14th December

How many days have I been here? I couldn't remember very well, but according to my last entry, it should have been four days.

I didn't have the chance to write earlier because I was unconscious and this journal somehow was separated from me. Actually, it is a miracle that this journal is still intact after what had happened. 

Currently, I'm in a hospital. I don't think it is necessary to mention the name of this establishment. I'm not seriously injured, the doctor told me. Only a sprained ankle and some low degree of burnt on my arms and shoulder. But they were worried because I was basically in zero proximal from the blast. Moreover, I did fall unconscious for 53 hours. 

I should be writing the important part; how this happened, what happened to me, what happened to Taemin. But I'm not sure how to start it. Maybe I should start from where I left in the previous entry.

I was with Taemin, in the lab room. He was unconscious, weak heart beats, bleeding, and very pale. I waited and prayed for him as I hold on to his fragile hand. 

Please open your eyes.

Please speak to me.

Please grab on to my hand.

Please don't die.

I remember wishing like my life depends on it - maybe it did. I didn't know how many hours had passed but I remember a co-worker sent me a lunch set and later on, Seohyun sent me dinner; which both I didn't touch. I didn't have the desire for food or for anything. I felt like everything that happened to Taemin is my fault. If only I didn't accept the scholarship. If only I didn't become Taemin's tutor. If only I didn't call the institute when he awoke. If only I protected him from the institute. If only I had the courage to be true to my feelings. If only I told Taemin how much he is important to me. In my foolish and desperate state, I wish that by not eating, by being punished, God somehow will answer my prayer. God will save Taemin. Maybe God really did answer my prayer.

As I watched the green line in the monitor getting irregular and the beeping screamed warning, I stood up from my chair, grabbing the sleeping boy by his arms. In desperate, I tried to wake him up. Shaking him, calling his name. A doctor rushed in with a few nurses, but I didn't see Seohyun. Maybe she too, had lost hope. The doctor asked me to make way for him to check Taemin, but I know it will be all useless. If Seohyun can't do anything, there's no way this doctor can. I didn't let go of Taemin, calling his name many – many times. Even my voice started to lose, my mouth tired, I didn't stop. And I glad I didn't. By full miracle, Taemin's eyes fluttered open weakly. He was very weak, but I saw his eyes glint in recognition when he saw me. His lips moved a little as if he was trying to say something, but there was nothing uttered. Cupping Taemin's face in my both hands gently, I told him what I've always wanted to tell. I repeated it a few times, making sure he heard it, understand it. Then, I kissed him.

After that, it was like a dejavu. Only it was more intense. There was a blinding light, making everything in the surrounding disappear in white but us; Taemin and I. I saw how Taemin's body glow, how both of us floating in the empty white space, like there was no gravity. When Taemin opened his eyes, his irises are golden and at the exact moment, big and long white stripes appear from his back. They extended towards me in a blink of an eye and before I could do anything, I was cocooned by them. It wasn't painful at all but my movements were fully locked. Taemin who was standing right before me was watching me with an empty expression. As if he didn't realize what happened nor who am I. As if he wasn't Taemin. The next time he closed his eyes, the white disappeared, replacing with an awfully loud explosion, blood and destructions. I almost didn't recognize the place, it was the research lab that we were at just a second ago, but now it has engulfed in fire, blood, ruins and screams. The destruction view extended as far as I could see, leaving nothing untouched. The last thing that I remember was how I saw Taemin in the center of the ruins, floating in the air with large white wings spread high into the moon.

I have no idea what happened after that as I fainted. I woke up in this hospital alone. I have none of my acquaintance with me, neither my personal contact nor people from the institute. I don’t even have any single of my belonging, even though my personal details were recorded correctly by the hospital. I’ve asked to contact my family or friends but they denied it by saying that I need to rest. I’m not even allowed to leave this room. Only this morning, this journal somehow appeared on my table stand.