Once I got home I darted up the stairs and locked myself inside my room. I don’t think my parents even noticed that I got home. Maybe that was for the better so that I wouldn’t have to answer more of their questions. I weren’t in the mood of that right now.

I let my body fall onto the bed and I instantly buried my head in my pillow, it would muffle my cries and no one would be able to hear if mom or dad decided to enter the apartment. Junsik wouldn’t be home until four or five in the evening. Around the time I usually would get home.

My mind travelled back to what happened just half an hour ago, who the hell was that guy. I’d never seen him before. And why did he do that. It wasn’t until now that fear really got to me, and my heart began to pump faster. Did that guy try to me, was that it? Who the hell would want to me, was it just a mere coincidence or was this plotted.

But if it wasn’t just a coincidence then who would want to hurt me? Oh right, about every other girl at school for sticking around Jonghyun, or should I call him Changjo now? Either how, I would never be able to find the person. The school was huge and the students were many.

“Jonghyun.” I murmured out as I thought about him. What was going to happen now? Should I just continue with my ordinary life and pretend that the past four weeks never occurred. Maybe I should just forget about him, I can never have him now. He’s an idol, someone that probably can’t even have a relationship, and I, I’m just a normal girl. So my chances with him were already long gone.

But how do you make a heart forget?

By simply ignoring him, turn my back at him. What were you supposed to do in these situations? Wait and hope that one’s heart forgets and moves on. I didn’t know anymore, I didn’t know what to expect. How can I when I’ve never been in this sort of situation before.

After thinking, thinking and thinking for what seemed like hours I decided to get some sleep. So I could escape my troubles for a little while. But I couldn’t escape it even though I entered my dreams, because it was there as well, haunting me and torturing me. Girls were laughing at my pathetic self while telling me how stupid I was for believing that an idol could fall for me. Soon enough everyone around me was laughing and my eyes shot wide open. My clothes were sticking to my body like glue do to that I’d sweated.

I slid myself out of bed before heading towards the bathroom. I needed to get out of my uniform and take a shower. But my shower didn’t last long, because I heard a male voice; Junsik banging on the door once again. Though, I didn’t say anything, I kept quiet and waited for him to stop. But if your name is Go Junsik you hit the door until it’s about to break.

“CAN YOU STOP.” I yelled on top of my lungs, this was the first time I actually raised my voice at him, well maybe not the first time. But to this extend, I’d never roared at him like that before. But he did stop, just like I wanted and I continued in peace, without having Junsik knocking on the door every other minute.

So after that I’d dried myself I dressed myself in my sweats and a loose shirt before exiting. I expected Junsik to stand outside; waiting to push me out of the bathroom once I opened the door, but not today, because he wasn’t standing there, weird.

Instead I found him sitting on the couch, starting at the TV in front of him. Somehow I felt guilty for raising my voice like that at him so I slumped down next to him. Though, he didn’t acknowledge my presence and kept his eyes glued at the TV. But there was a reason to why, it was a music show and girls were performing.

“Oppa, do you only look at these music shows because of the girls?” I jokily said as I turned my gaze from him to the TV. But a few seconds later I heard how he answered yes to my question and I could only shake my head. “Why don’t you just get a girlfriend instead.” I stated, my gaze still on the girls performing. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Junsik with a girl before. Hm, I wonder why.

“Are you gay?” I asked; I tried to sound really dumb and slightly confused. And I don’t think it even took one second before he tore his eyes away from the TV and glared at me. I snickered loudly after that he had told me that he was not gay. “Okay, okay, gash I was just kidding with you.” I held my hands in front of me like some sort of defense. But I had to say that it was rather fun to see his reaction.

My gaze immediately snapped back at the TV when a voice uttered that ‘Teen Top’ was up next and that they were having their comeback stage today. My eyes widened and my mouth fell open upon seeing them. It wasn’t a lie. All of them where standing there.

A tear slid down my cheek when the camera focused on Jonghyun. He looked so charismatic in that stage outfit. It was a bit weird to see him – them like that, on TV. I wondered how I didn’t notice it before. Why he was so good at dancing, why he seemed so nervous when I told him that he could be an idol. He already was one. They all were.

“Is something wrong?” Junsik asked and I could hear the concern in his voice, I shook my head once, though without tearing my gaze away from Jonghyun. My heart was hurting so much right now. But despite that he’d hurt me, I still wanted to reach my arms into the TV and pull him out. I wanted to hold onto him and never let go.

If you love someone so much, you can forget about the bad things. If you love someone so much that I love Jonghyun, then you would forget him for his lie. I had lied to him as well. Or was it myself that I’d been lying to when I tried to push my feelings for him away.

My eyes widened in fear when Jonghyun fell and I dug my fingernails into the palm of my hands as I ranted for him to be okay. Something that Junsik must’ve heard because he suddenly asked me what I was doing. I didn’t reply and watched how Jonghyun with unsteady steps stood up and continued with the choreography. But I wasn’t relieved, because every time Jonghyun leaned on his right foot I saw how his jaw tightened.

“So, mom said something about a boy that you liked. Someone with the name Choi Jonghyun, who is he?” why the heck did my brother have bring it up right now, when the boy I loved was in noticeable pain. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” I murmured under my breath as I fallowed every move Jonghyun made. It was easy to see that his right foot was hurting.

“Try me.” I heaved a sigh upon hearing Junsik’s amused voice. Did he really think this was fun, was he going to go after Jonghyun and beat him up as well. No, he couldn’t. Jonghyun had fans and Junsik would be killed by them if he even tried to hurt Jonghyun. I pointed at the TV, more specific, at Jonghyun. “He’s the one I love.” I stated and I could hear how my brother erupted in laughter.

“OMG, are you serious, do you truly think you can get together with an idol.” I closed my eyes tightly. Well he was right, how could I even think about getting together with an idol. Of course he wouldn’t want anyone like me. Not when he probably could get any other female idol.

My eyes fluttered open once the music stopped and just as I found Jonghyun I watched in fear how he collapsed. Girls were screaming their heads off, and for once I wanted to join them. He looked totally worn out and it pained me to see him needing help to get off the stage.

“Your pretty boy fell.” I snapped my head around and glared at Junsik. That was probably the stupidest thing to ever slip of his tongue. How could you even joke about something like that. I punched his arm and told him that he was a jerk before I stalked off and slammed my bedroom door close. After fishing out my phone from my pocket I lay down on the bed and pressed up an empty text before I began to type.

‘I know you don’t want to hear from me. But I saw what happened, are you okay.” I didn’t even hesitate before I pressed send and the text flew away. I know he didn’t want to hear from me. But I had the same right as everyone else to be worried.