1st December

This is getting ridiculous and pointless at the same time. 

Why am I seeing Taemin everywhere while knowing that he's not here? 

For me, the nights have been sleepless and the days have been stilled.

I wonder how are the nights and days for Taemin.

10th December

I was surprised to see Seohyun came knocking at my door early in the morning. She didn't look that well but she refused even when I offered her to come inside of my house. She said she was in hurry. She only stopped by to ask me one question; Is Taemin important to you? that's what she asked. I was taken aback to hear that name again after all of this time.

It was embarassing, how I reacted to the question. But as if a mirror is scattered by a hard rock, I felt like all of my days, my hours and my seconds without Taemin are lies. Nothing was real, nothing was worth it and everything was painful. I broke into tears, feeling very devastated and angry, as I told Seohyun that this is killing me. Not seeing Taemin is killing me and I'm at the verge of going crazy. 

Seohyun didn't even attempt to console me. Instead, she told me to get ready and get into her car. When I asked her where was she taking me, she only said; Taemin. 

We really arrived at the institute. Seohyun took me to the place that I was really used to; the 8th floor.

Onew hyung was there, buried in his paperworks and empty cups of coffeee. He shot up when he saw us. He wasn't welcoming me at all. I could see that he was tired and it only made him more furious as he bickered with Seohyun about bringing me there. Angry Onew didn't surprise me as much as angry Seohyun because she always seemed to be a gentle and collected one, but both were scary. They were shouting and even using swear words at each other. The others researchers had gathered around and tried to broke off the fight but weren't successful. The tension was real high and I thought they were going to physically hurt each other because Onew grabbed his empty mug during the heated argument. But then, the tension collapsed at once when Seohyun cried as she shouted; That boy is not going to last until tomorrow anyway!

Everyone was silent after that. Onew didn't look surprised, as if he already know that but he looked pained. I saw him rubbing his eyes as he left the room without saying anything.

I, on the other hand, thought my heart stopped at the moment Seohyun said it. I couldn't believe it. But saying it was a lie as Seohyun cried and Onew in pain was just thoughtless. I almost collapsed on the spot but I grabbed a table to support me. Taemin needs me. That was the only drive that keep me standing. 

After that, Seohyun led me to Taemin's room and no one else dare to say anything. 

In the familiar room, I saw Taemin again after so long. Bag of blood hanging beside him, a heart rate monitor showed how weak his heart beats were, the blood stains were there like they were always be on the bed, and Taemin, looking paler and thinner, I saw him lying on the bed, unconcsious. I cried as I hold his somewhat cold hand. I couldn't bring myself to call his name because my thoat was blocked by my sobs.

Taemin, my Taemin. Why are you hurting so much?

As I'm writing this, I'm staying by Taemin's side. He hasn't regain conscious yet since yesterady, Seohyun said. But I'm not letting him out of my sight for any seconds anymore. This might be our last second, last hour and last day. I don't want to miss it, if Taemin happens to open his eyes. I want him to know that I'm here with him, that he is not alone.