Review for Take a Chance on Me (by Shyvana)
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Fanfic Title: Take a Chance on Me
Description: You thinks of perfection when it comes to love, making it hard for you to fall in love and as boys desperately catch your attention, you knock them off with your amazingly high standard with, thinking no one could prove that he is worthy of your love (first love). But when you meets two boys who are willing to prove you wrong, it just isn't the same old love story anymore.
Description: You thinks of perfection when it comes to love, making it hard for you to fall in love and as boys desperately catch your attention, you knock them off with your amazingly high standard with, thinking no one could prove that he is worthy of your love (first love). But when you meets two boys who are willing to prove you wrong, it just isn't the same old love story anymore.
Entertainment level: 80%
Reviewer: _Mirotic
Reviewer: _Mirotic
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Title-4/5
Points deducted because I have seen titles like this before. Points added because it matches well with your plot.
Graphics/Posters-5/5
Foreword/Description-8/10
There wasn’t much that was wrong. But you do have some tiny mistakes. Like in the description box, ‘thinks’ is supposed to be ‘think’. About your description, the first sentence isn’t flow-y. It kind of wants me to take a breather after reading it out loud. What I’m trying to say is that you can break the lo~ng sentence into parts so that it makes reading it easier.
“You thinks of perfection when it comes to love, making it hard for you to fall in love and as boys desperately catch your attention, you knock them off with your amazingly high standard with, thinking no one could prove that he is worthy of your love (first love).”
Now if you broke it up…
“You think of perfection when it comes to love. It makes it harder for you to fall in love. Many boys try to desperately catch your attention but you would knock them off with your amazingly high standard, thinking that no one could prove that he is worthy of your love (first love).”
I actually really like how the foreword is written. It catches the reader’s eye.
Originality—10/10
It was original. I’ve been on AFF for a while now and I have not yet to see a story like yours. It was also pretty funny at times.
Plot-19/20
The plot was in a way cliché but you managed to really pull out the important details. To me, each chapter was consistent to the story and made sense. Unlike some other authors, you take time to type out the details which is an extremely good thing.
Grammar/Spelling-24/30
Your writing was nearly perfect. I spotted some errors along the way though. But because you don’t have much, I’m going to name them.
“…for the neighbors to hear but he did'nt care.”
“…for the neighbors to hear but he didn’t care.” (grammar, chapter 2)
“This is one of the biggest beaches…”
“This was one of the biggest beaches…” (past and present tenses, chapter 3)
“My father’s calling me again but I’d rather go later. I’m still not in the mood to listen to all his nagging.”
“My father was calling me again but I’d rather go later. I was still not in the mood to listen to all his nagging.” (past and present tense, chapter 3)
“I’m not used to this kind of temperature anymore.”
“I was not used to this kind of temperature anymore.” (past and present tense, chapter 4)
“…she has the same personality with my Ex makes her lovable.”
“…she had the same personality like my Ex which makes her lovable.” (does not make sense, chapter 5)
“…change the topic about Kris and me…”
“…change the topic about Kris and I…” (me and I, chapter 6)
Flow-9/10
Good flow. Excellent planning. My first thought was that you could have expanded on the festival a little more but it’s just a thought.
Neatness-5/5
You are not one of those authors who changes font colors and sizes. Therefore I give you a 5.
Extra- 5/5
It was really funny actually. I admit that I laughed a lot when Jihye kept saying that Kris was a pedo-bear. PedoKris.
…
/le snickers
Total: 89 points
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