Review for How To Screw Up Your Love Life (by MissAubrey)
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Fanfic Title: How To Screw Up your Love Life
Description: There are a lot of ways to screw up your love life. Every person has one way or another. Seohyun has known --and mastered-- one way. But if she can screw it up, can she fix it back?
Description: There are a lot of ways to screw up your love life. Every person has one way or another. Seohyun has known --and mastered-- one way. But if she can screw it up, can she fix it back?
Entertainment level: 75%
Reviewer: myungfox
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Title- 5/5
The title was attracted me almost instantly. The title kinda reminds me of the movie; How To Train A Dragon xD
Graphics/Posters- 0/5
There was no poster so there’s no marks here.
Foreword/Description- 3/10
Your foreword was funny! To me~ Fancy seeing Seohyun talking to the author XD
Originality- 8/10
Plot- 15/20
I like your plot. It’s like a huge love triangle or square or whatever large polygon that includes all the love problems.
Grammar/Spelling- 22/35
There were a lot of grammar mistakes. There were some that annoyed me and some I think would be safe to leave alone. I would like to correct a few, though.
Chapter 1:
“-I'll stay up as night as I can :)” to “I’ll stay up as long as I can :)”
“Only that would've been impossible, because he doesn't say anything to me. He wrotes to me. Anyway” To “Only that would've been impossible, because he didn’t say anything. He typed it”
“With a very, very, annoying words” to “With very annoying facts”
Chapter 2:
“Your countings never get me to do anything! give up!” To “You counting, will never get me to do anything, give up!”
“I took a quick shower and then change my clothes to the perfect first-day outfit Seohyun picked for me” to “I took a quick shower and then wore the perfect first-day outfit Seohyun picked for me.”
"That's my girl. Now hurry up, or Hyoyeon'll finish all the pancakes." she smiled again and leave me alone” to "That's my girl. Now hurry up, or Hyoyeon will finish all the pancakes." she smiled again and leave me alone.”
I mean really. Try saying it. Hyoyeon’ll. It sounds like Hyoyeoneoll.
“Wait, mom's making pancakes? That does it. I quickly slide downstairs, and straight into the kitchen” to “Wait, mom's made pancakes? That does it. I quickly ran downstairs, and into the kitchen”
“Five pancakes and a glass of milk later, I was walking to school. Hyoyeon was alredy far ahead of me, since she doesn't want to be seen with her little immature sister.” to “After five pancakes and a glass of milk later, I went to school. Hyoyeon left earlier, cause she doesn't want to be seen going to school with her immatured little sister.”
“But then, he avoides me. No, that's not the word. He ignores me. He simply deleted me out of his world. He doesn't even thinks I exist anymore ….. Worse, he ignores me when I started liking him.” to ”But then, he avoided me. No, that's not the word. He ignored me. He simply deleted me out of his world. He doesn't even thinks I exist anymore …. Worse, he started to ignore me when I started liking him.”
“I smiles at Yoona and Kyuhyun, evidently ignoring Donghae” to “I smiled at Yoona and Kyuhyun, evidently ignoring Donghae”
Chapter 6:
“I let her voice drones in as I turned my attention to other kids in my class” to “I let her voice drown in the background as I turned my attention to my other classmates”
There’s actually more but like I’ve said before, some might be safe to ignore. I’ll give you a tip; when you’re writing in a person’s POV, try to use paste tense for their actions/facial expressions/etc. Like when Yuri says that she hates Sunny too but not the same way Seohyun hates her. The sentence; “I mean, I kinda hates her too, but not the way you hate her..." Try saying; “I hates her” or “I likes her” Does that sound right? No. Unless you’re saying “she hates her” or “he likes her” That’s more like it.
Flow- 4/5
Neatness- 4/5
It’s really neat. I like neat stories. I don’t get lost easily.
Extra- 5/5
Full marks to make up for your graphics/poster marks.
Total: 70/100
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Hey there! I hope you don't get offended or something but these are just honest opinions. We hope to review a story from you soon! Do credit the reviewer and the shop~ thank you for requesting!
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