You dropped to your knees. Tears fell out of your eyes and rolled down your cheeks. Everything seemed to fade out. It was just you and your loss. Nothing made sounds, nothing was seen, nothing was felt. Your eyes were clamped shut. All you could hear was ringing, all you could see was darkness, all you could feel was the breaking of your heart, the depressing news slowly sinking in and the tears as they slid down your cheeks. Your skin had paled dramatically.

Everything started to fluctuate. In and out, in and out. Your friend's worried faces became visible but they were hard to see. What was happening?

"Yoonhee?" Voices called. "Yoonhee!"

"I-I..." You stuttered.

Everything blanked and you fell over, hitting your head against the floor painfully.

"Don't be afraid," a rather familiar voice whispered in your ear.

​And before you knew it, you out.

You rose, your head hurting immensly. What happened, you thought to yourself, rubbing the back of your head where you had hit it. Sitting up, you let out a yawn and tried to get up. Your limbs were unstable, but you managed to support yourself. You had seen this house many times, so you recognized the room as...Kris' room?

You exited the room and found it was getting dark. Kai was sleeping on one couch and Kris on the other. The words you had heard before you fainted popped back into your mind. Who had said it?

Not sure which one to wake up, you stood for a moment.

But standing still and letting your mind be idle made everything crashing back.

You had lost your father. He was murdered, gone. Forever. Someone had dared take him from you. The only one you had left. There was no one now, nobody.

A choked sob escaped your lips, causing Kai to sit up straight immediately. He looked around, eyes sweeping the area well, and caught sight of you. You had placed your hands over your mouth to quiet the sobs as you cried. Kai stretched before walking over to you. He placed a hand on your shoulder in the darkness and looked at you. It only took one look before he grabbed your hand and dragged you to Kris' room.

He flipped the light switches on and took another look. Your eyes were bright red, your skin was pale. You were shivering.

"Are you okay, Yoonhee?" He asked.

"No." You stated, unable to say more.

He led you to the bed and made you sit down. Without thinking about it, you leaned your shoulder on Kai's. When you realized what you were doing, you sat up straight and let the tears fall. I can't get his shirt wet, he'll probably get mad, you told yourself. Nonetheless, you wanted someone hold you while you cried. You wished Hyeri was here so you had a shoulder to cry on.

Kai chuckled and placed your head back on his shoulder.

"I probably don't understand what you're going through, Yoonhee," He said. "But I just want you to know that everything will clear up someday, and everything will someday be okay. You just need to wait."

"Wait for what?!" You hissed, angry. Your mind wasn't stable. This was horribly unlike you. "My father is gone, Kai. I have nobody left. There's nothing to wait for! I have nothing. I have people out to get me and a dead father. What's waiting for me in the future, Kai? What do I have left?"

You barely heard his response. "You have me."

Jongin's hands were in fists as he stood up. He exited the room, nearly slamming the door shut. Tears continued to trickle out of your eyes. Since when did you have him? He had gotten nicer but he still was cold to you. You knew nearly nothing about him, and you didn't doubt that once he didn't have to protect you anymore he would go. And you'd never see him again. The mere thought about it made your heart ache.

Why does it hurt even worse now, You asked yourself. Probably because I don't want to lose anyone else, you concluded quickly. Why are my feelings out of wack? Is it just because of the news...It must be it...I can't possibly...

The door opened again a few moments later. It was shut lightly. Looking up expectantly, your face brightened as much as possible when you saw Kris. He smiled at you and yawned. You patted the seat on the bed next to you and kept your face in your hands. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder. You felt more tears fall down your cheeks. Kris patted your back as you cried, staying silent. Though you were crying, you were glad that he hadn't asked how you were doing. Wasn't it obvious enough?

"I heard a door slam." He spoke suddenly. You looked up. Kris wiped the tears from under your eyes away with his thumb. "Don't cry, Yoonhee..."

"It hurts so bad." You managed to choke out, putting your face back in your hands.

Kris pulled you into a hug, continuing to pat your back steadily. It was the only stable in your life. Everything had gone wrong. Your tears and the amount you were crying were enough proof of that. You wanted to stop crying-- you knew you couldn't keep crying forever, no matter how much it hurt.

You even knew that Appa wouldn't want to see you crying. He'd want you to be strong, to search within yourself for strength. But it seemed that in times like this with so much stress, you had used every last bit of your strength up just living your life normally. It was too hard to take the blow, and so you crumpled. Literally and mentally.

"I know, Yoonhee. I know." Kris comforted, rubbing your back soothingly.

You looked him deep in his eyes and sighed. "Do you?"

"Perhaps not exactly, Yoonhee. But I do know you're hurting." And you hardly managed to hear him mumble, "And I wish I could be the one to take the hurt away." It was so soft of a mumble that you weren't sure if you'd heard it right.

"I just really need a hand to hold." You admitted.

"You can hold mine..." Kris looked at your hand and then right in the center of your eyes. You fell into a trance-like state, staring into each other's eyes for moments and moments on end. It was hard to not look at his beautiful eyes. You found yourself and Kris leaning closer and closer.

Noses touched. You allowed your eyes to flutter shut. Even though you'd be kissing one of your best friends, of all people, you just wanted someone to comfort you. It seemed like a logical move, at least in your depressed state it did. His lips touched yours, just barely, when you heard the door open. Both you and Kris pulled away. You slowly looked over towards the door. Kai stood there, hands balled into fists. The anger in his eyes seemed to make them glow red. 

He marched over to you and stood before you. There was something about his eyes that stung. Tears fell once more, whether it was because of your loss or how Kai was looking at you, you didn't know. He grabbed your hand and pulled you up roughly. You shrieked as he dragged you out of the room. Kai said nothing as he stomped through the house with you. 

