too much. Do you want to go see her?”

“I can’t.”

“You haven’t lost her yet,” Suho assured. “None of us has lost her. You’ll be ok.”

***I decided to update since I received love for this story on wattpad xD I gave reader service with SuRong and as we see it, Suho is the most important medium in his team