Johnny.

Each step forward was heavy and I found myself clutching the left side of my chest, trying to regulate my breathing. Johnny’s appearance had made my heart constrict, my head spin and I blinked away the tears, wanting to go after him.

He was Johnny.

And he was back.

“Dana,” Luhan said again but I wasn’t listening. I moved towards the door when a thought popped up.

Weakness, Dana. He’s a weakness.

“Dana, what’s wrong?” Luhan asked, a hand going around my wrists before he forced me to look at him. I blinked, focusing on Luhan’s face when every emotion I felt was suddenly wiped out of existence. I took in his eyes, his lips and the way he gazed at me with concern. “Dana, you’re crying.”

And with that, he lifted up a hand and wiped away a tear that I didn’t notice I had shed.

“Luhan—” I mumbled. “I’m sorry, I have to do something.”

As much as it felt safe with Luhan, my heart begged to see Johnny and I found myself stepping back and turning away. I quickly rushed out of the room to the hallway, bumping into Sungchan. The younger male stared at me, frowning.

“Johnny.” Was all I said, Sungchan raising an eyebrow.

“You mean the guy that smells like smoke, tastes like sea water and is silver like metal?” he asked, jerking his head to one of the doors. “There. Xiaozhan gave him that room.”

I thanked him, moving towards the door that was the third room from the end of the hall, a hand reaching up to knock on it when my hand froze.

Johnny.

It’s Johnny.

What was I afraid of?

Weakness.

I chewed on my bottom lip, my hand lowering down when I decided that maybe it was better if I saw him some other time. I was about to leave when the door opened and I was greeted by a Johnny who blinked at my presence.

“Dana,” he said my name so coldly that it made my fists automatically tighten into fists. Thoughts of reassurance ran through my head and I told myself that I had nothing to worry about.

It was just Johnny.

“Johnny.” I managed to flash him a smile, my brain whirring on what to do next. “I cut my hair. You should look at me so you can remember me.”

Johnny looked taken aback from my statement but he quickly masked it with nonchalance. He nodded, saying that he did and he was sure he would remember me because of my body language.

“I’m being considerate, you know,” I pointed out and he smiled. It was a subtle smile, the corner of his lips tugging up but it was enough to make my heart soar. “Johnny, the drug thawed out. Are you proud of me?”

“I am,” he said, lowering his eyes onto the ground and I searched for what to say.

“I— What were you about to do? You opened the door so…”

“Smoke.” He replied.

“Can I come with you?” I blurted out and Johnny frowned. “I have to make sure you smoke only one cigarette. I won’t tell Jeffrey. He’ll say it’s bad for you.”

Johnny nodded and I beamed at him, moving away to the side. He had a pack of cigarettes in his hand and a lighter and it took all of me to not grab his hand and hold it. He led me down the hallway, past the kitchen and out onto an isolated part of the building.

“SM Japan’s layout is similar to SM Asia,” Johnny said and I nodded, Johnny finally reaching a fountain that had no water. He sat by the fountain and I stationed myself in front of him, watching him carefully. He took out one cigarette and lit it up, bringing it to his lips and taking in a puff. “You know, I’m not really okay smoking in front of you.”

“I’m not okay with you smoking at all,” I told him, shaking my head and Johnny gave me a tight-lipped smile. “I panicked when I saw the news.”

“Everyone did,” Johnny said and I blinked, Johnny blowing the smoke the other way so it didn’t come to me. “It’s been rather stressful.”

I shuffled my feet, not knowing what to say next when I blurted out.

“You haven’t hugged me since you saw me.” I told him and my words made him look at me, surprised. “Why haven’t you hugged me since you saw me?”

He didn’t say anything, Johnny flicking the halfway smoked cigarette to the side before he lifted both his arms up mid-air to invite me into his arms and I stepped closer immediately, my arms wrapping around his shoulders. I closed my eyes, pressing my face against his cheek when I felt his arms circle my waist.

