Rain, wash over me

 

On top of the mountains, hidden by the green blanket of trees, hid the Trevor Orphanage. Inaugurated two years ago, it has since housed children with special needs that would benefit from specialized care and a more natural environment than the city. Su Ryeon had founded it as her fist act as first lady and now she was back with her team to visit the kids and check up on their progress. 

 

"Here you go, honey." She gives SooHee a finer paintbrush to complete the details on her flower drawing. The kids are doing crafts on a table in the garden, with Su Ryeon teaching them how to sketch. "Is this you?" She points to the stick figure with the superhero cape. 

 

"My mom", the kid answers and Su Ryeon sees the look of abandonment in the eyes of SooHee. She aches as the kid does, for the daughter who's far away. 

 

Beautiful Hye In, do you see mom as your hero too?

Do your insides tear every day we're not together? 

 

She brushes the girl's hair softly and meets a pair of piercing eyes in the background. 

 

"Miss, who is that scary man behind you?"

 

Su Ryeon chuckles when she follows the kid's line of sight. It settles on a tall figure, so out of place in the kindergarten atmosphere.

 

"That's my bodyguard, Logan. And he's not scary". The moment she says that, Logan barks a command in his autocom. The kid's mouth opens in fear. "Okay, he's scary. But only to bad people. He's here to protect us". 

 

"He looks like James Bond", she whispers. Indeed, he's in a dapper suit and looks like he's in a supervillain's lair instead of with kids. 

 

"He'd love to hear that", Su Ryeon answers. They wave at Logan and to the surprise of both, he sneaks a small wave back. 

 

But how does a six year old know James Bond? 

 

After the painting workshop, the social workers and her play with the kids outdoors. They skip rope, play red light green light and lastly hide and seek. 

 

The land stretches from the mountain hill to the house, and there are trees and bushes offering the perfect hiding spots to energetic kids. They fill the air with their squeals and laughter, even betraying their spot as snickers are heard from behind the leaves. Su Ryeon pretends she doesn't see them moving and suddenly runs after them, her bare feet grazing the grass. She had left her beige heels with her aide, now hiking up her skirt and chasing the kids as they stumble and sprint to get to the base first. 

 

A few rounds after, her cheeks are flushed from the crisp air of the country and her lungs sting with effort. But the kids are more happy than she's ever seen them, in this heaven she built for them to have a fresh start. 

 

"One more, Ms Shim!" 

 

As she lounges forward to find the last kid, a cold droplet hits her face. Moments after, the skies open and heavy rain descends, unprovoked and sudden. A thunder shouts and the children leave cries of fear. She guides them to the house, placating their panicked ways. 

 

The workers gather the kids inside the house and hand them towels. 

 

Someone's missing, Su Ryeon realises, her blood running cold. 

 

Yu Mi is still out hiding, a quick counting of the kids shows she's outside, scared and alone. 

 

Thunder strikes again, and without thinking, Su Ryeon runs out, screaming the girl's name. But she doesn't answer. 

 

"No, First Lady! Come back!" The aides shout at her, but she runs to the forest. 

 

Mud and glass sticks to her teared up pantyhose. 

 

"Yu Mi!" She passes the usual hiding spots, the tree house they build on her last visit, the wooden swing. "Yu Mi! Where are you? Game's over honey, stop hiding. Yu Mi". The rain swallows her pleas and her chest constricts. 

 

She turns upwards, as if the raging charcoal sky would show her the way. Hera, a mother herself, would have answered her. But Zeus responds, throwing a lightning that cuts the sky in half. 

 

Someone runs after her and a moment later, the rain doesn't shower her face. A black umbrella shelters her, Logan holding it to her, so that he's denched. 

 

"Take this. Go back to the house". He scans her for injuries, but other than the dirt on her clothes, she's fine. He gestures to the umbrella frantically.  

 

"Yu Mi is-"

 

"I'll find her". 

