Logan is floating, buskin in the afterglow and Su Ryeon's warm body anchoring him to the ground, when the doorbell rings. He meets her alarmed eyes and runs over all the people who could interrupt this beautiful moment. 

"Who's that?" She whispers, fumbling for her clothes. 

"I'm definitely not expecting anyone", he sees her move nervously. "Don't worry", he rests his hand on hers and squeezes in a calming manner. "I'll go check it out. Stay here". 

Another ring pierces the silence and he puts on his pants and hurries to the door, throwing a last look towards the kitchen. 

He grabs the door handle and hopes it's not the end.

"What took you so long?" Dong Pil asks, busting through the door, his hands full with a six pack of beer and some food packages. "I figured since you're home we could watch the new Kingdom episode and-"

"Wait, it's not the best-" Logan tries to halt him.

"-chat, since tomorrow's practice is late-".

"I can't today"

"-I even bought chicken fingers" he demonstrates his prized possession while Logan looks flustered. 

"Dude!" He grabs his shoulder, forcing his bandmate to stop fiddling and look at him. "I'd like to, but this is really not a good time".

"Why not? You have some girl over here?" He jokes and Logan's face falls. 

As if a veil is lifted, Dong Pil's eyes fall on the violet heels by the door, Su Ryeon's off-white purse on the coat rack and finally to Logan's semi- state. 

"Oh man you didn't! Are you insane? Who is she? Do I know her? Is she pretty?" The barrage of questions hitting Logan's face makes him shiver. He gestures to his friend to shut his mouth. 

"Okay, okay, you'll tell me later". He turns to leave, but not before he casts Logan an ominous glance and whispers. "Ms CEO is gonna kill you".

You don't know the half of it, he thinks.

----

"The coast is clear" he announces when he walks into the kitchen. Su Ryeon, now wearing his shirt, appears from behind the isle. 

"Are you crazy? He could have seen me. Didn't you know he was coming?" 

He walks towards her, taking her cute appearance in. She looks smaller, barefoot and in an oversized shirt, but no less menacing. 

"Unexpected visit. He didn't see anything but your shoes. And my hair". He gestures at his disheveled hair, he had pushed them back but her fingers had done a number on them. 

"Still. That could have been very bad".

"But it wasn't. He only wanted to hang out cause we haven't in a long time, the songwriting sessions with Dong Man taking up all day". He cradles her face, feeling her relax a bit. "So, how about you hop on the counter while I'm making you the most delicious spaghetti you've tasted this week?" 

She chuckles. "I like that you're not setting a high bar". She gives him a peck. 

"I want you to be blown away", he whispers, kissing her lips. 

---

"So, how's the Dong Man collaboration going?" Su Ryeon asks from behind him on the counter, while munching some of the vegetables he's chopped for the dish. 

He continues stirring the pan. "We've proposed some ideas to him. Even tried a few tunes together. We're figuring it out". 

Truth is, they've been spending all their time in the studio and they still don't have the faintest idea of the direction they will follow. 

"What's the problem? You've never had a problem writing songs before. And now you have freedom to decide the theme as well". She's perceptive, but she doesn't have the whole picture. 

"That's because there was only us before". 

"Dong Man's talents don't help?"

He huffs. "It's tough to write something that represents a boy band as well as a seasoned musician." He feels her eyes on his back, encouraging him to elaborate. "His music style is very different from ours and his approach to writing is… eccentric. And he's…" an arrogant , a pompous prick, a overpaid jester for senior citizens. "He's unique to deal with". He says the word as a curse.

He's silently fuming, reminded of a week of dead ends and musical disappointment. Dong Man doesn't fit them. 

"This difference in genre is exactly why I paired you. The result will be unexpected." He turns around to look at her, bowl on her lap, legs dangling from the marble countertop. "And I think he's great."

With two strides, he's reached her. "If he's so great, ask him to cook you dinner". He takes the bowl from her hands and tosses the vegetables in the pan with a sizzling noise. 

He focuses on stirring and not on the glimpse of immaturity he just showed her. She's silent, and that's somehow worse. 

"Come here" she orders in an even tone but his feet don't move. "Right now". 

Slowly, he walks towards her, not meeting her eyes. 

"What was that?" 

He rests his palms on the counter top but doesn't speak. Su Ryeon grabs his face and forces him to look at her. "What's going on? Tell me". She encircles his waist with her legs, caging him in. A part of him is , but a bigger part is worried about his next words. He hasn't voiced these thoughts, even to himself. 

"He's all that I'm not". 

Her eyes widen. 

"What?" She scrunches her face. "You're both artists. Coming from different places, but equal."

"That's the thing. We're not equal. How much time do you spend micromanaging his personal life? Not a lot. But our image has to be squeaky clean. And you're experienced enough to know why this is. How did he first gain recognition?"

"He accompanied a cellist on her recital in a university celebration. He sang Pavarotti".

"Which university?"

"Seoul National University."

"Exactly."

"That doesn't make him better".