I missed him, that’s all I knew.

And I still missed him, even with him right in front of me.

Was that possible?

I felt my knees buckle, Johnny’s legs bringing me closer to him. I felt his breath against my neck, Johnny, reaching up to pat the back of my head when he asked me how I was coping.

“It’s okay,” I mumbled, my eyes fluttering close as I tried to take in as much as I could from the moment. “It was hard at first but then Luhan’s been around so it has been easier.”

There was a pause.

“I see.”

“He’s my safe space too. It seems like he numbs my emotions and he makes me feel safe. I don’t know what I would have done if Luhan wasn’t around.”

Silence.

“I see.”

I pulled away just to smile at him, Johnny’s eyes going to my lips before he smiled. I wasn’t going to initiate anything and it seemed like Johnny wasn’t going to either, the male reaching up to touch my hair that was much shorter.

“Your brother is here. How’s that?” he asked, his arms going back around my waist and I beamed. It was funny how the littlest things could make me smile when I was with Johnny.

“Oh, he came from the other side of the island. Guess what, Johnny? He came and the mines blew up! I was with Jaehyun, Luhan and One at that time. When he came up, he was like… Dana, what a hairstyle or something along those lines,” I tried to imitate Sehun and Johnny chuckled, his eyes still on me. “and then I punched him.”

“You punched him?”

“I did.” I smiled at him, finally pulling him closer to give him another hug. It wasn’t enough. Johnny patted my back.

“Nice hairstyle, by the way,” Johnny complimented and I hummed.

“It’s not very nice, Johnny. You don’t have to lie,” I rambled on. “At first Luhan cut it but then Renjun refined it.”

“Why did Luhan cut it for you?”

“Because he was sleeping with me and he had to,” I said. “One grabbed my hair and he was gripping it so much and Luhan was scared that my head would snap off if One woke up.”

“Luhan was sleeping with you? You’re awfully close to Luhan,” Johnny said and I nodded, my face still pressed against his neck.

“He’s just Luhan. He’s nice. He’s like you, Johnny. He’s patient.”

“I guess you don’t need me now then.”

“Not like before,” I told him, Johnny’s hands suddenly loosening around my waist. I frowned, Johnny’s arms dropping to the side. Suddenly, I felt him pry me away from him, his face unreadable. “What?”

“Nothing, I’m just tired,” he quipped.

“Oh,” I managed to say, my hands going down his chest before I frowned. It was understandable. He just broke out of prison. “I see. Uh…. Okay.”

“Okay, Dana,” he said and I nodded. “Get some rest.”

“I will,” I said, smiling. “I’ll go spend time with Luhan and One.”

“Okay.”

I stepped back to give him space, suddenly awkward that I wasn’t in his embrace. I was about to walk away when I heard him call my name.

“Dana.”

I whipped my head around eagerly. Did he change his mind about resting—

“Yes?”

His face was still and Johnny flickered his eyes onto me.

“Am I just an option to you?”

His question confused me and I stood there, trying to process it. Option? What did he mean?

“No, you’re Johnny,” I told him. “You’re my Johnny.”

Johnny looked down to the ground, a hand grabbing another cigarette before lighting it up.

“Dana,” he began. “I’m not yours if you belong to someone else.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

[Jaemin's room]

My head was filled with thoughts as I walked down the hallway, the P.A ringing out. It was Boa’s voice, telling all the Seasonies to go to the field for training. My mind was taken away from Johnny for a second, wondering what kind of field training it was and if I was part of it.

I’m not yours if I belong to someone else.

What did that mean?

I finally decided that maybe it was best if I asked Jaemin. In the end, as crazy as Jaemin was, he was good in making sense when it came to emotions. I made my way to Jaemin’s room, pushing the door open and expecting to see Jaemin, Jeno and Renjun but instead, I was greeted by a combination of some of the 127 members.

“Dana?”