 

"I will find her. She was hiding from me and her hearing is impaired, Logan she must be scared out of her mind", she pushes away darker thoughts. 

 

He gets under the umbrella and closes the distance between them. The droplets of rain from his forehead almost reach hers. The ground smells fresh and minty, like the earth finally breathes after a long summer. Puddles of water form around them. It's as if they're standing in terra firma and everything else is sea. He touches her shoulder and lowers his head to hers, like when he wants to tell her something very important. She sees it in his eyes, a version of "go back to safety, I'll take care of this for you" that's on the tip of his tongue. 

 

A distant cry makes them jump and they run towards the source, in the furthest side of the land, beyond the helper's cottages and warehouses. 

 

"I'm coming, Yu Mi!"

 

They dash towards her until they see a girl clinging to a tree branch like a koala, crying as her hands spike with pain. 

 

With a final leap, Su Ryeon reaches her. But when she lands, her foot hits the root of the tree and cracks soundly. She muffles a scream as Logan disentangles the child and holds it to his chest. He pats Yu Mi's back softly and her cries subside. Su Ryeon goes to them, every step laced with pain. She rests her head on the child's back, relieved. Logan's arms come around her, holding them both in a protective embrace. Outside the world thrumbles, but under this umbrella they're safe. 

 

He settles the kid on his shoulder and takes her hand. 

 

"Let's go. The building is that way, we need to get her out of the rain, she'll get a fever". His thumb traces her wrist. "You as well". 

 

"You take her. I'll wait until it stops". 

 

His questioning look moves from her face to her body, settling on her leg. 

 

"You're hurt. Let me-"

 

"No! You take Yu Mi first. I'm okay." He doesn't want to leave her. "Go!" She winces as a sharp pain jolts her. Logan doesn't move from her side. "It's an order". 

 

He opens his mouth to fight her on it, no doubt, but Yu Mi starts sniffing. He presses a hand on her shoulder, squeezing. 

 

"Wait here until I come. Don't go alone". 

 

He disappears, the kid secured on his back and the wind echoing around them.  

 

She sits with her back resting on the tree and closes her eyes. 

 

___

 

 

The cold is making her dizzy. She's acutely aware of how her blouse sticks to her body, humidity reaching her veins. 

 

She feels a warm hand on her forehead, the sensation so pleasant she purrs. 

 

"How's Yu Mi?" She asks Logan, who's crouched in front of her.

 

"They took her to bed, she'll be alright. Now, can you stand up for me?" 

 

He pushes the wet strands of her off her face and his touch is warm. 

 

She shakes her head, her ankle is swelling. 

 

"Alright. But I need to take you out of here. You'll freeze." The clouds throb angrily, but Logan continues in an even tone. "Hold onto me". 

 

He puts her arm around his head and lifts her legs, squeezing her body to his as he rises. Her head is tucked on his neck and he carries her in his arms as the rain soaks them both. 

 

___

 

 

They don't make it to the main building, it being on the other side of the property. Logan brings her to the closest warehouse. 

 

With her still in his arms, he kicks the steel door and it swings open. It was used for storage of animals, back when it was a farm. 

 

Carefully, he deposits her down. Her arms close around him, not letting him go. 

 

"I'm only going to get us blankets", he answers her silent protest, fondness lacing his voice. 

 

He rummages around and finds a thick cloth and a steel furnace. He tosses pieces of wood in and soon an orange flame is born. 

 

Su Ryeon stretches her arms towards the heat, the blood returning to her extremities. Logan holds the blanket close to the fire and when it's warm, he drapes it around her and she burrows into it with a smile. 

 

"Are you alright?" He asks. "Let me see your foot". He takes off his jacket and puts it close to the fire to dry. She takes off her ruined stockings and he inspects her foot. "It's not broken. A tendon must have been torn. You'll put ice as soon as we go back". He traces the swelling which now blooms with purple hues. 

