26^th October

The cuts didn’t heal. Of course it wouldn’t.

It’s part of the second stage.

27^th October

The wounds are getting worse, getting bigger and deeper. Taemin still smiled but the pain was visible in his expression. I sat on the chair beside his bed and told him funny stories to make him feels better. I know he wasn’t really listening because he laughed at the wrong part of the story. I wonder what I can do to make Taemin feels better.

Few days ago, Onew explained to me what was happening to Taemin. He said this is the second stage of Taemin’s awakening. The wings will come out for real from Taemin’s back not like the last time when his wings appeared in my house. That was only the energy and even though it took form and damage the surrounding, we can’t touch it but for the second phase, the real wings will come out, which we can touch it and because it’s physical, it will hurt Taemin physically too… like now.

28^th October

Taemin slept when I came today. He didn’t wake up until my session was over. I was afraid that he thought I didn’t come, so I made an airplane origami and write a “get well soon” note. I left it in his hands.

Onew asked me if I want to quit. He said he can transfer me back to my old position in the external department. After all that had happened; me lashing my anger on him a lot of time and he kept on helping me, I learn to interpret it as nothing ill intentioned but only a gesture of concern. But I told him I’m alright, I want to be here.

29^th October

Taemin told me he wanted to get up from his bed. I know how his condition is and I refused that. Then, he kept on begging me saying that his body felt numb for lying too much. In the end, I helped him to sit up on the bed. I cringed when I saw his back. It was soaked with blood and there were also blood stains on the mattress. Taemin was clearly hurt from the movement to get him sit up, but he tried his best to hide it. So, I didn’t comment on it.

He told me he had a weird dream last night. He said he saw me in his dream but he refused to tell me what the dream was about.

 30^th October

Seohyun, the doctor who was in charge of Taemin advised me not to moved Taemin around again. She was worried it would worsen the wounds. I think she didn’t know about the awakening, but she had the point and apologized to her.

Taemin is getting worse. He’s bleeding too much that he looked paler and the blood stains were conquering more spots on the bed. Much to my surprise, he asked me what was happening to him and will he ever get better. I couldn’t answer the first question but I told him he will get better. I wish I wasn’t lying.

31^th October

Onew called me into his office as soon as I arrived at the department. We had a serious talk.

He told me when he first agreed to let me join the internal team, to meet Taemin in the room was in the purpose of project’s progress. However, he never meant to let me involved this deep. He said this project is too much for me to handle because I’m still young and especially because of my relationship with Taemin. I’m too close to Taemin and it’s not good.

Onew said from now on, things will NOT be getting any better. Taemin will not heal, the wounds will get worse and he might die from it. My heart almost stopped when the terrible word came out of his mouth.

When I asked him the estimated of survival percentage,

he said none.

1^st November

I didn’t go to see Taemin yesterday and today. Onew didn’t let me. He told me arrange my mind first, think of the consequences, the benefits, my future, my heart and make the best choice for me. The choices are to drop out of the project and never see Taemin again or to stay with the project until the end and obligated to do everything the project requires me to do.

For the first choice, he said he will take care of Taemin if I’m gone. He will replace me and visit Taemin everyday, he will tell Taemin I’m away at a faraway place and can’t visit him and… he will inform me when Taemin is gone. 

And for the second choice, I will not have the choice to pull out anymore after this. He didn’t tell me the consequences but he just said it’s not allowed. I need to fulfill my session’s hours with Taemin everyday which will be extended later; means basically I might not able to attend a lot of classes at university even though test or exams are held.  Moreover, no matter how unfavorable Taemin’s condition will be, I need to be there with him until… the end.

Onew adviced me to drop the project, he said I’m too young to experience this and there’s better future waiting for me. Even though a part of me agree with him, but the choice of not seeing Taemin again hurt me.

I couldn’t decide.

2^nd November

When I went to the institute this morning, I still didn’t make my decision. I just wanted to get better explanation about the project, but when I saw Taemin’s state through the surveillance cameras, I told Onew hyung I wanted to stay. I want to go on with the project. I’ll do anything as long as I can see Taemin again.

Taemin was crying. From his strangled sobs and hiccups I could tell he has been crying for long. His bed had been covered by a water proof bed sheet because he has been bleeding too much. He had to lie on his side to avoid hurting his injured back. The towels under him; most probably to give him comfort were drenched in red. A bag of blood was hung on the bed side, replacing some amount of Taemin’s lost blood.

He didn’t notice me when I came in because he buried his face into the pillow, crying. I his hair and when he saw me, he cried harder. I was really surprised at first, worried that I’ve hurt me. But then, he asked me where I had been, why I didn’t come and if I was mad at him.

I apologized to him for not coming and told him that I wouldn’t do it again. I promised I will never leave him ever again and he stopped crying.

I don’t know if I made the right choice, but I know I can’t live like before knowing Taemin is hurt and I’m not even by his side…

The truth is my life has never been the same since I met Taemin and I know I can’t ever go back; not now, not in the future.   

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So, this gonna be a long story.......... I don't know whether i'm gonna stick to the original story line or shorten it.

I'm sorry for the broken grammar in this. I'm confused where to use present tense and past tense because this is supposed to be a dairy.

Note:

Check my other on going stories ^^

City of Blood - Vampire theme, Baekyeol pairing, might be rated for violence

Tell Me What's Right - One shot, Christmas story, rated and DaeBaek pairing...? (Baekhyun + Daehyun)