We entered their dorm, white washed walls and white floor. It was relatively small apartment for the fact that 6 boys living in it but it was enough. “Welcome to our dorm!” Zelo chirped the moment we entered. Yongguk started showing Hyeri and I around. There were 2 bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen and only one toilet.

“This is our room,” Yongguk said as he opened a door to reveal a messy room with 3 double-decker beds. “This is our laundry room,” Yongguk sighed as he opened another door right beside the first one revealing a messy room with tons of clothes around. “Sorry for the mess! Some of our members just can’t do their laundry duties properly,” Yongguk emphasized on the word members as he eyed Himchan who casually shrugged before walking away.

Just then, Daehyun called for Hyeri. “Hyeri~! Lets watch a movie together! ALONE,” he sing-songed as he pulled Hyeri away from me.

She giggled and mouthed a ‘Bye!’ before waving and following Daehyun. “Sheesh! This is a GROUP reunion! That disgusting couple are only spending time among themselves,” Youngjae grumbled after getting pushed away by Daehyun for trying to watch the movie together. I shook my head when I saw Daehyun sticking his tongue out at Youngjae before cuddling with Hyeri again.

“Hyung! Lets play cards!”, Jongup called for Youngjae. “Noona, wanna join us?” he politely asked. “Nope it’s okay. Have fun!” I rejected nicely. Jongup walked back to the room where Youngjae, Yongguk and Zelo were, already starting on their ‘exciting’ card game.

Right then, Himchan’s stomach grumbled. He looked down in embarrassment before dragging me to their small kitchen. “Cook something for me. It’s been so long since I last tried your delicious fried rice!” Himchan pleaded. “Anything for you”, I laughed.

I started opening the cupboards for ingredients and began preparing while he sat by the table. “So.. How was life out of Korea?” he questioned with a raised eyebrow as I cooked.

“Well, I survived didn’t I?” I dryly replied. He gasped, “Hey! Is that how you treat your bestfriend that missed you so much?!” He sighed and shook his head.

“How will you ever find a boyfriend huh?” he cheekily asked. I playfully shoved his shoulder lightly,” I’m not looking for one, don’t need one, and don’t want one.” He feigned hurt before returning to his playful smirk. “Why not…?” He asked.

“The right guy will come when the time is right. I don’t feel a need to force,” I said, getting a little annoyed from him questioning my love life. I snapped at him, “Look, it isn’t your prob-“. “But what if it is me?” He whispered, interrupting me as his smirk was replaced with a serious look.

A million thoughts flashed through my head as I tried hard to keep a poker face. I didn’t know what to say. What was that supposed to mean? Is that a confession? Tons of questions filled my mind. He stood up and walked to towards me, grabbing my hand. “I- I…”As if God has planned it, Hyeri burst in through the kitchen door.

“Hey is there any pop….corn…..” She said while realising the awkward tension in the air. Himchan let go of my hand immediately as I turned away. He awkwardly cleared his throat and I turned back to stare at her. “Uhm… Was I disturbing your moment…?” She tried hard to control her laughter as she looked at me with playful eyes.

“No, you weren’t since there wasn’t any. And no, there’s no popcorn. I’m making fried rice and I’ll give you some later alright?” I coldly stated while staring at her.

“Sure sure, whatever you sayyy~” she giggled as she closed the kitchen door.

The awkward atmosphere thickened as both of us were silent. Himchan laughed to break the awkwardness while I started the conversation again. “So…. How’s your idol life? Good? Fun?”

“Lonely…” he softly said, eyes never leaving mine. I could only give a slight smile before turning back to focus on my cooking. He sighed, a little too loudly, and walked to the side.

The awkward tension was back again, this time even thicker. I turned to look at his back view, I felt my heart hurt at his sad back view, looking so lonely and vulnerable. My feet moved by itself as I walked over and brought him into a tight hug.

“I missed you..” I whispered into his ear.

He laughed lightly before replying, “Me too..”

The comfortable silence was broken when Daehyun came in. “Where’s the fried- OHHHH HYERIIIII!” Daehyun yelled, breaking Himchan and I apart from our hug.

Hyeri appeared beside Daehyun, and looked at Himchan with raised eyebrows. “Bestfriends hug all the time. Do you want one Hyeri?” Himchan said and opened his hands for a hug.

“Don’t you dare!” Daehyun jokingly shielded Hyeri away while Himchan could only laugh.

I felt tears sting my eyes at the word ‘bestfriends’. Is that all that he thinks we are? Friends? The thought of that made me feel as if my heart was being torn apart.

I scurried past all of them, pulling Hyeri with me to the toilet. Hyeri was shocked but with one look at my face, she understood it all. She hugged me as my tears kept dropping. “Shhh…. Shhhh, its okay babe..” Hyeri softly comforted me while patting my back.

When can we ever more than friends? I cried as many other questions flooded my mind.