"He's respected as an artist. He had a private education, he was school president, went to SNU, graduating summa laude. Then a talent agent spotted him and sighed. He went on to release several disks and have tasteful yet popular concerts all around the country. Interviewers ask him about his dedication to his craft and his voice warm-up. He was a member of a panel on how music influences political change. The president asked him to sing at his inauguration!" He throws his hands up exasperatedly.

She's focused on him, weighing his words. He takes a breath, determined to get her to understand. "Do you know what they ask me in interviews?"

She doesn't talk, sensing his need to explain. 

"They ask what my skincare routine is". He holds her waist, in an effort to ground himself. Her warmth is calming. "They ask which is my favourite insta filter and which Kardashian is my idol." He is reminded of this time two years ago. "Last album, I've poured my heart into 'Sell your dreams'". It was the only full writing credit he'd received. "I pushed myself to write honest lyrics and give the fans something they can truly express themselves with. And what happened? They slapped a catchy beat to two lines about crop tops and made it a Tik Tok trend. I saw a piece of my soul stored in a pretty package and sold for dimes."

Su Ryeon opens her palm and caresses the back of his head. 

"This song was about how I sold parts of myself to achieve my dreams. And my parents weren't happy about it. When I listen to it now, with how it's made, I don't recognize it". 

"We can reissue". 

"Yes, but the idol problem persists. My whole point is, we're not treated as artists, we have no freedom, not musically, nor in our personal lives. When you put Dong Man and Silverstone together, it becomes clear: I'm a product and he's an artist". 

Su Ryeon pulls him in a tight hug. It feels freeing, voicing his insecurities and her not judging him. He holds her back tenderly. 

"It wasn't my intention to highlight your different paths. Honestly, I thought it would be bad for Dong Man cause your band is much more popular. I didn't wanna make you feel like you had to climb up to his level". 

"I never said you did. I'm just laying down the public's perception. I can't say it doesn't affect me". 

"It's ironic. When I decided you should collaborate, I wanted to prove that a boy band had as much talent and skill as a classically trained musician. I'm playing the long game where you go head to head with a veteran and earn your place. That you're not just pretty faces, you have the skills to boot. Skills no less valid than the ones of a nationally beloved tenor."

He brings her palm to his mouth and kisses it. 

"I get it. And you believing in me is liberating. But I know that a collab by itself wouldn't change public opinion. We're still the pretty boys versus the talented man". 

He's come so far, he's laying it all down for her. 

"There's something more. Even if you understand it, he doesn't. He's worked hard, I'm sure, but success was painless to him. He didn't chase it, it found him in his college years."

"Is there something you…?"

"I've told you it took a long time for me to debut. We were a band, but no one wanted to promote us. We didn't have money to rent a studio or to buy a radio spot. One day they told us some investors wanted to see us. I thought finally, after isolation and endless tries, we'd be given our chance."

"Did you?"

"Yes". He laughs bitterly. "They invited us to perform our song in a host bar. They dimmed the lights and made us take off our clothes one by one, in the rhythm of the song. It dawned on us that they didn't listen to any music, just threw their money in the next shiny thing. We weren't artists to them, not even people. Only puppets in a music box, dancing as long as they put coins. There were five or more business people, loosened ties and breaths stinging of smoke, waving cash at us. And it wasn't just the money, though we've all been eating packed ramen every day, it was the promise of a future. If we entertained them, they'd sign our contract."

He rests his head on her shoulder, inhaling her comforting scent. These are things he'd rather keep hidden. He's not proud of the things he did to reach the top, but at the time, he didn't see a more dignified way. That's why he resents Dong Man, he achieved everything he wanted without sacrificing a piece of his dignity. 

"I could tell you more instances like this. Not today, but I will." He'll tell her about the cigarette burns he had removed with laser the moment he got his first paycheck. He'll tell everything, as long as she listens. "And it's so many idols, not just us. Not to mention what girl groups have to put through to get a mere chance to make it. They get frostbites from wearing mini skirts in the dead of winter and are forced to do acrobatics in heels. And I'm haunted by stories of how they're treated by sponsors. The whole kpop industry is flawed. And I'm not putting the fault on your shoulders, quite the opposite. You've been nothing but supportive of us. But I'm hoping you understand". 

"I do. I'm sorry this happened to you. It must have been awful and demeaning. My ex-husband made his career out of mistreating young talent, and I always resented him for that. I didn't think this was the price of entry for you."

"Do you see me differently now?" 

"No. I see the same man I fell for. And I'm thankful you're sharing that part of yourself with me."

She hugs him tight and he feels a kiss pressed on his chest. He finally exhales. 

"I can't help but think if I was like Dong Man, it would be easy for you to be with me". 

"If I'd settled for easy, I'd still be unhappily married." 

Logan moves to finish the dish. She follows him. 

"You're the furthest from easy." She continues. "I'm always worried they will photograph you while looking at me and everything will crash down."

He shares her anxiety. Carefully, he puts the pasta on the plates and drips the sauce. It smells of parsley and pepper.

"I don't want easy, I want real". She hugs his waist and looks up, popping a kiss on his jaw. 

They settle on the table to eat. 

"Does this mean he's not for you? Cause I've seen how he's looking at you, and even if I wasn't crazy about you, it'd still be too much". 