Haechan and Jungwoo were by Jaemin’s bed. Tae-il and Taeyong were by the window, engrossed at something and I stopped by the door way. Okay, weird to be here. I wasn’t awkward with any of them, it was just that I didn’t expect them there.

“Oh, Dana! Come, look at this!” Tae-il said to me when he saw me, the male motioning me over. I walked up to him, looking out of the window to see that he was watching a very energetic Jaemin jump up and down among the other Seasonies. “Nice, Jaemin! Let’s geddit! Look at that!”

“Look at Sungchan and Shotaro,” Taeyong pointed out from beside me. “They’re doing archery. Look at that, Dana—what do you think? Talented, aren’t they?”

Taeyong really did get attached to new members easily, I thought, nodding my head to agree with him. I stepped back to give them some space and thought of waiting until Jaemin would be done with Seasonie training when I heard Haechan grumble from the side.

“Why aren’t they ever proud of me?” he asked Jungwoo who shrugged.

“Oh… wait. Look at Jaemin go— Why is Jaemin attacking that guy?” Tae-il asked, Jungwoo replying.

“Maybe he’s supposed to?”

“It’s an acrobatic class— Oh, thank god. Jeno and Renjun are taking him away.” Tae-il breathed. Taeyong agreed and I could see both of them visibly relax when I heard Haechan ask me what was wrong.

“What do you mean? I’m fine,” I said to him and Haechan lowered his eyes on me. “No, I was just here because I needed Jaemin’s advice on something.”

“Something? What is it that you can tell Na Jaemin and not us?” Haechan demanded. “We made a contraption together, Dana. A contraption!”

“Mhmm… Either family problems—But then you wouldn’t talk to Jaemin about family issues…”

“How do you know?”

“Because you have Jung Jaehyun,” Tae-il pointed out. “And your brother is here. Jaemin is the last person you would ask advice on family. However, considering how you made Venn diagrams last time—”

“How did you know that?”

“Yuta told me,” Tae-il said and I turned red at the memory. “It’s relationship issues, isn’t it? Tell me, child. What relationship is it?”

“Or relationships,” Jungwoo piped up, tilting his head at me. “I see you getting close with Luhan, my pretty friend.”

“Spill the tea, sis,” Haechan cut in before knocking over a cup. “Okay, not literally. But yeah, spill the tea.”

I blinked and they all turned to stare at me. I cleared my throat, finally leaning against the wall, a hand closing the door to ensure privacy. I then began to tell them about what happened.

“…. And then Johnny came back and it was kind of weird but he’s also a safe space—”

“Isn't two better than one?” Jungwoo asked and I nodded.

“Right? And so, I went to get a hug and Johnny hugged me back and we talked normally…. And then it went weird.”

“Okay, Dana. Freeze right there. Back track,” Haechan ordered, a hand in the air. “Where did it go wrong?”

“We need details, woman,” Taeyong said casually, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Fine.” I breathed. “So, I told him that Luhan came to sleep with me with One and he was like “you’re awfully close to Luhan.” And I was… “Yeah. He’s like you.”. Because it’s true—”

“Hold up, hold up,” Haechan began and I wagged a finger at him.

“Let me finish, Haechan,” I told him and he shut up so I continued. “And he went, you don’t need me anymore then! But then again, I think he was joking because he was still hugging me.”

“What?” Taeyong asked, squinting at me. “We need more details.”

“Okay. So I told him about the time Luhan came to my room with One and he had to cut my hair and he was like ‘You’re awfully close with Luhan’. So, I was like, yeah. He’s like you, Johnny… because it was true—”

“Hold up!” Haechan yelled.

“Let me finish, Haechan!” I managed to say, Haechan pursing his lips at me and finally sitting back. “And Johnny went—You don’t need me anymore then? But then I think he was joking because he was still holding me and I went, “Yeah.”.”

“What?” Taeyong asked.

“Wait. I didn’t say “Yes.”. I said something along the lines of, ‘Not like before.’ And Johnny dropped his hands. He dropped it, Haechan! Was it heavy? I wasn’t done hugging him yet and he dropped it! And he said that he was tired.”