 

"Yes, doctor".

 

She tightens the blanket around her and he raises an eyebrow. 

 

"You know what the kids call you?" He shakes his head. "My shadow", she reveals. "They said you're a dark figure always behind me".

 

"That was my nickname in highschool. La Sombra". That sounds straight out of a western, she thinks. Like he's a crime fighting cowboy on a spotted horse. 

 

"Why?" 

 

"I had taken up Krav Maga. I was absent from school, spending all day at the gym. I learned to sneak up on people. And now it pays". 

 

"You're not telling the whole story, Logan". He looks busted. "I've read your file. You were in the police academy and you worked undercover. The name shadow fits. Then, all of a sudden you retired and became a bodyguard. That's pretty shady behaviour if you ask me, the children have an instinct for these things". She lifts her chin challengingly. 

 

Logan is taken aback. 

 

She's surprised with herself too. Why is this coming to her when he very actively saved her? 

 

"Why are you suddenly doubting me? Haven't I proved myself all this time on your side?" 

 

She has no comeback for that, so she stares at the fire, her anger suddenly simmering at the mention of police. He's here now, but his past looms over them. 

 

"The people closest to us are the most unknown", she answers ominously. 

 

He squints at her. 

 

"That's a dig for your husband, not me". 

 

Her eyes widen. That was too real for someone who's usually laconic. He's right though, but his directness is uncharacteristic. 

 

"Why did they kick you out of the force?" She bites back. "Did anything you're ashamed of?" 

 

He blinks rapidly and avoids her gaze. So he did, she thinks. And she had promised herself to never trust a cop again. 

 

"Didn't you do a background check on me when you hired me?" 

 

"I did. Parts of your file are classified". 

 

"Even for you?" Her position has given her access to sensitive information before. 

 

"I could have found a way, but I wanted you to tell me. And you haven't". 

 

"I haven't told anyone", he says definitively. 

 

They both look at the fire silently and she gathers he's not going to tell her either. 

 

The only sound is the logs cracking under the solemn power of the flames. 

 

"When I was a detective, there was a kid, about fourteen. She fled the gang that was trafficking her and came to us, the police for help." His eyes reflect the fire light as he retrieves the story from the exile of his memory. "I wanted to bring her to safety but my captain made her lead us to the bosses. He wanted to impress the mayor with a big arrest, and I'd get a promotion too. So he didn't give an option to the girl, forced her to go back to that hell and said that we would come for her". 

 

"What happened to the girl?" Her chest squeezes, fearing for the answer. 

 

Logan reaches behind and undoes the string around his neck. When he places it on her hand, the pendant is a black teardrop. 

 

"As soon as she returned they sliced off". She winces and covers . "My bosses wanted to wait to go in, they didn't care about her life now that she led us to the lair. She fulfilled her purpose, her life was expendable." She flicks the pendant on her hand, realising it contains ashes. "That's how the police treated everyone, countless other kids have died by the force's hand. That's why her murder wasn't publicized. The department would look bad using children, not unlike the criminals we chased." 

 

She squeezes the pendant, heavy on her hands. 

 

"And the worst part is, the gang leader was let free after two months and millions in bribes. When I told my senior that, he said that's the way it's done, and I should focus on arresting more people. She didn't even have a funeral, no one cared about her. We were the only ones she trusted, and we sacrificed her and thousands more poor people in the name of doing the right thing."

 

Oh, Logan. 

 

"Is that why you left?" Suddenly she sees his past in a different light. 

 

"Yes. When I realised we were the bad guys, I couldn't be a part of the police anymore. I didn't want to be a threat to people, I always wanted to protect them". 

 

That's why he became a bodyguard then. The pieces click on her mind and she lets out a breath. He's seen the worst of humanity, and he wants to preserve the good parts. 

 

She gives him back the pendant with the ashes of that girl he's still protecting. When she goes ro remove her hand, his fingers close around her wrist.

