I can’t remember that much about what happened after that Byung Hun told me about Jonghyun. I felt like a zombie afterwards. My heart was constantly in pain and when we returned to the room I went to sit next to Byung Hun. The whole remaining time I just sat there, staring into space. I just wanted to go home.

And once I did get home I cried, and cried and cried. I wondered if I ever got any sleep that night, I doubt that. How could I allow myself to fall so deep? The whole Sunday I spent inside my room. I didn’t feel like working even though I’d almost reached the money needed. But now, it was not worth it.

I didn’t find any point in continuing with collecting money, because Jonghyun didn’t want me. Byung Hun wanted me, but I don’t think I wanted him. At least my heart didn’t. It only wanted Jonghyun. Still I’d accepted his girlfriend offer.

“Yeon Ah can you keep attention.” The math teacher spoke and I cleared my throat before saying a weak sorry. Even math had become a burden. Something I loved had turned into something I hated. Nothing seemed fun anymore. But I was glad that Jonghyun weren’t here. And for once, I didn’t care about where he was.

I drifted off again and this time the teacher pointed at the door while telling me to get out. I didn’t object and slipped out of there. Unconsciously I ended up right outside the dance room. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I pushed the door open and stepped inside. My body collapsed onto the floor and I clenched my hands into fists in order to not scream.

Why was it hurting so much?

I lay down; I didn’t care whether the floor was dirty or not. I just wanted to escape somewhere, to a place far, far away from here. I wanted the pain to go away in an instance so I fluttered my eyes closed and let myself drift off. I don’t know how long I was gone but my eyes snapped open when it felt like someone was staring at me. And I had been right; my eyes pierced themselves into another pair.

My heart winced in pain when I noticed who it was; still I couldn’t tear my gaze away from his. I didn’t want to believe Byung Hun’s words. But honestly, he was right. Jonghyun didn’t seem to like me the way I liked – loved him. “Why are you laying here?” he suddenly asked.

“Because.” I uttered as I sat up and then turned away from him. I was about to get up and head out of there when I felt his hand around my wrist. “Is something wrong?” I wanted to scream yes. But I remained composed and told him that everything was perfectly fine. Not only was I hurting myself, but I’d turned into a liar as well.

“I heard from Byung Hun, about you and him.” he murmured and I completely froze. So he did know about our relationship. And yet he was so calm. I turned around under his grasp and glared at him. Why couldn’t he see that I was hurting, that he was the one I truly liked? The only one my heart wanted.

I wriggled myself free and stomped out off the room. My heart was beating frenetically and tears were forming in my eyes. I hurried over to the girls’ bathroom and locked myself inside a stall before I let them fall. My life had turned from carefree and non bothersome to constant pain, and all that in just three weeks.

I picked up my phone and let my fingers press themselves forward to Jonghyun’s phone number. I debated with myself whether I was going to delete it or not. My eyes were fixed on it and the words ‘yes’ and ‘no’ ran through my mind. In the end I decided to not delete it.

After putting my phone back down in my pocket I heard how someone was banging on the door. “Yah is someone in there?” a girl yelled and I told her to off. The last thing I wanted now was some stupid Jonghyun fangirl to see my pathetic tears. No, I couldn’t let anyone see my tears, though my choice of words seemed to have made the girl on the other end pissed because she began to kick the door.

Anger boiled inside of me and I unlocked the door before slamming it into the face of the girl, she fell backwards and yelped when she hit the floor. “Didn’t I tell you to off.” I roared as I glared at her. Gosh, couldn’t I be alone anywhere.

I stalked out of there, my bag slung over my shoulder and with the girl yelling after me. It wasn’t nice words if you said so, but as of now, I didn’t care. Because the pain those words normally would’ve caused was overshadowed by another sort of pain, a much greater pain. The bell rang and I dashed towards the gate, I needed to get away from this.

As I walked down the street I heard my cell phone ring. I hastily picked it up before looking at the ID of the caller. It was Byung Hun. I wondered what he wanted, right we were boyfriend and girlfriend now. I sighed at the sound of that. I didn’t love him, so I couldn’t understand why I agreed on it.

“What?” I murmured as a hello and waited for him to say something. “I want to see you.” my inner groaned, but I couldn’t decline. I wanted to show Jonghyun that he didn’t matter anymore. “Okay, where?” I asked and he told me that he wanted to meet me at my house, or more specific our restaurant.

I agreed. I didn’t care about Junsik and his threats about me not getting to see any boys. Seriously, he needed to grow up and face the fact that I weren’t a little girl anymore. “Great see you there.” I didn’t reply and just pressed away the call.

Once I stepped inside the restaurant I was happily greeted by my mother who pulled me in for a hug, I didn’t hug her back and once she let go I slumped down on a chair. Byung Hun should be here any minute now. “Yeon Ah, is something wrong?” I stared up at my mom and shook my head. Everything was great, just great.

“Yeon Ah.” My gaze wandered to the door and I smiled weakly at him before watching how he walked up to the table and sat down in front of me. “Who is this?” my mom looked between Byung Hun and me. Byung Hun immediately stood up and introduced himself as Lee Byung Hun, he even included that he was my boyfriend. Nice, I wonder how many seconds it’ll take before Junsik has knocked him down.

“Boyfriend?” my mother looked at me questionably, as if she had no clue that I already was at the age when you start getting boyfriend’s and such. “Yes mom, my boyfriend.” I explained irritated, my mom only nodded and then walked off.

“Are you mad?” I wanted to scoff at him for asking such a question, yes I was mad. All the feelings and emotions inside were driving me insane. My heart was in a total chaos. “No, it’s okay.” I reassured him with a smile. Though, that feeling entered my heart again, that I couldn’t do this anymore. It was not fair, for either how of us.

“Byung Hun ah?” I chewed my bottom lip as I stared at him; my gaze was shifting around on the things behind him and his eyes. “Mm?” he acknowledged my attempt to get his attention.

“I can’t do this anymore. I know it’s only been two days, but I don’t love you and I never will.” I stated truthfully. His lips turned from a smirk to a frown, he wasn’t happy. “But you can learn to love Me.” he replied in a matter of fact tone, but I just shook my head and told him that I couldn’t force my heart into something that I don’t want.

“I’m sorry.” I beamed as I lowered my head. I didn’t want him to think that I was just playing with him. I heard how his chair was harshly scraping against the floor in a hurried motion before I felt something grabbing my hand and pulling me up on my feet’s. I felt his hand under my chin, yanking it upwards so that I was staring into his eyes.

I wanted to cry when his lips graced mine, my hands went up and I began to punch his chest. I felt how he smirked into the kiss when a tear slid down my cheek. I hate this.

“Yeon –.” My heart froze upon hearing his voice; Jonghyun’s. Byung Hun leaned away and I turned my head around, only to stare into Jonghyun’s eyes. I wanted the earth to swallow me when I saw Jonghyun dashing out of there. I pushed Byung Hun away and ran after him. He hadn’t made it far and I called out his name, hoping that he would come to a stop. But he didn’t, and I had to quicken my phase.

When I finally caught up with him I slung my arms around his waist from behind, while saying sorry over and over again.

“I don’t want to see you.” he snarled and my motions completely froze, I felt how he wriggled himself out of my grasp before stalking off. And I was yet again left with a heart that was pumping hysterically. Can someone kill me now?

~~

Thanks everyone for your comments ^^