Life is just a test, right? 

Testing you to see how well you can handle all the obstacles it throws at you until you forfit the game. People can take each of life's given obstacles and turn it into something beneficial where they learn from it. Others take life's obstacles as objects to hold you down and after the constant twists and turns of pushing your way to get to the finish line, you just give up.. and forfit the game.. just like that life planned for you. 

And that was me.. I forfit.. I forfit everything... I give up and I can't continue my life any longer. 

The years of love and loss.. I'm beginning to feel tired of surviving. Why survive when you don't feel the mere comfort of someone around you. Why live when you feel the judgment and looks of displeasement among the crowd, engulfing your mind with sayings such as "You were wrong", "You should have never left him", "I bet all you feel is regret!"

"You fail at life!"

"You're selfish!"

"People like you deserve to die!" 

.....

And the sad part is... I agree with everyone completely. I was wrong.. they were right... I never listened to anybody and I refused everyone's comfort and help.. just because I thought he always made the right choices for me... 

He lived my life for me and I never even realized it till this night. 

"Hello? Meeyon?"

I grasped onto my phone tightly when I heard the sound of his voice. This life ruiner.. this mind manipulator... the one I trusted the most and gave my all to.. 

Kwon Jiyong. The name that I despise. 

I hope you burn in hell. 

I threw my phone across the room as I sunk down from my bed onto the floor, sobbing in the most dramatic manner. I tucked my knees into my chest and screamed in frustration. The tears in my eyes burned with a variety of perplexed emotions and the sorrow in my heart crippled within every second of my perception of lonliness. 

Is it even remotely possible to rely on another person with your life? To give them your trust, your personal thoughts and ideas and know that they will never abandon you and will never leave you and expect you to trust everything they say? 

Everything Jiyong has done to me descended to an even far below level of cruelty. But I had the choice to stay with him.. 

It was a choice to be with Jiyong, it wasn't forced... Jiyong... or him.. 

Kim Jonghyun. 

My ultimate companion through thick and thin. My childhood best friend and a person that I've literally gone through everything with. We promised to stay together and always love each other and when we grew up, we'll get married. He promised to always protect me and make sure no one dares touch me with a hurtful finger. And now that I think of it, it is possible to give your life and trust to another human being.

But just don't make the mistake I did.. and take that one special person for granted.

Because that is what I exactly did... and that is how I lost my chance with him.. 

I was ignorant, selfish, and a fool. I was blinded by the fact that Jonghyun was the one that never changed. The only one who managed to destroy the chance of love and happiness was me. Because I had to ing change and was brain washed by Jiyong.. my faithful husband.. 

My cries deepened as I bit onto my fist to help stop the pain, but it didn't do any effect. 

"Jonghyun!" I shouted with every breath of air I intake. I know the heart-pained cries wouldn't end tonight. My prolonging depression will never be fixed. No one will ever be able to give me the safeness and protection as much as Jonghyun did. The only reason why I'm living on this earth is because of Eunae. I've learned to not put the people's lives that are closest to you at risk because of such a selfish reason. If I killed myself, she would be alone as well. She had Key, but their relationship isn't as close as before anymore. And to be fair and be there for Eunae as much as she's put up with me through all these egocentric years of mine, I owe her this one favor. To keep living on so we can be there for one another.