"He does look at me. And there's a reason for that". She swallows a large bite of pasta, picking the sauce from her lips discreetly. "We've been on a date".

Logan freezes, the food in his mouth getting cold. It's what he's most afraid of, how could it be true? He swallows, trying to tame his panic. 

"After I separated, my friends wanted to set me up on blind dates. Yoon Hee said her husband knew someone perfect for me. Also divorced, as if that mattered". 

"Put me out of my misery, love", he asks. "Did you like him?"

"As a person? Yes. But from the first minute I knew nothing romantic was gonna happen between us. But we bonded through our love of music and I was impressed by his talent. So I offered him a contract with the company. He was with another agency, but he promised me as soon as his contract ended he'd join us. Last month, he did. Later, I found out that he thought it was a date, while I made it into a business meeting."

"Smart move".

"I know. The fact that I didn't see anything ever happening between us didn't prevent me from seeing his talent. I made him keep a secret, and it paid off".

"Were you sad he wasn't someone you could spend your life with?"

"I didn't think it would happen instantly. I went on many dates after my divorce". 

"You did?". He's curious to explore that side of her. Cautions too. 

"Yes. I wanted to feel something. I was trapped in a loveless marriage for fifteen years. I broke free and I wanted to regain my life. Not just at work. I expected to mend my relationship with my kids instantly, as long as Dan Tae was out of the picture. It didn't happen right away. And searched for happiness elsewhere. I started drawing again, managing the agency, giving back. I aimed to fill my life with the things that I'd lost. Hence my openness to dating."

"You were searching for happiness, I get that".

She takes his hand on the table, interlacing their fingers. 

"Yes. And what I hoped I would feel then, I feel it now. With you." 

He brings her palm to his lips and presses a kiss between her knuckles. Her words are tugging his heartstrings and he loses himself in her eyes.

----

He walks her to the door some time later, because she has to return home to her kids. Wearing her dress and putting on her heels, she doesn't bare any evidence of their time together. His chest does. 

He kisses her all the way to the door, resisting the urge to buy more time. He gets lost in it, knowing one of these kisses is the last one. She opens her eyes to look at him and cradles his face. There's a sweet kiss and she's gone. 

---

He finds a folder in his mailbox when he checks it the same day. Inside it, there's a note. 

Tell your story or someone else will tell it for you

Next to it is a phone number and the name of a reporter. These people, how shameless they've gotten, he thinks. He tosses it in the kitchen trash can. 

He glances at his fridge, smiling. 

---

Days later, he's looking at his reflection in the mirror, while waiting in makeup. The band is all there, preparing for a livestream leading up to the Shadee awards. 

For all his packed schedule, there are times he can't do anything but stand there. Time stretches and he's pinned down on a chair watching the camera and lighting crew set up. He has nothing to do, but he can't leave either, growing impatient by the minute. Idols find themselves in this limbo and the urge to pass the time checking social media is hard to resist. His bandmates are already engrossed in their phones. Always checking their popularity, perilous as it is. 

"Our eco fashion post got fifty thousand likes so far!" His friend exclaims. 

"And we're #3 on rankings". 

His reflection stares back, not impressed. 

----

In a twist of fate Ms Oh Yoon Hee is the one reading the audience questions to them. He should have expected I'd be a member of the management, yet he evades her eyes as much as he can. 

"What is the hardest song to perform? Who is the most fun behind the stage? What's the best gift you've ever received from a fan? What's next for the group?" They answer the myriad of questions as a group. They have prepared and worked on their answers, giving the fans what they want and adding cute gestures when they can. 

"Let's close with some one-on-one's. Dong Pil, @rohee32 asks what is your favourite food". 

Logan exhales, the questions are harmless. 

"Logan, they're asking… Oh. Who inspired your love song?" 

Pictures of long chocolate hair and full lips fill his mind. Eyes full of spark and understanding. 

He is aware he's hesitating with every second that passes. Ms Oh's eyes spell a warning. 

He takes a gulp of the bottled water and looks directly at the camera. 

"You all did. Our fans." He pushes his hands together. "Thank you". 

He can almost hear a collective sigh of relief. Crisis averted. For now. 

----

As soon as they take the mics off him and they're free to go, he almost runs out. He calls the elevator, pressing the button incessantly. 

When the doors finally open he meets the eyes of the person that can make it all better. He stands next to Su Ryeon, the ground button already pressed. It feels like an eternity waiting for the doors to slide closed. 

The moment they do, he takes her in his arms and kisses her desperately. The ground literally moves below his feet, but he feels centered and serene, her arms a refuge from the outside world. She stands on her toes, the heel of her boot lifted in the air as her hands clasped behind his neck. His palm blindly finds the start of her spine and caresses it through the fabric, pulling her closer. 

The elevator slowly comes to an end and they enjoy the last seconds together, touching their foreheads together. 

The floor number flashes and they separate, regaining their positions facing the door. 

It's as if cold air rushes in, they're faced with the person they most fear. On top of an ostentatious brown and gold suit, lies the sardonic smile of Ju Dan Tae. 

________