Review for The 14th member of Super junior is a GIRL!!?? (for makizz)

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Fanfic Title: The 14th member of Super junior is a GIRL!!??
Description: Lee Kyle was just a talented female trainee who was under SM Ent. But what happens when her forms get messed up because Kyle is usually a boy's name? By accident she is placed in Super Junior before they even debuted. While in Super Junior, Kyle begins to develop some feelings for one of the members. With many possible problems such as the giant and anti fans, what is Kyle to do?
Entertainment level: 50%
Reviewer: myungfox
 
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Title- 4/5
The title was really interesting and it attracted me to the story
 
Graphics/Posters- 5/5
The poster was nicely done and I have no objections to it as it was made by my friend. I mean really, if your friend made a poster, wouldn't you find it nice?
 
Foreword/Description- 3/10
There were a few grammar mistakes there but there's not much. Your foreword is quite messy and there were obvious grammar mistakes there.
 
Originality- 8/10
This is my first time finding a story like this, so marks for you! /throws glitter everywhere
 
Plot- 15/20
Your plot is good. I like how she gets put into a guy group with all the guys being really old and stuff. No offence to SJ, I call people who are older than me old. Even if they're not really that old.
 
Grammar/Spelling- 8/35
There were tons of grammar mistakes and they were VERY obvious. Like one in your foreword; decided. You spelled it as dicided. Try not to spell certain words the way they're pronounced (if you do so). There are also random letters being where they're not supposed to be and stuff like that confuses me so. It also makes me lazy to continue reading.
 
Flow- 2/5
 
Neatness- 2/5
To be honest, your story is quite messy. For the POVs, I would suggest that you would do something like this:
"Kyle's POV:
I got a call from Jessica and Yuri saying that Lee Soo Man wanted to talk to me. If you get called there then that either means you are fired or you are going to debut."
Also, separate the update and the author's note at the end of the chapter.
 
Extra- 3/5
 
Total: 50/100
 
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seunghuns
#1
Chapter 3: Hello I would like to be affiliates with you, I hope you don't mind.

Name:⚡Lightning Speed Review Shop⚡

Story link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/308210/lightning-speed-review-shop-open-for-requests-apply-infinite-review-reviewshop
kyouyas
#2
Username/Author of story: kpoplistener
Title of story: Aish! That Jung Daehyun!
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/249776/aish-that-jung-daehyun-yongguk-zelo-jongup-bap-daehyun-youngjae-kimnamjoo
Story Genre: fluff
Your Reviewer (Check chapter 1 for staff): Any :)
Password: 2012-05-05
Pab0Panda
#3
Username/Author of story: Pab0panda
Title of story:Love to be loved by you
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/254162
Story Genre: romance, comedy
Your Reviewer (Check chapter 1 for staff):Turnbaek
Password: 2012-05-05
Ps: I'm not sure if the password is right, because every one said it's 06.05 but on my screen it's 05.05. ^^
Voix1172
#5
Username/Author of story: NielAhn
Title of story: If You Became A Member Of Boyfriend
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/212484
Story Genre: cute, romance, happy, drama
Your Reviewer: Turnbaek
Password: May 6th


THANKS SO MUCH!~ ^^
MoshiMoshi-Zelo-Desu
#6
Username/Author of story: -SkyBlueKatastrophe-
Title of story: Peter Pan Syndrome
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/224382
Story Genre: Childhood Romance,
Your Reviewer (Check chapter 1 for staff): BubblesSweet
Password: May 6
tayree
#7
thank you so much for your review! c:
kpopmuzic
#8
Username/Author of story: Kpopmuzic
Title of story: Living As Your Lover
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/155721/living-as-your-lover-comedy-kpop-ljoe-myungsoo-romance-jongup-daehyun
Story Genre: Romantic Comedy
Your Reviewer (Check chapter 1 for staff): _Mirotic / Miro
Password: May 6