 

"I didn't want you to see me that way. Every death I've seen haunts me and when I look around, I see evil in every face." He looks at her face, now pale and open. "Except in-" 

 

He stops and her breath catches. He looks at her and then quickly away, his lips tightened as if to swallow the rest of that sentence.

 

Except in whose? She wonders and suddenly this answer holds so much weight. She gestures questioningly. 

 

"Except in…. these kids' faces" he grasps for an answer. 

 

"Oh". He must like kids. Does his position fit with a family? Hers doesn't, she thinks bitterly. 

 

"These orphans, they're dealt the worst hand in life. They've been abandoned, neglected, abused. But I see them with you and their eyes light up, as if you've erased all the years of being unloved. You've given them a home". 

 

forms a line. 

 

"The social workers deserve all the credit. They're the ones with them all day. I love them, but I'm… I'm away". Just like she's away from her real daughter. Can love make up for abandonment? She's a terrible mother, she thinks for the hundredth time that day. 

 

He pulls the edge of her sleeve, angling her towards him. 

 

"That's true, but you made this place. I was there in the conferences with education and housing committees where you used every influence you had to give kids like these a decent life. A home." She bites the inside of her lips, willing the lump in to subside. "You've been a mother to them, and they love you for it". 

 

A tear flows down her cheek, unable to stop it. He sees it. 

 

"Did I say something wrong? Are you okay?" Another tear glisters in her eyes and he tightens the blanket around her body to give her a little extra warmth. She lets the sobs escape , and buries her head in her hands. She feels a hand soothing her back, its warmth keeping her from falling further down. 

 

"I didn't mean to upset you. You just… seeing you with them-", he cuts himself off again. "Wait, I have something for you that can help". He reaches in his pocket, something scrunching. "Here". 

 

"Oh". 

 

A packet of her favourite cherry flavoured candy is placed on her hand and she stares at it. The logo depicts a girl with red pigtails and rosy cheeks. It's meant for kids, but she doesn't want to quit it. It's her only connection to her, flimsy but real. Another sob pierces through her. 

 

"What's wrong? Is it the wrong flavour?" He fusses over her. "You got this last time and it's delicious. I thought it would cheer you up. I can-"

 

"I love it", she says and her voice breaks. "It is my daughter's favourite candy", she casts her eyes down and exhales. 

 

She'd only said this word aloud once. Daughter. 

 

"You have a kid?" His irises jump from the surprise but scolds his features, seeing how difficult it is for her. "I didn't know that". 

 

"No one does. Except you and… him", she scrunches her face in disgust at the mention of the powerful man.

 

"That's why you're upset", he murmurs. "What happened to her?" 

 

"Promise me you won't say anything about this, to anyone ever. I don't know why I'm telling you this. But if anybody finds out, I'm…"

 

"I swear. You can tell me as much as you want, you already know about me". 

 

"Her name is Hye In. She's my treasure. Logan, I didn't want to leave her-", a sob tears and he brushes a hand on her back. After a little, her sobs subside. She tells him how she had a boyfriend after university in the US and that they weren't careful enough so one day she found out she was pregnant. Though they didn't plan on starting a family yet, they thought we'd be together forever and took the pregnancy as an early start. She was healthy, on her way to a good career, her boyfriend applied for a permanent position in her city, everything was lining up for Su Ryeon as her newfound family. They'd give the baby everything we could. If only she knew. "I was nine months in when we went to an anti-war protest. I was far away, holding up a sign, while my boyfriend was in the front. Without notice, tear gas was thrown to the people and the police invaded, breaking the peaceful demonstration apart. I got away, I couldn't risk inhaling that, for the baby, but many students were beaten up by the police. Thirty people were injured. One died". Through her reamed eyes, he can guess who that is. His arm tightens around her. 

 

"Did he…?"

