26^th August

This is so ing sick. The experiment.

The main purposes of the project is to help Subject 7 (Taemin) to go through the awaking stages safely  and at the same time taking as much information as they could about the subject’s development during the stages.

The word “safely” was written clearly on the first page of the report but why the hell what I’ve read after that was totally sick?

They have hurt Taemin, used drugs and poisons on him, just to observe his unusual healing ability; the only ability that Taemin seemed to show so far. Whenever Taemin took injuries, he would fall into deep sleep for a long period of time to heal his wound completely… without leaving any trace or scar at all. During that period, he will not wake up no matter what happened and the sleeping period will depend how serious the injuries he has taken. The more serious injuries are, the longer the will sleep, and so far the longest he has slept was 16 days. However, it seems that injury is not the sole reason for Taemin’s slept. There were a few occasions where Taemin fell into the slept without any injuries… and the reason or reasons are still unknown.

They tried to keep Taemin in control and because of that, they secured him in a room at the institute. They observed him 24 hours. They fed him with vitamin and food capsules instead of real food to avoid any complications due to food consumption. The workers aren’t allowed to have any personal interaction with Taemin to avoid any attachment between them.

Despite all of the controlling measures;  Taemin is still slowly losing his memories as a part of his awakening stage. There isn’t much information about the awakening stages because the reports that I received are solely about Taemin who’s only in the beginning stage of awakening, except that it’s unstable.

I feel depressed. I believed in Aeolians, or at least I believed in Jonghyun and Onew hyung. I believed them. I believed that they are experienced and ethical researchers who’s conducting research for the benefit of the public. I would never imagined them to hurt a fragile and innocent young boy in the process. They insisted that it was for the research purposes and Taemin’s safety was guaranteed but… is getting hurt just because he can heal back is safe?

I can’t really think right now. I just

I need to see Taemin.

 27^th August

I went to the 8^th floor. Re-report everything that I’ve studied about the project to the chief project, Onew. He seemed satisfied with it.

Onew introduced me to my new co-workers but no one was really paying any attention and I too didn’t really register anything that Onew said as my mind is occupied with Taemin.  After touring the small office, a few laboratories, the observing room and the pantry, finally I was allowed to meet Taemin.

Even though Taemin’s room is in the same level as our office, there is a separate elevator provided to reach a long corridor where Taemin’s room located. The elevator is the only way to reach Taemin’s room and it need a special pass card to be accessed. It was my first time there, so I was escorted by another research assistant.  When we reach the 8^th floor (on the different side from our office), the other assistant didn’t me further than the elevator. He said “I won’t get lost” from there and he was right. There was a long white corridor with only one door at the end of it, which I know is Taemin’s room.

The corridor is too white for my liking and the fact that there wasn’t anything to decorate it made the aisle feel longer. From what I’ve seen from the observing room, I know every inch of the corridor is caught on cameras. Once I’ve caught the sight of the door, I felt my pace quicken but when I stood in front of the door, I hesitated.

It has been a few months since I last saw Taemin and from the report I knew Taemin didn’t enjoy his stay at the institute.  I want to see him, but I didn’t know how to face him. After all, it was me who sent him here.

Gathering my thoughts and courage together for almost 10 minutes, I pressed the security code on the door. The door was pretty heavy, looking very similar to a safety vault door that we always see in movies. As I entered the room, I felt relieve a slightest bit because the room’s condition is much better that what I’ve seen through the observing room. The air was clean, like the outdoor air (and much better than our working place’s), the light was bright, the temperature is a bit warm for me but I think it’s suitable to Taemin because of his clothing and the room was decorated with a many colors. The green spongie tiles, the ceiling and walls painted with sky mural, a lot of plushies were arranged at the corner of the room, the queen sized bed with flowery patterned blanket and there… I saw a figure on the bed.

He was sitting on the bed facing the wall with his thin legs dangling from the bed. I saw him kicking his legs in the air and he has a big brown teddy bear on his lap. From where I stood, I saw his bangs covered a part of his face and the teddy on his lap was placed facing him and I saw his mouth moved even though I couldn’t hear anything as if he was whispering to... the teddy bear? I didn’t know whether he wasn’t aware of my appearance or he chose to ignore me. So, I called his name.

He didn’t react at all even though I was sure I was loud and close enough for him to hear it. Nonetheless, I approached him and when I stood right in front of him, I called his name again. This time, he looked up and I tried my best to smile even though it must be an awkward one. Much to my surprise, after he blinked his eyes a few times to me, he has his attention back to the teddy bear. .. without saying a word to me. At first, I thought he must have mad at me.

So, I tried again. This time, I bent my knee a bit, brought my face closer to his and pulled the teddy bear softly from his hands to get his attention.

I did. He looked at me. But only to have a scared expression and confused on his face.

He asked me who am I.

Then, it hit me hard. Taemin didn't know me. He didn't remmber me... He has forgotten me.

What was I thinking? What was I expecting? I read all of the reports and I’m well aware that Taemin has lost most, if not all of his memories. He has even forgotten about his best friends, sisters, father and mother. What made me think that he would still remembers me? I don’t know… I just thought he would

I think I spaced out a bit too long that Taemin pulled back his teddy bear from my hand and retreat to the other corner of the bed with his back facing me. I know I should have at least try to talk, to introduce re-introduced myself to him, but my tongue felt heavy to speak, my legs felt heavy to approach Teamin again, my hands felt heavy to touch the fragile figure in front of me… my heart felt heavy. So, I spend the half an hour session watching Taemin’s back without saying anything.

Once I went back to the office, Onew was waiting for me. I must have look really bad, because Onew invited me to a coffee at the pantry instead of just going straight to the point. At the pantry, I told him what happened even though I was pretty sure that Onew saw everything that happened from the observing room. I was half expecting Onew to apologized and told me that they have to kick me out of the team… because I’m pretty much useless to the project right now. I was taken in in the first place because they wanted someone who’s close to Taemin but taken the current situation, I’m not more than a stranger to Taemin. Instead of that, Onew told me to be patient. He said Taemin just lost his memories not his heart. If he had opened up to me before, he surely will open up to me again. I don

I really want to believe Onew.

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sorry for the super late update >.<