Two years ago, I had my first boyfriend. We lasted for a couple of years and believe me when I say, I really did thought he was the one. The one who I'd end up with in the future. The man who I would say "I do" to, the man who would be the father to my children and the man who I would grow old with. It's not surprising though, every girl in this world would have that feeling when she has been in a relationship for such a long time. 

His name was Kim Junmyeon. We met when we were both still in college. A common friend brought us together. He was charming, yes he was, and he was undoubtedly very ideal as a boyfriend. People might be wondering, if he was so ideal, why would you break a relationship off with him? He was ideal, but our relationship wasn't. Junmyeon and I were in a long distance relationship for two years and we haven't even met each other personally. We've managed to build a strong foundation of our commitment through phone calls, skype, messages and a whole lot of trust, but it wasn't very easy, at least for me. How can I possibly love someone so bad without having to hold him? How can I be in a relationship that doesn't make me feel like I'm in one? At the end of the day, no matter how long we've been on the phone, no matter how many messages I receive, no matter how much he makes me feel special, I'd always feel incomplete without him, physically present with me. The feeling's pretty similar to when you're watching a cooking show, late at night when you're hungry and craving but your refrigerator's empty, you can't help but satisfy the hunger, the longing for the taste of the food, with just looking and continuing to watch the show. You have no other choice but to continue watching and what's worse is that you crave more of it the more you watched it. 

Junmyeon was a very old-fashioned guy. He doesn't party, he drinks but only if he has to because of his friends, he doesn't smoke, he has no vices and he's never slept with anyone, not until he was married and ready. Sometimes, I find it hard to believe he was that type of person, that a guy like him actually existed in this generation. Not that I find it weird or anything, I find it exquisite, like he was a rare find and that I'm fortunate to have something that not everybody can have. Both of our families know we were in a relationship but not everybody approved of it. My family remained skeptical about Junmyeon. They've always been vocal about their doubts of whether or not he's someone that can be trusted, he was after all, just a guy behind a web camera, a guy from the internet.

I've met this guy in college, Jaejin, who was assigned to be my research partner. He was charming, handsome and very caring. A natural-born cassanova, who knows his way with women. My friends liked him and would often invite him along when we go out for dinner or for just a casual drink. They said Jaejin was easy to get along with and our gatherings were often dull without him. He also had the chance to meet my family and like my friends, they adored him. It wasn't long before Jaejin took interest on me and confessed his feelings. He knew I was already in a relationship so he promised he won't get in between but he also asked of me to allow him to stay the same with me. A selfish request that I couldn't manage to decline. Junmyeon knew of it that it even got to the point where Jaejin became the root of his envy and insecurities. He let out his frustrations of not being able to do the things Jaejin did even though he deserved it more than him. Ever since then, Junmyeon became extremely overprotective, clingy and jealous. He started to doubt me and question everything I say. He gave me curfews, he gave me rules, he had me bound, almost to the point that I felt like I was being choked by an invisible pair of hands. Junmyeon wasn't the same, even though I was. 

My friends advised for me to give my relationship with him a second thought. Should I still be in a relationship that lacked trust? Should I be in a relationship full of uncertainty? What if Junmyeon isn't the guy I've always known him to be? What if he's a guy who plays women all over the internet and that I'm just one of his pawns in his game? What if he's not what he says he is? What if he kept me blinded with his words through these years? What if he held the truth about me but I held lies about him?

"I thought you said you'd go online by 8?" He messaged me.

"Sorry. I've been caught up with school, that's all."

"You mean Jaejin, isn't?"

"What?"

"You know, that charming guy that everybody loved. The charming cassanova."

"Junmyeon, don't start. We've been through this, you know we're working on a research paper together. He's nothing but a friend and a classmate. Let's leave it at that. Okay?"

"You talk so cold."

"I'm just not in the mood to argue with you right now. I'm tired, can we please just talk tomorrow?"

"I bet if I were Jaejin..."

"I thought I told you, don't start?"

"You never think of me, do you? You don't know how hard it is for me to feel comfortable thinking that you and that guy are always together! Here I am, the boyfriend who's miles away from you, always supposed to believe what my girlfriend says even though she said so herself a guy's interested in her. Great! That's surely a delight to my pride!"

"Junmyeon, how many times do I have to tell you, he's nothing more than just a friend! Why can't we just let that issue go?"

"Yeah, I should believe that, shouldn't I? Besides, I can't tell what is true or not!"

"You're unbelievable!"

"And so are you!"

"So you're telling me that all I'm saying are lies?!"

"Well, do you think so?"

"You know what? My friends are right, there really are a lot of scams over the internet. First they'd have you believe in them then the next thing you'd know they're not as what you had expected them to be!"

"So now you're telling me I'm playing around with you?"

"Are you?"

"Of course not!"

"Then how could I believe you? How could I prove it? How could I make myself believe that I am not just one of those girls that just gets played by men online?"

"You have known me for years Eunhee! Do you really think I am that kind of person?"

"Well should I think so?"

"I can't believe it, how could you let that guy come into our lives and be the reason for this argument?!"

"Now it's my fault?"

"Then is it mine?"

"Junmyeon, I told you about Jaejin not to make you feel doubtful of me. I told you about him because I wanted you to trust me, trust me that I'm not putting daggers on your back. If I'm going to cheat on you, why on earth would I let you know who I'm fooling around with?"

"You know what? I would just let you do things the way you want it. See if I care."

"I can't do this."

"What?"

"I'm tired of it, I'm tired of it all."

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