Onew loves them.

Why does she love chicken?

Onew loves them.

Noonas are the worst.

Noonas are ugly.

Noonas are not better than me.

I hate noonas!

Chicken is juicy.

Chicken is yummy.

Chicken is oppa's favorite food.

I love chicken!

Title: 4/5 
The title is so cute and awesome ♥ Once I read the title I knew it was going to be about Onew, so extra props for that! However, the story itself doesn’t really relate to the story so I docked off a point for that. 

Graphics: 4.5/5
The background doesn’t really match the poster but you still got a high score because the poster is amazing! I love animated posters so you got an extra half point for that; the chicken is also way too adorable. 

Forewords: 4/5
The description is a bit confusing since you mean a girl hating noonas but it’s what makes it cute. And I love how you put a piece of the story (like a prologue) into your forewords. It’s vague but it’s what draws you in. 

Originality: 3/5 
To be honest, the story is pretty cliché and the idea has been used quite a bit. Girl likes this boy. The boy doesn’t like her. Girl gives up. Guy realizes he likes her back. Still, despite it being cliché, it’s a cute idea. It’s like something out of a drama. ♥

Plot: 20/25 
The plot is cute and fluffy. ♥ Although it is quite predictable at some parts, it’s still an interesting story. There’s a bunch of toe-curling adorable moments in that make me smile; this story lacks a bit of suspense to spice it up more. Overall, the flavor is kept the same: sweetness overload. 

Grammar/Spelling: 20/35
Your biggest and most consistent problem is cutting off sentences at the wrong moments. In result, the next sentence becomes an incomplete sentence, a fragment. Your other problem is wrong verb-tense use. You sometimes use present tense when you should’ve used past (and vise versa). 

Example one:
• She snobbed her then she shook her again, but she knows she was going to shook her so she didn't stumble nor fall.

Here’s what it should be: 
• Shinye scoffed at Jeonghee and then shook Jeonghee again, but Jeonghee already knew that Shinye was going to shake her so she didn’t stumble or fall. 

Your errors were:
• there is no such word as snobbed 
• you used too many “she(s)”, making it impossible to tell who was doing what
• you used “shook” when it should be shake and “knows” when it should be knew

Example two: 
• No one can stop Jeonghee, she kept slapping and punching the girl. And constantly spitting at her so-called expensive shoes.

Correct way:
• No one could stop Jeonghee; she kept slapping and punching the girl. Jeonghee also constantly spat at Krystal’s so-called expensive shoes. 

Errors were:
• a fragment 
• “she” could either mean Jeonghee or Krystal and that is confusing 

You have a lot of errors like those. They are found more in the beginning so I suggest going back and revising them. Also, choose one tense and stick with it. You jump from present to past and then to present again. Please choose one. 

Flow: 6/10 
The beginning was kind of confusing with the jumble of “hers” and “she(s)”. Also, you seem to try to fit too many things in at once and it makes the story “messy”. There are a lot of random actions, done so to emphasize the girls’ personalities, but it’s too much, especially in chapter four. Out of nowhere Jeonghee wants to go to the mall. Isn’t she in a hospital? Doesn’t she have to get permission to leave? It doesn’t really make sense even for a fictional story. Also, when you first mentioned Taemin, you should’ve hinted that Taemin was Jeonghee’s brother, or saved it for next time because putting it at the end of the chapter was kind of confusing. I had to re-scroll up a couple of times to see if you mentioned Taemin in the last three sentences. 

Neatness: 3.5/5 
The style stayed consistent in the start of the story to the wee end, but then the last chapters showed a different style font. It’s a pet peeve of mines to see changing fonts that show such a big difference in style. I’m assuming you used Georgia for most of the story and for the last chapters you felt a bit lazy and left it on default. If you got bored of using Georgia, try to use something similar to it. 

Extra: 4/5
I love SHINee fanfics and this one is a very cute and upbeat one. Onew is such a dorky leader and you made sure to note Onew’s dorky side in this story. ♥ It’s a pleasant read, although it’s confusing with so many “she(s)” and at times, it’s a big too long or it’s a bit too short or a bit random. However, this is still something I really enjoyed because of all the fluff moments in here and how it seems like a drama. 

Total: 69/100 

This has been a really cute story to read; thank you for requesting for me because I had a great time to read it. I am also terribly sorry for the delay; school has been eating up all of my time. Anyways, I hope you make some corrections because this is an amazing story with lots of potential. Don’t let those grammar mistakes get in the way! HWAITING! ♥

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