“Mhmm…” Tae-il murmured. “Fishy.”

“So, I told him to get some rest and that I’d go and spend some time with Luhan and One. I mean, you get it right? It’s not wrong to spend time with them?”

“Yeah, sis,” Haechan voiced. “Gotta be with a safe space.”

“Okay, so what’s the problem, Dana?” Taeyong was the one who finally asked and I breathed.

“Okay, so… get this. He paused and he went… ‘Dana!’.” I paused and deepened my voice, buffing out my arms to try to imitate Johnny as much as possible. “Am I just an option to you?”

“Oh, Dana. He wouldn’t say it like that!” Haechan stood up, hands on his hips. He cleared his throat, turning to me. “Are you ready for it?”

“Hit me with it, Fullsun,” Taeyong urged.

“DANA!” Haechan bellowed out a little bit too aggressively. “AM I JUST AN OPTION TO YOU?”

“Yes!” I exclaimed. “Exactly like that! And then he was like ‘I’m not yours if you belong to someone else.’.”

“Potato?” Jungwoo gasped loudly. Haechan frowned at Jungwoo, shaking his head.

“Sorry about Jungwoo, he’s weird like that.”

“Potato….” Jungwoo mumbled to himself as if he was trying to think. I continued to talk.

“So, the question is… who do I belong to? Who, Taeyong, who?” I crossed my arms across my chest. “I don’t ever recall belonging to anyone or anything… I mean—”

“Mhm… interesting,” Taeyong said, nodding to himself. “Doesn’t sound like something Johnny would say.”

“I know, right?” Tae-il added. “It’s not like he’s jealous.”

Haechan looked at Tae-il, suddenly erupting into laughter.

“Oh, what a joke! That’s true! It’s not like he’s jeal—”

“POTATO!” Jungwoo exclaimed, hands on his head. “I’m sorry, I’m just craving potatoes right now. I can’t stop thinking about it. It really is a funny joke though… John Jun Suh does not get jealous—let alone say, ‘I’m not an option’. He’s Johnny! He’s the one with options!”

“Right?” Tae-il asked, shrugging. “It can’t be true… I mean, it’s Dana.”

Tae-il gave out a dry laugh before he paused. “Oh no.”

“Potato…” Jungwoo murmured to himself.

“Potato, indeed, Jungwoo.” Haechan pressed his lips together. “Oh my lord… Johnny’s jealous.”

“What? Of what?” I demanded. “What do you mean, he’s jealous?”

“Oh, you poor girl. It seems like you have some cleaning up to do.” Haechan told me, shaking his head.

Tae-il was nodding at me. Jungwoo looked like he pitied me and Taeyong looked like he had something in mind. What was wrong with them?

“Look, Dana,” Taeyong finally said, stepping forward and sitting on a chair. “I’m not a strategist for no reason. There is something you have to do. Listen to me, it’s called TRACK.”

“TRACK? Like… T-R-A-C-K?” I asked and he nodded.

“T…” Taeyong began. “Talk to an expert. Talk to an expert on the subject.”

That would be Sehun, right? My brother knew Johnny well. They were close.

“R… R for retry,” Taeyong told me. “Retry and do what you did. Talk to him again. Do the things you did before. Maybe mention Luhan again.”

“Okay…”

“A… Analyze and see what changes. See what’s different,” Taeyong told me. “C… Confirm what went wrong. If you mention Luhan one more time and he acts different, then something is wrong.”

“Okay.”

“And K… Keep it in mind and refer to it again. You can use it again if it happens again for future reference—”

“Booming system up, TY TRACK… TY TRACK!” Haechan began to beatbox and I jumped, Taeyong throwing a pen at Haechan who stopped almost immediately. “Sorry. I mean, yeah. Do T.R.A.C.K first and see how it goes.”

“Yeah, TRACK is my protocol as a str