Review for Infinitely Yours (by silverline)
Bacon&Eggs; || Review Shop || CLOSED [finishing up requests]
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Title- 4/5
I have seen this title many times before. But because I like it, points added!
Graphics/Posters- 5/5
Really liked the poster and background.
Foreword/Description-7/10
The first thing I noticed were the character profiles. Truthfully speaking, I really think that having character profiles in the description/foreword is unnecessary. It just takes up more room. Frankly speaking, most readers wouldn’t even read the profiles. What I liked about the character profiles were that they didn’t reveal too much about the characters. Usually one would look like this:
Kim Aeyoung – Sweet, kind, loves animals, has a lot of aegyo.
I commend you for not doing that.
“Everything was fine before you came to my life
I was fine. I admired him, did my job as usual.
But then you changed my life, my whole life.
I’ve known if you were here for her
I’ve known she was the one who broke your heart
But why I doubted when my wish finally came true?”
Most of this is fine, but you have a lot of sentences that don’t make sense because of the wording you used.
“Everything was fine before you came into my life.”
“I would have known if you were here for her.”
“But why did I doubt when my wish finally came true?”
It makes reading it easier on the eyes.
“And she broke my heart
Over the past few years,
I have been searching for the reason why she did it.
But when I found it, I felt nothing
Only four year younger girl in my mind.”
And again, I find difficulty in reading this because it just sounds awkward when I say it out loud.
“And then she broke my heart.”
“Only a girl four years younger in my mind.”
Originality- 8/10
Actually, I wasn’t sure what the story was about at first when I read the foreword. You didn’t reveal too much about the story or plot. At least that’s what I’ve thought. I have read stories like this before, but there are some new parts to it.
Plot- 16/20
Grammar/Spelling-20/30
I’m not sure if English is your first language or not but you have some really noticeable mistakes. One thing that really bugged me was your past and present tenses. You confused those two in many sentences.
“Memory went back in every corner of his brain.”
“Memories flooded back into his brain.”
“Nickhun said while walked closer to Taecyeon’s desk. Gave him a very deep-look. He folded his hand because of the stupid action from his friend. Taecyeon always did the stupid things if It was about love!”
“Nichkhun said while walking closer to Taecyeon’s desk and giving him a deep look. He folded his arms because of the stupid action his friend did. Taecyeon always did stupid things if it was about love.”
“Why? It ends. IT HAS ALREADY END!”
“Why? It ended. It has already ended!”
“What was Nichkhun say couldn’t accept by his mind.”
“What Nichkhun said he couldn’t accept in his mind.”
“Taecyeon was surprise. He couldn’t move anywhere. Nichkhun…you’re so something.”
“Taecyeon was surprised. He couldn’t move. Nichkhun….you’re really something.”
This was only the beginning of the story too. Please double check your chapters. I recommend that you use Microsoft Word so that it can show you what words you have written incorrectly, what can be changed, and fragments/run ons.
Flow- 8/10
Neatness- 4/5
Extra- 4/5
Sorry if I was too harsh on your review! You can still improve! (And sorry for the lateness.)
Total: 76 points
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I know she had apologised already but sorry for the long wait! Thank you for requesting from our shop ^^ I hope you'd come back and ask us to review a story from you again (: Improvements is needed x) Anyway, don't forget to credit <:
I know she had apologised already but sorry for the long wait! Thank you for requesting from our shop ^^ I hope you'd come back and ask us to review a story from you again (: Improvements is needed x) Anyway, don't forget to credit <:
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