I checked out of the hospital with Suzy and Yongguk. Suzy left for home while Yongguk and me went to a park. We walked over and sat on the swings. I sighed in dissapointment. 'I havnt even don't much with my life and now it's already ending.' I looked up at the sky and turned to Yongguk. His eyes were double the size when I said that. 

'no need to be so suprised. You already knew about my cancer. I only have about 3 more years' I laughed bitterly at the end of my sentence. What a life this was. 

'3 years..' he repeated.

'yep' 

He froze so i turned to look at him. He was staring right at me. 'be my girlfriend.' he said so straight forwardly I nearly fell of my swing my suprised.

'what?' I asked still shocked. 

'be my girlfriend' he repeated.

'pfft. Why would anyone want me as their girlfriend?' I said and laughed. 

He grabbed my hand so suddenly I grabbed it back cuz I thought I was gonna fall of the seat. I stared back into his eyes. They were so motionless. 

'jebal. Be my girlfriend?' he asked again more firmly.

I lauged at his request. Well it wouldn't hurt anyone would it? My life was ending anyways. 

'hmm sure. Why not' I said back. He looked shocked then before.

'really!?' he shouted excitedly. 

'wait..' I said remembering about cho hee.

'I'm really sorry about cho hee.' I said carefully. 

'what?' he said suddenly freezing again. 

'it was all my/- fa- fault..' I said while chocking on my sentence. Tears threatened to fall. 

'what are you talking about? You knew cho hee?' I could see him clench him fists in anger.

'if it wasn't for me. She wouldn't have died.. ' he kept quiet..

'we were best friend once.. But I got into a gang fight and she took the bullet for me..' I said now the tears free falling from my eyes. 

Yongguk grabbed my hand and pulled my into a tight hug.. 'don't worry about it.. She used to tell me about you. She said you made her happy then she had ever been. I always wanted to meet you..' he said in his deep voice sligltly cracking as if he was crying aswell

'mianhae mianhae mianhae mian-' before I could say sorry again his lips crashed onto mine. They were soft but rough at the same time. It felt so perfect. I could feel this feeling inside of me that I had never felt before. It made me feel.. Loved. 

We both pulled away breathing heavily trying to breath properly again. 

I touched my lips in disbelief. Did we really just kiss? That was my first .. Kiss. 

'was that your first?' he asked. 

'yeah..' I said still touching my lips.

'same..' he replied as our lips made connect again. 

Yongguk made me want to live. Made me wish I never had cancer. 

________________

he dropped me off. While we walked to my home people were whispering about us. They probably thought Yongguk was gay since I lok so much like a boy. 

He pecked my cheeks and ran off, I could see his face was bright red. I smiled as I headed in. 

'WOAHHHH~ Jay has a boyfriendddd!!!!!' Jaebeom oppa teased as I slapped him playfully. 

'stop it!' I shouted hitting him more.

'ohhh this isn't the normal you~ what happened?' I asked with a teasing smile.

'ugh the doctor said I have 3 more years to live. So I thought why not? Right?' 

'WTF ONLY 3 YEARS!!!??!' he started fake crying as he hugged me. 

'yah! Let goo!' I managed to get out of his hug and ran into my room. 

'baby! I'm making dinner! Hurry down soon!' Jaebeom oppa shouted as I crashed on my bed.

Hmm feels good to want to live..