 

"They beat him up so badly, he died from internal bleeding. I couldn't find him anywhere, it was like a war zone. When I got to the hospital he was already…" she takes a breath. "I was a wreck, couldn't sleep, barely ate, only for the baby. A friend brought me food and helped me get back on my feet. He was there for me when no one else was. He said if I can get through this, he'd make sure I didn't live another day of hardship in my life. I believed him." She raises her hand, showing her wedding ring. 

 

"Dan Tae", Logan surmises. 

 

"When Hye In was born prematurely, Dr Gray said she had a heart condition. It was caused by that day. She'd need treatment for years in an experimental treatment in a Seattle hospital. Dan Tae said he'd take care of my daughter. She was safe there but he needed to return to Korea to follow his political career. He promised if I helped him win the primaries, he'd have enough money and influence to secure me and my daughter's future forever. I said yes in an instant, it was my only chance". 

 

"What do you mean?" 

 

Her prominent political family didn't want her to bring a baby out of marriage into the world, for fear of the family name. Her father, who loved and supported her all the way, cowered when he had the chance to support her. They didn't want the baby, threatening to disown her and leave their grandchild with nothing. 

 

"Your family did that to you?"

 

"I was forced to accept Dan Tae's proposal. He wanted my family's prestige to win that election". Dan Tae was the son of a criminal, but he'd buried his life before entering university where the press couldn't find. He reinvented himself as a businessman and the only missing piece was the daughter of a respected politician on his arm. "For many years I supported him and he was a good husband. He gave me the life he promised. I was smiling beside him in every photo, present in every event and dinner. I thought I was helping him and my daughter". 

 

"What changed?" 

 

"I opened my eyes. The more power he gathered, the more selfish he became. I discovered his promise had a clause: that my daughter would never be part of our future. He'd pay for the treatment to keep her alive, but I'd pay with my life serving as the perfect wife in his political career. It would be as if she hadn't existed for me, because the Korean public wouldn't accept a first lady with a child from a dead nameless man. Now she's away from me and all I have of her is a drawing and a fondness for these sweet things". She throws the piece of candy to the fire and cries. 

 

His eyes have gone from open to angry to sorrowful as he listens to her tale. Now they're in pain. 

 

"I found records of Dan Tae paying three policemen to hit Tae Oh until he was dead." He bled on the pavement, while chaos ruled around him. 

 

"That bastard," Logan spits out. His eyelids flutter in recognition. "That's why you don't trust the police". 

 

She nods and she feels his hands circling her body pulling her in a soothing embrace. 

 

"I'm sorry", he says, holding her body to his. He tucks her head between his neck and shoulder, smoothing down her glistening hair. "You didn't deserve all that. I hope you know that". 

 

"I'm sorry too" she lifts her head to catch his eyes. "I shouldn't have doubted you because of your past, you've done nothing but look out for me."

 

"I understand where you're coming from". "I'll keep proving myself to you for as long as you have me". 

 

She pulls away from him and sees the momentary panic as he flexes his jaw. But to his amazement, it's only to drape the blanket over his shoulders too. 

 

He looks at her with such fondness, it pierces her bones. 

 

She settles between his arms again and he radiates warmth. 

 

"Thank you for sharing", he says intently. 

 

"The blanket?" 

 

"Not just that". She gave him a piece of her story, not the curated one she feeds the press with, but the raw, messy one that defines her as a person. "I've guarded many politicians. They don't even know I'm there until it's time to be their human shield. They don't see me. You…" he pauses, biting his lip, "you're not like that". 

 

I see you, she thinks. 

 

She doesn't know why, out of all the important people in her life who remain nameless in her mind, she's never felt more understood than with this man. It's as if she can see part of him, the human, imperfect part that she repressed in herself for so long. She's been offered priceless heirlooms and stunning presents as the president's wife, but he's giving her a piece of candy that means more to her than all that. That time he kicked the machine so hard, the pack of candy fell off and she beamed with unexpected joy. He filed that for later. That's the first time in a while someone pays attention to her, not caring about what she can do for them, but what makes her smile. 