"Hey, Kai, let me go." You pleaded, biting your lip in pain.

He said nothing back to you. Kai wove through the hallways. Of course, you knew where you were, but Kai was obviously clueless. You stopped abruptly and dug your heels into the carpet. He stopped and turned, glaring at you.

"What's the matter, Kai? Why are you mad?" You questioned, gulping.

"I can't tell you." Kai dropped your hand suddenly and turned away. "I know you won't understand. You probably cannot even..."

"I cannot even what? Just spit it out, please. What is it?"

"I can't say. I won't let myself get hurt again."

"We can both be hurting then, Kai. But at least then we'd have each other to lean on."

"Yoonhee...let's just say I think I've finally found the meaning to life."

He pushed past you, sliding against the other side of the hallway's wall, as if he didn't want to get close to you. It stung, but why was something you couldn't put your finger on. You turned around after the sound of his footsteps died off and went back to Kris' room. Kris was no longer there. You sat on the bed and sighed.

I almost kissed him...What was I doing? I can't do that. No way.

You placed your head in your hands and fell onto your back. There were too many thoughts buzzing around in your brain, and your head hurt from crying and from hitting it earlier. The house was silent. Within the silence, you searched for answers to your problems but found none. It was an empty silence, one that yielded no results or promises for a better future. Tears slid down your face once more, frustrated. It wasn't long until you cried yourself to sleep for the first time since you were a young child.

When you awoke in the morning, you found Kai leaning against your door. You raised an eyebrow but said nothing to him as you hauled yourself out of bed. It seemed that your head was still pounding relentlessly, and you weren't in the mood to deal with the cold Kai. Though, you wouldn't say that, of course. If he wanted to converse, you'd stop and speak to him, even if you were hurting.

Kai grabbed your shoulder when you tried to get past him. He stared at the ground. You turned to face him but said nothing. Not even a greeting was spoken.

"How're you, Yoonhee?" He asked, looking up. Your and Kai's gazes locked. Nobody had the courage to look away. You stood there, staring at him, and he at you.

"I...I'm fine." You lied, not wanting to burden anyone with your feelings.

"You don't need to lie." He took your chin in his hand and tilted your face back towards his when you looked away. "I know you're hurting. It's okay. I understand."

"How do you understand? Nobody can possibly understand." You hissed, reaching up to wipe tears that had managed to fall.

"I do."

You bowed your head, not wanting to ask any questions or talk anymore. Even if you did want to, you knew Kai probably wouldn't answer them. It was like asking a rock questions with him. You'd get better results out of doing so. He released your arm and ducked out of the room. You let out a sigh and once again removed the tears that had fallen. Aish, where's Kris? I want to talk to him.

You left your room soon afterwards, wanting to find Kris. You knew he'd comfort you through this hard time, and you needed to feel him hug you again.

Searching the rooms of the house, you began to wonder where he was. Could he have gone somewhere? No, he would've woken you up and told you. Could he be somehere else in the house? No, you searched everywhere already. Where was he? You began to panic a little. Of all of the places he might've gone, where did he go this time?

It wasn't like Kris to leave you alone. Not at times like this, anyways.

You tugged on your hair nervously and let out an exasperated sigh. Pacing around the house wasn't helping. You took a seat in the living room and buried your head in your hands. Your heart was hammering in your chest.

The door behind you opened. You craned your neck, only to see Kris walking in with groceries. You smiled through the tears that had fallen and hopped up. Thank God, he's safe.

"Hey, Yoonhee, you're crying." He dropped the grocery bags and ran over to you. He cupped your face in his hands and wiped away the tears. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing. I just got w-worried about where you w-went." You replied, blushing. It sounded childish coming out of your mouth, but Kris only smiled and hugged you.

"Well, I'm safe. Don't worry, okay?"

"I won't."

"Are you doing okay? You seem fine."

"...I'm okay."

You told yet another lie. How you felt wasn't their problem, so you weren't going to bother them with your feelings. Feelings are just feelings-- they go away. And you knew deep in your heart that you needed to stop crying because Appa wouldn't like seeing you cry. You felt that he was watching you, keeping an eye on you, and you felt that if he saw you cry, it would break his heart. So, you put on a brave face, hoping that Appa (and everyone else) wouldn't see.

But inside, you were still sobbing.

Kris took your hand and led you upstairs, promising to play board games or video games with you. You chuckled and agreed. Little did you know someone was watching from the sidelines, hands balled into fists.

What does he have that I do not?  Kai thought to himself, biting his lips angrily. What am I doing wrong?

He trudged away from you, in the opposite direction, annoyed. But he swore to himself that he'd keep his feelings to himself, no matter how much he wanted to kiss your tears away. You'd changed him, and you didn't even know it. But Kai did, and as much as he wanted to tell you, he refused. There was no guarantee you'd accept his feelings. He was not going to let himself get hurt that badly again. It happened twice in one day, and he rebelled against the idea of allowing it to happen again.

He heard your laugh from the staircase. Looking up it, he wished he could see your face. But there was nothing, just your speech and laughter echoing. Kai'd have to accept it for now and walk alone for a while. But in the end, he wanted to be the one to hold your hand.

An update!! ♥ Finally! Hello everyone, it's your co-author here, xannyeong! It's a pleasure to meet you. This is the first chapter I typed up for this story & I hope to do lots more. As you can see...there's no action...so I'm sorry if I bored you to death ;o; I'm not really good with action, but love (: I mean, I'll end up writing some but...okay I'm rambling, haha. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this first update in forever of many more to come! I hope I did well, & please take care of me!

-xannyeong