 

Or she might be reading too much into this, shouts her treacherous mind. He's doing his job, after all. She moves to disentangle herself from his embrace when she feels a hand cupping the back of her neck, keeping her in place. 

 

"Can you stay?" 

 

She meets his eyes, the water droplets evaporated from his clear skin. 

 

"I can protect you better up close. Security reasons", he says unconvincingly. 

 

She hides a smile at his lame excuse, but complies. He maneuvers her head on his shoulder and he smells of rain and firewood. 

 

The steady thumping of rain hits the roof, creating a strange melody. 

 

"I guess we have to wait a little longer to return", Su Ryeon says. 

 

"Let's stay here, just to be sure". He moves the blanket until it's covering her legs, her knees brushing his. That, she gathers, means his back is cold. He's making sure not an inch of her is bare, even though he's quietly shaking. 

 

His hand rests on the side of her waist, holding her to him. There's a comfortable silence as they absorb the weight of their confessions. 

 

Still, there's some tension in his shoulders. His eyes burn a hole on her head and he's staring at her intently. She sees the exact moment when he stops holding back, putting the last piece into place. 

 

"Except in yours" he lets out. Lifting her head from his shoulder, she meets his eyes. It's what he started saying earlier. He pushes back the bangs sticking on her forehead, his movement revering. "I see evil in every face" his eyes soften, " except in yours". 

 

Her heart jumps on her chest, unable to process how he makes her feel. It's beating so hard he must hear it. 

 

"What do you see in mine?", she whispers. 

 

He leans close, and struggles to keep his voice steady under her stare. 

 

When he speaks, two earths collide and shatter. 

 

"Everything". 

 

She lifts her chin and catches his lower lip between hers, like velvet smooth over . So smooth it almost slips out if not for Logan closing his upper lip, trapping her with him. It's like they're suddenly underwater, their movements slow and languid. His hand follows the curve of her back, brushes the streaks of hair clinging to her blouse, settling on the side of her neck. His thumb brushes her chin and he presses softly, and she opens in response, deepening the kiss. 

 

She tilts her head back, drunk by the sensation and he follows with his lips. A pattern painted on from his fingers, her pearl necklaces never feeling that heavy when his caresses are so light. 

 

He tastes of rain and cherry flavoured candy, an amalgamation of earthy and sweet. She turns to fit more snuggly into his arms, his hand pressing her on his broad chest, where his pulse thuds. Through their clothes, she can feel his ash pendant sitting in the center between their hearts. 

 

He keeps her pace, brushing his lips over hers in a way that awakens her senses. That fire that she has inside lights up, the voice that tells her she's more than a first lady, she can be free to lead, to love, to be. That voice can only be heard now, when she's feeling safe and cherished. 

 

If she didn't know he spent every minute looking at her, his moves betray it. He knows how her body flows and reacts, coaxing pleasured sighs and her tongue running over his. It's euphoric. 

 

They reluctantly separate to catch their breaths. His hold doesn't let her move far, but she doesn't try anyway, only rests her forehead on his and fights back a smile. 

 

He notices it and the corners of his lips lift up fondly. There are words aching to be said but as they lock eyes, they gravitate towards another warm, searing kiss. 

 

Before their lips touch, the barn door opens. 

 

____

 

 

 

Author's note: You can't guess who it is. Or you could, because you guessed last time in a different side of you. Speaking of, the last two chapters are coming shortly. (I apologize in advance for things that are about to unfold but as always better things will balance them out. And y things). 

Did you catch the Grey's anatomy Easter egg? Any fans here? 

Trevor, the name of the orphanage is an homage to the Trevor project, a charity helping LGBTQ youth. It's pride month, the time to give love and support just causes. Consider donating to your local one. 

And consider leaving me a comment. Multi chapters coming next!